Friendship is Card Games: The Last Roundup · 2:29pm Feb 1st, 2015
This is my 200th blog. Neat.
Now, I'm not going to address the elephant in the room beyond stating the facts: She got a speaking role. The voice actress thought she was male. People were upset. The episode was edited. Other people were upset. See the blog post I wrote at the time for my opinion on the matter. And honestly, I can think of no more appropriate outcome for her.
Moving on:
For this installment of Bestpony Cameo Justification Theater… Yeah, I got nothing. I could say something about Everfree clouds or the volatility of red mana, but this is basically the episode where my stories officially, undeniably, and irreversibly diverged from canon. You know, if they hadn’t already done that from the word “Go.” 
Remember, chanting ponies are never a good sign, even if they’re smiling.
I still find it odd that the national rodeo competition is held in Canterlot. I know it’s the capital, the home of the princesses, very prestigious, yes, yes… but it’s not exactly where you’d expect this kind of thing. It’d be like broadcasting the Grand Ole Opry from D.C.
I know Applejack wants to keep her word by any means necessary, but this officially became a national security issue when she banished herself from Ponyville. Even if she weren’t friends with the rest of the operators of the Rainbow Beam of Fix Everything™, I’m really not sure what she was expecting to happen.
Amid the furor of Derpygate, people forget that this episode confirmed that ponies have both bladders and flush toilets. (Hey, given the featureless back end phenomenon, one couldn’t be too sure before.)
Watching ponies with my older sister is always fun. (Fun fact: She still has some of her G1 ponies.) It’s especially interesting to see which fandom memes she agrees with independently. And yes, the moment she saw Cherry Jubilee, the first thing out of her mouth was “Applejack’s working in a brothel?”
Applejack shows some lingering mental scars from Discord here. Sometimes a lie is easier to take, eh, AJ? Granted, she’s trying to get away with as little information as possible, and most of it is at least technically true. Still, Twilight clearly isn’t the only one who took time to heal from that.
Between the musical reference to Bonanza! in the intro and the conveyor belt scene straight out of I Love Lucy—complete with zany redhead!—it’s a good thing I grew up on Nick at Nite.
Also, those are easily the least effective hairnets I have ever seen. Granted, they only cover about half of a pony’s scalp, but still. Also also, I’m guessing Ms. Jubilee told the unicorns not to use magic for some reason.
Personally, I’m in the “cherrychanga” camp. A good portmanteau should maintain as many phonetic elements of the base words as it can.
This episode may have made “competent bubble pegasus” a noncanon concept, but it did wonders for “terrifying, black-aligned Pinkie Pie.” Seriously, that is some The Exorcist-level voice distortion, with music to match.
Credit where it’s due, Fluttershy is able to keep pace with Dash when bunnies aren’t involved. Or, at the very least, able to keep pace with four stallions with bit signs in their eyes.
Applejack didn’t get any blue ribbons, so I thought I’d restrict myself to nonblue cards. Let’s see how this goes:
Startle 1W
Instant
Tap target creature an opponent controls and untap target creature you control.
"Surprise!"
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Rodeo Clown 2W
Creature — Pony Rogue
W, T: Tap target creature.
In Equestria, the distinction between rodeo clowns and normal ones is largely a matter of setting.
1/3
Avoidance 2WW
Enchantment
As Avoidance enters the battlefield, name a nonland card.
The named card can't be cast.
Abilities from sources with the chosen name can't be activated.
The only honest way to lie is to never face the issue.
Incherrygation B
Tribal Sorcery — Pony
Target player reveals a number of cards from his or her hand equal to the number of Ponies, Pegasi, and Unicorns you control. Choose one of them. That player discards that card.
The more ponies there are asking questions, the more likely it is that they'll find the right one.
Pinkie Pester 1B
Sorcery
Target player may discard two cards. If that player doesn't, he or she reveals his or her hand, you choose a card from it, and he or she discards that card.
You'll do anything she asks if it will make her stop talking.
Binding Oath 2B
Sorcery
Target player reveals his or her hand. You choose a nonland card from it. Exile that card. That player may cast that card for as long as it remains exiled. At the beginning of that player’s next end step, if that card is still exiled, put it into that player’s graveyard and he or she loses life equal to its converted mana cost.
