College Fail

Okay, so. I've been out of commission for a pretty long time now. Something about the last few months has broken me. It's affected my school work, my writing, my work ethic, pretty much everything. I've failed three of the classes I took this semester, am pretty near failing a fourth, haven't written a thing until last week (even in my Creative Writing class, which I am not, currently, failing), and I've made many mistakes at work after finally getting into a job after my last one. I am on the precipice of disaster, and I'm not sure if I can keep myself from falling from it.

Now, the good thing is I still have a chance to change some of that, and I think I might be mentally able to do so, but I'm not sure. However, that is not the point of this post, as saying such things as "I've awoken to my " whatever might make me lose my grip out of confidence. The point of this is to say I think I've done so. Last week, I wrote a little something I've been working on for two years now. I also wrote a thing before that, but it's not as important and I don't think I'd be able to post it on this site even if I say it's in the EG world, but that's getting off topic. The two year piece is the start of a project I've really wanted to start for a couple months now. Images inspiring emotional and epic scenes crossed my sight, encouragement from friends reached my ears, and the length of time I've had to compress the piece of coal into a diamond bears down upon my conscience, telling me it is time.

However, the lack of confidence in my abilities continues to suppress those urges to begin, despite how strong they become.

Now, why am I telling you all this? Not only to possibly receive encouragement, but to tell you that I have not given up. I may have been beaten down for a while, but I have not given up yet. I wrote that piece so I could have my Creative Writing class workshop it for me and tell me how good it is. If they say they loved it, I will polish it up and post it upon here, but if not...I'm not sure. I don't want to say I'll quit, but if I can't get something to work really well after two years of thinking, I don't know if it'd be possible to keep going. I probably won't be too down trodden if they shit on it, and maybe I'll be encouraged further to make something even better, but the question's up in the air right now, and I won't hear anything about it until maybe Monday, at the earliest, and the Wednesday after next week at the latest.

In the meantime, I have a calculus chapter test and final to study for, and I am making that a priority. I know I'm really late on SFU, and EiM for that matter, but if I can't find the time to write between school and work until December 9th, then I'm just gonna say I'm sorry, but my school work comes first (until such a time my writing pays my bills, and fanfiction will never do that, sooo....unless I become a journalist, it ain't happening). Perhaps you'll get a new story to wait for while I skimp on my responsibilities, or maybe I'll become more productive in all areas of life and you won't have to wait (as long), even if I start up my project and my other story ideas. Either way, I'm gonna have to ask for just a little more patience.

If my piece of fiction is loved, by the way, I will not be posting new chapters until I'm ahead of the chapter by three or four chapters, so I know I have everything in order. This project of mine is supposed to be really, really good, and I won't let it be anything less. So, you'll be getting a prologue, and nothing else for a while, at least along the lines of that story.