Friendship is Card Games: Read It and Weep · 4:29pm Feb 15th, 2015
For best results, you may want to read this blog in the voice of LeVar Burton.
Huh. Rainbow contrail, audible sound of air getting shoved out of the way… and Twilight can’t tell what they’re looking at. A+ observation skills, there, Purplesmart.
Immobilization is a terrible thing to do to any pegasus, especially Rainbow Dash. I suppose they decided to keep her there for a few days for observation. And to make sure she didn’t immediately aggravate the injury.
Push-button electric lamps. Well, if any place is going to need a working power grid, it’ll be the one that needs to operate life support equipment. Also, that’s actually a really good switch design for hooved creatures.
Going by Rainbow’s roommate, ponies sign casts with their cutie marks rather than their names.
You know, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” is actually very sophisticated humor. It subverts the expectations of the usual question-answer joke format to ironic effect. At least, it does the first time you hear it.
I do love the Neverending Story-inspired musical cues. There’s a thought. “Daring Do and the Nameless Princess.” “Daring Do and the Rock-Biters’ Ruby.” “Daring Do and the Swamps of Sorrow.”
Darn, now I’ve made myself sad.
Ancient traps are always kept in inexplicably perfect repair, fine, that’s part of the classic “ruin explorer” motif. But how long have those crocodiles been waiting for this?
Nice cross-promotion, Hasbro. How about showing some love to one or two of your other properties? Wink wink, nudge nudge, know what I mean? Know what I mean?
That inconsistency is more than slightly frustrating. Is it the Sapphire Stone or the Sapphire Statue? Or is the Stone in the Statue? And does the vessel with the pestle hold the brew that is true?
Other than chewing with her mouth open, that’s probably how Dash normally eats.
Ahuizotl’s henchcats do a great job of showing how silly Equipment can be. The panther has a spiked club. The tiger has a flail. And that’s not getting into the question of how cats can tie knots. (Though, to be fair, they may have an easier time of it than ponies.)
That awkward pause and groan… is Ahuizotl actually embarrassed that he pulled the “I already have” cliche?
Where did Dash get those fireflies? Actually, what is the deal with those fireflies? With their constant luminescence, they seem more like goldenglow moths.
“Stay off that wing for a week.” So, I guess she’ll be staying at a friend’s house, then? I assume Fluttershy and/or members of the weather team have been housesitting for her. Feeding Tank, cleaning out the rainbow waterfall, making sure the place doesn’t drift apart, et cetera.
Also, I have to think that this isn’t the first time Dash has been at this hospital. They’ve got checking her out down to an art form.
Inflammation of the lazy is no laughing matter, Dr. Stable.
And so we go from Indiana Jones to Metal Gear. Literary espionage action!
Ah yes, the bald pony who shows up in the episode before a funeral. And Screw Loose. Ponyville isn’t quite as idyllic as it seems.
Dash apparently has incredible night vision. I know I wouldn’t be able to read a book at night and under a bed.
Oh, Nursery Rhyme. Because the scene had to be as much of a parallel as possible, and so we have the little girl introduced to all of the delights of health care. You know, like bedpans. And catheters. 
I get the feeling that Pinkie teleported into that house just to make that joke.
Fluttershy has this delighted smile during Rainbow Dash’s confession. I can only imagine the stories about cute animals she’s going to foist on Dash. Or the nonfiction. “And this is the Surinam Toad. You won’t believe how it takes care of its babies.”
Now that we’ve navigated that maze, let’s see what treasures await. I admit that there are a few repeats from "Daring Don't," but I couldn't do this without including Daring and Ahuizotl themselves:
Aerobatic Display 1W
Instant
Target creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn. If that creature has flying, it gains lifelink until end of turn.
Watching a skilled flier can be as uplifting as flight itself
Asylum Guards 1W
Creature — Pony Soldier
Spells and abiltiies your opponents control can’t cause you to discard cards.
Some ponies need to be protected from themselves most of all.
1/3
Ponyville Doctor 2W
Creature — Unicorn Citizen
T: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to target creature or player this turn.
Hoofcraft — T: Prevent the next 3 damage that would be dealt to target creature or player this turn. Activate this ability only if you control three or more Ponies, Pegasi, and/or Unicorns.
1/2
Sprouting Spike Trap 4WW
Instant — Trap
If attacking player controls no nonattacking creatures, you may pay 1W rather than pay Sprouting Spike Trap’s mana cost.
Sprouting Spike Trap deals X damage to each attacking creature, where X is the number of attacking creatures.
