Friendship is Card Games: A Friend in Deed · 4:45pm Mar 1st, 2015
This is an episode that conclusively demonstrates that Pinkie Pie is both more and less than equine. On the one hand, a memorized dossier of everyone in Ponyville. On the other hand, a failure to process a poor first impression. On the other other hand, Sleipnir impression. On the other other other…
Oh dear, I’ve gone and turned myself into a Mortal Kombat character.
In any case, the dichotomy of befriending everyone and being unable to comprehend someone is a strange one. Is Ponyville really so idyllic that Pinkie’s never had to wrangle a pessimist? Does she perhaps see her father in Cranky and believes that the right approach will repeat that miraculous first party? (And she’s not wrong; it’s even choreographed similarly.) Or is this just a matter of her implicit insanity, trying the same thing over and over until she gets a different result?
Alternately, it could just be Cranky’s timeworn callousness and emotional fatigue immunizing him to Pinkie’s otherwise irresistible charms, or a combination of factors on both sides.
Cranky himself is a tragically underutilized character in fan fiction. He’s spent decades traveling across Equestria, gathering souvenirs along the way. Consider the amount of peril in this land. Think about what an apparently non-magical donkey, one now in middle age at best, would have to do just to survive the trips—on hoof!—between towns. Note that he actually outdoes Rainbow Dash in terms of trying to escape Pinkie. After all, Dash gives up eventually. Cranky is a certified badass.
As with emerging from Fluttershy’s henhouse and a well, I’m blaming Ditzy’s inexplicable appearance in a snowglobe on that hyperspace bypass between her house and her office. She’s almost got it. And hey, at least she hasn’t blown up the planet in the process.
I know Pinkie’s pain. I too am often compelled to examine mementos and conversation pieces that aren’t supposed to be touched.
Looks like Dash is rereading Daring Do and the Griffins’ Goblet. Continuity!
“My birthday isn’t for another seventy-five days.” Hmm…
“Party of One” first aired on April 29th. “A Friend in Deed” first aired on February 18th. That’s sixty-nine days. Seventy if you count 2012’s Leap Day. I know it was probably picked as a random number, but it’s actually more interesting to me that Pinkie came close. Given how she forgot her own birthday, a margin of error doesn’t surprise me. (And I don’t think the episodes directly correspond to when the shown events would take place. I’m treating that as a subtle fourth-wall break.)
Is anyone else wondering who Cranky and Matilda are, that they were invited to the Grand Galloping Gala? At the very least, it seems that donkeys are respected enough in Equestria to attend the premiere social event of the year.
“Nopony calls him Doodle.” Well, yeah. Don’t know if you noticed, Pinkie, but Matilda isn’t a pony. (Though that pronoun’s ubiquity rather undercuts my previous point. Maybe donkeys are just close enough.)
Cranky Doodle went to Londonk just to find a jenny. You can find my card right here. Please say if you like any:
Bare Ass 1W
Creature — Donkey Citizen
Bare Ass can’t attack or block unless it’s enchanted or equipped.
Even in a world with no nudity taboos, there are ways to feel naked.
2/3
Entertain the Masses 1W
Instant
You gain life equal to the number of creatures on the battlefield.
The bigger the crowd, the louder the cheers.
Everyone’s Friend 1W
Instant
You gain protection from creatures until end of turn.
”It’s not easy. You have to remember birthdays, anniversaries, favorite flavors, food allergies, music preferences, dangerous conversation topics…”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
"Smile, Smile, Smile" 1W
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a verse counter on "Smile, Smile, Smile".
Sacrifice "Smile, Smile, Smile": You gain two times X life, where X is the number of verse counters on "Smile, Smile, Smile".
Call to Attention 1U
Instant
Until end of turn, creatures your opponents control lose hexproof and shroud and can’t have hexproof or shroud.
Cycling 2 (2, Discard this card: Draw a card.)
Those coming to Ponyville expecting peace and quiet are always disappointed.
