Friendship is Card Games Ponies Play · 1:55pm Jan 3rd, 2016
Come on, how could I pass up a blog title opportunity like that? 
In any case, this week, it's the introduction of the almighty force of professionalism that is Ms. Harshwhinny. And, you know, some other stuff.
I do like the interconnectedness of this episode and “Just For Sidekicks.” It’s been done elsewhere, but I still think it’s an interesting narrative device. I kind of wish the two were more closely linked, but that would likely dilute their individual stories.
That’s almost certainly Dash’s father in the flashback. I like to call him Bifröst. He has the dubious honor of being the first canonical pegasus parent we’ve ever seen. And, until “Rarity Investigates!” and Stormy Flare, the only canonical pegasus parent we’ve ever seen. I still blame lingering Pegasopolitan influence in Cloudsdale leading to a weak tradition of nuclear families. The quasi-Spartan warrior culture likely just had foals run half-wild in massive storm herds until they were old enough to hold a spear.
It’s nice to see the show explain why the Mane Six were chosen as the Empire’s welcoming committee. Literally every imperial citizen is working to make the place shine. Still, I don’t really think a cheerleading routine as the best way to get selected. And can you imagine how annoying it must have been for the other ponies on that car while they were practicing? (And yes, there were other ponies on that car.)
Dash, put down the child. Don’t you remember the time in flight camp with the crazy alicorn who—
Wait, sorry, wrong timeline.
I have to wonder how many times Twilight has bodily dragged all of her friends back on topic over the years. Probably at least a dozen. To be fair, they’ve probably done the same thing several times when she stalled while walking past a bookstore or historically inaccurate portrayal of Star Swirl.
Cadence apparently never attended a spa prior to coming to the Crystal Empire. Mud baths are a thing, Lovebutt. We’ve seen them on the show before, complete with seaweed wrap.
I do like the anti-anxiety breathing technique. Not only does it give Cadence a slice of the mentor pie, it helps Twilight work through one of her flaws without instantly eliminating it. It doesn’t always work, not even in this episode. This is one of Friendship is Magic’s greatest strengths. The characters really do grow over time, and we can see the steps they take.
If Ms. Harshwhinny knows about the importance of the ceremonial headdress, she has access to a history of the Crystal Empire so complete, I have to think that she went to its own library. On the one hand, I think Cadence may be overdoing it a touch. On the other hand, I wouldn’t put it past Harshwhinny to scour the archives for every shred of information about every location that thinks it’s worthy of hosting her Games.
The nervous messenger is a nice touch. This early in Cadence’s reign, the crystal ponies still haven’t quite internalized how she won’t execute them for the slightest imperfection.
Wait, if Cadence has all of the instructions on hoof, why not just trust the other stylists to follow them? Just because they don’t know it off the tops of their heads doesn’t mean they can’t follow a list. And given how Rarity seems to start from the bottom, I’m not sure if she can.
Much has been said about how luggage being the only identifier for the games inspector is both ridiculous and contrived. And it is. Seriously, couldn’t Twilight have done a little research on Ms. Harshwhinny before leaving for the Empire? Her picture’s probably in the papers. Still, at the risk of echoing Dash’s paranoia, the limited desription may be intentional. Harshwhinny may have been testing whether the welcoming committee had done that very research. And they didn’t. What does it say about you when you don’t even know who you’re looking to impress?
I like how Ms. Peachbottom’s pronking has a different sound than Pinkie’s.
Good attempt by Twilight to justify a welcoming committee that doesn’t live in the candidate city. I’m still not convinced.
It’s really weird to hear Twilight refer to Cadence as “the princess.” I just don’t expect her title to take primacy in Twilight’s mind. I suppose it’s the situation more than anything. Twilight’s doing this for the Crystal Empress, not her sister-in-law. Besides, Twilight is Celestia’s personal student. Respect towards royalty runs almost bone-deep for her. And it’s not like she has her own royal title…
I wonder if Ms. Peachbottom studied architecture in an attempt to overcome her claustrophobia by familiarizing herself with the technical details of confined spaces.
