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spideremblembrony


Hey, guys, got a story you need reviewed? Well, feel free to send me a private message with the story you want reviewed and I will give you a review as soon as I can.

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Mar
18th
2015

Critique Review: The Uprising · 6:14pm Mar 18th, 2015

Hello, everypony. I am the Critique.

Let’s talk about Celestia…

I KNOW IT’S TOO SOON! SHUT UP!

Celestia is one of the most abused characters in the show. The second being Applejack.

She’s been called a tyrant, a troll… whatever the fuck she was last week… and just about every despicable thing in the book.

But there’s one thing that most ponies never consider her to be… A liar.

Now, many of you may be saying that ‘Critique, there are tons of fic on the subject matter which Celestia lied about something’. To which I say, I think you give my mental health at this point far too much credit!

Yes, this has been done a million times. From conspiracy theories to exaggerations about her sexuality. From her birth to where she was during a vampire invasion. Celestia has pretty much lied about everything.

Of course, this makes me think she’s lied about me having a completely unlikable personality and makes me think that she really has the hots for me. But what mare wouldn’t?

Approximately 99.99999999999%

SHUT UP!

And this story is no different with Celestia being charged with crimes against Equestria. But thankfully our Mary Sue… oh, it’s a stallion, so Gary, is here to make sure she is proven innocent. At least… I think that’s what it’s supposed to be.

The description and title don’t mesh very well…

There have been many crimes against the Princess in Equestria. But none have been for the greater good. Until now. Meet Eliot Shine. A lonely, blank-flank high-school Colt as he uncovers the shocking truth behind Princess Celestia, and has to pay the ultimate price for this information.

But, I’m sure it will make sense by the end. Although I doubt it. So, let’s dig into The Uprising by Darththork99 and see if I need to beat something with a shovel by the end of this.

It had been a year since the royal wedding.

A full year since Mykan found his new punching bag… Seriously, I think Cadance needs to be put into protective custody with that guy.

LEAVE CADANCE ALONE! PLEASE! SHE’S A HUMAN BEING! ... OKAY, MAYBE NOT… *cries under a bed sheet*

Twilight Sparkle was now related to Princess Celestia by law.

Which made that Thanksgiving she failed her finals really awkward.

At first, she was quite uncomfortable, but she has grown used to her teacher also being her aunt.

She was especially appreciative when the kids on the playground all called her ‘teacher’s pet’. The students where later discovered on the moon.

Everypony in Ponyville was quite content with the long term peace they where experiencing. Except, the peace would not last.

The most tactical, most advance species was at the doorstep of Equestria! Threatening to destroy all that they held dear! Diamond Dogs!

Also, 10 points to Gryffindor for the long term peace they ‘where’ experiencing at Hogwarts. Kids have died there!

Our story truly starts with Rainbow Dash continuing to dream about her adventures to the Wonderbolts. Something Season 5 will undoubtedly tease us with. However, it mentions that something bad is going to happen to Rainbow Dash today.

Oh, good. Way to keep us in suspense, story. Now, I know that sometimes letting people know ahead of time what is going to happen is an affective story telling strategy. But those stories usually have good reasons for telling us that early on. Fire Emblem: Awakening in particular did this strategy, but ultimately, it paid off because it went with the central theme of the game.

This story doesn’t have any reason to hint at it, other than it doesn’t know how to tell a good story or keep suspence.

So, Rainbow Dash decides she needs some new tricks to impress the Wonderbolts. And what is the most logical strategy a not-Alicorn Pegasus could do to impress the Wonderbolts?

Oh, of course! Raise the sun! Yeah… that’s just the most logical! Hell, I should raise the sun! It’s so damn easy!

So, just when you think the story is on enough acid to be a hazard you dangle your hero over, Rainbow Dash decides the next pre-morning to try and raise the sun.

