Review: It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door, by: Jetfire2012

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When a tragic accident leaves Twilight suffering from horn rot, a condition that will at best leave her unable to do magic for the rest of her life, and at worst will outright kill her, three of her friends set out on a epic quest to retrieve the one flower that can cure her before it’s to late. Little knowing how much this quest will change them, and all of Equestria.

or...

After a spell literally blows up in her face Twilight needs a cure for horn rot. Rather then send a letter to Celestia asking if she can help, she’d rather spend weeks suffering in screaming agony and risk dying so three of her friends can go have a contrived series of adventures each specially tailored specifically to make them seem like life altering events.

Why the two descriptions? Because both are perfectly true ways of looking at this story. I have never been so conflicted and uncertain about a story as this one. When it is good, it is GOOD. Grand, epic, it has all the makings of a truly amazing story. And yet, it makes so many mistakes, does so many little things wrong, and how good the rest is, the clear skill involved, makes those errors seem all the more glaring for how lazy a lot of them seem, in a story that is trying so very very very hard to be Tolkien. But, let’s dig into thing in more detail.

And spoiler warning, I tend to avoid giving spoilery details, but for this story, the issues I need to talk about are so specific I really can’t avoid them, so be advised.

Story: Let’s start with the writing quality itself. Overall, it is really damn good. It really does fit, and help give the story a grand, epic feel, while not really being in the story. Making it all feel like you are a passive observer, far less into the story then most times, and makes it work. This is a massive tale we are being told. And the settings, this story does Scenery Porn right. You can easily picture the areas the ponies are traveling through, really feel them. It does an absolutely amazing job at scene setting and making the places the character visit all feel grand, vibrant, real. Both are pretty important things to get right when trying to create a story that, like this one, is trying to emulate Tolkien.

That is what this story is, and the source of why it is so damn good, and also so frustratingly bad. It is trying very very very hard to be a pony Lord of the Rings. Or at least The Hobbit. The writing does do a very great job at making it feel like that, and is one of the strongest aspects of the story overall, the feel of it. How the story is told is just amazing. The only real issue with it is over use of “Lavender Unicorn Syndrome”. Using descriptors of the characters rather then their names. Mostly their color. Personally, I really do not get why this trope generally gets so much flak or is seen as such a bad thing. I don’t mind it overall. But this story does go a little to far. Not so much in using descriptors rather then names, but in using the same descriptor rather then varying it up. (Plus I just find the term Lavender Unicorn to be rather pretentious sounding. Yes I knew it’s technically correct, but purple unicorn just sounds better to me. And speaking of minor annoyances due to odd word choice being repeat to much, “Magic-Circuits’ I don’t know what but that term always sounded really really weird and out of place to me.)

The how the story is told is great, it really makes the story feel like a major epic adventure, like something possibly out of Middle Earth. Yes the overall writing skill is no where near Tolkien’s level but how could you expect it to be? It’s still really good, and does a great job at setting a grand feel for the story. This story, from start to finish, feels like Pony-Tolkien, and it is glorious in that. The issues, however ,come into play with the what. What is going on is what drags this story down and wastes that epic feeling.

The story is full of plot conveniences, places where the story only works because this is how the story says it works. rather then feeling like a natural flow of events. But even then, baring a few notable cases, it’s not even all that bad. Except for how badly it clashes with the feel the rest of the story is going for. The writing does a great job making the story feel Tolkeinesque, but the narrative itself keeps failing to live up to that level. So much feels unnatural, forced, contrived, or out of place in the setting. The two are so at odds, it’s what creates most of my, and many man others, conflicted feelings with this story. But let’s look at specific examples.

First and foremost, one of three things everyone has to talk about when it comes to this story, how it all starts off because of an idiot plot moment, where even after being reminded Spike can send a letter directly to Celestia in seconds, not one pony thinks to maybe ask their nigh-immortal demigoddess who has a personal, vested interest in Twilight’s well being, if maybe she could help with this issue that is going to kill her. But here is another one that I haven’t seen mentioned, but bugged me even more. I can accept why they decided to send the three who went instead of just Dash. The story made a good enough case for it, I could accept it. Maybe not agree, but understand why the characters did. Now, the biggest issue with that decision is it means they have to go slower, since only RD can fly. Except just a few pages before that, RD takes them all up in a balloon to show them how far away the mountains are. Why in bucking Tartarus couldn’t Rarity and AJ simply get in the balloon and have Dash tow them? It’s not as fast as Dash on her own, but a lot faster then them walking, and still lets them stick around for the reasons they wanted to go.

