Read It Now Reviews #34 – Blink, トワイライト・スパークル・シュッド・ハブ・ゴン・トゥー・ホグワーツ・インステッド, A Lascivious Rainbow Dash and a Shared Bath in Tomato Broth, A Change in Three Parts, A Giant Leap Forward · 3:08am Jun 8th, 2015
Apparently “D&D got cancelled” is a codeword for “TD writes reviews”.
And experiences some strange feeling, deep down in his chest.
Is this that thing they call joy?
Today’s stories:
Blink by Zaponator
トワイライト・スパークル・シュッド・ハブ・ゴン・トゥー・ホグワーツ・インステッド by Sharpspark
A Lascivious Rainbow Dash and a Shared Bath in Tomato Broth by HoofBitingActionOverload
A Change in Three Parts by GaPJaxie
A Giant Leap Forward by AugieDog
Blink
by Zaponator
Slice of Life
4,112 wordsTwilight does some research into her tried and true teleportation spell.
Why I added it: It was featured, and I’ve seen stories with what I assume to be a similar premise before and wanted to see how this one was different.
Review
Twilight finds out that teleportation is actually duplication and self-destruction.
Like many such stories, I feel like this story missed the fundamental reason why this debate exists. In this story (as in one of the writeoff stories about the same subject), the spell deliberately destroys the original copy for no apparent reason. But in reality, that’s not quite why the debate really exists.
To create a perfect copy of something, you’d need a perfect scan, and one way of doing that would be to destructively scan the original to gather all the information you’d need. The problem is that this spell destroys the original for no apparent reason; it simply includes it as a step. It would make more sense for something like this to require that the original be destroyed in order to provide the scan, as well as the energy (and potentially the matter, if you teleport the atoms somewhere else in order to be reassembled) for the spell to work.
I feel like it didn’t end nearly as strongly as I would have liked; it sort of brings it up, then defuses it emotionally, which is fine, but the story didn’t really feel like it had too much payoff for me, especially given I already knew the central idea behind it. I was glad to see it not devolving into the angst that many such stories do, but I still felt somehow dissatisfied, like it was a bit anti-climactic.
So why did I end up enjoying it, and indeed, recommending it?
Ultimately, where this story really shines is in the interplay between Spike and Twilight, which is what the story is really about; there is some great dialogue between the two of them throughout the story, and if you read it is a character piece with the teleportation stuff as window dressing, it is quite good.
She giggled as she turned and headed for one of the various machines filling the room. To a laypony, all of the devices and contraptions seemed similar enough that most couldn't tell them apart. Twilight, of course, knew each one like the back of her hoof, and this one in particular was among her favourites. While on the surface, it looked much the same as any of the other large stainless steel boxes covered in lights and switches, the Magic Auto-Analyzer was absolutely vital to her experiment, and—
No, wait, she was turning on the Full Spectrum Aura Detector. The Auto-Analyzer was two machines over. Fortunately for her dignity, it seemed Spike hadn't noticed.
"Hey, Twilight, I thought you needed the beep-whoosh machine first," Spike pointed out ever so helpfully.
Twilight whirled around with a sheepish grin, rubbing the back of her neck. "Yes, yes, I know we need the Ana— wait, beep-whoosh?"
Spike nodded. "Yeah, y'know, the beep-whoosh machine." He pointed at the Magic Auto-Analyzer as if it were the simplest thing in the world.
"It's not a beep-whoosh machine!" Twilight exclaimed. "It's a very complex piece of magical analysis equipment, and it should be treated —and referred to— with respect!"
Spike shrugged. "It also goes beep-whoosh when you use it."
Twilight stared, gaping, for several moments, before finally letting out a defeated sigh. "Yeah, it does..." she muttered as she finally turned and walked to the correct machine.
And because it is required, here is a Dragon Tails comic about the same debate:
Recommendation: Recommended.
トワイライト・スパークル・シュッド・ハブ・ゴン・トゥー・ホグワーツ・インステッド
(Twilight Sparkle Should Have Gone to Hogwarts)
by Sharpspark
Comedy, Random
1,021 wordsTwilight Sparkle is a really awesome ninja[1], but things aren't always as they seem at Ninja High School[2].
[Translator's Note 1: a 'ninja' is a covert agent or mercenary in feudal Japan. The functions of the ninja included espionage, sabotage, infiltration, and assassination, and open combat in certain situations.]
[Translator's Note 2: a 'high school' is an institution of learning that provides adolescents with part or all of their secondary education, in addition to part or all of their lifelong social trauma.]
Why I added it: This was an entry in the last write-off, and was great there.
Review
Twilight Sparkle was the best ninja in Ninja High School.
She was quite sure of this. As she passed, all the other students fell silent, fingering their ku-nai with barely contained jealousy. At least, they probably fell silent. They were ninjas so they were already quiet, but if they had been making noise they definitely would have stopped just so they could stare in envy at Twilight.
