Friendship is Card Games: Appleoosa's Most Wanted · 11:57am May 3rd, 2015
We return to Appleoosa, where we first learned of sapient buffalo, the recreational uses of salt, and the earth pony ability to turn pastry into effective ballistic weaponry. (Seriously, when there’s a buffalo-pie collision and the pie wins, there’s magic at work.)
Note that next week will have no new pony episode, so I’ll be dusting off an old one to comment and cardify. The default will be “Putting Your Hoof Down,” but you can vote for any episode I haven’t done yet. (Which ones haven’t I done? The ones on the index page that aren’t links.)
Judging by the time penalty Applejack got for nudging a barrel back during the Iron Pony Competition, that barrel racer is terrible.
I love the stinger. Hoofprints are apparently menacing now.
Huh. No rodeos near Ponyville lately? I’m not sure if they were preemptively shut down because of Trouble Shoes, or if Ponyville’s just trying to polish its image in light of the enormous crystal palace-tree. (Of course, when the national championship is in Canterlot…)
Scootaloo’s cactus hat is fantastic. I want one.
Apple Bloom would be an excellent lawyer or genie. That’s some fine exploitation of ambiguous wording.
Appleoosa doesn't seem to have a very good weather department. Isn’t this sort of thing supposed to be scheduled well in advance? Even the catch-up storm in "Look Before You Sleep" had some forewarning.
Poor Sweetie Belle. It can't be easy to act as the Crusaders' voice of reason. (You know, when she isn't caught up in schmoozing.)
Wasn’t Appleoosa smack in the middle of the desert last time? Where’d this mysterious wood come from? Is this supposed to be the apple orchard, or are the Crusaders really lost?
Trouble Shoes is a textbook example of a schlimazel, a.k.a. Lady Luck’s chew toy. It’s interesting to see that it is possible to misunderstand one’s own talent. I figured there was a sort of instinctive understanding, but that clearly isn’t the case. At least, not on a conscious level. With the right blend of context and symbolic ambiguity, a pony can think him or herself cursed by fate, but will guided to the truth by urges and desires.
Equally interesting is how Trouble Shoes’s talent seems uncontrolled. It’s unclear whether this is because he’s never learned how to control it, or because he’s been repressing it. Again, his compulsion to watch rodeos was trying to point him in the right direction. Could his talent have been flaring up to demonstrate his true capabilities?
Honestly, Silverstar, if he’s already gone through four mattresses, don’t give him another one. Get the stallion a stool!
Nopony cares about Applejack’s trophy in haybale Jenga. Ouch.
Poor Braeburn. Trouble Shoes wasn’t the only one with crummy luck. (I suppose that’s what he gets for not saying his catchphrase.)
You know, the rodeo clowns probably had a routine planned. Fortunately, the talents seemed to resonate for optimal hilarity, but that could’ve gone a lot worse.
Now, let’s get this show on the road. And remember, vote for the episode you’d like me to do next week:
Steeplechase 1WW
Instant
Creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn. Clash with an opponent. If you win, those creatures gain first strike until end of turn. (Each clashing player reveals the top card of his or her library, then puts that card on the top or bottom. A player wins if his or her card had a higher converted mana cost.)
Adult Supervision 2W
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
As long as enchanted creature is untapped, creatures you don’t control with power less than its power can’t attack.
"A lot of the world's problems wouldn't be there if somepony just stepped up and took responsibility."
—Applejack, Bearer of Honesty
Appleoosa Jailer 2W
Creature — Pony Soldier
Players can't cast cards in graveyards or activate abilities of cards in graveyards.
”You hush up in there, you hear?”
1/3
Sheriff’s Posse 3W
Creature — Pony Soldier
When Sheriff’s Posse enters the battlefield, detain target creature an opponent controls. (Until your next turn, that creature can’t attack or block and its activated abilities can’t be activated.)
In Equestria, frontier justice consists of whoever can get a lasso around the other’s neck first.
2/3
Surprise Deluge 4UU
Instant
Tap all creatures target player controls. Those creatures don’t untap during that player’s next untap step.
