Fic recs, October 9th: Would It Matter If I Beat This Dead Horse edition! · 1:48pm Oct 9th, 2015
YUP WE'RE DOIN' THIS
And it's GaPJaxie's fault in more ways than one. You can find my reviews of previous stories here:
Would It Matter If I Was? and Do It Mattered If I Is?
Your Face Matters
Yes, It Matters and What If I... I Mean, Somepony Were?
And if you haven't read my contribution to the nonsense, it's here.
Hopefully, this kills the pony.
H: 1 R: 1 C: 3 V: 1 N: 1
What Matters More? by Palm Pallette
Reading by Captain Sand
Sequel to Would It Matter If I Was?
Genre: Comedy
I’m so glad I can count on Captain Sand to read the things out of the featured box that I want to get done right now. Because I really want to review this recent spate of changeling fics into the ground. Speaking of which, this one starts out seeming to do just that, expanding on the original into more and more canonical examples while mixing in some Yes, It Matters to come up with a more show-tone “don’t see the world in black and white” conclusion. But then Rainbow Dash asks this question: “Would it matter if I was a stallion?” And from that point, we learn that “what matters more” is shipping. Lots and lots of shipping. From there, the story becomes incredibly entertaining, with the continued mention of “the plan” holding my interest between question scenes. And the revelation of the plan? Hilarious. For all that this seemed like it was just going to be another one of those, it turned out to be quite entertaining.
Recommended If You Like Shipping Jokes and Can Make It Through the First Scene
Would It Matter If I Was Yer Cuz? by Vengeful Spirit
Genre: Incest Jokes
As they hurtle down a river to certain death, Caramel asks Applejack a question.
Well, this is kind of goofy, but I have to say the ending made me a little angry. Also, the Carajack shipping is very light, not sold terribly well, and mostly based on telling. Plus, I was thrown by use of “ye” instead of “ya”. Still, it is funny, I mean, I see what the author was going for. It just depends on how tired you are of Apple family incest jokes, really.
Vaguely Recommended
Would It Matter? by Alex Prior
Genre: Parody
Twilight Sparkle finds herself fielding the question “Would it matter if I was a changeling?” from Ponyville’s resident changeling.
This is a perfect parody and precisely the sort of thing you should read if you’re fed up with this mess but can’t look away from the train wreck. It’s a little weird that the changeling doesn’t have wings, but whatever, it doesn’t matter, I loved this.
Recommended
Would It Matter If I Was Trans? by pertelote345
Genre: Slice of Life
The two problems with this story are that the dialogue doesn’t fit the characters and it’s the very definition of bandwagon-jumping. Brotherhooves Social opened up a good space to have conversations about trans issues, but using the title of a current fad-fic makes it feel pretty disingenuous. I think the author just shot themselves in the foot, honestly, since it seems the point was to actually have a serious talk about serious issues. This just wasn’t the way to do it.
Not Recommended
Would Matter Matter If Matter Mattered by M E Lovecolt
Genre: Parody
So yeah, this is a sendup not only of Would It Matter but of the whole “ponies having philosophical discussions” subgenre of fic. Mostly, it’s just Pinkie and Fluttershy fucking with Twilight, and I can’t think of a funnier situation to put them in. This goes to some amazing lengths in the name of making jokes (“All About That Bass”, anyone?) This absolutely destroyed me, what a perfect way to end this pile. (Also, I think I'm the only reviewer to get its title correct.)
Highly Recommended
Some Things Matter More Than Others by Littlecolt
Genre: Comedy
Wait, did I say we were done? The ride never ends! This was literally added to the journal post while I was reading the other stories. Anyway, for all that this involves an amusing string of bad conversation, we’ve beat this thing long enough to start doing things over. This one’s got the thing where Fluttershy preempts “What if I was” with “I am”, is what I mean. I did distinctly like the ending, however, so overall, this is fun, if a bit less a good ending than the previous story. Will any more show up? Would it matter if theyOnly time will tell!
Recommended If You Don’t Mind Mane Cast Shipping
Would It Matter If I Was… by Admiral Biscuit
Genre: Flashfic
Okay, this. This is the final word on the whole thing. Literally nothing more needs to be said, though I’m sure it will be said, because I’ve been planting the seeds of bad ideas in more than a few heads today. :B
Recommended Because It’s So Damn Short
And yeah, there’s one more, but I ain’t touching that one yet. (It’s a parody, but it doesn’t amount to much, unless you enjoy Fluttershy freakouts.)
Jesus christ.
I feel like I owe you both thanks and an apology after this.
If you beat on a dead horse long enough, does reality loop around and resurrect it for a second whooping?
And in the end, it doesn't really matter.
3454797
ONLY PEACHES MATTER.
You are a brave man, PP.
3454797
Theoretically, this is the second whooping. X Is a Changeling was dead after season three. :B
3454810
Brave is the man who does know he is a fool.
Would It Matter If Jax Strangled All of Them?
static.themetapicture.com/media/funny-Bill-Nye-crying-matter-energy.jpg
3454797 I think it has to have a bit more time to settle before it can flare up again. Sort of like how you can drop the rake in the grass, but the grass needs to grow and cover it before you'll end up smacking yourself in the face.
3454820
Bad Horse already killed me and took my shirt, so I'm safe at least.
As I so boldly suggested in the SA chat:
Would Twilight Eating a Peach Matter if Button Mash Was Pav's Fault?
Cross the memes.
Cross them.
:)
3454862 Would it matter if Twilight's bathroom was covered in semen?
I'm not sure which was best, Risu or Lovecolt
3454950
Only if she teleports it all to Rainbow's house, which provokes Rainbow into covering Twi's shiny new palace with it.
3454950
Would It Matter If Twilight Covered Button Mash's Bathroom in Peaches?
3454796 Would it matter if you got both?
I feel like writing one of these now.
3455125
Do it. All the cool people are.
I'm not even sure how this became a thing. Was Jaxie's story really that attention-grabbing?
2015 Bring Back Peaches
3455487
Apparently!
3455125
DON'T DO IT! D:
3455610
I can do that.
It would only matter if that Horse had a Voice.
3455374
3455667
Hmm... I am getting conflicting advice. I'm going to have to go with the Magic 8-ball.
Q: Should I write this story, which will most likely amuse Admiral Biscuit but annoy Present Perfect?
A: "Better not tell you now"
I am deeply disappointed in your answer, Magic 8-ball.
You miiiiissed ooooooone! https://www.fimfiction.net/story/293338/would-it-matter-if-i-wasnt
3467359
I missed a bunch and there's a group for them now and I don't care anymore :V I'm done
3468015
Damn. For what it's worth, I thought the linked story had a good idea: Twilight asks Fluttershy if there's something wrong with her because she isn't psychologically damaged by the events of the royal wedding. It's a concept gotten from flipping around the title and who's asking who a question, but I think it works well, and is more concise in characterization and brevity than What Matters More, and I'd say it's almost as funny as well. I love me some mildly neurotic Twilight.
I'm mostly in agreement with you about being done with these sorts of stories, though. The only reason I read this one is because someone in the Fallout Equestria chat quoted this at me:
How could I resist?
3469034
Okay, you convinced me. <.<
3454796
You have crafted a delicious madness.