And yes, envy tended to be dangerous, given the time-honored ninja tradition of rapid advancement in class ranking through discreet assassination, but Twilight had proven to be such a good ninja that no one even tried much anymore, except for that one strange pink girl. And while she was excellent at appearing behind other people unexpectedly, she was also remarkably inept at anything approaching lethality.
But today… Today was going to prove that Twilight was definitively the best, because today was when all of the midterm exam scores were published for the whole school to see. A crowd of teenagers dressed in black had all gathered at the bottom of the main stairwell for that very purpose. As Twilight approached, they parted to the left and right, watching her with sharp eyes, their lips moving underneath black ninja masks, undoubtedly silently cursing her for making everyone else look bad.
It wasn’t their appreciation that she wanted. No, her first place meant something more important. That she would finally – finally! – be noticed by Flash sem-pai! That Celestia sen-sei would appear, probably in a cloud of smoke, to fondly pat her on the head! And that she would have another accomplishment to put on her application for that most prestigious of colleges, Ninja Higher Learning University!
Yes, Twilight had been waiting for this day for a long time. She lifted her head high, readjusted the hitai-ate on her forehead, and stepped forward. Her eyes went to the top of the list, printed, of course, in kata-kana.
And then she blinked. She looked over to the side. Was she looking at the right grade level? She glanced back.
It took a good thirty seconds before her eyes drifted down where her name was printed, at number two on the list.
This story is a hilarious send-up of people who are way too fond of Japanese culture in a very silly sort of way, the anime fans who leave words untranslated and think that they are totally awesome for doing so, but it is so much more than that; the story could have stopped there, but instead continues to escalate the humor; every time you think you’ve got it figured out, it takes another humorous twisty step forward.
If you like silly stories, you’ll probably like this one a great deal, unless you’re Present Perfect, in which case you’ll hate it.
Recommendation: Recommended.
A Lascivious Rainbow Dash and a Shared Bath in Tomato Broth
by HoofBitingActionOverload
Romance, Random
5,455 wordsRarity and Rainbow Dash take a princessy bath together in a vat of steaming tomato soup in the Canterlot Castle royal suite. Along with the brothy broiling bubbles, long hidden feelings rise to the surface. Rarity finds that she must make a choice that may change her life forever, a choice between love and fabulousness.
Trigger warning: Tomato Soup.
Why I added it: HoofBitingActionOverload is a good writer.
Review
Rarity dreams about Rainbow Dash in a ridiculously exaggerated style.
This story has a wonderful narrative voice; Rarity is completely over the top in her dream, and has a completely over the top dream, which definitely doesn’t reveal any deep-seated issues, no sir. It is very funny, and the commentary on Rarity’s psyche is wonderful, all the more so because of how self-aware it all is, and it transitions out of the ridiculous over-the-top strangeness of the story just as it is about to become wearisome for Rarity to make sense of it all.
If this story had a weakness – and it does – it is that the mane thing at the end feels very forced. I’m sure it inspired the story, but I don’t think it was really necessary to include here, and I don’t think it really improved the story all that much. It seemed like an unnecessary side-note that got focused on a bunch at the end, and it felt weird and really brought me down from the high I had been feeling throughout the rest of the story.
But this wasn’t real life. This was a dream, and in dreams, even the most humble of mares are allowed to indulge in a bit of vanity now and then. So, in Rarity’s dreams, everypony was in love with her. And in this particular dream, as many of Rarity’s dreams seemed to go, Rainbow Dash was the particular pony who was particularly in love with her.
Rainbow Dash also appeared to be in love with condensed tomato soup. And so did Rarity, apparently.
But Rarity was mostly certain that Dash was more in love with her than with the tomato soup, and that was what counted.
The dream had begun with Rarity wallowing in pitiful, yet still classy and attractive, sorrow.
Rarity, despondent, dressed all in black, tears burning in her eyes, threw open the doors to her bedchambers in her princessy castle and strode out onto her balcony. Because she was, obviously, a princess who lived in a castle. Just as she deserved to be in waking life, deserved much more so than Twilight.
Not that Rarity believed Twilight didn’t deserve her ascension to Princesshood. The way Twilight naively played at her books and her spells and her hayburgers was… cute, a little bit, sometimes. Rarity could understand why Celestia might have developed a pitying form of affection for the frumpy academic, but what she could not fathom was why Celestia would choose Twilight over Rarity to be the next Princess of Equestria. Surely, upon seeing Twilight and Rarity standing side-by-side, anyone would agree that Rarity appeared the more regal, the more resplendent, the more blessed of the two.
Rarity was not jealous. No, not at all. Jealousy looked unsightly on any mare, and Rarity had never once looked unsightly in all her life. She was simply confused. But she was certain Celestia would realize her mistake soon.
