Overcoming Internet Introversion · 5:37am Jul 6th, 2015
There's something about posting on the internet that has the complete ability to scare me to death. And I think I've narrowed down that fear to the fact that I am far more introverted online than I am offline.
Offline, I can talk to people. I know how to discuss plans and products with coworkers or my boss. I can meet new people and not feel too worried. I can present ideas and explain things to people in a way they understand. I'm the kind of person that always sits at the very front of the classroom and asks questions. There was even that awesome summer that I spent as a camp counselor for a bunch of teenagers. Don't get me wrong, I still consider myself an introvert. But I am far more functional and competent at things in real life.
Online, however, I could make a brown recluse spider jealous. I'll post my once-every-three-months status update to Facebook and then delete it within minutes and hope no one noticed. On Reddit, I'll start constructing a long comment explaining something and decide it's not worth the hassle and press Ctrl-A and Delete. If I do gain the courage to post, I'll nitpick at it for minutes on end combing over grammar, language usage, and asking myself if it's actually going to contribute anything to the conversation. I treat a simple YouTube comment as if it's so permanent that I might as well make sure I would be okay with tattooing it onto myself before posting.
And it's so much worse for writing fanfiction. Remember that time in the Odyssey when Odysseus sees his home island of Ithaca in site? At that point he is 99% done with his journey, but it's at that crucial moment when the crew opens the bag of terrible winds and veers the whole ship off course and Odysseus doesn't get home for another ten years.
That's about how I write stories. I finish most of it and then set it on a shelf and hope I will somehow be better at writing it later. As if letting it ferment in my Google docs will somehow make it all the better when I do post it, if at all.
Offline I can talk to someone to get to know them, hang out, ask questions, play games. I feel like I know enough about how to navigate being social. But somehow I can't seem to translate those same skills in a completely text based environment. I feel like I'm shouting into a megaphone and there's thousands of people in the vicinity to hear it and a few of them may or may not shout back with their own megaphones.
The question I'm trying to ask here is: How does someone get better at being more social online?
This could be anything from small things like participating in forum threads to publishing larger content projects. What methods have you all used to get better at posting content of any kind? Is it natural for you to post things online, or did it take time to learn?
Also, on a possibly unrelated note, should I blog more personal things like this? I kind of want a place to talk about books, podcasts, and other ideas I feel like exploring but I wonder if FiMfiction is a bad place to publish content like that. Should I make sure the content that goes up here is in some way related to ponies? Or just post things and not worry about it so much.
That is actually quite an interesting predicament; I'd say most of the people here have the opposite of your problem.
This is exactly what I go through when I write online too. I fuss over grammar and word choice a lot. It takes me quite a while to respond to other people/comments. Even as I write type this, I wonder if I should even press the "post comment" button, but I guess I pressed it. I think to get over that, you just have to go for it and press the button--even if you don't think it contributes to anything. Or at least, modify your written thoughts so that there is at least one useful sentence and the rest could be classified as a sort of nonessential opinion. Or, better yet, just write that one useful sentence only. If you don't need the rest, toss it out. One sentence is good enough if you think it contributes.
As for your question: It's definitely easier to form an online presence if you have friends to share it with. Dialogue would happen easier in forum threads and comments would come to your blogs, but I think mainly you just need to familiarize yourself with being not just an online presence, but one of those continually familiar online figures. You sound like you're on the right track though: continually post blogs (Even if the blog is just a sentence) and contribute to threads in forums. I'd say even link yourself to other social media. And continually post on those other social media sites as well.
Basically, start small, become familiar with it, and then you'll get better as your progress.
Finally, I like reading personal things such as this. FIMfiction is a fine place to publish blog content about books and other matters. It doesn't have to be related to ponies.
Man, I dunno, I have the exact opposite problem. D:
So I'm not the only one who loses courage by getting behind the monitor. I was president of my class, and most of my friends would probably tell you that I am the most extroverted person they know, but that goes to the wayside when I place my face before the monitor. My case doesn't sound nearly as debilitating as yours; however, I was a lot worse when I was younger and found myself in different circles.
What I find most helpful is having a good social support system. If I make some egregious blunder or get a hard time from somebody on some site, I'd like to have about 1 to 4 people with whom I could immediately talk it out. I feel more in control of the situation if I can discuss it with others, and any reassurance helps if and when bad things happen.
Over time, I have found that many people are just blatantly ignorant on the Internet; e.g. users unexpectedly and unexplainedly drop conversations and/or start or ride totally unrelated tangents in otherwise intelligent and logical discussions. If I do my best in striving to not do things of that nature, I almost guarantee my not being resented for doing those things.
I also take assurance from the deliberateness of my actions on the web. I find that there is a strong association between the regretableness of an action taken online and the thoughtlessness or impulsivity with which it was taken. If one takes a moment to think before posting anything, it goes a lot farther than nothing and a lot farther a lot of users are willing to go in most cases in terms of self-filtering.
