Critique Review: Ponyville's New Neighbour · 3:27pm Jul 29th, 2015
Hello, everypony. I am the Critique.
Ah, Ponyville. What is it about this lovely town that makes writers want to live there as opposed to where they live now? Why do authors love creating ponified versions of themselves to live in a place that has more bad things happen to it than Townsville from the Powerpuff Girls? Most likely they imagine Ponyville as a sort of utopia where they can go to make friends with their favorite ponies or more likely, fuck their favorite ponies.
I wouldn’t know. I hate living in this backwater dirt heap of a town. And not because I’m jealous of everypony with more than two pennies to rub together. Though that isn’t exactly helping.
As I’ve said before, self inserts in Fan Fictions are not automatically bad. I just don’t like them when they over glorify themselves for the little to nothing the characters actually do and the main six love them for nothing and want to have sex with him for the equal amount of time it took to develop the story.
Today I’ll be looking at a story called Ponyville’s New Neighbour by Tecuro. As with most stories like this in the past, it promises to be a unoriginal mess of the main six falling in love with a character we’ve known for a grand total of five minutes.
The sound of bird song floated through Twilight Sparkle’s open window and gently roused her from her sleep.
And already off to a rocky start… Sound of Bird Song? What is Bird Song? Are we sure it’s not ‘A bird’s song’? Or ‘The sounds of Bird Song’ as if this was the title of a song I’m supposed to know?
The story starts off with Twilight waking up from a good night sleep. She goes downstairs to where Spike is making breakfast. Just like the good, little slave dragon he is.
You’re adorable when you’re angry.
“Good morning, Twilight!” he said upon seeing her, in his usual upbeat tone “how did you sleep?”
“Beautifully, thank you,” Twilight replied her feeling of contentment rising at his bright attitude “and yourself?”
“I can’t complain. I wish the birds would keep it down a bit though.”
Owlowiscious was practicing Beethoofen again last night.
As the two begin to enjoy their breakfast, Pinkie Pie bursts into the room glopping Twilight. As she is wont to do. She takes her outside, after creating a mess in the library and leaves Spike to clean up after it. Well, that was kind of a bitch thing to do.
Chuckling slightly in spite of herself, Twilight made her way towards the small mountain of books that covered her friend when Pinkie exploded from the pile, grabbed Twilight by the hoof and took off towards the town leaving a confused and amused Spike to clear up the mess.
It’s amusing because they don’t care.
So, Pinkie Pie takes Twilight out into the town. There, they start to spy on a new pony who had just come into Ponyville. Yeah, that’s not stalker-ish at all, Pinkie. Twilight asks why they don’t just go up and meet him, but Pinkie Pie says that she wants to spy on him to find out what he likes. You know, like normal people. Okay, this is Pinkie Pie and all that, but I’m saying that she doesn’t seem like the type that would hide from new ponies!
I think the evidence is the first episode and a ‘Friend in Need’ (that may not be the correct title of the episode). In said episodes, Pinkie Pie threw a party for Twilight, without knowing anything about her. Granted, she did, somehow, know that Twilight would be at the library, but still she at least interacted with her. Or with Cranky where she talked with him and tried to get to know him.
So, Pinkie Pie’s reaction here doesn’t make any kind of sense! Why would she be stalking the guy?! Unless, she is in love with him?! Wouldn’t be the most far-fetched thing this story offers!
Anyway, Twilight, the only pony with logic, says that they should simply introduce themselves to this stranger. An idea that apparently slipped Pinkie’s mind. They head over to him and meet him.
“Oh, hey!” he replied with a thick foreign accent, that Twilight could have sworn she heard before but couldn’t place “I didn’t think anypony else would be awake at this time.”
Exactly how early is a question of debate, since the story does not tell us what time it is. I suppose it’s just left to us to interpret, but the last chapter stated it was apparently late enough to start breakfast. Unless it's a Sunday, the day of relaxation.
It turns out that our mystery guest is Steed from Trottingham. Get used to not knowing that much about him. You won’t feel like you’ve missed out on anything when it’s all over. Twilight asks him how he came to Ponyville and Steed says that he came from Appaloosa making friends with Braeburn along the way. Sure, why not? With the amount of friends he has by the end of the story, I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy was having tea parties with fucking Sombra.