Recommendation: Worth Reading
A Change in Three Parts
by GaPJaxie
Slice of Life
8,555 wordsDust has lived on the edge of Ponyville all her life, keeping to herself and studying. She knows Princess Twilight, and so when she realizes she's made a big discovery, she's eager to run to the castle and tell everypony the good news. But when she goes into Ponyville, they don't seem very happy to see her.
Why would that be? She didn't do anything wrong.
Why I added it: GaPJaxie is a good writer.
Review
Dust is an academically minded pony; the heiress of a wealthy family, her house has been left to neglect, and she, personally, spends all of her time thinking about other things and neglecting her home environment, and consequently, her house – and life – are falling apart around her.
But it is more complicated than that, and as we go through the story, we see just how Dust ended up so far in debt – and what it was she had accomplished by burning through her family fortune. Dust has figured out how to change herself from an earth pony to a pegasus to a unicorn at will via a magical ritual, and while it cost her pretty much everything she owns, and she’s now in debt and her life is in ruins, she still thinks she made the right call.
It will all be worth it if Twilight lets her publish her method, but Twilight – and her friends – have their concerns. It isn’t cheap, or safe, or easy, and it hasn’t improved Dust’s life – would it really be right to let this knowledge out into Equestria?
I liked this story. The first chapter sets up the conflict, and paints Dust as something of a pathetic creature, but the second chapter shows us just what it means to Dust, and why it is that she thinks this research was so important. The final chapter shows us Twilight’s decision – the only decision she could have made after the discussion with Dust. The problems brought up – and Dust’s response to them – were well done, and I liked that Dust could be right even while she was wrong in so many other ways.
Of course, the fact that I agree with Dust probably helps.
The story is very understated, but it is quite solid, and if you enjoy stories about transhumanism, this story would be well worth your while.
Recommendation: Recommended
A Giant Leap Forward
by AugieDog
Slice of Life
1,625 wordsIf Starswirl the Bearded mentored Clover the Clever sometime before the events of "Hearth's Warming Eve" and mentored the Royal Pony Sisters sometime after, where was he during the coming together of the tribes and the founding of Equestria?
Why I added it: AugieDog is a good writer.
Review
Starswirl the Bearded discovers time travel and thus ends up both as Clover the Clever’s teacher and the teacher of Luna and Celestia.
Unfortunately, the story never really goes beyond the premise; the idea is sound, but it feels more like an idea than a story. Indeed, I think it might have been stronger without the second scene, as it tries to give the story more without actually giving anything of substance, merely telling us why he didn’t return. I think it might have been better for him to talk to the princesses in the future about the irreversibility of time travel, rather than the way it was delivered, but even as it was, it just kind of felt a bit empty.
Recommendation: Not Recommended
Summary
Blink by Zaponator
Recommended
トワイライト・スパークル・シュッド・ハブ・ゴン・トゥー・ホグワーツ・インステッド by Sharpspark
Recommended
A Lascivious Rainbow Dash and a Shared Bath in Tomato Broth by HoofBitingActionOverload
Worth Reading
A Change in Three Parts by GaPJaxie
Recommended
A Giant Leap Forward by AugieDog
Not Recommended
I was so excited when I got to four stories and had found four stories I liked. I blame you for breaking my streak, AugieDog!
Not really; even there, it was an interesting idea, it just didn’t feel like it went anywhere.
Three recommended stories amongst recently penned tales is quite the impressive number, though; it seems people have been busy while I was away. I hope more good sets of stories are forthcoming, as it was a pleasure to read through these today.
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later – Important: 65
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later – High Priority: 267
Number of stories listed as Read It Later: 1595
Thanks TD!
But it does have that particular joke. At least I think it does? Hmm, I certainly didn't intend to take it out.
3131175
You're right. I'm just dumb.
I'm always:
Breaking stuff...
Mike
Yep, it was just a matter of time. C'est la vie.
It's true. :( This is the only reason I hate it.
3131933
Of course, this also means we got to add Japanese text to the review spreadsheet, along with the greek letters from that one Bad Horse story (and that one Darf story, I guess).
Thanks for the review!
And you're right, the ending is lame. I should have just ended it about a hundred words sooner, but I thought the tie-in was necessary. It wasn't. Oh well.
Fun fact: I wrote a rape fic that has a higher upvote/downvote ratio than this story. FImfic is weird sometimes.
Man, I love Dragon Tails! I haven't seen it referenced in forever. +1 Nostalgia point!
Damn, it's hard to find the archives for that now.
And of course...
Who doesn't enjoy those stories?
Thanks for the review, dude!
I'm really happy to see that you got the main point of the story, which does seem to be lost on more than a few commenters. :P
The teleportation theory is nice, but it's been done to death in a million different forms. While it did provide the original idea for the story, I didn't want to base it solely around that. Besides, writing characters is the one thing I'll actually allow myself a bit of pride for.
