Critique Reviews: Just a Glance · 3:13pm Jun 24th, 2015
Hello, everypony. I am the Critique.
Today’s story is something I haven’t really done before. A story centered around one of the episodes of the series. Most of what I get are expansions of the universe. Usually very poor expansions, but still. Or stories set in an alternate universe.
This is the first time I’ve ever reviewed a story that coincided with events of an episode or set during an episode.
I’ve always liked the idea of these kinds of stories since it allows us to get to know other characters that aren’t the primary focus. These usually involve background ponies and one could make the argument that the character we are focusing on today is a background pony.
Flash Sentry…
Don’t do that… Ever…
Yeah, I’ll get back to my thoughts on him in a minute.
Let’s first talk about the episode in question that the story is going to be set by. Three’s a Crowd. Yeah, if you recall, it wasn’t exactly my favorite episode. In fact, I would call it forgettable. While Discord was entertaining as always, I feel like it was a missed opportunity to explore Cadance a bit and hear her backstory and a bit of her personality.
The only other thing I mentioned is the appearance of Flash Sentry. For about 5 seconds. … Yeah, what was the point of reminding me of that god-awful movie and the miniscule role he played?
As you can probably guess by my hostile comments, I’m not a huge Flash Sentry fan. No, I’m not opposed to the pairing between him and Twilight Sparkle. I know that’s hard to believe considering how many times I bash romance in fics I’ve reviewed.
But it’s because Flash Sentry was a tool in Equestria Girls. You honestly could have just cut out Flash Sentry and instead, focus on our villain, developing her more to the point where she can actually be an interesting character.
I’ll save my thoughts for Sunset Shimmer for another day. Preferably after I watch Equestria Girls 2.
You’ll forgive me if I’m not exactly ecstatic to watch the sequel to a movie I didn’t really like.
But I think that’s enough giving my opinion. Don’t want the fan base to get upset with me and then me leave a video rant about how much the fandom sucks and how I’m leaving the fandom.
… Yeah, I’ll give my thoughts on Tommy Oliver another day. Damn, I’m behind on the times.
So, as you can tell, the story is already not on good footing for me. It’s starring a character I don’t find that interesting and it’s setting itself during an episode that I already didn’t enjoy. But that’s no reason that I couldn’t enjoy this story. After all, there is a chance that this story will make me interested in the character and could bring up some good points about the episode that I didn’t think of.
So, let’s dig into Just a Glance by Jay the Brony and see if the fans can improve an episode.
… Or at least, this fan for this episode.
For as long as he could remember, he'd always loved travelling on trains. True, as a pegasus, Flash was not required to journey in such a way. For him, making a trip such as this would have been easy by air, perhaps even faster.
Well, I guess that makes sense. After all, it’s only a half an hour walk to Canterlot. I’m sure it take less than that to arrive at the Crystal Empire. Okay, geography nuts… Figure that one out.
So, Flash Sentry is thinking about the last time he encountered Twilight Sparkle. Even though, HE only knew her for about half a second, and his HUMAN counterpart knew her for barely much longer. Why would this guy think about a girl he’s never even shared three lines of dialogue with?!
It make more sense to have Twilight think about him, since she actually interacted with the counterpart of Flash Sentry and thus would have a stronger connection. I guess he’s like all OC characters. They have an obsession with alicorns.
Flash Sentry thinks about why Cadance asked him to come along as her escort.
A smile crept onto his face as he considered that, just maybe, the Princess of love had arranged him to be here for another reason.
Yeah, it was so he could walk out, not do anything, not say anything, and ultimately, not amount to anything.
Whoops… I just spoiled the punchline.
Apparently, the story says that they’ve been seeing each other for SEVERAL MONTHS!
Um… I’m sorry … when did this happen? Is this a sequel to something? I’m looking at the description and I don’t see anything. Am I supposed to just be on board with this couple? Is that it? I am just supposed to know that they are a couple now and not question it?
I’m sorry, I can’t ignore this. How is their relationship built?! They had pretty much no chemistry in the movie and yet somehow they have it here, I guess?! I know I should probably just suspend my disbelief and just accept that they are a couple, but they had little to no build up to their relationship. Would you mind giving me something to make me believe they are a couple?
Cadance approaches him and asks him how he’s doing. He reassures her that he’s fine, but Cadance isn’t buying it.