Oh, and apparently, Braeburn tells him all about Twilight and her friends with such description that Steed is able to figure out who Twilight and Pinkie Pie are simply by appearances.
Braeburn: So, Twilight is the really smart one with the purple blot. She says she works out, but don’t believe it. She clearly has no upper hoof strength and watch out for the rolls of fat. Now, Pinkie on the other hoof… oh… That mare can blow my party whistle any time. And she’s really good at it.
And to make matters more cliche, before his stop to Ponyville, he wound up in the Everfree Forest. Hey, we had to get him to become friends with Zecora somehow, despite her not actually appearing in the story. Also, he was attacked by Manticore. The sure fire way to get your audience to relate to a character. Throw a fucking Manticore at them!
Of course, the investment of our main characters isn’t helped by the fact that, somehow, a herd of buffalo found it’s way into the Everfree Forest. Sorry, I’ve lost interest in Steed. I want to know about why the hell the fucking buffalo are in the Everfree Forest! Is this a rite of passage for them?! Did they get lost or something?!
Then…
He said, offering a hoof to Twilight, but before she could take it a blood-curdling scream pierced the air. Looking around Twilight, Pinkie and a very confused and terrified Steed all saw Rarity with a look of horror on her face, as if she had just seen somepony brutally murdered, looking directly at Steed; obviously enough time had passed for the rest of Ponyville to wake up.
Looks like our girl, Rarity, has just found out about our friend, Mary… I mean, Steed. Rarity is offended by mud on his body. I, personally, find other things offensive about him. Like the fact that so far all I know about his hobbies and shit, is that he loves traveling and hates being eaten. A well rounded character that one. So, Rarity takes him into a spa and attempts to give him a makeover. Oh, I do hope we get to see a crossdressing stallion in this.
Seriously, why don’t more stories have crossdressing stallions?!
I guess we had to get the spa ponies in this story somehow and the plot wasn’t going to get us anywhere. Thankfully, we can always count on Contrivance Town to solve the problem for us.
Rarity continues to be over the top with her begging the spa ponies to save him. Twilight and Pinkie try to calm her down, but Rarity isn’t having any of it. And I will give this story some credit. Rarity is the only one who is breathing life into this story. In fact, she’s more over the top than Pinkie Pie is thus far. But is Rarity strong enough to save this story? … Of course she is. But does the story know that?
Anyway, the spa ponies have their way with him, (Not like that, you pervs.) and he reappears before the girls.
The gold of his eyes matched his hooves and parts of his mane and tail (both of which were still as untidy as they were before, but now mud free), the parts they didn’t match were a bold red that matched his coat colour, a previously hidden physical feature he had was half a missing ear and his cutie mark intrigued Twilight; a horseshoe with a large crack running down it.
You know, now that I think about it, he did look better with the mud on him.
As Rarity and Twilight pay the spa ponies for their services, Pinkie Pie tells the others that Steed had run off and she can’t find him anywhere. I’m not entirely surprised. An extremely attractive mare comes up to you, takes interest in you, wants to know how you are doing, and pays for an entire day at the spa for you after almost getting killed in a vicious forest. I know I’d be doing the same thing.
Twilight proposes that they find him, but Pinkie Pie is against it. Which is really weird on Pinkie’s part seeing how she was perfectly fine stalking him a couple minutes ago. I guess consistency got pushed down the priority meter.
“Did you see what he was like in there? He’s not in his right mind! And now he’s loose in Ponyville!” Twilight argued.
See? Even Twilight thinks this guy is insane!
Why can’t I get stallions to like me?!
However, before the group can get even five meters away from the spa, Steed falls on top of them from a tree. And the reason he freaked out on them at the spa is because he doesn’t like being clean.
So… where do I begin?
He doesn’t like being clean? So, why doesn’t he have more diseases? Bathing is kind of that second line of defense against bacteria that can harm you! Bacteria that has adapted to your natural immune system! Not cleaning your hands or body makes it easier for bad bacteria to get into your mouth, eyes and nose! Causing all kinds of problems like diarrhea and influenza!
