THE CRITIQUE'S SECOND YEAR ANNIVERSARY · 8:19pm Mar 23rd, 2016
Two years… Two years I’ve been doing this… So, what could I possibly review for such a monumental occasion?
…
…
You know? What the hell? I’m doing it. That’s right. The big ones. The two big ones. Two of the most controversial My Little Pony fics of all time. Two fics that split fans straight down the middle. The two fics that started a whole slew of grimdark fics.
That’s right…
I’m talking about Cupcakes… and Rainbow Factory. That’s right. For my 2nd anniversary, I’m giving you guys… A two for one special. Special on shit!
The first fic we are going to talk about is Cupcakes. And it’s difficult to talk about this fic, without going into it’s creation, the history and the impact it has had on the brony community as a whole.
Cupcakes first appeared early 2011. I couldn’t find the exact date of the original stories post, but some believe it was as early as January 2011 since there is a clear reference in the story that suggest it was after episode 12. The episode where Pinkie Pie teaches Apple Bloom how to make cupcakes.
It appeared on 4chan’s imageboard for a time before finding it’s way to Equestria Daily where the fic was claimed to be written by Sergeant Sprinkles.
The fic spread about the internet, becoming one of the most read fics of all time. Certainly one of the most talked about Pony fic then and since. Fan art of the fic has popped up like daisies since then and there are even animated videos of the story that played out.
Protectors of Plot Continuum Wiki has named this one of the Legendary Bad Fics of all time. And other reviews such as the FanFic Critic have critiqued this as well, calling it ‘Mindless Torture’. Claiming it to be ‘Disturbing and gross.’ Before asking God to have mercy on the fan fiction critic’s soul for having to read this.
Joke’s on you, sister! My soul is already damned to hell! I’m living it!
It spread throughout the brony community and it caused a rift between the fans almost as large as the ‘Who is Best Pony?’ argument did. Fans were split between whether this was a brilliant characters study of what Pinkie Pie would be like if she was a serial killer/cannibal. Claiming that the horror was perfect in this representation and that it was genuinely frightening.
Others would say that the fic was a gore porn fic that had as much depth as a paperclip. The violence was completely unjustified, the story was boring overall with nothing happening in it, and plain unreadable due to the level of gore and torture within in it.
What do I think of this?
Well, we’ll come back to that. The point is, fans were split about the fic to the point where several sites didn’t allow mention of the fic or allowed it to be posted on several sites. Hell, I can’t even find the original story on FIMFiction.
Whether this is because the author has little interest in promoting the fic, since it’s more popular than God, or that the mods of the site dislike Cupcakes as far enough to ban the original story from the site, is up for speculation.
Regardless, if you’ve been a brony for any amount of time, you’ve probably ran into someone talking about this or heard jokes at its expense. Hell, I myself have made jokes in the past about the fic, but never actually sat down and reviewed this fucker before. I’ve read it in the past a couple times and had even watched a couple of the animated videos.
Does that mean I think it’s good? And there is genuinely something worthwhile here? Or am I just a sick fuck?
Well, let’s not waste anymore of your precious time. Let’s dig into some Cupcakes by Sergeant Sprinkles.
As always, this fic is highly disturbing and most likely this review will likely contain some highly shocking imagery and well as gore. If these make you uncomfortable in any way, I suggest skipping this review. I will completely understand.
For the rest of you, enough stalling. Let’s begin…
The air was warm, the sun was shining, and all of Ponyville was having a glorious day.
Well, at least the story got one trope of bad writing right. Boring as fuck introduction.
I’m sorry, I don’t care how ‘ironic’ this is supposed to be, no story that is interesting should start with this. I say ‘ironic’ but I doubt that it was intended to be that way and it’s the story not having any idea how to do an intro so it just writes ‘The sun was shining over Ponyville.’
Our story begins with Rainbow Dash flying over the town, for no better reason other than to hammer home the fact of what happens in the story with heavy foreshadowing…
The pegasus swooped over a schoolyard, much to the delight of the children. Climbing several hundred feet, she dove, going as fast as she could. Seconds before hitting the ground, her wings flew open and she took off back into the clear blue. Rainbow felt alive.