Broken word, broken bones.
Greedy Magistrate 3B
Creature — Pony Advisor
B, Pay 2 life: Draw a card.
”Any pony who says her town is operating on time and under budget is either lying or using the dark arts.”
2/2
Nervous Energy R
Instant
Target creature gains first strike and haste until end of turn.
The pony metabolism can handle truly ludicrous amounts of sugar without incident, but it still has its limits.
Run the Treadmill RR
Instant
Add an amount of R to your mana pool equal to the power of target creature you control.
Going nowhere fast has never been so rewarding.
Derpmolish 1R
Tribal Sorcery — Pegasus
As an additional cost to cast Derpmolish, sacrifice a Pegasus.
Destroy target artifact or land.
The road to ruin is paved with good intentions.
Dusty Trail 1R
Instant
Target creature gets +3/+0 until end of turn and can’t be blocked by creatures with flying this turn.
In the dry expanses of the Mild West, coaches can be seen from miles away and can’t from feet above.
Brink of Collapse 1RR
Enchantment
Whenever a player activates an ability of a land that isn't a mana ability, destroy that land.
Ponyville's annual disaster budget is usually exhausted by midsummer.
Lip Exercises 2R
Instant
Whenever you activate an ability of a creature this turn, copy that ability. You may choose new targets for the copy.
”It may take fewer muscles to smile than to frown, but you still need to stretch them first.”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Stagecoach Team 3RR
Creature — Pony Mercenary
2: Stagecoach Team gets -1/-0 until end of turn. Any player may activate this ability.
4: Stagecoach Team gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is its power. Any player may activate this ability.
They’ll run as fast as you can empty your coinpurse.
4/4
Consolation Cake G
Enchantment
When Consolation Cake enters the battlefield, draw a card.
Whenever a spell is countered, that spell's controller may gain life equal to that spell's converted mana cost. (A targeted spell with no legal targets is countered on resolution.)
"Nopony should feel unwanted just because he's not the guest of honor."
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Critter Crossing G
Instant
Kicker W (You may pay an additional W as you cast this spell.)
Put a 1/1 green Rabbit creature token onto the battlefield. If Critter Crossing was kicked, prevent all damage that would be dealt to that creature this turn.
”You didn’t expect me to keep going, did you?”
—Fluttershy, Bearer of Kindness
Rodeo Training G
Instant
Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature you control.
Hoofcraft — If you control three or more Ponies, Pegasi, and/or Unicorns, put a +1/+1 counter on each other creature you control.
Rodeos become rather unusual affairs when the competitors are themselves quadrupedal.
Great Expectations 2G
Enchantment
1G: The next time you draw a card this turn, reveal that card. You gain life equal to its converted mana cost.
Pipsqueak trotted to the old mansion. Miss Harnessham was sure to teach him how to be a proper gentlecolt.
Pony-Pulled Wagon 2
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature has vigilance and “Whenever this creature attacks, it gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each attacking Pony, Pegasus, and Unicorn.”
Equip 2
Most such conveyances are used for convenience, not speed. As with all things, magic can change that.
Cherrywood Treadmill 5
Artifact
T, Tap an untapped creature you control: Add X to your mana pool, where X is the tapped creature's power.
Built to last for decades, it can handle speeds that would overheat most machined parts and overwhelm any cherry sorter.
Pilgrimage of Shame 1WB
Enchantment
When Pilgrimage of Shame enters the battlefield, exile target creature an opponent controls until Pilgrimage of Shame leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of your upkeep, the exiled card's owner loses 1 life.
Body Blow 3BG
Sorcery
Choose two target creatures. Each of those creatures deals damage equal to its toughness to the other.
”Rarity catch me!”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Nervous Energy seems to have lost its flavour text.
2761716
It's been fixed.
Not so much lost as never got.
Everyone allows the fandom drama to override Cherry Jubilee's one appearance, and it makes me sad. She's such a promising character. I love her Miss Kitty qualities. And she's one of the very few female characters who is
1) not a young adult
2) not someone's mom
3) not a kazillion years old.
Re: Derpmolish:
I CAME IN LIKE A WREEEEEECKING BAAAAALL!
