Just a few things · 5:14pm Feb 5th, 2016
Hey
Hows... Hows it uh, going?
Aheh, yeah sorry haven't been around much, or writing much. January was a particularly bad month for me and my productivity hit a hell of a post-Winter slump, which seems to be a trend. I actually have plenty of free time right now I just... can't seem to make myself use it for writing all the things I want to write (and there is so much I want to write, like fucking shit, sooooo much)
I mean BM is already nearly at 1 million words and that's fucking ridiculous. Thats like, what? J.R.R. Tolkien levels of bullshit? I mean, I take the guy as my taskmaster when it comes to writing fantasy but this is embarrassing. Thing is, it'd be more words and we'd be further along in the storyline by now if I didnt have these little mental shut downs whenever I actually get free time to write stuff, don't know what to tell you guys. Its not even proper writer's block either, I know what I want to write and how to write it, ideas and plotlines and dialogue is not the problem, its the will to write.
Sometimes I wish I were a graphophile (contrary to popular belief, I am not one) and just write till I die or something, but then we'd be stuck with a 2 million word story and ain't nobody got time for that shit.
Sorry, I'm trashing my own story too much to make myself feel better, but I won't lie and say that there are not times when I open the doc and say 'fuck it' for the day and then lay down, vegetate and do nothing for a full 24 fucking hours. Music used to help but music hasn't been doing it for me lately. There were in fact entire chapters spurred into creation because of one song or one album going through my head. I don't 'write to music' or weave song meanings into my stories all the time, but songs did give me the motivation to get shit done. Its how I did the Equestrian Express chapter all in one sitting while listening to Flogging Molly. Or how that scene with Chrysalis (you know the one) was inspired by the scissor sisters song (and because I thought it was funny) But now? Nothing, music isn't doing shit for the motivation.
Isn't burn out either, I had been struggling for the past year to get things written and uploaded on time because of my work, not because I have a creative drought. Don't know what's wrong.
Well not entirely, have a fancy arcane compass I drew for a forum game I am running:
But other than that? Nope. Nothing. Zilch. Just a few lines of the next chapter written and its been like that for a week now.
Sorry I have nothing more productive to offer you than yet another blog where I am bitching about the creative process, but, frankly, its either that or I don't write a blog at all, and I'd rather not be an entirely silent author all things concerned. I appreciate all the comments telling me to just take my time with it, but that's the thing, time is not the issue, its something else I cant put my finger on and its stopping not just BM, but pretty much all of my hobbies. Used to fucking love conquering shit in CKII, now I cant be arsed with it.
Eh, whatever happens, happens I guess. Its like being tired without being tired and its all the fucking time. I'll try to pull through for next Monday, but you already know this song and dance. Slan go phoile.
[14:34:47] Tsar Galloglasses: heh
[14:34:54] Tsar Galloglasses: oh also BM is back to 50 downvotes
[14:35:05] Tsar Galloglasses: I swear its the same one or two guys being indecisive every time
[14:35:15] Bowen Levine: Hahaha
[14:37:02] Bowen Levine: Well now that you're in the popular story range (+1000) you'll have more general chucklefucks coming along to see what the fuss is about.
[14:37:13] Bowen Levine: That's both good and bad
[14:38:19] Tsar Galloglasses: BM has never been that much of a fuss, I cant recall it ever staying on FP for longer than an hour at any one time.
[14:40:37] Bowen Levine: Well it isn't one of the countless stories left at the bottom of the pile and forgotten about. That's pretty fucking good for an epic. I've seen stories with less than 30 likes that are half a million words, as an extreme example.
[14:40:53] Tsar Galloglasses: what shit really?
[14:40:56] Tsar Galloglasses: how is that even possible?
[14:41:11] Tsar Galloglasses: I mean, i resigned myself to that fate when I started but I didn't think it happened
[14:41:51] Bowen Levine: It can happen, usually not so bad but it does.
[14:42:26] Bowen Levine: The one I saw is actually the longest chain of books on Fimfic
[14:42:44] Bowen Levine: It's some 10 or so stories about Luna
[14:43:06] Bowen Levine: That pop in at over 6 million words, I shit you not.
[14:43:15] Tsar Galloglasses: do not want
[14:43:40] Bowen Levine: hehehe
[14:43:54] Tsar Galloglasses: wait
[14:43:59] Tsar Galloglasses: is this that [REDACTED] thing?
[14:44:21] Bowen Levine: Don't know
[14:44:25] Tsar Galloglasses: oh my God it is
[14:44:38] Bowen Levine: It was a while ago I saw it
[14:45:25] Tsar Galloglasses: wait
[14:45:32] Tsar Galloglasses: if your epic was all one story this cant be it
[14:45:41] Bowen Levine: Nah
[14:45:43] Bowen Levine: It isn't
[14:45:50] Bowen Levine: Hold on
[14:47:31] Bowen Levine: [WHOOPS]
[14:47:35] Bowen Levine: It starts here
[14:48:40] Tsar Galloglasses: ...