Confetti Cannon 1U
Instant
Tap target creature. Unattach all Equipment from that creature.
”It’s like a sudden gust in a swamp, down to spitting stuff out of your teeth.”
—Cranky Doodle Donkey
Felt Fancies 1U
Sorcery
Put any number of cards from your hand on the bottom of your library in any order, then draw that many cards.
Pinkie Pie’s mind is a strange and bewildering place, moving at a strange and bewildering pace.
Thought Given Form 3U
Creature — Avatar
Thought Given Form enters the battlefield with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the number of cards in your hand.
The line between real and imaginary is always somewhat blurry in Ungula. Sometimes it’s imperceptible.
0/0
Automate Artifact 3UU
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant artifact
Enchanted artifact is an artifact creature with power and toughness each equal to its converted mana cost and has “Whenever you activate an ability of this artifact, if it isn’t a mana ability, copy that ability. You may choose new targets for that copy.”
World Weary 2B
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Domain — Enchanted creature gets -1/-1 for each basic land type among lands you control.
”When you’ve gone where I’ve gone, seen what I’ve seen, all those bright, cheery faces seem like a bad joke.”
—Cranky Doodle Donkey
Total Rejection 3BB
Instant
Destroy target creature. Then, if that creature is still on the battlefield, exile it.
No means no.
Flames of Misfortune R
Instant
Each opponent sacrifices an artifact.
”Nothing is truly unbreakable. Trust me on this one.”
—Ditzy Doo
Super-Hyper Antics 1R
Sorcery
You may cast a noncreature card from your hand without paying its mana cost. If you do, at the beginning of your next upkeep, you lose the game unless you pay that card’s mana cost.
The ways of the party pony can be a double-edged cake server.
Stubborn Insistence 1RR
Enchantment
Whenever an instant or sorcery spell you control is countered, you may pay R. If you do, copy that spell. You may choose new targets for the copy.
"It's a lot easier to just do what Pinkie wants. She'll bother you until she gets it; might as well spare yourself the headache."
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
Bannister Slide 2R
Instant
Target attacking creature gets +X/+0 and gains first strike until end of turn, where X is the number of nonbasic lands defending player controls.
Most ponies see a grand piece of architecture. Pinkie Pie sees a playpen.
Roof Hop 2GG
Sorcery
Creatures you control gain nonbasic landwalk until end of turn.
Cycling 1G
“Who knew thatch could be so bouncy?”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Welcoming Tune 3G
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a verse counter on Welcoming Tune.
G, Sacrifice Welcoming Tune: Put X +1/+1 counters on each creature that entered the battlefield this turn, where X is the number of verse counters on Welcoming Tune.
Athletic Gear 1
Artifact — Equipment
Untap equipped creature during each other player’s untap step.
Equip 2
”Say what you will about the Eighties—and I have quite a bit in that regard—but its legacy has some uses.”
—Rarity, Bearer of Generosity
Scattered Jacks 2
Artifact
Flash
1, Sacrifice Scattered Jacks: Scattered Jacks deals 1 damage to each attacking creature.
”Still not as bad as those building bricks.”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Dreamboat Special 3
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and must be blocked if able.
Equip 3
”If a hairpiece doesn’t make you utterly irresistible, then I haven’t done my job.”
—Rarity, Bearer of Generosity
Gathered Mementos 4
Artifact — Equipment
As Gathered Mementos enters the battlefield, choose a card type.
Equipped creature gets +1/+1 for each card of the chosen type in your graveyard.
Equip 3
There is more than experience to be gained from a life well lived.
Welcome Wagon 5
Artifact Creature — Contraption Construct
Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you may pay 2. If you do, that creature enters the battlefield with an additional +1/+1 counter on it. If that creature is a Rigger, it instead enters the battlefield with an additional two +1/+1 counters on it.
3/3
Flower Vendor GW
Creature — Pony Druid
T: Add G to your mana pool. You gain 1 life.
”Would you like those to go, or will you eat them here?”