Meanwhile, Pinkie apparently fell back on her babysitting experience. When it doubt and out of flour, go for the silly faces.
I see Shining Armor spent some time as a drill instructor.
Have we done anything with Mustangia? I don’t recall ever seeing it in fan fiction.
It’s kind of a shame that Rarity isn’t available for the sector-by-sector search. The Empire’s already divided into six parts.
It’s really big of Dash to volunteer to confess to Cadence. She’s the one who wanted this the most. She’s the one most hurt by this. This is Loyalty in action. Also Laughter. Not the time for cinnamon buns, Pinkie.
Does it really count as an unbiased appraisal if it’s an appraisal of the welcome you were going to get anyway? Ms. Harshwhinny’s logic seems specious at best. Still, can’t argue with the results.
You know, it’s funny. I’ve seen so many explanations of the obvious logistic reasons why Cloudsdale wasn’t chosen to host the Games, I’d forgotten that the episode itself never mentioned them. Silly me.
Now, if you’ll look to your left, you’ll see the traditional trading card collage.
Calming Breath 1W
Sorcery
You gain 4 life.
Retrace (You may cast this card from your graveyard by discarding a land card in addition to paying its other costs.)
Anything that can get Twilight Sparkle to calm down qualifies as magic.
Crystal Mud Pit 1W
Instant
Prevent all damage that target creature would deal this turn.
Draw a card.
”Finally! Cruelty-free gelatin!”
—Spike
Provincial Pride 1WW
Instant
Creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.
Landfall — If you had a land enter the battlefield under your control this turn, those creatures get +2/+2 until end of turn instead.
Sudden Stop 3WW
Instant
Each attacking creature deals damage to itself equal to its power. Remove those creatures from combat.
The brakes on the Friendship Express are powerful enough to send anything sprawling.
Skip a Step 1U
Instant
Counter target wordy spell. (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of text in its text box.)
“If it doesn’t say it’s optional, then it isn’t.”
—Cadence, Princess of Serenity
Curse of Claustrophobia 2U
Enchantment — Aura Curse
Enchant player
At the beginning of your upkeep, if a land didn’t enter the battlefield under enchanted player’s control during his or her last turn, detain target creature that player controls. (Until your next turn, that creature can’t attack or block and its activated abilities can’t be activated.)
Desperate Messenger 2U
Creature — Pony Scout
2U, Sacrifice Desperate Messenger: Draw two cards.
Once a relay in Sombra’s army, she still lives in fear of the day when her ruler will declare her more useful dead than alive.
2/2
Aerobatic Mentor 3U
Creature — Pegasus Advisor
Flying
Whenever another creature with flying enters the battlefield under your control, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.
By the time Rainbow Dash went to flight camp, there wasn’t anything left for them to teach her.
2/2
Mistaken Identity 3U
Instant
Target creature becomes a copy of another target creature until end of turn.
”Sorry, I could’ve sworn you had wings for a moment.”
Crushing Disappointment 2B
Enchantment
Whenever a card is put into an opponent’s graveyard from anywhere, that player loses 1 life.
In a land as hopeful and bright as Equestria, every little tragedy hurts all the more.
Brink of Tragedy 3BB
Enchantment
At the beginning of each opponent’s upkeep, if that player controls twelve or more permanents, you may sacrifice Brink of Tragedy. If you do, that player sacrifices half the permanents he or she controls, rounded down.
Hysterical Charge R
Instant
Target creature gets +1/-1 until end of turn. That creature attacks this turn if able.
There are few things more dangerous than a panicking earth pony.
Porcupine Mane 1R
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+0 and has first strike.
”Very well, I suppose it has some uses, but it still looks frightful.”
—Rarity, Bearer of Generosity
Silly Display 2R
Sorcery
Until end of turn, creatures you control gain "Whenever this creature attacks, target creature can’t block this turn."