Ooooh, I sure hope this doesn’t create contrast. Where she is alive here and she isn’t later. The foreshadowing is so fucking dark that I could mistake it for a blackout!
Then she remembered that she had somewhere to be; she supposed to meet with Pinkie Pie in five minutes. She’d gotten so caught up in her exercises that she nearly forgot.
Oh, so she actually did have somewhere to be. Thanks for the lies, story. Anything else you want to lie about, like how you don’t actually jerk off to the mutilated bodies you’ve got stored in your basement.
Pinkie had asked Dash to meet her at Sugercube Corner at three. She didn’t say why or what they’d be doing, but Dash knew that with Pinkie, it could be anything. She wasn’t sure if she really wanted to go, though. She was so engaged with her stunts that she thought about blowing Pinkie off to continue flying.
Okay, wait, so Rainbow Dash thought about blowing Pinkie Pie off? That’s kind of dickish?! I realize the irony in that, but remember if this was the first time anyone read the story, Rainbow Dash would have been seen as a bitch. And as I recall, Rainbow Dash seemed to enjoy Pinkie Pie’s company as seen in ‘Gilda the Brushoff’.
So, why wouldn’t she want to know? The only reason I can think of is that the author knew what was going to happen and it was so messy that it splattered its way onto Rainbow Dash and somehow she got premonitions too.
Try to control that mess of yours, story!
But Rainbow Dash’s conscious gets the better of her and she makes her way to Sugarcube Corner.
“Yay, you’re here, you’re here. I’ve been waiting allll day.” Said the jumping pony.
I realize this is something Pinkie would do, but why hold on the ‘l’? When you sing, you don’t hold the consonants. You hold the vowels. It makes no sense for her to go ‘Uhllllllllllll’
So, Pinkie Pie explains that she wants her help making cupcakes with her. Rainbow Dash says that she’s not all that good at baking, but Pinkie Pie assures her that her part is easy. Rainbow Dash reluctantly agrees, and Pinkie Pie gives her a cupcake to cool her nerves. Rainbow Dash eats it, but then quickly passes out.
When she wakes up she finds herself in a dungeon of sorts. And this is seriously the last time I am going to warn you guys. It gets fucked up from here. I mean… even more so than usual around here. If any of you feel that you cannot handle what is about to happen, please, turn back now. Don’t come crying to me if you read on and get scarred by what happens.
Let’s begin…
When Dash regained conciseness, she found herself in a dark room. She tried to shake her head but found that the taut leather strap kept it firmly in place. She struggled to move, but the braces around her chest and limbs glued her to the upright planks. Her legs were spread wide apart. The only part of her not tied down were her wings as the frame was backless. As she writhed, Pinkie jumped into her line of sight.
“Goodie, you’re awake. Now we can get started.” She gleefully stated. She was pushing a cart covered with a cloth.
Oh, goody, a story that can’t spell the word ‘consciousness’ is the most revered story of all time. I am truly living in hell!
So, yeah, Rainbow Dash finds herself tied to a table and Pinkie seems to not be bothered by it. Turns out, this is just Pinkie Pie baking cupcakes extreme edition. Rainbow Dash has to be tortured by watching Pinkie Pie eat the cupcakes while she starves. She goes really slow and suggestive with the cupcakes in front of Rainbow Dash, while Pinkie Pie stuffing them in her holes…
Which is actually less fucked up than what actually happens.
“You are helping. You see. I ran out of the special ingredient and I need you to get more.”
“Special ingredient”? Dash was now breathing heavily and starting to panic. “What special ingredient”?
Pinkie giggled and responded “You, silly”
Yes, Pinkie Pie is going to murder Rainbow Dash and turn her into a pie. I mean… Cupcakes. Sorry, I forgot I wasn’t reading Sweeney Todd. Oh, wait? You thought this was an original thought? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, my friend. You see, this is heavily based of the story of Sweeney Todd. See, the original story has a character named Sweeney Todd as a barber who is also a psychotic killer. After slitting the throat of his victims, he gives the victims to a neighbor named Mrs. Lovett, who bakes the victim into pies to sell them to her customers.
So, yeah, this story is based of a famous novel. Does that mean this story absorbs some of it’s talent?