So I made it a Twilight/Spike fic with also magic theory, instead of a magic theory fic with also Twilight/Spike.
3132298
Honestly I'm confused by the large number of downvotes. Sure, the ending was a bit lame, but did that really deserve 10 downvotes (out of like 40 votes total)?
I have to wonder if people just assumed it was a trollfic and downvoted it en masse as a result.
3132457
Yeah, I loved Dragon Tails. It was a great webcomic. I should really see if I can't find an archive of the whole thing online somewhere. I had debated making one myself, but I figured, "Hey, it will always be online, right? Right?"
Of course, on the upside, the fact that it is now obscure means we can all lift jokes from it, right? :V
3133152
Yeah, I understand why people latched onto the wrong thing there - stuff like that is kind of a black hole of attention, even if it isn't really the focus of the story. The stuff between Twilight and Spike was really strong, though, which makes it kind of sad that they got so distracted by the shiny argument.
3133675
No no. You never "lift" things, you "do your research."
3133781
I love Tom Lehrer so much.
I would follow you again just for having such good taste. Dragon Tails and Lehrer? I'm sold.
Fortunately I'm already following you, so I don't have to.
3133675
You enjoy RariJack unironically, so it's no surprise (to me, at least) that you don't find fault in an obvious character assassination of Rarity.
Cryo (with some help from me) has discovered the obvious solution to fix HoofBiting's story with a minimum of effort and hopefully eliminate those downvotes.
It can be found in this gdoc.
3139043
Did you just substitute every instance of "Rarity" with "Trixie" and tweak a couple other bits?
Anyway, regarding the mane:
It is actually a reference to another HoofBitingActionOverload story, the extremely strange A Final Farewell on a Moonlit Evening. I enjoyed that story - indeed, I recommended it - but it is definitely not a story for everyone. It has the same sort of wacky, ridiculous vibes that this story had.
I think you're taking the story seriously in a way which was never intended, and as Rarity herself notes, things are being greatly exaggerated in her dream, including herself.
That being said, I'm not tremendously surprised that some folks didn't like it. It is a ridiculous story. I quoted a section from it that I felt had the sort of tone that I enjoyed. I had hoped that reading the passage would help people understand what the story was like, and whether or not they would like it. That's why I quote stuff like that; I figure that if I throw in a section of the story, it gives some view on what the story is like.
Did you feel that the passage in question was not representative of the story as a whole? Did you feel that my description of the story was wrong or somehow inadequete?
I'd like for my reviews to steer people towards stories they like, and I'm not quite sure what would have helped you know that this story was not something you would enjoy.
3139059
I'll refer you to Cryo's comment on the story itself which mirrors my thoughts on the matter: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/254264/a-lascivious-rainbow-dash-and-a-shared-bath-in-tomato-broth#comment/6080778
Also: Replacing Rarity with Trixie (who actually fits the personality depicted in the fic) was not my idea, but Cryo's. I merely helped identify some additional adjustments to replace Rarity-specific sections and added suggestions for equivalent Trixie-specific replacements.
Also: The mane thing made no sense at all in the context of the fic itself, so it added nothing except confusion. Trying to point out that it is a reference to another fic that is not labelled in any way as related does not fix the inherent problem in its inclusion.
3139065
I agree that the mane thing didn't belong in the story. Indeed, I noted as much in my review:
I was merely explaining why it was there.
Also, my question was more about what I, personally, could have done differently to improve your experience. What in the body of my review should I have done differently that would have steered you away from it? I described it as an over-the-top dream with an over-the-top Rarity, and noted it as being very strange, as well as quoting a passage from the story. What else could I/should I have done to make it so that you would have gotten a better idea of whether or not you would have liked the story?
I'm just trying to see what it is that would have helped the review help you make a better decision about whether or not to read it.
3139069
Additionally, I read the story before reading your review, but on the subject of whether the quote accurately describes the tone of the story. It does depict the beginning of the descent into madness and character assassination if one reads carefully, but no attention is paid in the review itself to the portions of the quote in particular that expose the character assassination while under the guise of the whole thing being a dream.
I quote from Cryo's comment:
3139065
The connection is labeled right on the front of the story page. It is directly to the right of the story under the section titled 'Sequels.' It is indicated a second time in the author's notes section.
3139079
'Character assassination' implies that the purpose of the story is to tarnish Rarity's reputation. That was not my intention in writing the story. Poor characterization and purposely attempting to sabotage a character's reputation are two very different things.
3139765
If your purpose was not to write Rarity, but some tasteless parody of her, the story should have been labeled as such.
3139851
You have a unique talent for hyperbole.
3139956
He seems awfully angry about it for some reason. Not really sure why.
I am apparently Present Perfect.