New Plans · 6:53pm Jul 23rd, 2012
So I was working on Foreigner, when it occurred to me, "why not submit it to Equestria Daily? After all, the worst they could do is reject it." So I did so, and about a day later, I got a response. Long story short, Foreigner isn't ED material. Their editors pointed out a lot of flaws that, looking back, are real problems. I know most of you seem to like my story, but you have to admit...
*My editing needs some work
*My characterization of Lyra is a touch cliche
*Bon Bon's character is a bit poorly defined
*Terra is a Mary Sue (though I don't think that's an entirely bad thing)
*The Pinkie's Past storyline distracts from the rest of the tale
*I could do a better job describing places and characters
With this in mind, I realized that I have a lot of work to do, not just making a new chapter that doesn't suck, but improving the already existing portions of my story. However, my skills as a writer do not meet the high standard I've set for myself or my story.
This is where you come in.
Send me suggestions, prompts, or requests for short stories you'd like to see exist, and I'll do what I can to make them a reality. They can be any genre and feature any characters you want, though bear in mind that my abilities are limited in some areas. That way you get to see your ideas come to life, and I get to practice my writing. It's a great situation for all parties involved!
So what are you waiting for? Shoot me some ideas!
Noo, don't do it! Don't fall into the trap of EqD or the Twilight'esque OCD of it must be perfect.
IGNORE THE PREVIOUS COMMENTER! EDIT! EDIT! RE-EDIT UNTIL YOUR BITS CHAFE!!
Eh, I thought your editing was fine; other than one or two "he"s instead of "she"s, I didn't notice anything. And the only reason why Terra would be considered a Mary Sue would be because Lyra and Bonbon didn't freak out when they saw her transform, but that actually makes sense if Terra's stayed with them for a while. It does seem like there are a few time-skips, but I'm not sure whether they're there or not, and it might be better to make the amount of time spent together more obvious.
For characters, Lyra is definitely cliche now, and I suppose some editors could have a hard time relating to Lyra's random enthusiasm and fixation on humans. Bonbon doesn't really have a character and instead seams like a stereotypical mother character. Just make them more relatable, and people will relate to them.
Pinkie and Terra are the most relatable characters. Terra is relatable due to her lack of understanding in a new world, and her growing closeness to her new parents, you did a great on her. Pinkie is relatively relatable because of her back-story, but you could still shrink the back-story and not lose too much relatability. Or, better yet, give glimpses of Pinkie's back-story throughout the story before revealing it later. In fact, you should do the same thing with Terra's purpose; that human talking to her just seemed to come out of nowhere.
Just ignore this one, I thought you did perfectly fine. Besides, you have to remember that the reviewers at ED don't actually have any credentials, and are mostly just judgmental college kids with too much free time.
Oh yeah, for new ideas: I always wanted Equestria to be a Dyson Sphere, meaning Equestria would actually have a radius of about 1 AU, depending on how bright their star was. Or the sphere could enclose an entire nebula, which might allow for breathable are on the inside, sometimes. The "Sun" and "Moon" would just be satellites running off of the energy from the earth, and it could explain magic as well. Since there's no gravity within a spherical shell, this would disorient ponies, and it would be awesome to look down and see a massive star in the center of your planet, with cities and mind-bending technology towering towards it.
The best part is that it (at least, so far), doesn't go against cannon!