Actually, no. Because, this story… It’s basically over. This story has nothing left. This story played it’s final trump card, right there. There is nothing that goes on in this story, except that Pinkie Pie murders Rainbow Dash really slowly and sadistically. I’ll get back to why this pisses me off as much as it does, but let’s finish up the story first.
Rainbow Dash, of course, thinks this is a joke, but Pinkie Pie assures her that it isn’t. Even saying a line that is a tad out of character for her.
Pinkie giggled even more. “Aw, thanks Dash. But I haven’t done pranks today, so I can’t accept your praise. “
I don’t know why, but the words ‘I can’t accept your praise’ seems a bit too… adult to be in the mind of Pinkie Pie. Now, I’m not saying that Pinkie Pie can’t have sparks of intellect, but I’ve always seen Pinkie Pie as more of a child in an adult’s body. She’s very innocent and sees the world they way a little kid would see it. But when it comes down to it, she can still be an adult and still take responsibility for what’s going on around her.
And yes, before you ask, I am nitpicking the shit out of it. I’m going to nitpick until I can’t find anymore nits to pick!
Dash was now in full panic mode. She was starting to hyperventilate. Her mind was racing and she tried to reason with the pink pony. “You can’t do this Pinkie! I’m your friend!”
“I know you are and that’s why I’m so happy it’s that I’ve got you here. We get to share your last moments together, just you and me.” She was skipping again.
“But, the other ponies will wonder where I am. When the clouds pile up, they’ll come looking for me and then you’ll get found out.” Dash was desperate.
Actually, I’d like to second that, Pinkie Pie. Rainbow Dash isn’t just a random pony you picked up off the street, she’s a friend of Twilight Sparkle, a wielder of the Elements of Harmony, and a household name in Ponyville. So much so, that, in the story you just wrote, schoolkids were cheering as she flew by.
So, what is your big plan in getting Rainbow Dash to essentially disappear?
“Oh, Dash” Pinkie said “don‘t worry, there are plenty of pegasus to take care of a few clouds. And besides, no will find out. I mean, how long do you think I’ve been doing this?” And with that the lights suddenly came to life and showcased the rest the room.
… Um… wrong… The correct answer would been.
Shit! I didn’t think that one through!
“Oh god, no” Dash reeled in horror at the image presented to her. The room was decorated with a typical but twisted Pinkie Pie flair. Colorful streamers of dried entrails danced around the ceiling, brightly painted skulls of all sizes were stuck on the walls, and organs done up in pastels filled with helium tied to the backs of chairs. The tables and chairs were made of bones and flesh of past ponies. Dash cringed at the center piece on the table nearest to her. The heads of four foals, their eyes closed like they were sleeping, wearing party hats made from their own skin. She recognized one of them as Apple Bloom’s classmate. Her eyes darted back and forth and then gazed up at the patchwork banner hanging from the rafters. Made from several pony hides, the words “Life is a party” were scrawled in red.
Okay, here’s my problem with this big ‘horrible’ reveal that’s suppose to be so shocking. It’s clear that flesh has been added to her little soiree, but here’s the thing, flesh rots! Flesh, at room temperature, rots. There is no mention of any kind of freezing temperatures or any kind of solvent that keeps the skin of the ponies she’s killed from rotting and decaying. So, wouldn’t there be some kind of horrible odor coming from the fucking basement of Sugarcube Corner? Or do Mr. and Mrs. Cake just assume that Pinkie Pie has very corpse smelling farts? I don’t care what you say, Pinkie, no amount of Febreeze is going to fix this.
I know, I fucking tried.
I realize that not every episode came out at this point, but there was still Applebuck Season, which showed that Mr and Mrs. Cake allowed Pinkie to run their shop while they were away. Fair enough, but you can’t expect the odors not to have some kind of impact on their business to want to find out what is going on. It’s clear she doesn’t use all of it, since she has organs and entrails and such. I suppose embalming is a thing, but I don’t remember embalming involving fucking organs.
“Oh Dash, you didn’t do anything. It’s just that your number came up and, well, I don’t make rules. We can’t turn back now.”