Both of these issues problem’s stem from the same reason, they are lazy, quick, they show the writer is not thinking the story out. Or at least not thinking everything out. Cause there are parts that you can not, in anyway claim are not fully thought out, that show just how much effort was put into the story. Yet such obvious mistakes, such contrivances that are completely ignored. It makes things feel lazy, like the story is just trying to get from point A to point B in the manner it wants. It does not feel natural. And when you are going for something Tolkienesque, feeling lazy and not thought out is about as far from Tolkein as you can get. So it massively clashes with the overall feel the story is trying to take. Even more so, because there is no reason for them to be this way. Not even in a meta “If they didn’t do it like that there would be no story” way.

The Horn Rot, the Beneviolet, all of these were things the writer created, had control over, all things that could be whatever he wanted them to be. There is no reason why he had to ignore such obvious plot holes to make it work. Contact Celestia, have her unable to help, or at least unable to fully help. Create a reason for the three to go, even with Celestia knowing about it. there is no reason not to, and not doing so just feels lazy and contrived. Not just have her find out after the fact, and off hoofedly remark “Oh to bad they didn’t call me, I could have fixed everything.” The balloon? Given that the three walked through the Everfree Forest without a single incident, had nothing happen until they were in the first mountains, in the middle of a storm, there was no reason not to have them start with the balloon, then simply have it get wrecked in the storm. not only does that create more tension, more issues, and more conflict then the first part had anyway, but it fixes the plot hole, without altering anything major about the story.

That bit I mentioned above, about how they walled through the entire Everfree Forest without a single issue of any kind, it’s emblematic of the bigger issue with the story and why it feels far to contrived. Yes the not contacting Celestia and not taking the balloon were bad, but early story goof just to get the plot rolling, okay fine. Annoying, but not a major issue unless the story makes it one. It’s that the rest of the story has a very contrived feeling to it. It is clear that everything that happens is because the story wants it to. While at the same time failing to live up to what it is trying to be. It wants to be an epic story about a life changing adventure. A journey that would forever alter the three involved. but it at the same time tries to hard to be that, and fails to actually give good reasons for them to undergo those changes.

With one exception early on, and the final conflict they only have three separate encounters, and each one is clearly put out as being meant to be for each pony. Each of the three ponies has one encounter, and only one, that somehow forever alters them. But I’ll get into that in the Character section. From a story perspective it fails because it’s neat, to pat. The characters in LOTR or The Hobbit didn’t just have one big encounter that altered the way they saw the world forever, it was a gradual process, the result of a bunch of separate encounters, constantly growing from the experiences. It felt natural. It flowed from the events taking place. Here, it’s clear the events are being placed there for the sole sake of giving the characters something to claim caused them to have some life changing epiphany. Between how clearly contrived they feel, and that each pony only gets one event that is meant to handle all their development, it simply does not live up to what it is trying to be.

And the two other events? The one in the mountains is so short, so quick, and so out of nowhere that your left wondering what just happened, and no reason to think it’s anything important given how little it matters. You could remove it entirely and lose nothing except two bits of foreshadowing that could have been done away with or placed elsewhere easily.

The last? It’s not really meant to be character building, but rather the big climax, the huge, final test that shows off just how much these characters have changed, how far they have come in their journey. But all it really shows off is the sweet new powers they developed.

I think one of the main issue’s holding this story back from being what it wanted to be, was of time. The strict time limit the three were under pretty much killed any chance of having the type of growth the story wanted us to think they had undergone. It meant they had to rush rush rush, could only have so many encounters. Yet, there were several days of nothing but travel that could have had something happen. When things do happen, they have to get through them quick, no time to dwell. And the fact this whole trip lasted less then two weeks, simply meant there was no way it could be as large and life altering a trip as the story wanted it to be, because it was missing the most important element for growth and natural evolution and development. Time.