Also, why does he not have more ache?! Bathing helps rid your body of various oils, dead skin cells, dirt and sweat! If you didn’t bathe, you’d develop these problems and in most cases they’d become worse! It would even cause skin infection! Dermatitis neglecta?! Those brown spots that would cake onto your skin?! Yeah, where are those?!
And what about the smell?! Shouldn’t Twilight and Pinkie Pie have had some reaction to him smelling like a goat’s ass?! Don’t you want friends, dude?! And this review just turned into a PSA for hygiene. It’s not my fault! It’s the character’s fault! He made me do it!
So, the odorless, diseaseless, flawlessly skinned Mary… I mean, Steed, suggests that they go to Sweet Apple Acres since Braeburn sent a letter to Applejack speaking of Steed’s arrival. Spending a sentence to get to meet all the ‘cool’ characters of Ponyville, including Vinyl, Octavia, Trixie, and various other fan favorites. I would name them all, but frankly the interactions they have with Steed are nonexistent. Much like his personality.
They find Applejack and Big MacIntosh hard at work. Mostly because that’s how most fans portray her. And I wouldn’t have her any other way!
However, there seems to be some problem at Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack is having trouble getting some stubborn apples out of a tree! Now, I know what you’re all thinking?! But there is no need to panic! We have Steed!
“Stand back, ma’am!” Steed yelled at her, in a very heroic and clichéd tone of voice, then galloped full speed straight at the tree while everypony else could only watch in a mixture of shock and awe.
To everypony’s surprise Steed, instead of bucking the tree, continued running towards it and head-butted it with such force that not only shook the apples into the buckets placed by the trunk but, also some of the branches to the floor.
God, stick a pitchfork up my ass and then twist it around inside me!
I mean, good fucking god! Where do I even start with this shit?! This is how we are going to portray Applejack?! She can’t get a few fucking apples down after … what … 10 fucking years of doing this?! She’s outwitted by a few apples?! Okay, what the fuck ever! And then, after that we have big, strong, handsome, brave, heroic, pretentious, self-absorbed Steed riding in on a white horse to save the day! I think you could put Applejack in a pretty princess dress and tie her to a railroad track with her only lines being “Help me! Help me!”, and she’d still have more dignity than this!
So, after that, Steed explains the reason he was able to turn Applejack into the damsel in distress trope… No, no… keep the focus… is because he is a mountain climber. However, he says he’s not very good at it and thus keeps landing on his head, developing a thick skull. Because that is sure how bones work. Also, does he have any brain damage? Maybe this is all in his mind and he’s actually in a coma. It’d be something interesting.
Steed continues to explain his backstory as he got his cutie mark from surviving an avalanche while climbing a mountain. His cutie mark apparently represents the fact that he never gives up despite how hard things get for him. Thankfully, Twilight and the others don’t seem very interested in hearing Steed’s backstory and instead want to see what Applejack is cooking up in the barn. Well, at least the main six are still relatable in this story.
While waiting for Applejack to prepare whatever surprise she has in store for them, we are introduced to Steed’s pet falcon, Arrow.
God… I wish…
It turns out that Arrow had been in the Apple family’s barn for some time before Steed arrived. Apparently, Arrow had arrived with a note from Braeburn and Steed’s saddlebag containing his supplies. Wait, what?! How did a falcon lift all of his stuff?! I mean, I know it doesn’t mention any amount of weight, but I assume you have mountain climbing equipment and shit?! I may not know much about mountain climbing, but I’m pretty sure that a 2 pound bird could not carry a 150 pound bag of mountain climbing equipment!
Have you never seen Monty Python?!
So, just like every chapter so far in this story and matching up with ‘new pony arriving in Ponyville cliche’ Rainbow Dash arrives on the scene. For no reason. At this point, do they really need one? And Rainbow Dash acts like a bitch here, also for no reason. She challenges Arrow to a race. Yes. Rainbow Dash is apparently so petty that she has to beat a bird to feel good about herself. I’m not sure who lost more of their dignity. Rainbow Dash or Applejack. … I’ll let you guys decide amongst yourselves.
So the group manage to put together a race in the time it takes to have a typical shit and the race is on between Rainbow Dash and Arrow. Throughout most of the race, Rainbow Dash continues to be kind of a dick to Arrow, belittling him and the like. I don’t remember Rainbow Dash being that much of a jerk in the show. I mean, sometimes, maybe, but not this much!