”Are you distracted yet?”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Royal Appeal 3R
Enchantment
Whenever a legendary creature enters the battlefield under your control, untap target creature. Gain control of that creature until end of turn. It gains haste until end of turn.
”A win’s a win, even if we get it because Twilight’s brother is hot.”
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
Crystal Splendor 2G
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant land
Whenever enchanted land is tapped for mana, its controller adds one colorless mana and one mana of any color to his or her mana pool (in addition to the mana the land produces).
The refractive properties of the Crystal Empire apply to mana as much as to light.
Charging Mustang 3G
Creature — Pony
Trample
Whenever Charging Mustang attacks, put a +1/+1 counter on it.
Mustangs hate tight, confined spaces, escaping them by any means necessary.
2/2
Grueling Regimen RG
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
At the beginning of your upkeep, Grueling Regimen deals 1 damage to enchanted creature.
Whenever enchanted creature is dealt damage, put a +1/+1 counter on it. (The damage is dealt before the counter is put on.)
“I will put you through Tartarus, and you will thank me for it.”
—Shining Armor
Harsh Judge 1WB
Creature — Pony Advisor
Whenever a player casts a spell, that player loses 2 life for each other spell he or she has cast this turn.
”All this ostentation is doing is convincing me that your city can’t stand up on its own merits.”
1/2
Crystal Headdress 1
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature has hexproof.
Equip 2
The arrangement of mane and crystals is so beautiful and elaborate, nothing dares touch it for fear of ruining it.
Crystal Stadium
Land
Crystal Stadium enters the battlefield tapped.
T: Add 1 to your mana pool.
T: Add one mana of any color to your mana pool. Each opponent gains 1 life.
I think everyone forgets about Mustangia because season three sucked and this episode was kind of butts. :B
Also, my usual headcanon to explain away "Rainbow Dad" when he's inconvenient is that he's her cool uncle who always took her to Wonderbolts shows and stuff. (Also, you're not the first person to use the name Bifrost for him, so I am obligated to tell you that it is a terrible name. <.<)
Cadence is the one who was dealt a bad hoof in this episode. She spent the whole time getting her hair done. That's not what being a princess should be about.
The porcupine mane was the highlight for me.
Glimpse the Unthinkable. Glimpse the Unthinkable again.
The flavour behind that is actually hilarious. "Oh, they have some kind of cosmic horror from beyond the mortal planes in here? Hot damn I need to see thi-oh, hm. Maybe if I look again...nope, still just looks like an ugly centipede monster. That's a letdown. Screw this wizard battle, I'm going home."
Apparently, this Grueling Regimen includes a diet of roasted Fungusaur.
3660954
You're not the first person to tell me it's a bad name, but I don't understand why people think so.
3660957
Getting her hair done and teaching Twilight breathing exercises. There's at least a small bright spot. And to be fair, coaching an athletic team isn't especially princely behavior either. Shining really needs to delegate.
3660963
"Nemesis of Reason? More like Nemesis of Fun. I'm out of here."
Wait, that actually happens sometimes.
3660965
Surviving Tartarus Week is considered a rite of passage.
3660981
I would play that card in every black deck ever just to find new and hilarious things for Planewalkers to bitch and moan about. Bonus points if you make them draw twenty and discard them. Doubly fun if they're playing a deck that runs out of the graveyard. "What so you just open up all these amazing possibilities and then toss them in my graveyard? Screw this, Karador Ghost-Chieftan out."
I agree. I think that the Pegasi assume that once a child is a big enough colt or filly to be able to fit into society at the lowest rung, the child can just fly off with its friends and be reasonably safe from anything save its own severe defects -- and a severely defective child is better not growing to adulthood. (Not that Show is ever going to go there).
I do think that Pegasi form stable couples and marry to have children: I just think that past a certain age (say, when the children get their Cutie Marks) they see their children only on special occasions. The children themselves are eager to move out, as they don't want to be seen as "foals" any more. Once the children have their Marks, they know something about their destinies and are ready to begin their apprenticeships.