"How am I gonna raise the sun?" Dash thought to hersefl. "Aha!" Rainbow Dash got an idea, and immediatly took action. Rainbow Dash lifted herself off of the soggy dew covered pre morning grass, and started to fly in large circles at top speed. She excecuted a perfect Sonic Rainboom, causing the sun to budge out of it's current place. As the waves of rainbow energy pulsated through the sky, Rainbow caught the sight of the sun rising over the distant horizon, moving faster and faster every second. The sun moved inch by inch, until it had reached it's peak, Rainbow Dash had just done Princess Celestia's job for her.

So, performing the Sonic Rainboom was the thing that raised the sun. … If that’s the case, how come during the day she first did it (not counting the first FIRST time she did it) the day was still… well… DAY!

See?! Still day time! … Also, I think Rarity might be dead… Whoops…

So, after Rainbow Dash raises the sun, Celestia arrives and is ultimately not too happy about Rainbow Dash doing her job for her. I don’t know why I’m surprised. It’s about the only things she’s good for and Rainbow Dash took that away.

Oh, don’t you glare at me! What are you going to do? Send me to the moon?!

Sir, is it really wise to taunt the Alicorn Princess?

What? It’s not like she actually reads my reviews. I can say whatever I want about her with no consequences whatsoever…

Rainbow Dash! I will not stand for somepony trying to make me look disposable! What you've done, will make Equestria think less of me. I am the one in control of the sun! Not anypony else!" Celestia scolded Rainbow Dash before ordering her guards onto her.

Um… not to be an asshole… Actually, I take that back. I do mean it when I say, “Isn’t that the same fucking thing you did with Luna for the past 1000 years?!”

This whole talk about making you trivial and you do the exact same thing to Luna by raising her moon. Well, at least we can add hypocrite to the list of things you are.

Celestia arrests and subdues Rainbow Dash and throws her in a dungeon for an entire year.

Yeah… For raising the Sun, one time. One fucking time. Rainbow Dash is imprisoned for life. Good God, the princess must be taking disciplinary measures from Ponyville Elementary. Where bullying gets you expelled and thrown out on the street to starve to death.

And what do Rainbow Dash’s friends have to say on this? Oh, strap yourself in for some bullshit!

Her friends on the outside world begged Princess Celestia to show mercy, but Rainbow Dash would never be allowed to leave the prison.

And that’s it! That is all we ever seen of the main six trying to free Rainbow Dash? This is their friend! They are seriously standing for this! And what the fuck does ‘begged’ mean? Was this the conversation they had?

:ajbemused: Let Rainbow Dash go.

:trollestia: No.

:ajsmug: Well, we tried. Come on everypony! Let’s all go get high at Fluttershy’s!

:yay:

Not how it happened?! Then show us how it happened! Show, don’t tell! Show the main six trying to get Rainbow Dash out! Don’t just tell us it happened and expect us to just buy it!

For that matter, why is Celestia giving such a harsh punishment for something like this?! Wouldn’t her time be better spent dealing with … oh… I don’t know… ACTUAL ISSUES?!

Yes, Celestia raising the sun is a big deal. But that’s not the only thing she can do. She’s still a political leader! She still has a kingdom to run! She’s still the one who makes all the decisions! She’s still royalty! She still has 1000+ years of experience and wisdom ruling the fucking place!

So, why is this a big deal?! Why is Celestia being the only one who raises the sun a huge deal?! I’m sorry, I’m not buying it! It doesn’t make any sense, and it certainly doesn’t warrant locking up Rainbow Dash for life!

So, as Rainbow Dash is locked up, she begins to become depressed and tries to commit suicide. Well, thanks for showing us the depths of her struggle and inner torment. Like this…

It was the first few weeks that where the worst though. All of her dreams had suddenly vanished! She would never get to be in the wonderbolts. Hay, she won't even see them ever again. All that work, wasted. She had tried to commit suicide on the twenty-second day. She had tried to hit her head off the wall as hard as she could. But the guards put a head protector on the back of her head. A few days later, she tried to do it another way. She had tried to bite her own tongue off and choke to death on her own blood. She just couldn't bring herself to do it.