Chase Out 1U
Instant
Return target creature to its owner’s hand. If that creature entered the battlefield this turn, put it on top of that player’s library instead.
”No one invited you.”
Daring Do, Ruin Raider 2UU
Legendary Creature — Pegasus Scout
Flying, protection from Traps
Whenever Daring Do, Ruin Raider deals combat damage to a player, that player reveals the top card of his or her library. If that card is an artifact, you may put it onto the battlefield under your control. Otherwise, you may put it on the bottom of that library.
2/3
Perilous Puzzle Trap 5UU
Instant — Trap
If each opponent controls more creatures than you, you may pay 2UU rather than pay Perilous Puzzle Trap’s mana cost.
Tap all nonblue creatures. They don’t untap during their controller’s next untap step.
Malicious Mayhem Trap 6UU
Instant — Trap
If six or more cards were put into graveyards this turn, you may pay 3UU rather than pay Malicious Mayhem Trap’s mana cost.
You may cast any number of Trap cards from your graveyard without paying their mana costs. If a card cast this way would be put into a graveyard this turn, exile it instead.
Pendulum Trap 3BB
Instant — Trap
If an opponent had a creature with power 5 or greater enter the battlefield under his or her control this turn, you may pay 1B rather than pay Pendulum Trap’s mana cost.
Target creature gets -5/-5 until end of turn.
Dart Volley Trap 4BB
Instant — Trap
If three or more creatures under your control were dealt damage by sources your opponents controlled this turn and died, you may pay 1B rather than pay Dart Volley Trap’s mana cost.
Destroy each creature you don’t control that was dealt damage this turn.
Lazyitis 1R
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature can’t block.
W: Enchanted creature can’t attack this turn.
Curse of Boredom 1RR
Enchantment — Aura Curse
Enchant player
At the beginning of enchanted player’s end step, if that player didn’t cast a spell this turn, Curse of Boredom deals 2 damage to him or her.
Sometimes hitting yourself is the most interesting thing that can happen.
Dazzling Daredevil 2R
Creature — Pegasus
Flying
R: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, Dazzling Daredevil gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is its power. Otherwise, sacrifice Dazzling Daredevil.
”If there’s no risk, you’re doing it wrong.”
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
2/1
Barking Madmare 3R
Creature — Pony
Trample
Barking Madmare attacks each turn if able.
An earth pony’s sanity is not easily lost, but when it is, the result is a juggernaut with monstrous, uncontrolled strength.
3/3
Axe Launcher Trap 3RR
Instant — Trap
If an opponent had two or more creatures enter the battlefield under his or her control this turn, you may pay 1R rather than pay Axe Launcher Trap’s mana cost.
Axe Launcher Trap deals 4 damage divided as you choose among any number of target creatures.
Incinerator Trap 3RR
Instant — Trap
If an opponent controls more creatures than you, you may pay 2R rather than pay Incinerator Trap’s mana cost.
Incinerator Trap deals 3 damage to each creature without flying target player controls.
Rare is the ancient temple that cleans up after itself.
Caldera Collapse Trap 9R
Instant — Trap
Caldera Collapse Trap costs 1 less to cast for each artifact your opponents control.
Target player sacrifices half the nonenchantment permanents he or she controls, rounded down.
There are few problems that can’t be solved with enough lava.
Arachnid Aspect G
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature has reach and vigilance.
”What’s a mare got to do to get amazing spider powers around here?”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Ahuizotl’s Favorite 1G
Creature — Cat
Whenever Ahuizotl’s Favorite is dealt damage, put a 3/3 red and green Cat creature token onto the battlefield.
”Harm a hair on her head and my retribution will be swift and terrible.”
—Ahuizotl
1/1
Jungle Heat 1G
Instant
Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt by blue creatures and by black creatures this turn.
Draw a card.
The cool seas and cold grave leave troops ill-prepared for the sweltering tropics.
Temple Spider 1G
Creature — Spider
Reach; deathtouch
Whenever a player casts a Trap spell, put a +1/+1 counter on Temple Spider.
They thrive in the niches of ancient mechanisms, feeding on those who fall victim to their homes.
1/1
Crocodile Drop Trap 6GG
Instant — Trap
If an opponent cast two or more blue spells this turn, you may pay 2G rather than pay Crocodile Drop Trap’s mana cost.
Put three 2/2 green Crocodile creature tokens with islandwalk onto the battlefield.
Adventurer's Pith Helmet 1
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +0/+1 and has "Unattach Adventurer's Pith Helmet: Regenerate this creature."