But let’s talk about that last encounter itself, cause that’s another of the three things everyone who’s read this story has to comment on. The World Snake. It is at once a really epic, massive, grand idea, yet like so much in the story simply does not quite reach the potential it clearly has, and the story expects it to have. The largest issue with it is just how many question it raises. How could something that massive exist and not be more known about? How are those mountains still around if something that massive is moving around in them? We know the Deer travel up to get those flowers, so why was it only when Dash went that it was woken up? Because she was on it’s eye? An eye covered with rock and plants already? Why was it’s eye open like that? Where did this thing come from? What the hell is it even? Yes, you don’t need to answer all these, sometimes the mystery is part of the appeal, but for me, this is just too massive not to get at least SOME answers from. Without some idea of how this thing fits into the world, something so massive, so powerful, and so out of nowhere, it just feels like one more plot contrivance.

Keeping the Tolkien comparison, the thing I think of when looking at the World Snake, is Shelob. A massive, bestial creature that comes out of nowhere to serve as an obstacle for the protagonists. Yet, Shelob didn’t just pop out of nowhere. She was foreshadowed (Yes so was the Snake, but in the most vague, general way that did nothing to set up what it was. It was there, but not very well done.) but more importantly, we are told why she was there. Her backstory, or at least the closest anyone knows about it. Yes if you didn’t know who Ungolient was it wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense. But it was just enough to let us know how she fit into the setting, to make it feel like she was a natural part of the setting and world. Like she belonged and had a reason to exist outside of the narrative purpose for her, while still keeping a lot of mystery.

The story is a beautifully written one which really captures the feeling of the environments, of the action. That pulls you into the world. But which simply does not have events that quite measure yup to the feeling it’s trying to convey, is to full of plot contrivances and moments of stupidity. For no reason. All of them are things that did not have to be that way for the story to happen, but simply a case of the story trying to move on as fast as possible past them. Which when you are trying for a Tolkien type story, rushing is the last thing you want to do.

Characters: The characters also suffer from not quite living up to what the story wants them to be. Or rather their character development doesn’t.. As above, they each get one quick encounter, and then are supposed to have been forever altered by that, even though for the most part, it failed to really give a reason why it should have such a dramatic impact on them. Even more then that, there really didn’t seem to be any change in them, and least character wise, all that happened was each of them gained a new power. But let’s get into details.

Overall, the characters were well done. They felt like themselves. acted right, just all around well handled characters. The issue was not anything about their characterization, it was how the story clearly wanted to make us believe they had undergone some massive change to their character, had grown more then they ever could without going on this adventure, without them actually changing in anyway that matches this, or for any good reason. The only point the ponies didn’t feel natural was the occasions where they stopped to have longwinded speeches at each other. Yet even then, it’s another example of how the story can be so so so close to amazing, and yet have just a few tiny details hold it back. Even with those speeches, the ponies felt in character. Their positions, their arguments, what they were talking about, it felt like what they would think. But not how they would say it. The massive speeches simply did not feel natural coming from these characters. Yes it fits the more Tolkien type story the story wanted to be. But despite this being a Tolkienesque story, it still takes place in Equestria, with the ponies we know. While that type of dialog works in Tolkien, it feels unnatural and forced in the mouths of the mane 6. Just one more point to the story never quite managing to feel like anything other then a story.

But even with the time limit, with having so little happen that would alter them so much that this would be some grand life changing adventure, It still could have worked, still could have made this a chance for the three of them to grow and develop. Except the story never let them, it didn’t ever focus on a change in them. As above, and what, at the core is likely my issue with how the story failed to live up to what it was trying to be, as well as something at the core of my issue with the other character I have to talk about beyond the three, is that the story never focused on their character development, on how they changed as ponies. Instead, all the story seemed to focus on was what new powers they developed. It cared more about what they could do then who they were. Trying to substitute learning a new ability for actual character growth. Which, as with so much, could have worked, but is at odds with the type of story it is clearly trying to be. But, let’s look at each of them specifically.

Applejack had the closest to actual character development due to the trip, but it mostly revolved around her feelings for Ashtail. All around she was the character I enjoyed the most and think was the best handled overall. There was actually a feeling of her learning stuff, seeing how other ponies lived, getting to know them, realizing how she could help them. Everything about AJ’s part of the plot was really well done. The only issue I had at all was that her feelings for Ashtail kind of seemed to happen to quickly. I could totally see the two of them falling for each other, see how AJ would find him interesting, want to get closer to him. The story did an amazing job at making them come across as having some real chemistry together. It’s just, it felt rushed when she was feeling that much for him after knowing him for about two days. It was way to fast for the level of attachment she seemed to get, and another point in why I think the story would have been better without the tight time limit. If they had spent a few weeks together it would have worked almost perfectly. but after only a few days, it felt a little forced. Everything else about her was wonderful, and alone of the three her arc actually feels like part of the journey. AJ was just, really well done and loved everything about her and her part of the plot.