Wait, she doesn’t make the rules? Then who fucking does? Are we given context for this?! Who the fuck makes the rules that Pinkie Pie needs to follow in order to stay alive?! So much so, that she would sacrifice her best friend to do it! Is it Angel?! I’ll bet it was him, wasn’t it?
Pinkie Pie reveals that she has also killed several other characters, such as Gilda and Trixie. Mostly because no one would miss them. Okay, I’ll give it that considering the timeline, but FUCKING RAINBOW DASH WON’T BE MISSED?!
This isn’t like Sombra where nobody fucking cared. The story only picked Rainbow Dash because Rainbow Dash was the most popular and it knew it would get the most shit if it took out a popular character rather than an unpopular one. That’s the only reason the story picked Rainbow Dash and it hopes you’ll forget that with some gory imagery.
Well, I’m immune to your sick, twisted ways.
So, let’s make everyone else throw up, shall we?!
She picked up a scalpel and walked over to Dash’s right flank. Without any flair, she placed the blade an inch above her cutie mark and started a circular cut around it. Her lungs working overtime, Dash shouted in pain and tried desperately to pull away. But the braces held her still. Finishing the incision, Pinkie grabbed the curved skinning knife from the tray. She worked it under the skin and sliced the hide away from the muscle. Dash ground her teeth as she tearfully watched as her flesh came off. Pinkie then moved to the other side and completed the other flank. Once she was done, Pinkie held up both cutie marks in front of her friend and started waving them like pompoms.
Then, stretching the wing out, she brought the blade down at the base. Instantly, Dash screamed and thrashed her appendage. The movement threw off Pinkie Pies aim. She tried to hit the mark again but missed wide and put a huge slice in Rainbow’s back.
She took another whack and hit the target. She swung again and again, blood spraying into the air, but realized she wasn’t getting anywhere. The blade just wasn’t going through the bone.
Pinkie placed the tool over the last attempt. It effortlessly sailed through the bone and skin.
Suddenly, she yanked the wing as hard as sure could. The bone snapped but the skin held tight. The pull ripped a long strip flesh down Dash’s back to her rump.
And for the most horrible moment in the story…
“Didn’t anybody teach you any manners? It’s very rude to fall asleep when somebody invites you over to spend time with them. How would like if I came over to your house and went to sleep.
That … missing… ‘you’... can’t hold it…
Okay… Now that that’s out of my system… Let’s keep going, shall we?!
Also, Pinkie Pie’s kind of a bitch here. Like she has no idea who painful this is for the pony they do this to. Perhaps this is the child thing, the insanity thing or a combination of both, and I don’t really buy either. Why? Because the child thing would eventually get the hint that, ‘Oh, those screams are actually not of cheer, but of pain’ and the insanity thing is never given context. Okay, yeah, cutting up your friends and turning them into cupcakes is pretty fucked up, but we’re never shown Pinkie Pie being insane in everyday situations. How does she hold herself up in normalcy for this story?
I know it’s trying to base itself off the show, but I very much doubt the writer’s thought that Pinkie Pie was a lunatic.
I meant, pre-episode 25! And even to that notion, that side of Pinkie Pie has never shown up again. Or maybe season 5 saw it happened. Wouldn’t know. It didn’t even appear in the fucking Cheese Sandwich episode, so it’s likely that it was just a one time thing.
Either way, this holds really no water for me. Not in the story itself, nor if the story is relying on the show to hold it up.
Not to mention that the story switches back and forth between Rainbow Dash’s point of view and Pinkie’s. I know it’s in third person, but sometimes it’s in the same fucking paragraph. One moment the story will describe, very generically I might add, how Rainbow Dash’s back burns and then it will turn to Pinkie Pie thinking about her other victims.
Oh, Pinkie, don’t you know it’s rude to think about other people while you have company over. And you call Rainbow Dash rude.
But enough about that, let’s get back to Saw… ing… Off… Rainbow Dash’s body … a.k.a Saw: Pony Edition.
Pinkie then popped something red into her mouth and began to chew. She noticed Dash was staring at her.
“What?” she asked. “Oh this?” Holding up another piece. “Well, while YOU were asleep, I got a little impatient and helped myself sample. I got it from your leg, you’re not bad. Wanna try some”?