Yeah, I think that speaks volumes of what she’s going through! Fuck it! I’m hitting my head against a wall! Maybe I won’t die! But at the very least, it would be more entertaining than reading this shit!

Some of the guards took advantage of her, because she was bound in the most helpless position.

Oh… Well, that’s really cute! Why don’t you have Celestia come down and rape her while you’re at it, asshole?!

DON’T SERIOUSLY DO THAT!

Just because you have adult content in your story, DOES NOT MAKE IT AN ADULT STORY! An adult story would be able to know how to talk about this very delicate issue, NOT JUST THROW IT IN THERE TO BE ‘DEEP’ AND ‘DARK’! YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT BEFORE YOU CAN BE ‘DEEP’ AND ‘DARK’! SOMETHING YOU’LL FIND THIS STORY IS EXTREMELY BAD AT!

So, during her stay in the prison, (where I guess no laws exist for attacking prisoners. Of course there isn’t!), she meets with a pony, in the cell next to her, and they become fast friends. Why, it’s so fast, that you don’t even get to see it happen. It just, sort of, pops the fuck out of nowhere! Oh, I’m glad our time could be well spent on abusing Rainbow Dash instead of … oh, I don’t know… BUILDING THE FUCKING REALTIONSHIP BETWEEN THE FUCKING CHARACTERS!

She had made friends with a prisoner in the cell right next to her. He was a young colt, serving five years for vandalizing a castle wall.

Oh, wow. Now that friendship! Oh, man! I’ve seen some friendships before! You know, like, Frodo and Samwise from Lord of the Rings. Ash Ketchum and Pikachu from Pokemon. Kirk and Spock from Star Trek. But this… This friendship tops all other friendships… No friendship is as strong as this… What… Half a paragraph of text telling us they are friends… But yes! This is the best friendship! Other friendships only wish they could be as friendly as this friends! Best friendship!

Best friendship! 10/10

- The Critique

Our story then jumps to our stallion ‘friend’ (rather abruptly I might add) named Elliot Shine. He’s a stallion who is older than the Cutie Mark Crusaders and still doesn’t have his Cutie Mark. Because apparently he has to be unique and get everyone to feel sorry for him.

Three years ago, apparently Elliot had been part of some presentation, but he can’t focus on it because he is depressed about not earning his Cutie Mark and thus has no purpose. Feel free to make your own metaphor jokes here.

"I can't find my meaning to this world. I mean. Am I just here to waste air? I don't see why I should even be alive." Shine, the green pegasus has problems with self worth. He had tried to commit suicide three months back.

Well, glad we didn’t see the depths of your depression and why you would want to kill yourself, SHINE! I’m so glad our time was better spent with guards attacking RAINBOW DASH THAN ACTUALLY CHARACTERIZATION!

This story has no characterization in it! The characters talk a lot, but for all their talk they have very little in the way of personalities. Most of these character seem depressed or outright unpleasant.

The presentation it turns out was about the crime in Equestria. Ironically, this story is a crime against Equestria. Just for different reasons.

One would think it would go into detail and actually give a damn about it, but no. The presentation ends as quickly as it begins and yet it was SO thrilling that Elliot actually wanted to learn more about it! Why would you not show us that and get us invested in Elliot’s decision?! He’s supposed to be the main character! The character we relate to with decisions! Why would you not show us how he came to those conclusions instead of preferring to just waste our time with this story?!

Elliot goes home to his … desktop computer? … Sure… whatever. It makes more sense than anything else in this story. He goes through his YouTube account, Facebook, Tumblr, and all these other websites. Man, Equestria must get really good internet to be find websites from EARTH! I wonder what they would say about our porn?

Yeah, probably…

So, he starts to watch his favorite movie, Kick-Ass, because he relates to the character. Again, pretty ironic that a story without a relatable character is talking about relating to a character. He also explains that he’s a virgin. And this is a big problem because… he’s 15?