A land where the weather is scheduled a week in advance makes sudden storms all the more shocking.
Two Pair 4UU
Sorcery
Choose two target creatures. For each of those creatures, put a token onto the battlefield that’s a copy of that creature.
”Read ‘em and weep, boys! Dragons and manticores!”
Broken Leg 1B
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets -2/-1.
At the beginning of the end step of enchanted creature’s controller, that player sacrifices that creature if it’s a Pony, Pegasus, Unicorn, or Horse.
Destiny Deferred 1B
Sorcery
Target player reveals his or her hand. You choose a card from it. That player puts that card into his or her library second from the top.
Denying a cutie mark’s true nature will only lead to misery.
Clowning Around RR
Enchantment — Aura
Whenever enchanted creature becomes tapped, it deals 1 damage to target creature or player.
”Painless pratfalls take years of training to pull off. Or the right special talent. One of the two.”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Keyfilcher 2R
Creature — Unicorn Spellshaper
2R, T, Discard a card: Gain control of target artifact until end of turn. Untap that artifact. It gains haste until end of turn. Activate this ability only any time you could cast a sorcery.
”Any unicorn could do what I do. Most don’t have the guts.”
1/1
Slip Through the Cracks 2R
Sorcery
Creatures with power 2 or less can’t be blocked this turn.
”Based on years of observation, I have to conclude that the Cutie Mark Crusaders behave more like a gas than a solid.”
—Princess Twilight Sparkle
Teetering Haystack 2R
Enchantment
1R: Put a bale counter on Teetering Haystack.
1R, Sacrifice Teetering Haystack: Teetering Haystack deals X damage divided as you choose among any number of target creatures and/or players, where X is the number of bale counters on Teetering Haystack.
Enormous Klutz 4R
Creature — Pony Rogue
Trample
At the beginning of combat on your turn, flip a coin. If the coin comes up heads, Enormous Klutz attacks this turn if able. If it comes up tails, tap Enormous Klutz.
”I know the feeling.”
—Ditzy Doo
5/4
Curse of Misfortune 4RR
Enchantment — Aura Curse
Enchant player
At the beginning of enchanted player’s upkeep, that player sacrifices a permanent at random.
Some ponies just shouldn’t have nice things.
Flooded Flourishing G
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant land
Enchanted land is a Forest, Island, and Swamp.
Earth pony settlers turned a stretch of the San Palomino Desert into a thriving bog in a matter of months.
Open the Steer Pen 5GG
Sorcery
Put a number of 3/3 green Ox creature tokens onto the battlefield equal to your devotion to green. (Each G in the mana costs of permanents you control counts towards your devotion to green.)
Cactus Hat 2
Artifact — Equipment
Whenever equipped creature blocks or becomes blocked, Cactus Hat deals 1 damage to each creature blocking or blocked by it.
Equip 2
A souvenir you’ll never forget.
Meaningless Trophy 3
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature has hexproof.
Prevent all damage that would be dealt to and dealt by equipped creature.
Equip 1
Applejack looked around. Nopony even seemed to notice her. It was like they didn’t even care about the monster haybale stack!
Drifter’s Wagon 5
Artifact
4, T, Discard a card: Draw two cards.
”Sentimentality is one of the many things you can’t afford when you live on the road.”
—Trixie Lulamoon, traveling performer
Height Judge (gu)W
Creature — Pegasus Advisor
Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, draw a card if you control more creatures with flying than each other player.
Earth, unicorn, or pegasus, all Appleoosans chip in when it’s rodeo season.
1/1
Dangerous Accident RG
Sorcery
Target player sacrifices an artifact or enchantment. Dangerous Accident deals damage to that player equal to the number of counters on that permanent.
”Just my luck.”
—Trouble Shoes, drifter
Appleoosa Mob WBR
Creature — Pony Berserker
Appleoosa Mob attacks each turn if able.
Whenever a source you don’t control deals damage to you, you may cast Appleoosa Mob from your graveyard.
Riots don't end. They just pause until the next outrage.