Equip 1
Made of cork, cotton, and second chances.
Battlecloud 5
Artifact Creature — Construct
Flying
1U: Battlecloud gains hexproof until end of turn.
Half the challenge is figuring out which cloud is trying to kill you.
3/2
The Sapphire Statue 5
Legendary Artifact
2, T: Exchange control of two target permanents that share a card type. You can’t activate this ability during combat.
1U: Untap The Sapphire Statue.
Its power makes alliances shift like the tides.
Botched Maneuver (rg)
Instant
Target creature with flying deals damage to itself equal to its power.
”We’ve all been there, and we all wish we weren’t.”
—Spitfire, Wonderbolt captain
Heavy Traction 1UB
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets -1/-1 and doesn’t untap during its controller’s untap step.
Sometimes the healing process can be even worse than the injury.
Ahuizotl, Dread Despot 5RG
Legendary Creature — Hound Warrior
Trample
Whenever Ahuizotl, Dread Despot deals combat damage to a player, untap target artifact that player controls. Gain control of that artifact until end of turn. It gains haste until end of turn.
1RG, Sacrifice an artifact: Put a 3/3 red and green Cat creature token onto the battlefield.
6/5
General Hospital
Land
T: Add 1 to your mana pool.
3, T: Regenerate each creature.
”We’re not here to judge or condemn. We’re here to help ponies get better.”
—Aorta Redheart, registered nurse
Come Forth, My Legions
Scheme
When you set this scheme in motion, you may pay XX. If you do, reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal X creature cards. Put those cards onto the battlefield and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order.
”You claim to fight for friendship? What a coincidence.”
For a second I read a certain card wrong, and my imagination took it clear to:
Daring Do, Temple Ruiner 2UU
Legendary Creature - Unicorn Scout
When Daring Do, Temple Ruiner deals combat damage to another player, exile one non-basic land under that player's control.
"It's not her fault! They shouldn't build ancient ruins with a load-bearing boss monster!" - Pinkie Pie
That sounds familiar...
From my first ever ponyfic. ^^ I have a lot of love for this episode for that reason, which is why I was later so disappointed by the turn of events in "Daring Don't".
My headcanon is that Pinkie was invited to a sleepover. The bigger question for me is, what the heck is Applejack doing in Ponyville at this time? Going to kill Mr Burns?
General Hospital seems super OP, but I can never tell with Magic cards. :)
Once, just to amuse myself, I wrote a 500-word analysis unpacking the inner workings of the chicken joke. It was possibly the best thing I did that year.
Mind if I suggest "The Hunt for Atlantis" written by Andy McDermott? There's a scene somewhere around the middle that has a somewhat decent explanation for this sort of thing.
This is probably a noobish question, but I just want to make sure I have this correct:
Regeneration removes damage, but the damage is not prevented, right? If that's the case, I would definitely give an Adventurer's Pith Helmet to an Ahuizotl’s Favorite.
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That card would be red. And utterly horrifying at that cost. Seriously, ban that thing like it was Memory Jar.
Though Pinkie does have a point. Load-bearing bosses are definitely not up to code.
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You know, your story's probably where I got that thought.
Depending on when it was at night, Applejack might have already woken up. Of course, that doesn't answer why she was in Ponyville. Hmm...
As for General Hospital, bear in mind that it regenerates all creatures, not just yours.
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It's fun to overthink stuff, isn't it?
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Yup. Regeneration triggers when the creature would die, preventing the death, removing all damage, and tapping the creature. The Favorite's ability would still trigger. Plus, the mental image of a kitty wearing a pith helmet is delightful.
Lots of interesting cards this time. I can't help but notice I'm skimming through your white cards without more than one or two catching my interest almost every time, but other than that these are great. Especially all the traps, which look super fun.
Before I start analyzing any of these, a question: Would changelings count as "Trap" spells, or is it not a creature type? If they do, that breaks a couple of these wide open.
Sprouting Spike Trap looks very fun. Especially since you'll also want a way to either bait or force them into attacking all-out.
Chase Out actually looks pretty cool. It's not big or flashy, but Unsummon for 2 with the option of not losing card advantage could be fun.
Daring Do looks fun for a casual game, though not really competitive (unless you know the big name deck at the moment features tons of overpowered artifacts).
Perilous Puzzle Trap also looks like a blast. It's almost an instant-speed Sleep spell for 4, which is bonkers, but it's situational twice over (they need to outnumber you, and they need to not be playing blue while you're not playing anything but blue).