And the race is filled to the brim will all the excitement, action, emotions, and skill you’d expect from this story! Everything that would fit into a 15 word sentence! I think I’ve seen paint drying competitions that were more exciting than this race!
So, as you probably guessed, the race is over as soon as it starts and yet somehow, we are supposed to be impressed. And big shock here, Rainbow Dash wins the race. Oh, good, that was a worthwhile scene. Rainbow Dash admits that she always knew she’d win, but that she wanted to get to know Steed by competing … against his falcon? Wait, what?
“The best way to get to know somepony is to compete against them, and it works for animals too,” She explained, then nodded towards Arrow (still catching his breath) “That falcon was willing to go through all that for you, and I can tell he’d be willing to go through a lot more. If he thinks you’re worth it then that must mean he really likes you.” Rainbow Dash lifted her hoof to Steed “And if a falcon likes you that much, you can’t be that bad.”
You know nothing about him! We know more about the fucking falcon than we do Steed! You know how you get to know a person? YOU FUCKING TALK TO THEM! Take an interest in their lives, see if any matches up with yours. If they don’t, maybe you can learn about that, showing that you are interested in why they like what they like. Ask questions. Talk about things that you find interesting. No, it makes much more sense for the story to just have Rainbow Dash learn everything she needs to know about a person by competing… with their pet? This wouldn’t even fly if Steed somehow sprouted wings and took off into space!
And even if I would buy this bullshit that you can learn about a person by competing with them, how do you know the falcon didn’t try to win because he knew he’d get a beating if he didn’t?! How do you know that the falcon wasn’t thinking to himself ‘Oh, shit! I’ve got to win this or my master will make me carry 150 pounds of his mountain climbing shit over 70 miles!’
After the race, the group remembers ‘Hey, we still don’t have a plot yet. Maybe we’ll find one at Fluttershy’s house’. We might as well. It’s the only character we haven’t met yet. So, the group finds a contrived reason to find Fluttershy. Which ends up being ‘we should introduce Steed to Fluttershy’. Seriously, could you at least try to be creative?
And if you thought Trixie, Octavia and Vinyl had no reason to be here, we pass by Lyra and Bon-Bon making out on our way to Fluttershy’s house. I’m sure whatever their doing is far more interesting than what I’m reading. They make their way to Fluttershy’s house and knock on the door to introduce Mary… I mean Steed. However, Fluttershy doesn’t seem that interested in meeting him.
“Fluttershy, dear, are you in?” She softly called out “Its Rarity, and the rest of us. We have a new arrival in Ponyville and we’d very much like for you to meet him.”
For a while there was silence and Twilight saw Steed roll his eyes.
Then a small voice was heard from inside “Do I have to?" it asked.
Hey, the only realistic reaction to this character yet.
But even that get shot in the ballsack when Fluttershy opens the door and … oh, Jesus fuck… Just play Tchaikovsky’s Romeo and Juliet here!
Yep, this is what this whole fic has been building up to, everyone. A chance to get in Fluttershy’s cottage. Well, good thing we spent the last seven chapters building this well-rounded character. Oh, fucking wait. I mean, god, can you imagine if Steed had come to Fluttershy’s door, while still in his filthy, unbathed body?
So, Fluttershy and Steed have what I guess is supposed to be a moment, but it’s so painfully forced that even the characters are starting to notice how painful it is!
“I’m Steed,” Steed said to nopony in particular, keeping his head down.
“Something you haven’t already told her,” Twilight reminded him, trying to sound gentle while holding back the urge to slap him.
“Oh… uh… I like… uh… stuff,” Steed mumbled.
“This is like watchin’ paint dry,” Applejack commented.
There could be no better line to describe this story.
As if it wasn’t any more painful in how forced the romance is in this, the characters themselves try to force the two on a date together! God, I wish I was fucking kidding! These two ponies who have met for a grand total of two minutes, and already Fluttershy is getting shipped with him! This is worse than that time the Crusaders tried to ship Cheerilee with Big Mac. … Not that I’m complaining. Keep it alive, people. Keep it alive.