Rainbow Dash, had the best set up for development, had the clearest goal in where her character was going, and had the most backstory aimed towards why this was a major part of her trip. Wanting to learn how to control lighting. The backstory about her first flight trainer was pretty well done, not up to “OMG so awesome, headcanon accepted” territory, but still really good. It gave her a great motivation for her part of the story, had a lot of possibilities for growth, was the best foreshadowed of the three, just all around was a really great set up. That sadly did not pay off. The Dreaming sequence was amazing, evocative, really felt like a vision of something beyond reality. Like RD was starting to see there was far more to the world then what she knew. Explored her inner self, it simply felt breathtaking. But that was it, it only felt, incredible. The feeling of it was great, but it came up so fast, had so little explained about it, everything being so vague, it ended up trying to hard to feel deep and meaningful, without actually having anything anything solid to base that on. It came off feeling like something trying very very very hard to be deep and philosophical and meaningful, but didn’t give enough actual detail about what is going on. It was beautifully done, but didn’t really come off as having as much to it as the story wanted there to be. But that alone isn’t why RD’s arc was disappointing, yes the Dreaming bit could have used a bit more substance to it, but I will admit that might just be a YMMV issue of me preferring hard facts to metaphor and what not. And once again for all I don’t think it was as deep or meaningful as it wanted to be, it was still so damn beautifully done. What sinks the RD arc is two main things. First, it had nothing to do with the story itself. RD just finds a Pronghorn by chance, talks for a bit, then the next night goes off on her own to have the vision. And given Pronghorns travel all over the world, and Twilight outright later states she’s seen them in Canterlot delivering messages to Celestia, there was no need for RD to go on this journey to meet one. Nothing about the journey itself changed RD, it was just a chance encounter that she could have had at any point. It feels contrived, tacked on, and has nothing to do with the story itself. You could cut the entire Pronghorn segment out and the only thing that would change in the story is RD not gaining the ability to throw lighting bolts around. Which is the other reason it disappoints. Nothing changes from this for RD except the new power. Nothing about her new understanding of the world, nothing about what she learned in the Dreaming, nothing about how the vision effected her, no revelations, there is no change to RD from this encounter other then the new power and getting some temporary tattoos.

Rarity had the weakest arc in the whole story. Her main conflict was guilt over Twilight being hurt trying to teach her to teleport. Which would work, if not for how she and every other mane 6 kept telling Twilight not to bother, nopony except Twilight wanted her to do this. Rarity fought agsint Twilight trying so hard, had no reason to want to learn it, but it was Twilight that pushed, and pushed, and pushed. With Rarity doing everything she could to tell get Twilight to stop while still being polite. While it’s still in character for Rarity, and does make sense she’d feel some guilt still. The level of it is just a bit to large, it’s made to big a deal out of. And the resolution to that guilt... is learning a new way to teleport that has nothing to do with what Twilight was trying to teach her? And her lesson, while better integrated to the story as a whole then RD’s, still felt tacked on. Plus, as the rest, had no bearing on her character, only on what she could do.

So yes, the biggest weakness of the story, character wise, is that is focused far more on the powers then the actual characters. Nowhere is this more the case for causing an issue for me then the last character I want to talk about directly. Falalaluria.