Yes, because that is how it works! Unless you have sex within the first 15 years of life, you are a loser and nothing good can come from you! You should be ashamed of yourself! Why are you not having sex or putting your dick in everything with a hole by the time your 16?! Have fun with sexually transmitted diseases!

Seriously, this pisses me off! There’s this stupid misconception that unless you’ve had sex in High School you are a loser. That is totally untrue! It doesn’t matter when or even if you’ve had sex! That changes nothing of the overall person! The person should be judged based on who they are, not if their virgins or not!

And what does this have to do with the overall story? Fuck all!

This backstory was just a waste of time, since it doesn’t have anything to do with what is going on.

Anyway, he starts thinking about the presentation and how Luna’s punishment was to be sent to the moon for 1000 years.

What did Luna do on the moon for one thousand years anyway? Why such a harsh punishment? Whats it like to be turned into stone? This was all he could think about for the rest of the day.

Oh, yeah. That’s a harsh punishment alright. Almost as harsh as murdering a group of gangsters with a jetpack Gatling gun!

He ends up finding website dedicated to Celestia about how harsh she is at punishing ponies for crimes. It says that’s she is unfair and harsh and that banishing Luna to the moon could have been handled another way.

Okay, story. Explain… Well? Hey, story! Over here! Look at me when I’m talking to you. Don’t look at the door. Look at me. What could have been done to Luna that would have been better?

It told about how harsh the crimes where punished, even the most minor offenses get horrible punishments. The most popular page was about Princess Luna. Most where saying that Nightmare Moon could of been handled in another way.

Yeah… you have nothing, do you?

This is going to be one of those preachy fics, isn’t it? You know the ones. The ones where they think they are being deep by talking a difficult issue, when really they didn’t think the first thing through and thus it doesn’t work out because the arguments they bring up raise far too many questions.

The issue here? Crime and Punishment.

The story says that Celestia is too harsh on its criminals and that things need to change. Well, make the story reflect that! There is no other time she has been cruel in her judgment EXCEPT Rainbow Dash! What are other examples of that?! And if there is a better way to punish Discord and Luna, then what are they?! You can’t just expect us to buy that sort of thing, without some kind of evidence to back it up!

Anyway, he decides to do a livestream on the subject. Because apparently, Equestria has the same level of technology that Earth does.

He does his livestream where he preaches about how “Celestia is evil! She’s a meany head! Blah, blah, blah!” Look I can’t do this shit justice, so I’ll just let you read about it and then I’ll say why it doesn’t work.

Remember Nightmare Moon? Princess Celestia trapped her on the moon for disallowing the sun to rise. Well. As you all know, she is Celestia's younger sister. We all went maybe four hours without the sun those thousand years ago. Then Celestia banishes her to the moon. She would of left her there permanently if she had not managed to notice the stellar patterns, and attempted an escape. But Princess Luna rules the night like Celestia rules the day, they have became peaceful again. Now onto Discord. I know everypony thinks he deserves to be frozen in stone for eternity. But just think to yourself. What is being turned to stone really like? Do you just...Fall asleep until you escape? Do you dream? Is it instantainious until you are out? Or are you aware your turned into stone. You can't see, feel, hear, think. You are just there, existing for however long your turned into stone? If thats the case, then Discord does not deserve such a punishment. I mean. He's not creating chaos for his own malicious intents. No! That's how he was born. He's the spirit of Chaos and Disharmony for Celestia's sake! What do you expect?"

So, where to being… First off, there was evidence that Celestia was unable to banish the darkness within Luna’s heart, even with the Elements of Harmony. It was explained in the FIRST FUCKING EPISODE! She needed to find Element Bearers that would be able to utilize the Elements to free her sister from the evil force corrupting her. She was too powerful and dangerous to be kept in a prison, so … send her to the moon!

Okay, it doesn’t make lot of sense, but when it comes to the safety of your subjects, the people you rule over, you have to make tough choices!

