Are all humans, that go to Equestria, the same? · 4:45pm Jan 16th, 2015
Its a valid question, isn't it? It's one of the most used arguments on "Human in Equestria" stories I heard. Right next to cliche super powered humans who save the day before while rutting Rainbow Dash silly on a cloud and screaming "LEROY JENKINS!" after knowing her for 5 minutes. (That happens more often than you think.) So I, with the superior knowledge from reading almost every HiE on this freaking page, allow myself to write a general summary on human individuals who go to pretty horse land:
Name: Max, Sam, Mike, or any other normally name associated with white bulky dudes who look like they lost their razor three days ago. Just look at the latest cover of the Call of Duty installment and take the first name you come up with. If the author had a creative stroke, by watching tons of shitty harem anime, he's named something like Maxwell.
Age: 16 to 25, but there seems to be trend recently, with human becoming foals of different age to be adopted by a princess of choice... Celestia, its always Celestia and I admit, I like the Momlestia idea myself... Kill me...
Gender: Male, woman don't exists. Myths, to the usual basement dweller. (Refers also to most clop artist, who apparently never have seen a naked woman or a horse in real life. To add salt to injury, they're to lazy to use google for reference material.)
Country: This is one of the most interesting points. If our humans comes from good old US and A, he's most likely a NAVY SEAL or from another military group, or weapon enthusiast with more weapons under his pillow than the normal human has brain cells, or a depressed retail worker with the social skills of a skunk. Sometimes of combination of the last two things, what then is really dangerous...
If he's from any other country of the world he of course speaks fluent English and only speaks his own language to curse like a ten year old sailor.
Appearance: To understand this point, lets pretend for a second you wanted to write a human in Equestria story. You need to design a human.
A look in the mirror confirms your idea, that you are the perfect specimen as reference. But why only reference? A look down to your little bulge later and you have your answer. So? What do you do in all your creativity? Yes! You just erase the bulge and give him a six pack. Why not? You would have one too if you would just do a little more training, take one walk a day, not eating junk food, no lemonades what so ever, no bacon... Yeah, you could do that... totally...
But there you have your human. And I dare you to describe him with something else than handsome with his brown hair and green eyes. You know, because that the only features you have to describe so that everyone knows how he looks like. Well, I would say he look like a young Nathan Fillion from that description. Don't you agree?
Character: Before you go and look up the word, that's the thing most woman these days confuse with slutty outfits. Don't get me wrong, I like seeing woman dressed up, but if that's everything said woman does, you could date a Barbie doll. Would be cheaper too...
Males on the other hand tend to confuse the word character with a chair or a catchphrase. Or to say it out loud: Batman has as much character as the fungus in my basement. Don't get me wrong, I like Batman, he's a bad ass, but that's it. Captain America as the Human Torch had as much character as Batman. Bruce Wayne is a man who silently weeps for his dead parents while fighting crime. Translation: He is an emo with to much money and black belt. Take that money away and you have a frustrated retail worker with to many guns under his pillow. And as we established earlier, that's not only dangerous, but a cliche too. To have a character a human must be happy over certain things, and sad over others. He must like something, other than bacon, and hate other things. He must have opinions! He must clash with other characters and so on. TL;DR: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking if you slap her.
There you have it. That's the normal human who wanders into Equestria. but why, why is he that way? Because so we can relate! How old are we? 16 to 25? Where do we come from? What gender are we and so on. It is that way so we, the readers, can relate to the character. Or to make it easier to relate to the character. Some authors even name their humans "Anon" so you can mentally insert you own name instead. We are the generation Internet, who does make movie references at certain moments. We are the generation who cries LEROY JENKINS before we roll up our sleeves and start working. That is you, me and even you who thought for half of this text who I could mean. You could nearly call it bad writing if some of this cliche didn't apply to the human in your story. But please, give him more character guys. I hate stories who talk about how humans are a gray area and the humans is a Mr. Nice Guy.
Are you wasting your time with HIE stories on a regular basis?
You must be new here.
I've always said cliches aren't necessarily bad. Most cliches become cliches because they're great ideas and people want to use them (others are just because wish-fulfillment). That greatness doesn't vanish just because it becomes cliche, it just needs to bu used properly. There needs to be a reason for this cliche to exist. You want to have your character adopt an orphan Scootaloo? Fine, but don't just do it because "I just want to adopt Scootaloo". Have it be important to the story. Also, have a realistic father/daughter relationship. No child is perfectly well behaved (especially the CMC) and arguments are inevitable.
Another good idea is to put some kind of spin on the cliche. I would love to see a story where the human does get with one of the Mane6 days after meeting them... And then go through a horrible, ugly break up because they rushed things. You know, like real life.
Probably the most important cliche to avoid at all costs, though, is making the human Superman and the Mane6 obsolete. People don't want to see your OC saving the world while their favorite ponies are reduced to spectators. If they're a major part of the story, they need to play a big role in saving the day. I hate seeing he Mane6 get their plots kicked by something that isn't even close to the levels of Discord, Nightmare Moon, or the changelings, only for some kid that had never been in a fight in his life doing what the experienced heroes couldn't. Personally, I like when the human is just a normal human, with no powers, but still manages to help in some small, yet important way.
2726793
As we say in Germany: "You can't invent the tire new every time."
And for myself I always add: "But you can at least change the rims."
2726884 I like that. It sums it up nicely.
CAN'T. BREATH.