3/2
Reasonable Caution 3GW
Enchantment
Creatures can’t attack you or a planeswalker you control unless their controller pays X for each of those creatures, where X is the greatest power among untapped creatures you control.
”Maybe we shouldn’t go chasing after the notorious outlaw.”
—Sweetie Belle
Wow. Nice work there!
Did you mean to make Open the Steer Pen an enchantment? For the next blog keep calm and flutter on.
Maybe it got ponyformed, could be what happens when you have a town with so many earth ponies.
But, he'll break that too! I swear, he and Derpy need to team up for a wacky adventure with Fluffy Clouds.
Also, I can't help but imagine but somewhere Starlight is watching this...and laughing.
3040083
Whoops. The original version was similar to Centaur Glade. It should be a sorcery, and now it is.
3040087
Entirely possible, which was the inspiration for Flooded Flourishing. Still, I can't imagine the buffalo are very happy about that. I hope they were consulted on where to put the inexplicable forest.
3040155
At least a stool would be tougher than a mattress. Heck, have him drag an anvil in from the blacksmith and have him stand on that.
Canon Derpy would probably be a fantastic rodeo clown.
And yeah, Trouble Shoes would've been ideal candidate for Our Town before the Crusaders got to him. It makes me wonder how Starlight interprets her own talent...
Maybe there's no rodeos near Ponyville because disasters kept ruining them? After a few years in a row of rampaging whatevers trampling the rodeo, people got tired of it and stopped hosting them within spitting distance of the Everfree.
I think we're running into the problem with declaring that your characters fully control the weather: It makes it really, really implausible to use plotlines that rely on an inconvenient/unexpected thunderstorm. At least the sleepover episode admitted it was due to the characters not planning ahead enough.
What was Braeburn's catchphrase again? I honestly have no idea, he only showed up in one episode before and it wasn't worth rewatching.
It seemed to me like the rodeo clowns had absolutely no intention of doing a comedy routine, in any capacity. So no, he does not really have any talent for what they were doing, and dropping him on them like that was just mean to them. And he could have gotten someone really hurt, since real slapstick is like wrestling--both parties have to know what they're doing.
Speaking of which, are we all forgetting that this destiny of his almost crushed three fillies at the start of the episode? That is not an ok destiny, even if you can channel it "productively" (and I use that term loosely).
Also, cutie mark for being clumsy. Yowch. Then again, we already all know about somepony who was named for being clumsy, and she turned out fine.
The contrast of this episode happening so soon after an episode about how all cutie marks are good and your mark is guaranteed to be in something you'll like is... interesting. Maybe Applebloom's insistence on helping him find a better interpretation for that cutie mark was inspired by that dream, or at least the dream drew her attention to the problem long enough to notice a solution. In any case, though, this is a hardly a mark that brought the bearer happiness, fulfillment, or the acceptance of his peers.
Anyways, I'm surprised you of all people didn't notice Sweetie Belle's demonstrated ability to use telekinesis, twice in one episode (the second time with flickering but no dropping). The crusaders are growing, slightly.
For next week's episode I vote either The Crystal Empire because it has a major villain, a plot artifact, a trapped castle and a new location. Second choice is Dragon Quest because Dragons.
---
Adult Supervision: Amusing, but using it to save you from anything bigger goblins or tokens is probably an unforgivable waste of an expensive creature. Maybe something in red... (Pseudo-edit: No wait, I just remembered Vigilance is a thing that exists. This card is great. Also, the fact that it combos with an ability called Vigilance is great.)
Appleoosa Jailer: Now I'm picturing a guy guarding a cemetary from rising zombies with the same annoyed boredom they would a jail cell.
Broken Leg: Holy yikes, FOME. Equestria does not put ponies out to pasture just because they broke their leg. Did you not see that sling? And the fact that he was somehow able to easily walk around on the remaining three without falling over?
Destiny Deferred: Looks weak, but it's a "discard" that can deny someone a land drop. So definitely not weak. Delaying a big creature two turns isn't bad either since it doesn't cost you card advantage.
Clowning Around: Gelectrode springs to mind as a good starting point for combos. (Until I realized that it's functionally no different from having a second Gelectrode).