Now onto Discord. So, because he was born a Spirit of Chaos, who makes everyone’s life miserable, he should get a free pass?

Okay, the same could be said for Ed Gein. Just because he was mentally insane, he should not be punished for the murder of several women. What? According to your messed up version of justice, that’s how this should work!

Again, this means a lot coming from the guy whose favorite movie is about a superhero who goes around and murders people!

Or is that what the story is suggesting? Is the character suggesting that Celestia have killed Luna and Discord? Would this story consider that merciful in its eyes?

I don’t know! Fuck this story!

When he wakes up from his live it turns out his babbling had earned him quiet a number of views… most ponies reacting like this…

So with his sudden fame, Elliot’s life turns upside down and everything goes right for him. He even gets a girlfriend. And just like the friendship, it’s as good as it gets.

Her name was Sunflower. She was a bright yellow unicorn filly, with a strait red mane, and a long soft tail. Her cutie mark was a flower.

Best relationship! 10/10

- The Critique

Also, something I’ve just noticed… we are almost done with this story and we really have no idea what the hell this story is about. Seriously, what is it about? I think it’s about Celestia being evil, but where does the plot go from there?!

And I thought this story was about Rainbow Dash breaking the law! Why the hell are we instead focusing on this character that I couldn’t give less of a shit about since he has no characterization outside of bitching about Celestia?!

After a few days of that, a group of stallions break into the classroom of Elliot and arrest him. … And he’s the only pony the soldiers arrest, despite their being an entire website for Celestia’s ‘cruelty’. The price of fame, I suppose.

The soldiers sentence Elliot to be tied to a pole and burned at the stake.

I’ll go get the timber and ember!

Well, they tie him to a pole, but only so they can throw filth at him. Seems kind of pointless. But it doesn’t give the citizens a chance to stand up for him in the most contrived way imaginable. Why is Celestia wasting her time with a 15 year old kid?! Doesn’t she have better things to do then watch YouTube videos?! Some diplomatic relation she has to deal with?! A law to pass?! Something! Why is she publicly humiliating a 15 year old idiot who doesn’t know any better?!

For that matter, what is Celestia’s side?! Why is she acting like a bitch?! What is her reasoning?! Does the story ever give us an answer to that?!

And another thing, shouldn't this be something that the main six should be dealing with?! Yeah, funny how this story starts with Rainbow Dash, the main six, Twilight Sparkle and then suddenly, they are nowhere to be found! What the flying hell kind of sense does that make?! You spend half your story establishing Rainbow Dash and Twilight and they aren't even the main fucking characters! Hell, they aren't even side characters! Side characters have a reason to be there! These characters don't! The only one is Rainbow Dash and she's just a 'woman in refrigerator' trope to get the plot rolling!

Ergh!

Anyway, the group is so riled up by Elliot’s mistreatment (Because as we later see, he is a messiah) and rise up to take down Celestia. The breach the castle’s defenses and make their way to the throne room where Celestia and Elliot have a final stand in which Celestia ends Elliot’s life.

If it feels like I’m rushing the fuck out of this thing… I am, but that doesn’t help that the pacing for this climax is very much rushed as fuck.

Elliot is buried with nopony in the audience actually giving a fuck. Celestia is imprisoned, Rainbow Dash is released and our story ends with the promise of a sequel.

Whoopty-fucking do!

Everypony will cherish this event as an example that anything can be achieved with teamwork, and friendship.

Last minute message because…

God, this one is awful. It’s preachy as hell, nonsensical, and just an overall bore to sit through. I’ve seen grass that was more entertaining to watch!

It doesn’t have focus since Rainbow Dash at the beginning was completely pointless! Elliot has no characterization! The uprising and the joining of Elliot’s side happens way too quickly and doesn’t show why Elliot would possibly be in the right! It doesn’t show Celestia’s side and has her actions make no sense!

The arguments against Luna and Discord are weak and the main character is a hypocrite!