Flash finally admits that he’s a bit disappointed about not being able to see Twilight, but he says that this day is about Cadance and Twilight.
Well, that was a waste. Cadance and Twilight barely spend any time together. Though, I guess I can’t blame Flash or the story for that.
Cadence looked a little taken aback by that. She knew as well as anypony how much Flash loved Twilight, and here he was, rejecting an opportunity to be with her just so she could be with her sister-in-law. After a few moments, the Princess broke out into a smile.
"It's times like this when I see why she loves you so much."
Well, I’m glad someone does. Cause I sure as fuck don’t.
So, they get to the stop and the Three’s A Crowd episode begins. I’ll give this points against Cutie Mark Crusader Life Ruiners. This story actually tried to go with a different aspect than that other story did. Where as CMCLR tried to tell the Iron Will scene without changing a fucking thing!
As Cadance glances back, Flash knows that it’s time for him to leave and wait on the train for his next pointless attempt for the writers to say “No, Flash Sentry isn’t a tool and he’s totally a cool character and everyone should love him! Please, love him, so I don’t get fired from Hasbro!”
And in that sense, I kind of pity Flash. He was created by the Hasbro demand to make My Little Pony as much as High School Musical as possible for a love interest that is as engaging as a bowl of cold oatmeal.
But that doesn’t stop him from being utter shite in this and most other fan fics.
The train leaves with a giant blue Demi-god flying by threatening to take the focus away from the episode and yet being the only part that was relatively decent.
And that was Just a Glance, it’s about as good as the episode.
I’ll give the story credit for trying to focus on a character that really isn’t that interesting. And while the brief moments with him aren’t particularly bad, they’re just not good enough to be memorable.
Ultimately, that’s kind of what this feels like. It feels like a story that was kind of rushed to throw together. While there is nothing that offends, there isn’t anything that stands out either. The relationship is pretty much just left to whatever the audience decides, but since I didn’t think they had a strong relationship anyway, I didn’t feel like this was a good representation to get me to sympathize with Flash.
If more attention had been brought to Flash and Twilight having a fucking conversation or something, maybe that would have won me over. And this could be bias, as viewers probably need to be in the FlashXTwilight mood.
And I’m not even sure that would do it since they don’t even have a line of dialogue with each other. I get more chemistry with Cadance and him than I do him and Twilight.
So, unless you’re a guy who likes the idea of Cadance cheating on Shining. but she doesn’t actually do anything about it and the whole story is just her thinking about doing it, but nothing ever comes of it, this probably isn’t the fic for you.
***
Critique placed the book back on the shelf he drew it from. Glancing up to the ceiling, he noted that Computer’s screen was blank. No doubt she was at that conference in Canterlot. A conference that he noticed that Celestia had not invited him to.
As he made his way to the kitchen, he recalled the conversation he and Computer had just before she left. She stated that Celestia didn’t invite him because she didn’t like him.
I’ve got something she won’t like! Critique thought to himself as he opened the fridge. His hoof wrapped around a cold bottle of beer. After pulling the bottle cap off, Critique made his way back to the living room, taking a sip of the cool liquid.
Suddenly, the front door burst into the room. Splinters scattered in all directions. The thunderous sound caused Critique to drop to the floor, his hooves over his head like a shield.
As the noise dissipated, he looked up to see a pony with a gray mane standing at the doorway, his eyes glaring at him.
The stallion took several steps into the room, heading straight for him.
“Who the fuck are you?!” Critique shouted.
The stallion said nothing.
Critique got back up to his hooves. “Okay then. Let’s see how you like this, asshole!” With all his might, he threw his front hoof at the stallion. Before Critique could react, the blow was deflected away by the stallion’s hoof. Like a lightning bolt, the stallion gave a swift jab to Critique’s ribs.
And then another.
Finally, he swatted Critique in the face, sending the green earth pony to the ground.
Critique rubbed his cheek, as if it would make the pain go away. However, it only seemed to make it worse. The stinging burned through his cheek and chest. He looked up to see the stallion’s hoof come for his face once more. The force sent Critique’s head soaring to the ground with such ferocity, it smashed his glasses into his face, cutting the bridge of his muzzle.
Ripping off his glasses, Critique stood up quickly to avoid another blow from this stranger. As he turned to face his opponent, his eyesight was greeted to a blurry gray blob in the midst of a misshapen form that used to be his library.