Lala exemplifies the issue the story has with focusing more on power then character. I both hate and love her. When the story is just letting her be a character, having her interacting with others, exploring her character, I loved her. She was a really interesting idea, had a lot of potential to her, and was just a really great character I’d love to see explored more. But that was only about half the time. The other half the story was focused on her powers, how awesome she was, how she was always right in her predictions, could see everything she wanted to. Whenever the story switched from her just showing her being a character, and got into telling about her powers, she came off as some OP, Mary Sue cliche. As is the case with most of the story, it comes so close to having something really great, only to mess it up by either trying to hard, or failing to actually think things through all the way. in this case both. It tried far far to hard to push her powers, while at the same time coming off as not having fully thought out these powers. She can see the ‘true’ future, is never wring, can tell anything that is ever going to happen if she wants. Yet can’t tell what is going to happen when the three go into the mountains. Just some vague image of many being threatened because of it. If she had the power the story tells us she does, why does she have any uncertainty? It just came off as the story being more concerned with showing off how awesome her powers were, without having fully thought them through beyond how awesome they are. but as I said, it was only when the focus was on her powers. When it was one her as a character, I really enjoyed her. Even her power could work and not be horribly OP. There are even times in the story where it feels like it has limits, like it works, but then the story goes back into extolling how amazing it is. Even at it’s more powerful levels, I’m still alright with it. It reminds me of an ability from The Dresden Files called Inellectus. Which is basically the closest any being short of capitol ‘G’ God can get to Omniscience. When we first learn about it, the story makes abit point about how it’s more limited then it seems, and how it even it can be tricked or fooled. Or a being with it caught by surprised. Makes clear how it does have it’s limits.

So on the whole, the story does a rather good job with characters. They feel real.. mostly, work well, the OC’s were all enjoyable, unique, it did a lot of stuff right. But it dropped the ball in handling character development more as “They gain a new ability” then actual growth or alterations to the personality and how they act. Not having 2/3 of what little actual growth the characters do have be directly tied to the main story but rather just one off encounters along the way the feel contrived and tacked on just for the sake of giving those characters the illusion of something to change them. And far far far to large a focus on what they can do, versus who they are. Especially for the type of story it was trying to tell.

Engagement: This is the one section I have no ambiguity or confliction over. Even with the issues the story has, I really enjoyed reading it. Most of the larger issues, like the lack of real character growth, or how the Dreaming sequence was trying to hard to be deep, without backing it up by having anything to it that was explained. They are things that become issues afterwards, when you think about it later. The writing did a great job of keeping things flowing, keeping it interesting. For all I complain and point out how things don’t work as well as the story wants them to, it’s very easy to not notice or ignore those facts when the writing does always mange to feel as grand, exciting and epic as it does. The story simply sucks you in and takes you along on the journey, the detail it puts into things is incredible, the whole thing feels real, gripping. While the narrative has issues, the way the story is told is rather beautiful, makes it really easy to get lost in, just an all around engaging story that you can easily lose hours in without noticing and one of the reasons I am so conflicted about the story overall. Even with all these logical faults and flaws nagging at me, knowing all the ways the story simply does not live up to it’s premise, what it wants to be, or it’s potential, it was still a story that was incredibly fun read as it was going on and one that I wanted to keep reading as long as possible.

Ponyness: Alright, let’s just get right to that last of the three major things that needs to be talked about with this story. The Deer. Sweet merciful Iluvatar, the Deer. They are Elves, pure, Tolkien level, greatest race ever, more in tune with everything then anyone, were a great, power civilization that attained heights of glory which no race will ever match, fallen to their own hubris and now a fading shell of their former glory, yet still greater then all other combined, Our Elves are Better, Elves. Needless to say from that description, I did not like this aspect of them, at all.

Now, yes the story is hardly alone in making the Deer=Elves decision, even the MLP comic doing it. And to this stories credit, in some aspects I definitely prefer these Deer to the dumb-ass eco-terrorists in the comic. But at the same time, those deer fit into the world of Equestria much much better then the deer in this story did. I liked the Deer in this story so so so much more as characters then I did the Comic Deer. But the story’s deer pushed the “We are awesome” angle to hard for their backstory. As with the major complaint in the character section, when it was about the deer as characters, as beings now. I really liked them. When it was about what they could do, their skill with magic, their history, it was the basic OP Mary Sue, we are Elves and we are better then you shtick and so eye rollingly annoying.