Keyfilcher: If you're discarding a card and paying the cost of Act of Treason, and it's sorcery speed, and attached to a 1/1 body, you'd darn well better have a sacrifice engine.
Slip Through the Cracks: Wonderful flavor text. Good finisher for goblins. (And really, wouldn't the Crusaders get on just fine with MtG goblins? Assuming they had time to get to know each other before anyone tried to eat them).
Enormous Klutz: Seems kinda weak for that cost. Also, of course you already made the connection to your own favorite pony.
Curse of Misfortune: Curse of getting angry and flipping over the table. Or of just losing a land you didn't need anyways. But more likely losing your only swamp or a beatstick. That said, what it gains in fun it loses in efficiency.
Flooded Flourishing: Handy! Gets you to Domain in as few as three turns, if that's your thing.
Open the Steer Pen: Were they even in this episode? Whatever, that looks like a fun enough card.
Cactus Hat: Aww, it's the hat that deals damage. I guess I can scratch off the deathtouch combo. Still not awful with Lure.
Meaningless Trophy: Platinum Angel. Game over. Also, even without a big combo it turns a lord or utility creature into an unkillable blocker.
Drifter’s Wagon: Don't worry, I'll get my card advantage eventually. Once I've sunk 13 mana into it and waited two turns, I'll be ahead a card! Ok that's not really fair since discard and draw is also card advantage. Really this is exactly the kind of card they love to print and that I can't fathom why anyone would ever play.
Height Judge: That is a ridiculously good card advantage engine in the right deck. The right deck is mostly blue.
Dangerous Accident: Naturalize doesn't have enough kick for you? Well, if you insist... not that this card strikes me as a better deal in most games.
Appleoosa Mob: Love the flavor, and the effect.
Reasonable Caution: A fine alternative to Reasonable Caution. Again, Vigilance for the win!
3040197
It might not be something they can control, maybe it just happens when they concentrate in enough quantities for long enough, things just get fertile.
Best flavor text ever. But "can't be blocked" is a blue ability. Red is normally "can't block." So "Creatures your opponents control can't block creatures with power 2 or less" would be how this card would be written. I think it's slightly different, rules-wise, in how it handles creatures that enter the battlefield after the spell resolves.
3040417 Nah, red can do unblockable creatures too. Note that both the examples I just linked were "target creature with power 2 or less is unblockable until the end of the turn", which is exactly the same as this (except, you know, targeted).
Well, it's a mostly Earth pony town, right on the frontier of Equestria. The few pegasi they have probably can't handle a major weather event like this.
Appleloosa Jailer seems like it can be the bane of Golgari style decks. I like it.
I very much like how well attaching Clowning Around to Enormous Klutz fits with the episode.
Edit: I think I'll second 3040221's choice of The Crystal Empire for next week's blog.
3040545 That's an ability that dates back to Alpha, but it moved out of Red's slice of the color pie as it got redefined in recent years.
3040221
"Aw, that's just the hydra migration. That happens every spring. Now stack them bales!"
I think you hit the nail on the head for the lack of Ponyville rodeos. That Applejack doesn't grasp why that's the case makes it rather hilarious.
Braeburn's catchphrase is announcing the name of his town with indecent glee.
Given how the clowns were conversing with Trouble Shoes afterwards, they didn't seem to mind. As for the earlier collateral damage, it leads to an interesting question: Given that his talent is slapstick, is it even possible for his pratfalls to hurt anyone? Even the stories of his misdeeds in other rodeos are disruptive inconveniences, not attacks on the performers themselves. Heck, Trouble Shoes himself is able to walk away from his antics unhindered, as long as he isn't ensnared in his own drapes. Once he understood what he was meant to do, his mark did bring him happiness, fulfillment, and the acceptance of his peers.
Well, it will after he repays his debt to society.
As for Sweetie, I certainly noticed. That's where Keyfilcher comes from. But after she got that broom flying in "Twilight Time," it didn't seem worth mentioning in the commentary.
Broken Leg: Equestria may not, but planeswalkers aren't always so considerate. In any case, it's a top-down design in the spirit of Eye Gouge.