So, Rarity comes up with the idea that she doesn’t have the right tea leaves to make the tea for such a special occasion. Our heroes send Fluttershy and Steed to go and fetch them together. Alone. In the kitchen. With nopony else around. Unfortunately, before any action can go on, Steed and Fluttershy arrive with a steaming hot pot of tea. And a question I have is, where is Discord in all this? Oh, well. Let’s face it, guys, he’d only make this story entertaining.
And, pfft, in true Mary Sue fashion, Steed is continually complimented by his tea making skills. With Fluttershy being the most impressed of all of them. And just to remind you, his cutie mark is the ability to never give up, despite his failures. … And you notice something kind of missing in this story? Like his failures? Yeah, despite this story spending so much time with him stating that he never gives up no matter how he fails, he never once fails at anything! The only thing that you could possibly say that he ‘failed’ in was his falcon not beating Rainbow Dash in the race. But even that is stretching it, since it was the falcon that raced Rainbow Dash and Steed had absolutely nothing to do with it!
For a story that praises how he never gives up, you sure forgot to give him a situation where that would have proven valid!
And you guys might have noticed something with this fic. We are two chapters away from the end… and nothing… fucking nothing has happened! Good fucking christ, this fic is fucking boring! I mean, what has happened? Steed came into town, meets the main six, falls in love with Fluttershy… and that’s it! Nothing interesting has happened, nothing has changed, nothing has been overcome! So what is the point of this story?!
Is this story seriously going to scrounge together a plot so quickly and so hastily in the last two chapters?! Are you serious?! You can’t! There is no way you can accomplish that! There is no way that you could- You did it, didn’t you?!
“Well, do you remember the disgruntled manticore I mentioned?” he said, looking guilty, “It’s possible that he may have followed me here” - another loud roar rang through the town - “just maybe.”
Seriously?! You know why this didn’t work for me? You want to know why this last second Manticore summoning bullshit doesn’t work for me?! It’s because it took us nine… Nine fucking chapters to get to this point! Nine chapters wasted on what barely passes for a plank of wood that you call a character! Some bullshit about meeting the main six, which we really never learn how he interacts with them, and a romance so forced even the Cutie Mark Crusaders would be calling you out on it!
All of this was pointless! Because we are not invested! I am not invested in this character or in this story! Any other sane person would have stopped reading this by now saying ‘Why am I reading this? This has nothing to give to me.’ And then picked up something else! Something that actually has intriguing characters, a flowing narrative, a fucking plot!
So, the manticore starts to rip through the town and Twilight, Spike, and Steed try to do everything in their power to stop it. Despite their efforts, the manticore is still on a rampage, but Steed is able to lure it away into the forest. While that’s going on, Applejack and Big Mac arrive just in time… To do, pretty much nothing. Yeah, they have as much point being there as Spike does.
Oh, Spike. Your fits of rage bring me joy.
Unfortunately, before the manticore can kill our hero, he is saved by Fluttershy and … the manticore’s mom? Sure, I’ll buy it.
So, the day is saved, everypony worships the ground that Mary walks on, as he shows that he is capable of helping the main six run their lives and even agrees to ask Fluttershy to be his very special somepony.
Man, this one sucked!
This is the story we’ve all heard a hundred times in the past and unfortunately, this story does nothing different with it. It spends each of the chapters meeting one of the main six. However, it focuses on each of them very little and the character barely spends any time with them. The chapters in this are so short that they barely have time to strike up a conversation before it ends.
It spends way too long trying to befriend the main six, instead of actually thinking of a plot that could sew that kind of storytelling together. Instead of thinking of a scenario, where this no named pony could potentially meet the main six and become a close friend, the story takes the easy, cliche and less interesting route, and just have them instantly taking a liking to him. One after the other. Which makes this story ridiculously slow! The plot doesn’t get around to moving until the final chapter and even then, it’s hardly that interesting!
The romance in this is beyond forced. Fluttershy knows nothing about this guy and is instantly in love with him. Bullshit! Not only does this insult my favorite character by setting her up with something that could have been replaced by a two-by-four, but is an insult to anyone who enjoys romance stories for the journey of two lovers. There is literally no chemistry between these two. The only scenes we get of these two are very brief and they barely talk to one another.