It helps that even the Pegasi are relatively kindly by Human terms, especially to their children. Pony children in general aren't as likely to be abused or exploited by Pony adults as are Human children by Human adults. Any Pony who had such tendencies would be viewed as even more monstrous by other Ponies than is the case among Humans, and we tend to see this behavior as fairly monstrous in most cultures.
If you think about it, Pegasi are even more dominant life forms than are other Ponies -- a predator has to be able not only to be large and stealthy to successfully attack them, but also capable of flight (or the Pegasus has to be dumb enough to let its guard down near the ground). So the danger to the young isn't that great, though I still think that the Pegasi have a higher child mortality rate than do the other Kinds.
I think the other stylists are too afraid to screw up, and are either uneasy around Cadance like the messenger, or maybe the royal mane dresser is a real bitch or something and they don't want to make her mad by doing her job.
In any case, Rarity doesn't care for any of that and she's also a professional stylist, so why not?
Pretty sure Kaylee is the Princess of Serenity. Also, Mal is the king and gets to wear a shiny hat.
Curse of Claustrophobia is a neat card.
I guess Harshwhinney's hatred of storms would explain why Cloudsdale didn't get to host the games.
And your skill with flavor text continues to fail to disappoint.
3660981
It's very out of universe. Neither Equestria nor pegasus culture are particularly Norse, and it's just not the sort of name ponies ever get. I think Luna is the closest to "pony named for mythological something", and her name just means 'moon'.
My version of Mistaken Identity was quite different, being a creature type-based redirect spell. Let em see if I can find the version I uploaded to Deviantart...
Here it is. The version on my computer is a little different, being 1 cheaper and re-worded slightly. By your suggestion, I believe.
orig06.deviantart.net/749f/f/2013/051/d/8/mistaken_identity_by_shadic_x_hedgehog-d5voj7y.jpg
3661034
Well, when you live in a flying city with no guardrails, accidents are going to happen. Sadly, not every falling foal is lucky enough to be caught by a fortuitous swarm of butterflies.
3661045
True. I hadn't extended the messenger's fear to the stylists. Rarity may be the only one there not suffering from an itchy neck.
3661258
I suppose it does clash with the Greco-Roman motif they have going, though given Ahuizotl and the changelings, it'd be far from the only deviation from the theme. Still, you do make a good point about the proper noun issue, even if I love the excuse to type umlauts. I may need to think about this.
3661360
Oh yeah, I remember that. The redirect spell even more narrow and complicated than Meddle.
3661034
Not to mention simply keeping foals close by is a logistical impossibility, short of keeping them on leashes or in cages once a pegasus learns how to fly there is nothing stopping a them from flying away dozens or maybe even hundreds of miles in any possibly direction in a just a few hours, parents simply have to accept that their foals will be around just as long as they want to be around.
Mistaken Identity has some real potential, being able to force an opponent's creature into a second copy of a Legendary that player already has.
Crushing Disappointment is a card I'd run in Blue-Black mill, though I prefer to win via the mill it doesn't hurt to have some various other win conditions around.
Hysterical Charge is a good removal card, be it that neg one toughness or forcing the creature to attack into a blocker on your end.
Silly Display has some awkward wording to me. I had to read it twice to have an idea what it was supposed to do, then a few more times before I thought it worked. It does work, but, eigh, it doesn't quite grok for me is all I can say.
Maybe have it read as the following rule text wise;
Crystal Stadium is Grove of the Burnwillows all over again.
Now we just need something like Punishing Fire to go with it.
3662784
Dark matter butterflies.
3662891
I based Silly Display's wording on that of Ondu Rising, but adding a target to the triggered ability does complicate matters. Adjustment made.
Also, dark matter isn't especially dense; it's just dark. Those butterflies were clearly composed of neutronium.
3663486
I was making a refernce to the "physics brony" from a couple of years ago. Lot thinks made out of dark matter in Equrestia. Butterflies, A.J... .