Open the Steer Pen: It was mentioned. I immediately thought of a token maker. Sometimes, an offhand comment is all it takes.
3041106
The thing is, the history of that ability goes Dwarven Warriors, Crafty Pathmage, Goblin Tunneler. It's vacillated enough that I have no compunctions about this wording in red.
How does a Jailer stop graveyard cards? I'd expect that to be an Gravekeeper's job, or maybe even a Undertaker. Just a flavor nitpick.
So you know 3040821 most Golgari decks are based on Dredge, which is a static replacement ability, and the Jailer doesn't stop cards in graveyards from triggering abilities or from replacement effects from working.
I like how the flavor text for Curse of Misfortune is "shouldn't have" instead of "can't have".
3040221
There is enough non-targeted creature sacrifice and slash or destruction (but that's what Indestructible is for why I mention sacrifice first) out there that it's not instant game over.
One word: Madness.
3041576 So not only did it go back to red, but they somehow decided that it's only worth two mana now? Huh, talk about power creep. Also, your version is actually much less abusable than that version, because yours checks their power at time of blocking instead of time of targeting. Because we all know there's no way red would ever increase a creature's power between the start of the turn and the combat phase.
Anyways, I still think that cutie mark is exactly the situation Apple Bloom was fearing in the dream episode and which Luna told her can't happen. I mean, it's not like the mark came about as a result of successful clowning and he misunderstood it later. His "cutie mark story" is realizing that he will never be able to achieve his dream job for lack of ability, and embarrassing himself in public (and funny or not he was embarrassed), and then a mark appears symbolizing (in his mind) that inability to do what he loves. That is like, the exact antithesis of the talent+epiphany formula you hypothesized for cutie marks.
The fact that Applebloom helped him shows both growth on her part and having internalized what Luna told her, but the whole situation gives us reason to doubt what Luna told her!
3041928
but Appleloosa Jailer still stops an opponent from Scavenging or bringing Jarad back to your hand, for example.
Okay, I forgot that Dredge was triggered rather than activated,
3041958
There's a third component of my theory you didn't consider. Talent, epiphany, and others acknowledging the talent. All it might take would be a judge thinking, "Oh, it's Trouble Shoes. I wonder how he's going to mess this one up."
It's interesting to note that almost every episode this season has revolved around cutie marks... and negativity with them...
3042142 Wow, you're right. I think the writers got bored and decided to deconstruct one of the setting's central premises while the marketing team wasn't looking.
3042187 Or it's building up to a Crusader's reveal. I mean, the writers could technically do that... and there've been at least two Crusader episodes within the first six episodes. That's a third of the current season.
3041984 Here's a weird thought: What if the epiphany part is optional? What if the cutie mark only actually requires a talent that is acknowledged by others. That fits Twilight's and Dash's stories better (they already knew they loved these things, Twilight especially, but that was a public demonstration in which they were being judged), matches the timing for Rarity and Pinkie, and doesn't conflict for Fluttershy. I don't remember if Applejack got it when she made her decision or when she got home, but if it's the former she had already been acknowledged as fitting in as an Apple so all she needed was the aptitude part.
The epiphany part is actually an illusion, or at best a happy side effect. For most ponies, the story goes as follows: They have an experience where they're publicly recognized for doing something they're good at (and probably like, since you can't get very good at something you never practice), followed immediately by destiny waving a flashing sign in their face saying "this is your special talent". As a result they think "Oh hey this is a thing that's really fun and also I'm really good at and my butt says I should spend my life doing it. I agree!" And then, in the rush of events, they confuse the order of events and think they must have had that realization before the cutie mark appeared.
Sadly, Troubleshoes had his big public success at a skill that wasn't the one he was trying to demonstrate, so he didn't notice it (even though he'd made the whole room laugh). He just thought it was a statement about his athletic abilities, which of course could only be a negative statement.
Of course this alternate theory begs the question of why the crusaders don't already have marks in causing chaos, escaping adult supervision, demolition or similar. Maybe society has to acknowledge it as a useful skill too?