Let me be clear on this… I am not opposed to Celestia being a villain. Hell, in some stories, it’s done well. But, it has got to make fucking sense! This story… does not. It doesn’t portray Celestia like a character, but rather a tool that the main character can preach about.

The spelling for this thing is just all over the place and in desperate need of a proofreader.

Overall a very disappointing story that unfortunately the author thought was ‘so gripping’ that there are three more of these stupid things to read! One of which I’m sure I’ll get into later this year!

Have a great day, guys!

Report spideremblembrony · 428 views ·
Comments ( 12 )

Let’s talk about Celestia…

I KNOW IT’S TOO SOON! SHUT UP!

Celestia is one of the most abused characters in the show. The second being Applejack.

So, is this an unofficial Celestia month?

There have been many crimes against the Princess in Equestria. But none have been for the greater good. Until now. Meet Eliot Shine. A lonely, blank-flank high-school Colt as he uncovers the shocking truth behind Princess Celestia, and has to pay the ultimate price for this information.

So, a summation of every Gary Stu in existence is going to go up against Princess Celestia for the greater good? Shoot me now, please.

At first, she was quite uncomfortable, but she has grown used to her teacher also being her aunt.

Thanks for telling me that, y'know? Not like I'd like to be shown this sort of relationship panning out.

The most tactical, most advance species was at the doorstep of Equestria! Threatening to destroy all that they held dear! Diamond Dogs!

This story doesn’t have any reason to hint at it, other than it doesn’t know how to tell a good story or keep suspence.

As you said, there are times where it works well to say what will happen. Others, not so much. Which is why I usually bounce around between building stuff up and sudden shock moments, to keep readers on their toes.

So, Rainbow Dash decides she needs some new tricks to impress the Wonderbolts. And what is the most logical strategy a not-Alicorn Pegasus could do to impress the Wonderbolts?

Fly around the world backwards and reset time?

Oh, don’t you glare at me! What are you going to do? Send me to the moon?!

She could obliterate every essence of your being, body and soul, with the powers of the Warp... wait, wrong Celestia.

Yeah… For raising the Sun, one time. One fucking time. Rainbow Dash is imprisoned for life. Good God, the princess must be taking disciplinary measures from Ponyville Elementary. Where bullying gets you expelled and thrown out on the street to starve to death.

I knew it; Celestia is really Lemongrab in disguise.

It was the first few weeks that where the worst though. All of her dreams had suddenly vanished! She would never get to be in the wonderbolts. Hay, she won't even see them ever again. All that work, wasted. She had tried to commit suicide on the twenty-second day. She had tried to hit her head off the wall as hard as she could. But the guards put a head protector on the back of her head. A few days later, she tried to do it another way. She had tried to bite her own tongue off and choke to death on her own blood. She just couldn't bring herself to do it.

Again, author, you are telling us that all this is happening. You should show us this instead; let us see Rainbow moping around in prison, trying to rationalize what's happened to her. I might not be the best at writing characters overcoming life-changing events, but at least I tried to show what was going on with them.

Some of the guards took advantage of her, because she was bound in the most helpless position.

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This author is officially dead to me. I'm not even going to try and help him; he deserves nothing less than complete destruction.
Seriously, though, WHY DO PEOPLE STILL THINK THEY CAN THROW RAPE INTO THEIR STORY AS CHEAP TENSION AND EMOTIONAL DRAMA?! IT'S NOT CHEAP, IT'S A VERY SERIOUS CRIME THAT DESERVES RESPECT! AND TALK ABOUT FUCKED UP PRIORITIES; SOMEONE MAKES ONE LITTLE MISTAKE AND THEY GO TO JAIL FOR LIFE, BUT THEY GET RAPED BY A BUNCH OF GUARDS AND NO ONE BATS AN EYELASH?!
We need to find the guy who said that Rape isn't serious and have him publicly executed.