Pinkie picked up the can and walked over to Dash’s left. Carefully picking up a nail and grabbing a hammer, she positioned the spike at the seam between her leg and her hoof.
“No! Pinkie NO!” Dash screamed. “NO! NO!”
The hammer came down and the nail punctured under her skin.
With a moist, gooey sound, the new door flapped opened. The sight of her own organs and the lack of feeling caused Dash’s breathing to intensify. Pinkie sliced open the abdominal sac and grabbed the large intestines. Separating it from the rest of the digestive tract and pulling them from the forming cavity, Pinkie was getting jovial and starting making jokes. Dash, growing weaker from the new source of blood loss, tried to shut out the comedy act. Pinkie was laughing.
And so our story ends, with Rainbow Dash finally closing her eyes for the last time. The final act of betrayal for every pony, every fan and every reader of this story.
So, now that that’s done what did I think of it?
… It’s about as stupid as most of the other shit I’ve read.
While the writing is nowhere near as bad as others I’ve read, this is still a horrible fic. And I can already hear the screams in my ears, “Oh, you don’t like it because it’s gory and it made you sick.’
Actually, no. I don’t mind gore in my story. I just have a problem when that’s all it relies on. You may recall me mentioning the Saw series earlier and I don’t make that comparison lightly. The Saw franchise seems to have a played a huge role in the creation of this fic to the point of being pointless mindless gore fest. And you also may recall that I didn’t like the Saw franchise, since it was essentially gore porn with a convoluted story that even the newest writer would be saying ‘God, this story is kind of shit.’
Cupcakes is basically more of that. Except without the buildup. See, this story feels like it should be the climax to something. This gore scene, while the descriptions of it are shit, could work if it had earned it. See, the first Saw movie earned its horrific death scene because it built it up the entire fucking time. And it was one of the few instances I tolerated it.
But this fic goes straight into it without any build up or context. How interesting would it have been if Pinkie Pie’s actions had been foreshadowed by other mysterious deaths and investigators and forensic are trying to determine what really happened, letting the imagination run wild before finally revealing what’s really going on.
Instead, this fic blows it’s load out before we’ve even unzipped our zippers. I haven’t even had time to get it up yet before the story is over. Leaving me disappointed.
Not to mention the gaping plot holes that the story didn’t want to acknowledge and hopes that if it throws enough organs and blood of your favorite character, then you’ll stop looking at it. Unfortunately, I bloody can’t. See, Pinkie? I can be sick too.
For example, why the hell is Pinkie Pie murdering everypony? Does she have some kind of motive? I’m not expert on murdering, I’m still working out the minor kinks, but I’d think the first thing you’d want to do is have a reason for killing people.
She mentions a ‘rules’ thing, but what rules? Who’s rules? She says she doesn’t make them, she just follows them! So, who’s rules are we talking about?! How did they get Pinkie?
The story chalks them up to ‘Fuck you, here’s Rainbow Dash’s kidneys’
It’s honestly a weak ass fic that only got as popular as it did for it’s controversial thing and is more revered by bronies than it has any right to. While much better fics are left pissing in the wind. And the fact that bronies still hold this fic to such high esteem should probably speak to us as a community with ‘What the Fuck is wrong with us?’
The second story I want to talk about is Rainbow Factory by AuroraDawn. I couldn’t find as much information on the creation of this fic as I could Cupcakes, but here’s what I found.
It was originally written as a musical piece by a brony named Glaze, or WoodenToaster as some of you might know him. In the piece, it’s not exactly clear what happens in the factory, just that there is more than what the show initially showed, in a dark and gruesome kind of way. I’m not overly fond of WoodenToaster’s music, but that’s basically irrelevant and Toaster has brought joy to over 200,000 bronies, so there you go.
Eventually, it was found by AuroraDawn and wrote a fanfic about it, which became quite popular. However, this fic never got the amount of controversy or infamy that Cupcakes got. Why? Well, I have a theory, but I’ll get to that a bit later.