At first, he couldn’t tell if it was his lack of glasses or the blow to the head he took. However, he quickly began to realize as his body wobbled back and forth, lightheadedness setting in, it was both.
The gray blob began to move again. Critique surmised that it was another blow coming for him. A gray mass came for his face. However, Critique’s reflexes were able to block the oncoming blow. A counterattack came in the form of his green hoof, flailing wildly at his opponent, hoping for his face.
His hoof made contact with something. He wasn’t sure what. But as long as it hit something besides himself, he didn’t care.
His other hoof swung like a wrecking ball against a building, connecting with the other stallion. He kept swinging, his body feeling as if it was on autopilot. Suddenly, that autopilot was switched off as his body felt another swift, yet stunning blow to his ribs. Then his face.
As Critique’s face jerked back from the blow, a force wrapped around his head and pulled it down towards a solid piece of mass. Presumably his opponent’s knee.
Critique’s face felt numb as he slink to the floor, unable to hold himself up. The stallion’s hooves turned him to face him, belly up. A swift jab came to Critique’s face. Followed by another. And another. Critique flailed his hooves, hoping to hit his target. But his attempts seemed to do nothing
Blow after blow struck Critique.
Eventually, his body lost interest in retaliating. Instead, his body gave up. Allowing the blows to hit him, mercilessly. Suddenly, he could feel them no more.
***
The car sped down the road, carrying its three passengers. The large Bronze Bolt at the wheel, his wife, Sunshine, next to him, and little Melody in the backseat.
Bronze took a look at the rear view mirror, taking a glance at his daughter, playing with her toys. Probably off in some fantasy world. Bronze put his eyes back on the road as they approached the front door of the library of Ponyville.
At first glance, to anypony, it would seem like any normal library. But once they got inside, they were usually greeted with Copper says passes for ‘customer service’. A standard that has made Bronze roll his eyes more often than once.
It had been a couple weeks since they last saw Copper. He was still the same as always. A loudmouth with almost no spine to back it up. But he was always good to Melody. And Melody liked him.
That he couldn’t deny.
As the car approached the front door, he noticed the door hanging off its hinges. His brotherly instinct told him Copper was on a rampage again.
“Maybe we should come back when your brother isn’t in one of his moods,” Sunshine jested.
However, his training told him it was something else. The door was hanging inside the house. Not the outside.
Somepony had forced their way in.
He set the car in park and unbuckled his seatbelt. “Honey, call the police. Then take the wheel and go home. Wait for me there.”
The smile from Sunshine’s face vanished as she looked upon him. “Bronze, what’s wrong?”
Bronze took her hoof and kissed it gently. “I’ll be fine, I promise.” He looked back to Melody, who stopped playing her game to look at her father. An expression of fear staining her face. He gently stroked her mane and smiled. “I’ll be back soon.”
With those words, Bronze got out of the car and dashed for the interior of the library.
***
Blow after blow struck Copper.
Eventually, his body lost the will to retaliate. Instead, his body gave up. Allowing the blows to hit him, mercilessly.
Suddenly, he could feel them no more.
A large stallion rushed into the library. His massive body slamming into the stallion on top of him with the cry of a banshee. Copper opened his eyes to see the massive stallion blue stallion with only a slightly darker blue mane was Bronze Bolt.
Bronze tossed the stallion across the room, causing him to slide across the wooden floor. Bronze stood up and turned to Copper. “You okay?”
Copper spit out a small pool of blood and what felt like a tooth. “Peachy.”
Bronze turned back to the stallion, who finally stood up, glaring at him.
The stallion rushed to Bronze, swinging his hoof. The blow connected with Bronze, causing him to stagger. However, he kept upright as deflected another oncoming blow. A swift swing of his right hoof slammed into the stallion’s rib cage.
Another hoof slammed into his rib cage. Hoping that would disorient his opponent long enough to get another strike in, Bronze raised his hooves and prepared a blow to his head, coming from both sides.
The stallion raised his hooves, as Bronze swung, blocking both of them. With reflexes that defied Copper’s mind, the stallion shoved Bronze as hard as he could. Bronze tumbled and backed into a wooden table.
Before Bronze could move, the stallion made his way on top of him, swinging his hof at Bronze’s face. Several times later, Bronze finally reacted, catching onto the stallion’s rhythm and caught the stallion’s hoof.