3663802
I'm familiar with the meme. It just bothers me that it consistently uses the wrong kind of exotic matter.
I dunno, that seems kind of weak for the Avatar of Professionalism. While a Planeswalker seems much more her type, I'd like to offer this modest upgrade:
Miss Harshwhinny
2WB2WRLegendary Creature — Pony
Miss Harshwhinny does not untap during your untap phase if there are any Time Counters on her. Remove one Time Counter from Miss Harshwhinny during your upkeep.
T, add three Time Counters to Miss Harshwhinny: Each player chooses one land they control. You gain control of one of those lands, and the others are destroyed.
Tap one Filly and one Scooter under your control: Gain control of Miss Harshwhinny. Any player may activate this ability.
1/2
3665086
Harsh Judge is actually a reprint from FiCG: Flight to the Finish, where I acknowledge that any card that could properly capture Ms. Harshwhinny's majesty would break the game in half. Also, between the land destruction and the potential for theft, your design for her is frightfully red.
3665128
You're right, red makes a great deal more sense than black. With white I was A) subliminally invoking Wrath of God and B) trying to capture some of the thematic flavor of her as a paragon of professionalism and order. Black was a rough attempt to encompass her terrifying duality, but with white and red equally at odds that makes more sense.
In an effort to approximate her game-breaking majesty in a playable card, here's a stab at that planeswalker I mentioned. (Though the first judgment-rendering ability feels much more blue than white ...) Thoughts?
Harshwhinny, IEGC Head 3WR (...or maybe 2WUR?)
Planeswalker - Harshwhinny
+2 Target player reveals the top two cards of their deck. Exile one. That player draws the other.
0 Harshwhinny deals 3 damage to target creature. Place a trophy counter on that creature.
-8 Compare all creatures on the battlefield as if they had been drawn in a clash; for each trophy counter on a creature, add 1 to its converted mana cost. If there is a winner, take control of that creature and destroy all other creatures.
[ 4 ]
3667725
Given Ms. Harshwhinny's staunch professionalism and ironclad control in the absence of fillies on scooters, I think this design would work better, especially since I have no idea how to properly format that third ability:
Harshwhinny, IEGC Head 1WUB
Planeswalker — Harshwhinny
+1: Up to one target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn. Put a +1/+1 counter on that creature at the beginning of the next end step.
-1: Target player reveals the top card of his or her library and puts that card into his or her hand. That player loses life equal to that card's converted mana cost.
-6: Gain control of target creature with the greatest power among creatures on the battlefield. Destroy the rest.
4
3667830
That seems much more playable, although I ought to note that the original second ability was meant to invoke her legendary trophy-throwing ability (which is the point of the tortured thing with the tokens), and that the first was meant to have some sort of judgment flavor more so than as a card draw engine. I guess I can see that in the draw-and-pay-for-it ability too, but I like the specific sense of comparison that came from the original. Maybe that's where clashing would be appropriate?
Also, I can't help but feel that if there's going to be a planeswalker with a casting cost of 1WUB, it ought to be Vinyl, Verse-Sensitive.
3668800
You raise an excellent point. I was going for rewarding creatures that can withstand Harshwhinny's scrutiny, but it's just not the same without the judging. Fortunately, planeswalkers come with a lot of knobs to adjust. I think I know exactly what to do.
Harshwhinny, IEGC Head 2WB
Planeswalker — Harshwhinny
+1: Look at the top card of your library. You may reveal that card and put it into your hand. If you do, you lose life equal to its converted mana cost.
-3: Choose two target nonland permanents with the same controller. That player sacrifices one of them.
-7: Target player separates all nonland permanents he or she controls into two piles. That player sacrifices all permanents in the pile of your choice.
4
Ms. Harshwhinny judges everything.
3668910
BRB, gotta go buy a few thousand dollars worth of cards so I can assemble a Harshwhinny deck.
Nifty!
And thank you for indulging my best-pony-based noodling.
3671241
Happy to be of assistance. Heck, I may just make this into something for the Harshwhinny fanart thread.