Now to be even more fair, the Deer as presented, were not bad, at all. Looking at just them, it was pretty well done, and a really amazing adaption of Tolkien’s Elves into the world. The Deer themselves didn’t have quite the same aura of haughty superiority elves usually do. They were self confident, knew what they could do and indict hide it, weren't overly modest. But at the same time, no more so then any race has a right to be. It wasn’t to the usual degree Elves have it. And as I said, I really did like them as characters. Looked at just o their own, they are actually a pretty interesting idea that is done pretty well. The issue comes into play when you try to integrate them into the world of Equestria Make them part of the larger whole, and how badly they do not fit. Most of the reason this review took so long was trying to come up with a good way to explain just why they are at once both so well done, and so annoyingly Mary Sue-ish. It comes down to two issues. One is a failure to realize how something that works in one story or ‘verse, is at odds with something in another ‘verse. Yes these are a really well done adaptation of Tolkien’s Elves, but it fails to take into account how those Elves fit into their world, and how the Deer fail to fit comfortably into this one. Leading to the second issue, what it is that, to me, defines a Mary-Sue and makes them so bad. It’s not a list of traits, or a checklist of character actions, what, to me, defines a Mary-Sue is when a character is so awesome, that the only way to make them even more awesome is to make everyone else look worse. And a failure to account for the former, leads to feelings of the latter whenever the Deer are brought up. This also, is for two reasons. One is about the Deer’s magic, the other dealing with their history.

First the magic. in Tolkein, the Elves worked as the ultimate beings of magic, ones who were superior in this to all others because they were the only beings with anything more then the most basic magical ability. (Of the ‘mortal’ races anyway) They won “Best, most greatest magical race” by default. Not only that, but it fit with the world, made it grander, because they were the source of so much of the magic and fantasy in the world. They were part of what made Tolkien’s story’s fantasy. But here, in Equestria (yes yes Equestria is just one nation, but it’s easier to say it this way) everything is magical, everything about the setting is fantastical. Magic is an innate part of nearly everything. So the only way to make the Deer stand out is to make them better then everyone else at it. To push down the rest in order to prop up the Deer. It leaves a bitter taste for me, and other readers because of this. What worked in the world of Tolkien, where Elves were alone in their mastery of magic, does not work when everyone can do magic, and have been shown to be really good at it, only for this random race to come in out of nowhere and be hailed and lauded for being better then everyone else at it. It detracts from the setting rather then adds to it.

Then we had the history part. About how the ancient Deer civilization was so incredible, so epic, so beyond everything any of the lesser races could ever achieve, the pinnacle of magic and grace, and just so awesome. Again, it’s trying to build up the Deer by pushing everyone else down. They are just pale shadows of this former glory. They are primitive second raters. Having the grand epic civilization the likes of which the world could never see again worked in Tolkien, because one of the major themes of the story was magic fading away. Was how as time went on, thing wore out, grew thin. The magic went away. The light dimmed. It was about how the world started so grand, had so much greatness, but over time it was whittled away, all the glory lost forever till we were left with just this current, mundane world. It was meant to be rather sad, and it worked in that setting because of what it was, It was meant to be some gran ancient mythology that ultimately ends with the world as we know it being what it is now. Pony is not that. These races are not dwindling, trying to shoehorn in that aspect, again, only serves to push down all the other races,to make them inferior to these new OC’s. It does not add to the world, make it grander by saying this, it lessens it, makes all others weaker, less grand. In trying to make the Deer the pinnacle of magical power and glorious civilization, it sticks them at the top of a pyramid built on the backs of the races and characters we care about. Crushes them beneath the weight of their awesomeness. The ones who are supposed to be the focus of the show and story. it’s My Little Pony, not My Little Cervid.

It’s a shame, and it’s all the more frustrating because for all that.. I do not hate these Deer as characters. I enjoyed them, did find a lot to like about them, but the story trying so hard to make them out to be amazing, ruined it. It came so close to something great, had so much potential, let dropped the ball just short of meeting that potential. If there wasn’t so much promise, so much good about them, it wouldn’t be so frustrating that they weren’t allowed to simply be what they are and shown as just another race, different then ponies, but not better then them. rather then the story forcing them to be built up to levels the world they are in does not work for.