[14:48:42] Tsar Galloglasses: Yeah no
[14:48:52] Tsar Galloglasses: Jesus I need to finish BM before it ever becomes something like this
Art by Karzahnii
Hmm... It's not THAT long I mean THIS is a really long fic, and BM is still going strong.
Aw man! I don't know how to tell you this. But what you just described sound just about right to be the legendary middle-age crisis.
Ps. Be wary that middle-age crisis doesn't tough only at 40.
3734798 I am literally only 25 years of age, how the shit could I be having a mid life crisis? I'm not even married let alone getting over the hill in my life.
3734802 Not in the mood Johannes
3734803 It happens man, it really do. I've gone through mine about year ago, (it was then that I started writing 'cause I couldn't took it anymore) and I'm just 22.
I know exactly how you feel, it's like all the "creative juices" are flowing, but somewhere a valve is closed between production and application.
Without a driving force, it seems as if all the free time in the world matters for naught. With a stoked fire and pen in hand, anything could be done with the backlog of material. However, without that fire nothing gets done.
Ideas are worthless without application.
How to get it back is a question of the ages. I tried digging up old music and art that inspired, but found that it did nothing for the drive to do that's missing.
On a lighter note, that's a really fuckin' metal compass.
3734820 BM is already pretty Superversive as it is, I'm well on board the Puppy express, but this is not the same problem.
3734862 Yes and no, there was a spiritual matter but that's more or less over with and this problem is basically left in the wake, I don't think its related.
3734862
*Record scratch*
Wh-wha?
My creativity is the opposite. I usually have long bursts of no creativity, and then short bursts of creativity where I can either write or make music. And then weeks or months where I do literally nothing. Well, not really creativity, but the urge to do something. Yeah, that's the word. But that is due to my depression, so I'm used to it. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck, though.
Losing drive for hobbies and feeling a want to just do nothing sound one hell of a lot like depression. Those are two classic signs and I've personally dealt with it. Depression doesn't necessarily entail feeling "sad", but can often be compared to feeling " blank", if you will.
Anyway, I hope you can find a way out of this slump of yours, best wishes to you.
The only person who can they've never done that is a liar.
I've read Project Horizons, I think I can survive to the length of this story
Some of us are thrilled your still alive, and will take that in any state. I am figuring out the feeding of my family. As someone who spent time in a rut, it's what it sounds like to me. Good luck in any event, and I will be praying for you.
Well then, consider yourself bitched at to get writing.
More seriously, I think you might need to find a way to shake things up a bit. Do something crazy and/or stupid and see how you feel after the fact. Go jump out of an airplane or something just to do something different and get your mind on a different track and see if that helps you get yourself back on track.
Handyman, if you have the spare cash order some nootropic energy supplements online.
This way you can rule out nutritional deficiency as a cause for your depressive slump, as that is where a lot of depression syndromes spawn from.
How is your breathing at day and night, if you are a snorer or a mouth breather then you are getting oxygen deprived constantly, which drains motivating energy capacity. It could be seasonal allergy, or the weather, or a illness that is below critical mass, or some mold growing in your home, or other things.
Hearing that someone's sense of ambitious energy just up and disappeared incredibly disturbs me! Ive done a lot of research on this and really want more bad mondays!
For now, if you're not feeling all that creative then why don't you just use your blogs for venting and rambling more often? It's not that much effort and I'm pretty sure most of us won't mind. It'll keep your fingers typing and your mind on horseword related stuff.
Oh and it's graphomaniac, not graphophile. I got my words mixed up at the time. Graphophillia is an obsessive love of writing, graphomania is the compulsion to write. Soz man.
Shhh, shhh, I'm here for you bby.
You know I don't like you being all serious and real talk.
Here, see if this can't motivate you a little:
At least the cinematic at the beginning is worth a little attention.
Hope ya feel better Handyman, stay stellar.
Giggles manically
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technically, bm has surpassed tokien levels of bullshit. the whole lotr trilogy is ~475k words. if BM is at 1m, then it's at 2x the amount of tolkien bullshit. so yeah. its a long-ass story. which is great, bm is awesome =D
source:http://cesspit.net/drupal/node/1869/
Long time lurker, finally made an account, namely due to this story and your frequent posts. It sounds like you might need to branch out for sources of motivation. I know that sometimes I get stuck in a rut when trying to work on a project (like the one I'm procrastinating from right now) and need some outside inspiration. Consuming new media seems to give me the energy to soldier on. It also sounds like your Byronic hero Handy is due for some introspection as well. I'll leave some auditory fuel here. Hope you can stand stand some drum & bass.
Pendulum's In Silico
Pendulum's Remix of Voodoo People
For staring off into the distance, all introspective and such.
Makkon's Dregs of a Bitter Cup
Since Handy seems to be an undying, unholy death knight vampire, maybe look into the works of E Nomine
Finally, something both you and Handy might need to remember.
Keep being yourself man. If you need to take a break then put Bad Mondays on hiatus and have the time of your life.