And finally, the character himself. He’s ultimately bland. He doesn’t stick out like any other character. There is nothing that makes him unique from all the other Mary-Sue type figures that I’ve read about. He’s just… generic Mary-Sue. Unlike other Sues, which stand out due to their absurdity, he’s just another sue that isn’t engagingly good nor amusingly bad. He’s just kind of there. And for a main character, that is not a good thing. He’s not interesting enough for me to want to know more and he’s not real enough to be relatable. He’s not even that fun to make fun of, as he isn’t loaded with tons of tragic backstory or ridiculous powers. There just isn’t enough of a spark to him to give him life. Which is a perfect way to describe this story as a whole. Lifeless.
Overall, a boring, cliched experience that we’ve seen a hundred times in the past without anything to distinguish it. Skip it! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to write next week's review/PSA teaching you all the wonders of ‘Seatbelt Safety’.
Wow, I am the first to post to this.
I did pretty much the same thing with him within my last story.
Poor guy, but he tends to take in all in stride.
Or at least I would like to think so.
I am sure it was meant to be bemused, but by now I am just as sure that you don't care.
Zecora was a special case.
Then there was Pinkie's need to sneak around in a new village the mane six were sent to investigate by the map.
Thought that bit of sneaking by her was very short lived. I must say that big rock she tried to hide under did land on her quite hard.
It was Twilight's suggestion that they all be careful and not rush in. It was a case of investigation on something new in that episode, and not just meeting a new pony as in this story. And they did have reason to have some concern. As Pinkie pointed out she did not like their fake smiles. So I think in the case of that episode, the sneaking was possibly warranted. Maybe less in this story. It was Applejack that suggested after a bit that they all just try and talk to them.
It is hard to remember everything that happened in all episodes. I am rather surprised that I remember that much. I am not big on remembering things. Depends on what it is I guess.
Why not? I did it in mine.
Oh' perhaps that is one of the many-many reasons my last story did not make it. 
Aaa, no. But I am sure Applejack would love to do that to the one who wrote this story, if she was just a little less civil.
She is as polite as she is tough, or so she seems, it might be just a facade.
I might go with that, and yes that would be rather interesting.
Who would want to wake up from a coma like that!? Perhaps someone actually enjoying their real life?
I did. Including some of the movies. Never mind the bird, they had one bad ass rabbit in one of them. And the subject of something else entirely.
You know, I was thinking of doing something like that in a clopfic story, if I was ever to do a clopfic story. But don't hold your breath, and it's probably for the best I don't.
It worked in the story line of PokePark. But you had to beat them in order to gain their friendship.
Is this not far from beating one into submission!?
Friendships can be so complicated.
Ok' that is a lot more complicated then just beating them up and making them like you!!!
Well, forcing one to like you is what Madame Medusa told Mr. Snoops, that is how you get alligators to like you. Maybe alligators have something in common with Pokemon. I am sure friendly ponies frown on this though, even thought it makes for a simple S&M clopfic.
Has anyone come out with a "Fifty Shades Of Ponies" story yet? I am sure someone will.
I know I have used that paint drying reference in my last story. This is becoming more popular like Rarity in one episode. Maybe there is hope for my story yet. If I am hoping for dry paint to save my last story, well, I'd rather not think about that.
Even though I like the ships between Big Mack and Fluttershy, I agree, that one is worth keeping as well. And it is practically canon to boot! A good reason to keep it alive.
I would say, depends on the timeline of this story.
Hint; I have been thinking about him, and not talking about this story.
This rings a bell, something those new at writing must have in common.
Provided this person is new at writing. Just a random guess. 
Fluttershy saves a main character from a manticore in this? Man I am getting major deja vu from this story. Like too much of it.
If any of the characters I have created is seen as a Mary-Sue, I hope he or she at the very least falls under the "amusingly bad" category. You know, at the very least.
Didn't Rainbow Bob write a story about Twilight's seatbelt Spike used once? I think he did.
Finally got time for comments. Let's go.
Cute Ponies? Lovely Scenery? Benevolent Dictatorship? Take your pick.
I find that I read this guy's dialogue in Tommy Wiseau's voice.
Hey now, if I ever get around to writing it, Blue had a very good reason to get attacked by that Manticore.
So... when did this become Assassin's Creed?
Acne. Ache is something else entirely.