Okay, I’ve said I’m conflicted about the story, and aside from a few protestations of things not being as bad as I make them out to be, or saying I liked it while spending the majority of the review criticizing it, let’s have something about the story that I wholly, fully, and unambiguously LOVED! The Daleponies. These ponies were simply amazing. Unlike the Deer, they fit in so well with the setting. They really did feel like a tribe of ponies from outside Equestria. Still had enough of the features of ponies, overall kind, preferring peace and harmony to fighting, etc... while still having their own unique culture and way of life. Plus the differences between them and Equestrian ponies made sense. Their entire culture felt like a natural evolution based on where they lived and what they had gone through. The more militaristic style fitting in due to the Komonga attacks driving them to adopt that type of attitude, while still clearly, even after all this time, not enjoying it. They fight because they are defending themselves, their homes, and their loved ones, not because they want to fight. Their inability to see the Komonga aren’t the threats they believe was really well handled. AJ was able to see what they couldn’t, not because she was ‘better’ or ‘smarter’ or because the Daleponies were ‘primitive’ or anything like that. She simply had experiences that the Daleponies would not have due to their way of life. They don’t keep herds of animals for, whatever Ponies keep herds of animals for. There are few animals of that type in the wide open grasslands. Neither side is made to look worse or wring, simply different in believable ways, while still having commonalities that they could build off of. All of the OC’s ere so damn well done. Even Hammerhoof, gruff, ‘traditional’ leader that believes things are how they are and how they should always be. But not a total moron about it. Their fears over unicorns and pegasi were believable. I didn’t agree with them, but I understood why they felt that way, and they weren’t outright assholes about it. Just, there is almost nothing about the entire Dalepony arc I did not love. Just a few minor issues, and only one of them about the Daleponies themselves. Which surprise surprise, is about their powers. Now, the concept of Standing Firm, I loved, it fits with Earth Ponies, it is just a really great idea that was well handled. My only issue was the story labeling it “The ultimate expression of Earth Pony magic” something those poor poor Equestrian’s have no idea about. It’s trying far far to hard to make things special and stand out. To the point they stand right out of the story and refuse to feel like they fit. Making the OC’s better then the canon characters. Plus, as noted above I felt the relationship between AJ and Ashtail developed far to quickly. it was well handled and I could see them growing attached to each other, just not that quickly. Plus it’s one of the points where the three turned into speech bots having massive debates that didn’t feel natural coming from them. But all minor issue compared to how much the story did so damn well with them. If the story had kept up this level of excellence in making the Deer feel like a part of the world that fit, the story would have been so much better.

On the other two issues they encountered, the Pronghorns were an interesting concept, the biggest issue there was not in how they fit in the setting, but how they didn’t fit in the story, feeling tacked on and meaningless beyond teaching RD to shoot lighting. The Dreaming also a great idea that really could have worked if it had more substance to it rather then just beautiful imagery and was better explored. The World Snake, again a great idea that could have really done a lot for the setting, if it didn’t come out of nowhere and we had any clue what the hell it was.

Oh and the element powers are another issue. The idea of each Element having some unique power that it gives the bearer. Not a bad idea and could work. The issue is what some of those powers are. Honesty letting AJ see through illusions, always see things as they truly are. that makes sense, and does rather fit with AJ’s character. Loyalty making Dash a natural leader, giving her the ability to inspire others. Alright, this also makes sense when you think about it, and definitely fits what we’ve seen of RD. She is a natural leader, and has inspired others to go further, to take risks, to be the best they can. The issue here is then expanding that to her being able to compel others to follow her. To force others to obey her. This, while I can see how it works, feels more like a use the Element power could be put to by someone abusing it, rather then just a natural part you want to have them using and explain as just one part of it’s overall power. It’s a stretch, and how it’s presented feels wrong, but still makes some sense. Rarity’s however, this is where it falls apart. The ability to see the future? Yes it tries to give some handwave about how it’s letting her see who needs her help before they need it. But that is a huge stretch, plus the proof of this, is a whole bunch of other stuff the story invented about how she gives out gifts that seem useless on a whim, but turn out to be useful later. Something we did not see at all, and has never been part of her character. (It just, does not make sense and feels very out of place. Mostly as a justification for Lala to have her uber, all knowing Long Sight, rather then something growing organically from the story. Something that fits instead of being forced in. Not helped is the story seems to believe clairvoyance and prescience are the exact same thing. It feels like something thrown in just for the “isn’t this awesome!” factor, rather then as anything that works in the story.

And while on the topic of visions, one more minor issue. The story and characters constantly going on about how skeptical Twi is, and how there is no way she could believe in visions or prophecies or any of that. When the entire series started because Twilight was the only pony who did believe in an ancient prophecy that ended upcoming true.

Overall, the story does such a good job of making some things really feel like they belong in the setting,doing what a grand, epic adventure should do, expand the world, make ti larger, more fantastical. While others it simply crams into place no matter how much it cracks the basic foundation of the world. Forcing things into the story that simply do not fit into this type of setting. So like so much else, so close to good, but failing to get across the finish line, and even worse due to showing it can do this so damn well, but simply didn’t want to try. Was more concerned about making sure we knew how awesome the Deer were, then making them feel like a natural part of the setting which expanded it, rather then pushing everything else down to prop them up.