Why, it’s so fast, that you don’t even get to see it happen. It just, sort of, pops the fuck out of nowhere!

Like everything else in this piece of shit insultingly called a "story".

Our story then jumps to our stallion ‘friend’ (rather abruptly I might add) named Elliot Shine.

But he changed his name from Gary Stu when he was younger.

Because apparently he has to be unique and get everyone to feel sorry for him.

The presentation it turns out was about the crime in Equestria. Ironically, this story is a crime against Equestria. Just for different reasons.

PREACH IT!

So, he starts to watch his favorite movie, Kick-Ass, because he relates to the character. Again, pretty ironic that a story without a relatable character is talking about relating to a character. He also explains that he’s a virgin. And this is a big problem because… he’s 15?

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin out of your teens. So far I've gotten one complaint about one of my characters not getting any, and I explained it in-story that she's more focused on her job and will settle into a romantic relationship when she's ready. Even outside of fiction, it's a choice that someone has to make, and they should not be seen as lesser because of it.
Also, IIRC in the original Kickass comics the title character was a whiny jerk who got beat up every time he tried being a superhero... food for thought.

What did Luna do on the moon for one thousand years anyway? Why such a harsh punishment? Whats it like to be turned into stone? This was all he could think about for the rest of the day.

Attempted Genocide and Regicide are pretty serious crimes. You try to seem intelligent, author; wouldn't you know better?

He ends up finding website dedicated to Celestia about how harsh she is at punishing ponies for crimes. It says that’s she is unfair and harsh and that banishing Luna to the moon could have been handled another way.

Here's an idea:

But really, Banishment is a lesser punishment than what would normally be suggested for usurpers. And Luna got to come back and was redeemed, so it's all good now.

The story says that Celestia is too harsh on its criminals and that things need to change. Well, make the story reflect that! There is no other time she has been cruel in her judgment EXCEPT Rainbow Dash! What are other examples of that?! And if there is a better way to punish Discord and Luna, then what are they?! You can’t just expect us to buy that sort of thing, without some kind of evidence to back it up!

She could have blasted their souls to pieces with mind bullets. She could have encased them in unbreakable chains and hurled them into a bottomless pit. She could have sealed them inside a mirror for eternity, always drifting at the edge of your vision.
BEING SENT TO THE MOON IS NOT A BAD PUNISHMENT FOR THIS SORT OF CRIME!

Now onto Discord. So, because he was born a Spirit of Chaos, who makes everyone’s life miserable, he should get a free pass?

You know how the Imperium of Man reacts to Chaos? Drop billions of soldiers and tanks on the source until it's DEAD, and if that doesn't work they nuke the entire site from orbit. Extreme, but Warhammer 40K is a universe where such measures are needed.
My point is, if something is threatening your citizens on the scale of Discord, you better damn well do something before everyone winds up dead/insane/etc.

When he wakes up from his live it turns out his babbling had earned him quiet a number of views… most ponies reacting like this…

That's how I'd react. Stupid preachy know-it-all...

So with his sudden fame, Elliot’s life turns upside down and everything goes right for him. He even gets a girlfriend. And just like the friendship, it’s as good as it gets.

31.media.tumblr.com/8b8d2956ddbf36d57eaa261bccf46659/tumblr_inline_nk571aCC2Y1sj0juq.gif

The soldiers sentence Elliot to be tied to a pole and burned at the stake.

I'll break out the beer and steaks. We're gonna have a nice barbecue tonight!

Anyway, the group is so riled up by Elliot’s mistreatment (Because as we later see, he is a messiah) and rise up to take down Celestia. The breach the castle’s defenses and make their way to the throne room where Celestia and Elliot have a final stand in which Celestia ends Elliot’s life.

"Finally seeing sense, Celestia killed him with Mind Bullets and the Loyalists were victorious."

Everypony will cherish this event as an example that anything can be achieved with teamwork, and friendship.

Because poorly worded anti-government arguments and attempted regicide are the height of friendship!