Yeah, I got nothing. Pinkie Pester, renamed, is probably making it into Tot4thA with your permission (as an uncommon); Is it a functional reprint of an extant card?
Love the flavor text for Greedy Magistrate. But why can't they be doing both?
I think Dusty Trail's flavor text would be a little less grammatically awkward as "In the dry expanses of the Mild West, coaches can be seen from miles away yet not from feet above." Something about the way it is rubs me wrong yet I know it's not wrong wrong.
I think the "annual disaster budget" is probably never the same any two years in a row. And always increases. The Mayor fears the day Celestia just sends her a blank check, and even that isn't enough.
As a primary blue-black player, with a distinct love of milling as my preferred manner of winning I have no problem with Consolation Cake. Though I don't really ever see it getting play since it doesn't stop the spell from being countered and life gain is very rarely ever something people care about.
I feel as if there is some reference I am missing when it comes to "Miss Harnessham".
Silly FoM, it's a "Horse Drawn Carriage", not "Pony-Pulled Wagon". Then you have "Horse drawn horse drawn carriages". Oh, wait, wrong episode... .
I could see Pilgrimage of Shame as a card they might actually do at some point. Though I think they'd probably cost it at "2WB" instead.
Cherry Jubilee is one of the cooler one-episode ponies, certainly.
(Also, I'm one of those who like the changed Derpy voice better than the original. Just hearing the "My baaaad!" puts a grin on my face.
)
2762001
The reference you are missing is Charles Dickens.
One of my kids at Sunday School hasn't watched the show, and decided that Applejack was a boy. Then she saw another applejack and decided she was a girl and shipped them together. I'm not sure what to make of that.
She also decided Fluttershy was queen, which I whole-heartened support.
Off-topic, but I still have no clue where to find your non-pony cards.
Last time I said I loved every one of the blue and white cards. This time I love every one of the black cards. Those are great!
Incherrygation is a set-relevant retake on a pretty common version of discard, while Pinkie Pester is a clever hybrid that lets your opponent choose whether it's a discounted Coercion or Mind rot. Greedy Magistrate is also pretty classic black. Binding Oath looks pretty scary though. It's not exactly rare to have a card in my hand on the third turn that I can't afford yet. Maybe you could play up the "force them to play a specific card next turn" angle by lowering it to 1B but requiring it to be a card with CMC <= the number of lands they have. (Still loads of fun if that card is a counterspell).
As for nonblack cards, Avoidance seems pretty solidly white, and Run the Treadmill could probably pay off really big with a modicum of effort. Startle and Rodeo Clown are a bit boring, but decent cards.
I'm not sure I'd be willing to sacrifice a creature (that isn't a goblin or zombie) for the extra options in Derpmolish but it is balanced. Also I'm *fairly* certain Derpy didn't die at any point in this episode, might have to rewatch it though. Spekaing of odd flavor, Dusty Trail raising power doesn't make much sense to me. Nor does the flavor for Lip Exercises. A shame since they're ok cards otherwise.
Brink of Collapse is another cool one all the way through. Stagecoach Team is even cooler, since I love the "any player may activate this ability" cards. It seems rather powerful, since your opponent has to leave 4 or so mana open every turn in case you decide to use it but you can choose to do other things, but it's not exactly unreasonable for a 5-mana creatue with no evasion and no protection to win you the game if it goes unanswered.
Critter Crossing is very amusing, though for GW I would be hoping for a full fog effect. Rodeo Training is pretty standard green fare. Great Expectations is pretty cool, though I'm not sure if you intended it to be repeatable on the same card. Needs to combo with library manipulation to pay off big though, but in green it will pay off big.
Cherrywood Treadmill seems pretty lame compared to the instant version earlier; if I have a creature with a big enough power to give meaningful ramp when I already have 5+ mana, I'd probably rather be attacking with it. A deck with creatures that expensive at its high-end probably only has defensive or utility creatures at its mid-end.
Pilgrimage of Shame seems just the right ammount of evil for a white+black redux of oblivion ring. Body Blow also seems pretty evil, though I did a double take when I noticed it was toughness instead of power. That means you're probably not going to score two kills very often unless you cast it after a combat phase.
I'm of the opinion that Body Blow's flavor text should be:
“Raritycatchme!”
— Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
This is because she says it that fast in the show.