Overall: Great. Another in the long line of fics it was really hard for me to pick a rating for. Though with most, it’s a matter of trying to pick between two side by side ranks. With this, the stuff that is good, is GOOD shows some incredible talent, and the writing through the entire things is just amazingly well done. But so many things get in the way of it, almsot all narrative choices that, just make no sense. Characters acting idiotic. Plot details feeling contrived or tacked on. The lack of any real growth for the characters aside from gaining new abilities, despite the story clearly wanting to be a life changing adventure. that lasted less then two weeks.

That is the single biggest issue the drags the story down. How clearly it wants to be one thing, just how damn hard it tries to be this certain type of story. While failing to actually back up that desire with a story that fits what it is trying to be. Non-thought out plot points, new powers as a replacement for character development. Taking for to little time for something as epic as it wants to be. Not to mention that the encounters that are supposed to change these ponies, aren’t really anything special that required a journey for. Rarity could have just met the Deer that lived in the Everfree forest instead, RD could have encounter a Pronghorn anywhere, the only one that needed to go was AJ, and even then it wasn’t anything that couldn’t have easily happened any other time given how close the Daleponies actually are. As to the monsters? Yes encountering these massive beasts is one of the things that makes epic journeys like this such grand life altering things for most protagonists. For the mane 6? It’s just something that happens like once a month, if not more often. These are ponies that stood up to a mad goddess of darkness. walked right into a freaking Dragon’s cave to tell it to GTFO. Had a friend turned to stone by a cockatrice, only for another friend to save her by winning a staring contest with said monster. Had their town demolished by flying polka dots. And that is only from season 1 when this story was made. This isn’t anything new to them.

Yet despite all those issues, the story has such amazingly good ones. The Daleponies, the idea behind the Pronghorns and the Dreaming. Even a lot of the stuff with the Deer works well when it’s not being shilled so hard. Plus the writing itself is grand, does make it feel amazing, epic. The makes clear it is capable of being what it wants to be, yet simply doesn’t put in the effort to make it happen. Preferring to crudely slam pieces into place rather then have them grow organically from the narrative. It wants so desperately to be Pony Tolkien, it slaps Tolkein references in where they don’t work, only caring about them being true to Tolkien, not o the setting this is taking place in. Two last examples. The Daleponies did this well. you could feel Rohan in them, you could tell what they were inspired by. The scene where the Daleponies ride up and surround the three was straight out of LOTR, yet felt like it was just as natural a part of this story and setting. (Bar facepalimg a bit at acting like Gimli. It works, but was a tad to far for me.) Then you have the Deer. Already said my piece on them, but to counter that well done scene, we have the gift giving scene. I know this was coming from the moment AJ cursed forgetting to bring a rope. It was such a clear set up, I knew it was coming, and it failed. The Fellowship was on a major, fate of the world depends on them mission, and had spent weeks in Loth’lorien getting to know them, and giving the Elves time to prepare. The gift giving scene meant something. Here, the Ponies had spent a single night there, were on a mission that would be over by the end of the day, and the gifts had no bearing on them at all. Worse it felt entirely contrived. AJ forgetting to bring a rope in the first place wa bad enough. But I could maybe accept it. Her then not grabbing some rope after spending half a day teaching the Daleponies how to use a lasso, that is pushing it to far and making clear this is happening because it is what the story wants to happen, rather then a natural progression of the narrative. and events. And Lala having an entire suit of armor crafted to perfectly fit Rarity overnight? it was clear it was just there because AJ and RD got cool new things, so Rarity needed one too. The scene di not work, felt out of place, forced, and is a good summery of where the story goes wrong. While the Dalepony one is a great example of how it went right.

In the end, I can easily see why the story is as big as it is. For all the flaws, for all the plot holes, all the contrivances, it is just impossible for me not to like it. It has so much good, the writing so so evocative, conveys so much feeling, so much scope. I’m more simply disappointed at it not being as great as it clearly wants to be, and I know it could have been with a little more thought and care into making things flow smoothly.

In the end, this story wanted to be Pony Tolkein, and while it capture the feel of that, it fell short on making it stand up to close thought. So have something that does a better job of it meshing the two. Mostly by not taking itself seriously in the least.