His second hoof grabbed the stallion underneath his foreleg. With his muscles tensing, he lifted the stallion over his head and onto the wooden table. With a thunderous crack, the table’s legs gave out, causing it collapse.
The stallion quickly got up, much to Copper’s surprise and annoyance. How he was able to keep moving, he didn’t know. Whoever this stallion was, he was well trained and capable.
What surprised Copper even more, was his brother. Bronze was handling himself well. But how? He wondered.
Copper wished he could help, but his body ached so much, it was a chore to even keep his eyes open. He could only lay on the ground and watch Bronze.
Bronze swung his hoof at the stallion, but the stallion was quick to block Bronze’s move. And with Bronze’s size, it made him sluggish. And with that, the stallion was able to counter attack. The stallion gave two quick jabs to Bronze’s face, one after the other. The second causing Bronze to turn his body around.
With Bronze’s back against his opponent, the stallion wrapped his forearms around Bronze’s neck in a choke hold.
The two stallions struggled back and forth. Bronze leaning forward, hoping to get some leverage against the stallion. However, nothing he tried seemed to break the stallion’s grip.
Suddenly, Bronze placed his hoof on the stallion’s elbow and using his hind legs he stepped back behind his opponent’s leg, allowing his head to slip through the choke hold and gaining his control of his opponent’s foreleg.
Before his opponent could react, Bronze delivered a swift kick to the stallion’s hind leg, followed by a swift jab to his jaw.
There was a moment of silence in the air as the stallion fell to the ground. The only sounds in the room was the heavy breathing of both stallions. Bronze moved on top of his opponent, placing his hoof on top of his spine and pressing down. “By the authority vested in me by the Canterlot Royal Guard, you are under arrest.”
Copper blinked several times, not certain he had heard right. He was more certain that his hearing was giving out. “Wait, Canterlot Royal Guard?”
Bronze reached behind him to his vest and pulled out a pair of hoofcuffs. Slapping them to the stallion’s left foreleg, he pulled it towards his right foreleg and locked them in place. “Yeah.”
Copper’s mouth hung open as he made his way to his feet. The two blurry figures seemed to blend into one another without his glasses. “When the fuck did that happen?”
Bronze turned towards him. “Last Hearth’s Warming. I told you. I told everypony!” A hint of irritation flooded from his voice.
Copper put his hoof on his chin, trying to think of that conversation. No matter how he searched, his mind refused to give that information. “I don’t remember that.”
“Well, maybe if you paid more attention to your family, maybe you would have remembered.”
Copper scoffed and shook his head. “I pay plenty of attention to family discussions.”
“Oh really?” Bronze started. “What’s my daughter’s name?”
Silence reigned supreme in the room for several moments. Only the birds chirping outside could be heard in the room as the wheels in Copper’s head began to turn. “Angela!”
“No.”
The wheels began to turn even more, cogs that hadn’t moved in a while finally began to see some life in them. “Brittney.”
“No.”
The wheels accelerated, putting strain on cogs that hadn’t been used. As if to say, Let me have a minute to warm up. “Christina?”
“No.”
Heat began to rise in the machine, as the cogs began to work themselves even harder. The cogs themselves became hot as they violently rubbed against one another. “David?”
“That’s a boy’s name!” Bronze replied with an annoyed growl.
“Well, don’t put me on the spot then!” Copper snapped as the cogs in his brain spun at a hundred miles per hours. They began to vibrate, as if the nuts that kept them in place were loosening with every second.
“Try Melody.”
Suddenly, the cogs completely shut down. “Melody! That’s right, Melody! How could I forget Melody?”
Bronze rolled his eyes as a group of flashing red and blue lights arrived outside of Copper’s window.
OBJECTION! Most of them are pretty good.
I am. Fuck Flash, and fuck Flashlight.
He gave me enough to mock that I made a full episode dedicated to it!
... Yeah, even I'm guilty of that.
Anyways, great review, and I loved the storyline bit!
Guess you can say this fic was...
... A flash in the pan
Ooooo! I smell foreshadowing!
That's right, man! Show her your more than a whiny alcoholic by whining and drinking beer!
In fairness, dudes got a concussion.
Anyway, I like the idea of Copper being the kinda guy who cares about kids, his brother seems nice, and as always I'm left wanting more.
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Isn’t that what we're trying to avoid?
3179115 I thought we were avoiding the fic. But it seems the joke is avoiding you, because it seems to have gone over your head.
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