The Enchanted Crossbow of Ezamandurth · 3:27am Feb 18th, 2016

Ah yes, the enchanted crossbow. One of the most highly-prized items in the entire multiverse. Many men and ponies alike would give anything to possess it, and the list of those who have died in their attempts to secure it is endless. It lies in The Mystic Temple of Ezamandurth, in the Inverted Mountains just beyond the Northern borders of the Crumb Kingdom, and is zealously guarded by over three-hundred fanatical monks, dozens of deadly traps, and no fewer than seven fire-breathing dragoons.* However, no one knows quite why this is, because all the blessed thing ever does is announce "I'm cross," and then refuse to fire, much to the chagrin of all (or most of) those who have ever possessed it.
The precise history behind the crossbow is shrouded in mystery. Some say it was all a dreadful joke by a particularly crass god with a taste for puns. However, most of the people who say that are generally just trying to get themselves noticed in pubs, and should be ignored by anyone who wishes to maintain even the slightest hint of sanity.
The most plausible origin story relates to the famous Wendell the Wily Wizard. The story goes that Wendell, although in most respects quite happy with his life, which allowed him to get on with reading huge dusty books, turning princes into frogs, casting young maidens into thousand-year sleeps, and other such wizardly activities; was possessed of a spectactuarly grumpy, contrary and stubborn servant, one 'Edgar of Othelbury'. Wendell would make a perfectly reasonable request, such as "Fetch a fresh jar of pickled newt's tails," or "Make me another cheese and cucumber sandwich," but Edgar would simply grunt something to the effect that the wizard could jolly well fetch it himself. On one or two occasions he is even reported to have demanded money for his services, although accounts differ, and it is reasonable to assume that not even Edgar could be that vulgar.
Wendell was, of course, having none of this, and so he set a trap for Edgar. He instructed his lackadasical servant to guard a magical tome, but on no account to open it. He knew of course, that Edgar, being the unhelpful and contrary fellow that he was, would be sure to open the book as soon as Wendell was out of earshot, and would then be surprised by the transformation spell that was hidden in its pages, and transformed into a melon, which the wizard intended to feed to his fleas. Wendell retreated to the next room, and awaited the noise of the spell going off in the unfortunate Edgar's face. But to no effect: he waited, nothing happened. Edgar was contrary enough to know instinctively that Wendell wanted him to open the book, and, as such, didn't. Enraged at his servant's inconsistancy, Wendell burst back into the room, and immediately trapped Edgar's sprit in an old crossbow, which happened to be lying around.
The moral of the story is, of course, that wizards are just bad losers, and that if you happen to get in a disagreement with one, it's worth just apologising and admitting that you were in the wrong.
Incidently, because of this spell, Edgar has far outlived the wizard, who was famously killed by an army of vengeful empty whisky bottles whom he had, in his drunken stupor, rather foolishly brought to life - although it is believed that he was probably too drunk to realise it, and insisted he was still alive for several years afterwards, claiming that, being drunk, he had been killed without consent, and that as such it 'didn't count'. Wendell was famous for his sense of fair play, insofar as it applied to him not losing after all.
This story is difficult to substantiate. Wendell the Wizard lived many centuries ago, and most surviving records of that time are extremely whimiscal and largely absolute balderdash, that generations of librarians have preserved as 'a sort of joke'. An obvious solution would be to ask the Crossbow, but, as mentioned, it is famous for its unhelpfulness, and so far all questions have proved unsuccessful.
Tradtionally, The Monks of Ezamandurth are permitted to ask the Crossbow a single question every year, which it is spell-bound to answer truthfully. Once, these questions were deep, probing questions about the nature of time, mortality, etc., but in recent years a new world-view based on realism has become prominent in some religious circles, and the question is these days almost always "What'll win the next Grand National?" The fact the Temple of Ezamandurth is now one of the richest in the Crumb Kingdom is a testament to the Crossbow's accuracy and reliabilty.