Experience is one the best teachers I know, though; I've had my share of failures online. Most of them were in very contained environments whereas some were more public. In any case I've had, the blunders stung and stay with me in my head because I don't forgive myself easily, but generally if one's not making mistakes of recklessness nobody's going to hound you over them, except maybe your superego as mine does.
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I like the "at least one sentence" idea. I usually have at least one good sentence to add to the conversation by the end of thinking about it. That's a good piece of advice.
I've never thought of that before but you're right. I feel like I have a few acquaintances online but not any actual friendships.
These are all good points. I think what it boils down to is that I should post more often and not worry so much about every little detail.
Thanks for pressing the "Post Comment" button, I appreciate your thoughts.
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I love this comment, Present Perfect.
You have a ton of experience in posting, contributing and having a strong online presence. So it's nice to hear your perspective.
I suppose each person has their own unique challenges to overcome. It's funny how some problems are the exact opposite for some people and yet they're still problems.
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I'm usually too cautious that I haven't really hit any egregious blunders yet. But I have some IRL friends to talk to if something grates on me.
If I run out things to say I'm the type of person that may drop a topic of conversation and not continue. But I think just "acknowledging" when someone says something might be my best solution for overcoming that.
I rarely find myself more reckless than I should be. Even in my conversations in real life I pause a lot to think about what I'm trying to say rather than just say it. Online even more so, as it takes me a while to configure what I'm thinking by typing it out. But I suppose making a better commitment to being more social online means that I'm likely to start running into these blunders. But that's an OK price to pay to get better at making more content and contributing to good discussions.
Thanks for your thoughts, Dan.
Oooh, you are so talking my language here. While I never delete things after they're posted, I do tend to agonize over my writing beforehand, whether it's a blog post or a story. The number of never-finished fics I have must be approaching a hundred by now.
For blog posts, my problem is usually that I can't figure out how to articulate what I want to say. I know I've got a point in there somewhere but I just can't figure out how to get to it. Every episode this season, I've tried to give my thoughts on it, but I've only actually hit the Post button for a few of them, because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to say or if it was an interesting point to make.
As you note, this is an introvert's way of approaching it, and I know deep down that it's generally better to post than not to post. It's the rule of "you can't win if you don't play". If you don't post, you might miss out on opportunities you haven't even thought of. Additionally, I tend to wildly misjudge other people's opinions and assume that they're going to be much more negative than they actually are, and it emboldens me a little knowing that I can't necessarily rely on those judgements. :)
Personally, I think you should blog anything you like, pony-related or not. The more pertinent question for me was: do I have an audience? :) I've blogged a couple of times in the past bemoaning the fact that nobody seems to notice or care about my blogs, and after a while I've concluded that this is just how the numbers stack up. Fimfiction's social structure is somewhat fragmented, with everyone scattered across countless social circles and groups; communing seems like it's an uphill struggle sometimes.
Personally, I'd love to see more blogs from you regardless of what they're about, because I find your writings interesting. I was really impressed with your "One billion words" video (I even blogged about it). ^^
Incrementally. Always try to create opportunities for yourself. Even if it's uncomfortable, don't sit back in the shadows. Online society is too volatile to make assumptions about, so just jump in and see where the flow takes you.
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stealing "Egregious Blunder" for an OC name
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Absolutely. And in fact, to relate this to ponies, this is one of my favorite things about MLP; it constantly teaches us the lesson that you don't have to be perfect, that you can make mistakes, that you can't get things right on the first try, and that it's not a bad thing. That's a moral lesson that I think is really valuable for a child.
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You're absolutely welcome, and, sure, it's not like one is going to have to face mean people or any sort of rebuking on the internet every other day, even if one posts voraciously. It's a different experience for everybody, and I honestly think a lot of people are more afraid of being ignored than for being noticed for the wrong things. I can't explain that very well, but it's just a suspicion I've had based off some behaviors I've observed over time.
A point I neglected to mention was the fear I experience over being misunderstood. As I'm sure you're aware, there's only so much clarity with which mute text can convey in terms of conversation and discussion. I've spent hours sometimes on constructing diplomatic comments for some people's work and have still been misconstrued. I hate to say that things like that just happen; it makes me a little mad that things happen to work that way, but they do.
Anyway, I'm glad to provide any insight.
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Let me know if you actually use it; I'd like to see your OC.
It's not stealing if I give you my permission.
3212129 - I'm probably not actually going to use it. I just love the "great name for an OC" joke. XD
3212152 I had my doubts, but I was very entertained by your pointing that phrase out. Good on you.
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But literally, everything I do online is all the stuff I hold inside because I'm too afraid to say it because I'll look foolish/stupid/people will laugh, and/or I think too slowly to get it out. Plus, easier to go back and edit your words before others partake of them. :B
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Over a hundred unfinished fics? Wow.