1/2
Bursting with Happiness 4RW
Instant
Bursting with Happiness deals 4 damage divided as you choose among any number of target creatures and/or players. You gain 4 life.
It’s never hard to tell how Pinkie Pie feels.
Happy W//Sad 2B
Instant//Instant
Happy: Target creature gains lifelink until end of turn.
Sad: Whenever target creature is dealt damage this turn, its controller loses that much life.
Open 2R//Shut 2W
Instant//Instant
Open: Creatures with defender can’t block this turn.
Shut: Prevent all combat damage blocked creatures would deal this turn.
Yes 1G//No 4U
Instant//Instant
Yes: Target spell can’t be countered by spells or abilities this tun.
Draw a card.
No: Counter target spell.
Of course you'd recycle the Ass Cycle for a Pinkie episode with a donkey.
Scattered Jacks: First of all, the name suggests something different in an episode involving donkeys. Second, Pinkie, you can say Lego.
And then there's this one:
I'm pretty sure the rules won't allow this to work, because there's nothing to copy at that time. In addition, there's the fact that instants and sorceries can be countered in two ways, by counterspells (spells and abilities), and by game rules (the target is no longer a valid target). Are you intending this to protect only against counterspells?
This is a hard idea to fit into the Magic rules. Maybe this:
Whenever an instant or sorcery spell you control is targeted by a spell or ability you don't control, you may pay R. If that spell would be countered this turn, instead exile it. Until end of turn, you may cast the exiled card without paying its mana cost."
This isn't exactly the same as your spell, but you've managed to create something that stumps my rules knowledge.
2840519
Of course! Thinking of an appropriate name was a bit tricky.
2840558
Hey, I'm not the one who made them jacks. Heck, Pinkie getting unexpectedly hurt by a jack might have been a stealth pun on the part of the animators.
For Stubborn Insistence, compare cards like Abattoir Ghoul. Most notably, check the ruling at the bottom of the linked page. When an effect specifically looks at an object that isn't going to be there upon resolution, the effect uses that object's last known information.
Flower Vendor's flavor text is hilarious, GG on that.
I was about to try to argue that the danger in Equestria is mostly either highly localized (Everfree, Fire Swamp) or transient threats that are struck down as soon as they rear their heads. And then I remembered that there was a hydra in what was supposed to be the "safe" forest near Ponyville, Whitetail Woods. The one that Fluttershy was willing to help move animals into. And the only cities/villages I recall us seeing besides Ponyville (which is danger central), Canterlot and Cloudsdale (both of which are really just pretty fortresses) are two towns in inhospitable deserts (one with unfriendly natives) and a citystate in an even more unhospitable tundra.
So yeah, Equestria is pretty much all danger, all the time. No wonder they're so adamant about strength in numbers.
Everyone's Friend looks like a very fun variant on the typical defensive cards. And of course it has Jhonny potential with creatures that deal damage to all players. Question: Would creatures still be allowed to attack you?
Smile, Smile, Smile: If you have to use pure lifegain, this seems like a fun way to do it. Plop it down early and let it build up until the last second where you would either die or have it smashed.
Call to Attention: I am just imagining a player's face falling when the Invisible Stalker that they were staking their whole strategy on dies to something that can ping. Cycling is nice on this card since it's not always relevant.
Confetti Cannon can probably slow down the right deck quite a bit, but I feel like in most cases I'd rather unsummon them. Not all cases, I guess, and it is creative.
Thought Given Form: The epic capstone to any "draw your whole library" combo. Not very useful otherwise.
Automate Artifact: Oh dear lord, there are so many fun things you could do with this...
Total Rejection: Haha yes, this is the best kind of card.
Super-Hyper Antics: Ah yes, the beloved pact. Of course you don't lose if you win this turn with, say, Sorin's Vengeance or Omniscience or Hellkite Overlord. Or Platinum Angel...
Stubborn Insistence: Funny, and a powerful counter to blue decks.