Maybe it was a Mongolian Falcon.
Dashie, you are one of the only ponies to pull off a Sonic Rainboom; why are you feeling this way, that you have to beat a bird to show the world you're the best?
Can't seem to find that... will Yakety Sax suffice?
I look forward to next week's PSA. I feel that I'm learning so much!
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You're right. Applejack is more civil... I'm not.
I've never liked clop fics for the sake of having them. I don't mind clop in a story, but you've got to have something else in it. At least for me. Others are perfectly fine with pure clop and there's nothing wrong with that.
Oh, I'm sure it's out there.
At least then, I have some comedic material to use. Boring Mary-Sue's are just boring.
Based on how many stories he's written, I would not be surprised.
3283914
I did not hit her, it's not true. It's bullshit. I did not hit her. I did not... Oh, hi Iowa.
Ah, yes. A Mongolian Falcon, maybe. But not a North American Falcon, that's my point.
3284334 WOW this was one big pile of shit...... Yet oddly? There seemed to be a lot of chances to do a good parody of the general "Random whatever comes to Ponyville to make friends" scenario with the main character being so.... Bland. That could have been used for actual COMEDY. He doesn't like to bath, he's boring as dirt, and so on, he could LITERALLY be used like Arnold's cousin Arnie!
41.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcekyeyKxM1rw5c2zo1_500.jpg
Just this weird and bizarre character that exudes awkward hilarity..... But nope.
3283914
I like that answer.
Just very well might beat living in this world, though even that world dose not look perfect. It all depends on how one's life is going here as to if it might seem all that appealing.
Now that would be an interesting mach up. The mane reason I could see for Blue getting attacked by a Manticore is pure predatory protection of territory and food from another predator. But that would be a basic reason, and not very imaginative. It is the sort of thing I would go with however. I got to come up with better stuff than that.
3284324
Seeing how I don't truly know you all that well, I am not going to argue with that.
I am one who dose like a strait up clopfic at times like "The Butterfly Catchers", though it still depends on how good it is over all to me. I would agree, a clopfic moment within a good story is much better than a strait up clopfic. One such story I can think of that I liked that was done in such a way is "A Bluebird's Song" It is as always a matter of personal preference with such things, as you pointed out.
That is something I try to avoid, something boring, at least in my own way. To me it is part of the reason to write a story or some music, or present most any piece of art. To give the observer some sort of experience. That is outside of, "Well, that was a big wast of my time."
At least something foolishly funny is better than boring. Like "History Of The World Part 1"
"The inquisition. What a show. The inquisition. Here we go."
3289431
That's actually not too far off of what I had in mind.
How I had it planned is that Blue (who doesn't realize she's in Equestria yet), goes out for a hunt and catches a deer. Before she can enjoy herself, the Manticore comes by to try and get a piece. the two fight, and not only does Blue lose her catch, she gets stung by the Manticore and near;y dies before Fluttershy finds her.
An incredibly predictable LOS at that. You think he even knows his OC's not cool? Or... ya know, likable, for that matter? Or... ya know, even a character?
3290596 Took the words right out of my mouth.
3290516
You might find this funny, I though of the most likely pony to me that might find and likely try to interact with Blue as well, Fluttershy. Not a bad guess then, yes?
My next guess would have been Zecora. You know, seeing how she dose live in the Everfree. One might as well surmise that she has a way with beasts, seeing how she lives surrounded by them while in relative peace with them. How else could she do that?
I might not have replied so early. Not likely till Sunday. But I was going over my emails in regards to an order of some Poweriser spring stilts I am trying to get.
I know off topic.
Also, I am here to fix a timeline error within my last story. Seems I misplaced the time in which Spike saves some spectators at a game event, by melting some falling ice. This event did not happen yet according to the timeline. So I need to remove the reference to it I made. Leave it to me to make such a mistake.
Your story with Blue is sounding interesting to me. Is it out yet, or still working on it?
3292308 I would have done Zecora if I could rhyme worth a damn (also why she doesn't show up in my stories beyond passing mention.)
As for this one, It's still in developmental stages (as I don't have a lot besides getting Blue to Equestria and how the fic will end), but if I find that I have enough for a story I will put it up
3293161
I will send a PM to you on this.