And I thought I had it bad with my dozen or so.
I'm also pretty bad at estimating people's opinions. I usually get a far better response than what I think it will be. It kind of boils down to my user quote: "I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."
Wow, you wrote a whole blog post about that? Thanks!
Though if I blog more often it won't be about the big stuff that took months to make. (Seriously, that video took forever. Programming that JSON parser was easy compared to spending hours on end watching After Effects tutorials).
Thanks for giving me permission to blog whatever I feel like. That feels pretty freeing.
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I have a rather strong aversion to failure. Most of the books I'm listening to advocate "failure" of some kind. Welp, I'm not sure how I'll run into it, but I'm sure I'll mess up somehow. At least it's better than sitting on the sidelines being quiet.
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I can agree with you that text is pretty hard to get across what is meant every time, and that it's easily misunderstood.
It's a little why I like producing fanfic readings for my own stories (I really need to do that more often). I get to put the right emphasis in the sentences where I would like to put them.
I think it's why the MLP Analysis community has gotten so big. While a blog post is fun, it's still just text. But adding a voice to the text and maybe a few visuals can really liven up what's being said as well as bring a bigger audience.
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I've been keeping all my feelings I don't say out loud confined to angsty journals where I can be myself. It's why the transition from journal to actual words other people will read has been a little bit of a struggle for me.
And yeah, it's hard to say everything you want to say outside of a certain group of people. You've blogged enough that you know your audience enough to trust them.
If you don't have that same situation of trust in real life where there's people you can talk to freely I can see how tough that would be. :(
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It's not a lack of trust so much as a preponderance of anxiety.
Yeah, chalk me up to that exact problem. I even wrote a blog post about this a while back. I am a very proactive person offline, I can take point on situations, I have traveled alone plenty of times and have no difficulty talking with strangers, have done public speaking on plenty of occasions, so on and so forth. However, all kinds of online interactions are almost beyond me. Some particularly bad examples include:
1-) I have a really hard time calling anyone on the telephone. This includes family, friends, or commercial services (like talking with the bank line, or ordering a pizza). It is a little better when it comes to messaging, but I will still have a hard time initiating a conversation.
2-) I feel very self conscious about wishing people happy birthday other than in person. Whenever I do, it is never in something public, like a Facebook wall.
3-) Whenever I post something online, on this site or elsewhere, I have to go some days before I am able to look at the replies. Right now there are a bunch of notifications regarding my latest blog post, and I simply can't click through to see what they are about.
I guess I have become a bit better about this, but only by forcing myself to do things I am uncomfortable about. To that end, I will try to make myself not do things that I want until I do things that make unconfortable (no watching a movie/episode/show until I place that call, no reading fanfics/blog posts until I check the notifications), and that often works... even if it also makes me go a while not doing the stuff that I want.
Oh, and please post about non-fanfic related stuff. I like your blogs.
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1. Phones are the worst, I agree with you there. This is probably unrelated but I blame it on the low sound quality of phones. So much of the high and low frequencies of human speech are lost when talking over the phone. They're ripping out a lot of the physical voice in order to transmit the data faster. There are some people I understand fine in person, like my Dad, but the second I'm trying to hear him over the phone it's an exercise in trying to hear him. And it's embarrassing to ask him to repeat what he just said again.
2. I used to be like that about Birthdays on Facebook. Then there was this one time some random old friend of mine on Facebook thanked everyone that wished him a Happy Birthday and cursed anyone that hadn't. It kind of guilt tripped me into putting the two word "Happy Birthday" on everybody's wall when it's their birthday. There's not really that much meaning behind the words though, just another number that gets added to "X number of people posted on their wall today."
But I still never ever post anything on anybody else's wall. That feels like too much power anyway.
3. I actually have kind of the opposite experience with comments. I can't wait to see if I got a response. But once I get one I'm filled with a variable amount of dread over how I should respond next. I'll delay until I feel like I have something to say or eventually forget I even have to respond. It's pretty bad. I'm trying to get better at it. :/
I'm using a similar approach to do the exact opposite.
I have a really bad habit of over checking absolutely everything. I wake up in the morning and immediately check my email, FiMfiction, Reddit, Facebook, Tumblr, 2nd email, Twitter. And then I'll cycle through checking FimFiction or somewhere else and soon enough my whole morning has been spent surfing the internet until I have to get to work. I'm not even reading any stories on FiMfiction, it's just mindless checking to see if any notifications pop up. It's a really bad habit to get into.
My current solution I'm trying out this week is to not let my phone out of Airplane mode, or allow Wi-Fi on my laptop until 10:30AM. By which time I'll hopefully have worked out, eaten breakfast, written part of blog post or story, and worked on a little homework. I'm trying to get better at self control and do the hardest things —Exercise and Writing— first thing in the morning.