Malicious Mayhem Trap: At first glance this looks too unweildy to be useful, but then I remembered Archive Trap...
Pendulum Trap: Eeeevil. And fun. Best part is, it's still not junk if you have to hard-cast it; -5/-5 is a respectable kill spell, even if it's under curve.
Dart Volley Trap... sounds more like "anti-earthquake trap" (or anti-pyroclasm, etc). You might be able to use it after a bloody combat phase too. If you've somehow got 8 mana, you can hardcast it to turn your own pyroclasm or earthquake into a mostly-one-sided nuke, but there's easier ways.
Lazyitis: Funny, and decently effective. Suits those colors very well.
Curse of Boredom seems a bit underwhelming, but it'll rack up some damage eventually. It's not likely anyone will "waste" removal on it unless they're about to die, even when they're topdecking.
Dazzling Daredevil: This is what red should be doing. I love it. (Protip: Use Rancor, and maybe some lords)
Barking Madmare: Ouch. That is not something I want swinging at me every turn.
Axe Launcher Trap: Oh I will be grinning so hard any time I spring this. Just like Pendulum Trap, it's still tolerable if you hard-cast it (though even farther under curve).
Incinerator Trap: Ok, this one's a powerhouse. Granted, you're not gonna pull this off when you're running goblins, but that's a lot of one-sided burn for cheap in, say, an Izzet deck that's not running many creatures. (Fizzles against some opponents though).
Caldera Collapse Trap: Yeah, a ten mana spell will probably win the game if you can cast it, which is a big if. What's news? Well, obviously the news is what happens if you cast Mycosynth Lattice lattice first.
Arachnid Aspect: Nice. Exactly the abilities I want to have on my biggest green fattie, provided he already has trample.
Ahuizotl’s Favorite: Hilarious, and very effective as a chump blocker. Now you just need to give it regeneration or indestructibility.
Jungle Heat: Pretty good effect for a cantrip, balanced since you can't rely on it doing anything.
Temple Spider: Looks like a staple in any trap-heavy deck. Heck, it's only a hair below curve if you're not running any.
Crocodile Drop Trap: Pretty pathetic if you're not certain your opponent is running blue, pretty lethal if they are. This color hate is a little too laser-focused for my tastes.
Adventurer's Pith Helmet: This actually looks really fun. Or annoying to play against, take your pick.
Battlecloud: Interesting and reasonably strong, though not a powerhouse. Not when you could have cast Invisible Stalker.
The Sapphire Statue: Yeah, when this hits the table your opponent is going to want it dead, stat. If they don't, they'll wish they did.
Botched Maneuver: Pretty good since Plummet is still the standard, though it doesn't work against everything. Red will also be pretty happy to be able to take down angels and dragons for one mana.
Heavy Traction: Not the most powerful, but it is two-option removal so it's not bad (kill a weenie or tap a fattie).
Ahuizotl, Dread Despot: That self-combo is just plain mean. Granted, for 7 mana it should be pretty mean.
General Hospital: Looks pretty solid. Provides mana, then turns itself into a half-assed turbofog in any color.
Come Forth, My Legions: My first thought was "Wow, that is really powerful", and it wasn't until I actually started comparing it to other schemes in my head that I realized it was "balanced". Which is pretty much exactly the reaction that every scheme should be trying for.
2799152 Changelings, or, really, anything with the Shapeshifter creature type, count as all creature types. 'Trap' is a type of instant. Therefor, playing a Shapeshifter would not be the same as playing a Trap.
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There are lots of Shapeshifters without the Changeling ability, though, and those are just Shapeshifters.
I don't have any comments about any of the cards this time. They are all rather balanced and nothing really stood out to me that was worth saying anything about one way or the other. they all look pretty fun.
I love both Traps and Curses. I'm waiting them them to be in the same set, so we can get that "cursed temple" vibe.
2798933
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It would be Red indeed, but it only hits non-basic lands and as such would be just fine in most Standard formats. In any of the other formats however... .
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The Shapeshifter creature type in an of itself does not make the creature every other creature type as well, that is the Changeling ability that does that.
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2799587 I coulda swore I read somewhere that Shapeshifters were just always considered everything. Ah, well. Point still stands, though: changelings can't be traps.
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Well, if they cross-dress...
But yeah, as a rule of thumb, creature types never come with rules baggage. They haven't since the defender keyword was introduced and being a Wall didn't automatically mean the creature couldn't attack.
The Surinam Toad? What, couldn't think of a pony pun for that place? Surimane?