The breach the castle’s defenses and make their way to the throne room where Celestia and Elliot have a final stand in which Celestia ends Elliot’s life.

A wimpy unicorn was able to have an epic, last stand, this it it style confrontation with an alicorn who controls a semi-permanent ongoing nuclear explosion.
Why not?
Actually, was he a unicorn? I can't remember the story specifying beyond " a colt."

Rainbow Dash! I will not stand for somepony trying to make me look disposable! What you've done, will make Equestria think less of me. I am the one in control of the sun! Not anypony else!" Celestia scolded Rainbow Dash before ordering her guards onto her.

Well, so much for the Elements of Harmony. Enjoy watching Canterlot burn before your eyes once Tierek returns and the Elements can't activate the rainbow power.

Celestia arrests and subdues Rainbow Dash and throws her in a dungeon for an entire year.

:rainbowhuh: Damn you, Celestia! Damn you to Hell!
Honestly, even ignoring the actual show, you'd think someone would have a problem with this...

:ajbemused: Let Rainbow Dash go.

:trollestia: No.

:ajsmug: Well, we tried. Come on everypony! Let’s all go get high at Fluttershy’s!

:yay:

I told you they were junkies, I told you all!

Oh, yeah. That’s a harsh punishment alright. Almost as harsh as murdering a group of gangsters with a jetpack Gatling gun!

It's not murder if they tried to kill you first.

Again, this means a lot coming from the guy whose favorite movie is about a superhero who goes around and murders people!

1. Kick-Ass actually only killed a couple goons in the first movie. Most of them he just knocked out. It was HITGIRL who went around shooting criminals.
2. Again, it's not murder when they tried to kill you beforehand.

When he wakes up from his live it turns out his babbling had earned him quiet a number of views… most

"Quiet" should be quite.
Aside from a couple things I pointed out, great review! I noticed you were actually defending Dash a lot, which I like.
Yeah, this story sucks. It could have been a brilliant dark comedy, but instead the author tries to play it straight!

Now while I admit... Celestia is not my favorite princess(LUNA FTW!), she IS in fact one of my favorite characters and most of it comes from both the show AND the comics. That being said, whenever I come across a story that paints her in a more... Negative light? If it's not an AU story, I expect it to be explained WHY or at least give her some kind of LOGICAL reasoning behind what she does. Trying to put all the Mane 6 in suspended animation so they can forever be Equestria's strike force? Okay... I can see that from a logical standpoint... Horribly evil, but I can see the logic.

This? This is NOT logical at all. I mean okay, say the story was exactly the same MINUS the fact they introduced Celestia's point of view for these events. That's the thing with an argument, IT HAS TO HAVE TWO SIDES!!! :flutterrage:

All I can say to this story's author?

2889377 I think he was an earth pony. The story didn't make that very clear...

2893994

Trying to put all the Mane 6 in suspended animation so they can forever be Equestria's strike force? Okay... I can see that from a logical standpoint... Horribly evil, but I can see the logic.

What story is this? :rainbowhuh:

2909635 I forget the name... Didn't favorite it either... I DO remember it was one big fic based around The Plagues song from Prince of Egypt.

2909730 Damn. Oh well, thanks for answering anyways! :pinkiehappy:

2889236

Fly around the world backwards and reset time?

Well, we'd need Silver Spoon's father to shoot some nuclear missiles and end up killing Scootaloo/Male pony love interest.

Also, IIRC in the original Kickass comics the title character was a whiny jerk who got beat up every time he tried being a superhero... food for thought.

I never read the comics. Only saw the movie, but after seeing it, I think it was enough for me.

I'll break out the beer and steaks. We're gonna have a nice barbecue tonight!

I thought you were too young to drink. :duck:

2893994 I actually like Celestia more than Luna...

Look I just do.

But in all seriousness, I am willing to accept Celestia being a bad guy... If it makes sense. It doesn't make sense in this story.

2910010 Never said the beer was for me, did I? :duck:

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