Welcoming Tune: The longer this sits on the battlefield, the more your opponent sweats... You've redeemed the Song type in my mind.
Athletic Gear: Silly equipment. Fun and, with the right creatures, obscenely profitable.
Flower Vendor: Simple, but actually pretty nice. And the joke is still good even if it's stolen from the episode.
Yes//No: Finally, the day has come when I can play an unconditional counterspell named "No". Well, assuming the day has come that I can play with imaginary cards of course.
It's almost a crime to not give "Smile, Smile, Smile" any flavor text. Considering the life gain, one line of the chorus' lyrics would work excellent: "Fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine!"
Call to Attention will work wonders if your opponent uses some of the Illusion creatures.
Wait a minute, would Total Rejection work on indestructible creatures or not?
2840731
Sure, why wouldn't it? It destroys the creature (which does nothing, because it's indestructible); and then the creature is still on the battlefield, so it gets exiled (which indestructibility doesn't prevent).
This is the episode that makes me think Pinkie has a splash (or more) of Black in her. "Smile, Smile, Smile" reveals that she tries to make other ponies smile because it makes her smile, not necessarily for their benefit; and she tries to connect with Cranky by doing stuff that she thinks would cheer him up, instead of thinking about what he would actually want. It's actually pretty selfish! (Although in an appropriately benign, light-hearted manner, of course.)
Sweet jumping Jesus! 2 mana for that!? At instant speed!? I'd expect to pay at least 3 mana. The only other card that I know of that does something similar is War Report (Then again, I am relatively new to Magic, only jumping in at Zendikar)
The effect is nice and all, but what are its base stats?
This line reminded me of a scene with Cranky telling Chrysalis a story, or something, and was about to object, but then I remembered that that was you.
Part of me wants to append "without flying" to the end of Scattered Jacks' effect for flavor reasons (as is the case with Leonin Bladetrap), but I suppose ultimately it's your call.
I think Welcome Wagon should read "two additional" rather than "an additional two" to reduce word count and potential confusion, but apparently, Wizards doesn't agree, except for when they do
Super-Hyper Antics, enter the infinite, x amount of rituals, your chosen selection of cards that win the game.
2840669
Protection from creatures means you can't be damaged by creature sources or targeted by abilities with creature sources. There's nothing keeping them from attacking you, but any damage they'd deal would be prevented.
2841103
Exactly. Black does what black wants, but Pinkie's selfish desires have selfless outcomes. A paradox befitting the pink party pony. This blend of emotion, community, and selfishness is why I see Pinkie as a form of white-black-red very different from the Mardu Hordes.
Well, actually, that was how I saw her before this episode, but it's always nice to have your headcanon validated.
2841209
It's half a Congregate for half the cost. Seems fair to me.
2841341
Oh dear. That's been fixed. It's a 0/0, basically the blue cousin of Undergrowth Scavenger.
2841791
You see what I mean? This is not a new opinion of mine. There is so much we could do with Cranky.
The Jacks are Time Spiral-esque, in that they're based on two cards at once; not just the Bladetrap, but also Caltrops, which can also inexplicably stab flying creatures. Besides, jacks basically are caltrops.
And yeah, Magic terminology can be arbitrary at times. I'm going with the version they used for +1/+1 counters.
2842559
And if your opponent can counter Enter the Infinite, you'll still lose the game next turn if you can't pay 8UUUU.
I dunno, I don't think your Sideboard approach to Cranky was right either. It didn't really scream "this character survived wandering a deathworld alone for years by choice" so much as "I'm randomly giving this character inflated status and importance".
The better approach would be short story (maybe 3 or so chapters long) that's about Cranky, and one of his many adventures in which he encounters something dangerous in the wild, and either escapes it, thanklessly neutralizes the threat or both, while narration (being his thoughts) treats this as a completely normal day for him or, at worst, "oh god I hate having to deal with ____s (again)".
2843311
Well, I'd say it's less of a 'paradox' and more an example of how 'amoral' doesn't necessarily mean 'evil'.