Glad to see lots of Traps today.
Ponyville Doctor sounds like it should be creature type Cleric, unless you've made the decision that there's no religion equivalent in Ungula.
Pendulum Trap: "If an opponent had a creature with power 5 or greater enter the battlefield under his or her control, you may pay 1B rather than pay Pendulum Trap’s mana cost." Needs "this turn" before the comma.
Ahuizotl's Favorite, Gaea's Anthem, and Pyrohemia. That is all.
This episode was where I decided that ponies' superior damage-resistance/healing factor was magically (?) augmented and didn't just show up long enough for Twilight to take an anvil to the cranium. Dash breaks the largest bone in the heaviest-bloodflow-having limb in her body clean in half and the resulting medical care is primarily a short-term inconvenience. A human would be extremely lucky to even survive such an injury; closed fractures that completely free one end of the bone like that are great at causing internal bleeding, especially if they happen during the course of something like a crash that can jostle the sharp edges of the bone through adjacent arteries. Sure, from a Doylian perspective Dash only has that kind of break because it looks good (well, bad) on the doctor's x-ray sheet, and Twilight suffers anvil-skull interactions in "Feeling Pinkie Keen" purely for slapstick with no comment intended on her trauma survivability in more serious situations, but to me the most parsimonious explanation for both is that ponies are just tough as hell. This doesn't rob the show of any dramatic tension; there's no reason that black magic, magical predator jaws, and terminal velocity falls can't each be tough to match.
(I'm not extending this theory to try to explain Pinkie's neck twisting gag in the cold open, though. That would require explaining Pinkie Pie, which is totally superfluous to otherwise sensible
sciencefanon.)2799152
Between balancing the two costs, determining the trigger conditions, and finding an appropriate effect, designing Traps is hard. Designing nine of them in such a way that protection from Traps protects from all of them is very hard. (Story-gameplay integration!) Figuring out what to do with ceiling crocodiles makes that even harder.
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I thought about "Sureinam," but I decided to leave it unpunned to maintain the recognition factor.
Rare is the episode that gives me nine card ideas in less than a minute. (That's counting the Pith Helmet.)
Clerics imply religion and healing through divine magic. We've seen ponies swear by Celestia, but worship is another matter entirely. It's certainly a possibility, but Dr. Stable's cutie mark is an ECG, not a sun, and his healing methods are more scientific than magical. (Granted, the line between the two is blurred in Equestria.)
Pendulum Trap has been fixed. And remember that Pestilence works just as well as its alternate-reality analogue.
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Equestria is a deathworld, plain and simple. Anything that doesn't have a healing factor on par with Wolverine's will probably die in a quick, horrible, and fascinating way. Just ask Seabreeze.
And Pinkie only then remembered that necks have bones and muscles and stuff in them. Also, it was funny, and thus she had to do it.
2799152 Just to expand on everyone else's responses, a non-creature card can only have creature types if it has the Tribal card type. Eyeblight's Ending is an Elf instant, Eldrazi Conscription is an Eldrazi Aura: their type lines are "Tribal Instant — Elf" and "Tribal Enchantment — Eldrazi Aura", respectively. Since Trap is a subtype that appears on non-tribal instants, it can't be a creature type.
2800017 2801223 Know what's even more hilarious than an Anthem in that kind of setup? Sigil of the Nayan Gods, enchanting the Favourite. Mmm, geometric growth…
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Hold on a second. Dart Volley Trap and Caldera Collapse Trap can both kill Daring Do just fine! Crocodile Drop Trap can't kill her directly but it'll still wreck anybody who plays her.
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Since the only living guardians of the temple appear to be those crocs, one of the other traps still has to hurt Daring for Dart Volley Trap to hit her. (Her wing was broken several turns ago.) And Caldera Collapse Trap almost got her, but A. K. Yearling's not going to sacrifice her
alter egobestselling, entirely fictional character. That would be silly.Dart Volley Trap has an extra 'converted' in its text.
You have a ; instead of a , in Temple Spider
~Vriska Serket
Does XX mean X mana times 2? Well, that makes it so that you don't have to say "rounded up" or "rounded down" if you had something like
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XX does mean exactly what it sounds like: Paying X twice, and X has to be equal to itself. As a casting cost, it was seen most recently on Hangarback Walker. (Magic has even gone as far as XXX on Astral Cornucopia.)
Daring Do, Ruin Raider should end in “If you don't, put it on the bottom of that library”.
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What if you want to leave it on top of that library?
4341268 Oh.