This story came out in August 2011, almost a year after Cupcakes came out. Did Cupcakes inspire this story? It’s possible. If it is, I haven’t found any evidence suggesting that. But like Cupackes, it inspired a slew of alternate versions of the story. Hell, AuroraDawn even went back and did a sequel to this story called ‘Pegasus Device’, that actually delved more into the characters and the psychologic ramifications of what they were doing.
But that’s enough of the history lesson, let’s dig into Rainbow Dash’s Revenge for what Pinkie Pie did to her by AuroraDawn.
There’s long been rumors as to how, exactly, rainbows are made in Equestria.
Well, that’s easy. First, you need a mommy Rainbow Dash and a daddy Rainbow Dash…
What’s know is that great streams of Spectra, the individual colours of the rainbow, flow through large grates and into vast vats.
This sentence really bothers me. ‘What’s know’? I’m not sure if this is any correct way of speaking, but I highly doubt it! Saying it outloud multiple times doesn’t help either!
However, no one knows how individual Spectra is made. Supplies are never seen being brought in, leaving not even a clue what goes into a rainbow.
It turns out that the rainbows are made out of candy with fruit flavoring and a palm kernel oil.
Tourists, when visiting the factory, are treated to an extremely foreboding and plain wall, with massive solid doors baring entry to anypony at any time. While most of the facility’s various signs and architecture is bubbly and welcoming, the Rainbow Factory’s upper floor was protected by harsh imagery of potential hazards and death, and the cloud wall was made not out of the clean white of the rest of the city, but of a black, quietly thundering fog.
Ah, the sure sign of a evil mastermind. If the ‘Do Not Enter’ signs, look scary. … Seriously, why would obvious death factory be so fucking obvious?! Do they have scary organ music playing whenever it cuts to it? Shall we hammer in that this place is evil?!
Our story truly begins with a the story of Scootaloo and a red shirt, I mean, pony named Orion. The story takes place with Scootaloo being a little older and preparing for her final flight test. They are both nervous about it, but Scootaloo tries to hide it, boasting that she’s more than ready.
Those that failed their tests were looked down upon in the worst of ways, shunned, and hated.
Because why should we give second chances?! After all, if you fail once, you should be put to stake!
Cloudsdale had always bred a form of nationalism amongst it’s occupants. If you weren’t the best, or didn’t show the potential of being the greatest, you weren’t allowed to be part of the ‘glorious collective’.
And the unicorns talk their big game about the master race? It seems like the citizens of Cloudsdale are more akin with the Third Reich.
Orion mentions how frightened he is about failing the test, since everypony will most likely look down on him if he fails. Scootaloo figures that it’s unlikely, since they were given advice by Rainbow Dash herself. They then mention a frail pony who was out with a case of a damaged wing and hoof.
The instructor goes over the course before the pegasi are free to run it. The first one to start up is… Aurora Dawn. Great name! I wonder where the fuck you got that?!
Yep, even the most popular fanfics of all time are not immune to the self-insert thing. Let’s hope she gains the power of the Universe and teams up with the Doctor for no adequately explained reason!
However, as Aurora performs the test, one of her wings was less healed than she thought and fails her, causing her to plummet to one of the cloud bases, instantly failing her. Other students perform the test before it comes to Orion’s turn. Orion refuses to perform, but the instructor insists that he get off his rump and perform the test.
“No. D-Don’t even pretend you care about my future if you don’t care about hers,” Orion defied, unsure about himself. “You say you want me to get a good life, and yet you let those that fail suffer unbearable pain.”
“Get the fuck onto that field before I fail you myself,” the instructor shouted menacingly.
Whoa, bro, language. Only I get to curse like a sailor on this show.
Orion starts to perform, but quickly flies over to Aurora to help her out, instantly failing him. I guess for all the talk of kindness and friendship that the show talks about, it’s all just an act. The characters actually hate each other behind the scene. Which means I have a chance of being a behind the scenes co-star when they make a My Little Pony reality show about what really goes on in Equestria.
Finally, it’s Scootaloo’s turn. Scootaloo thinks about what Orion did and how much he means to her. It doesn’t really go into that much detail, but it seems to be affecting Scootaloo. So much so that Scootaloo’s focus is tainted and she makes a mistake that causes her to fail.
Scootaloo cranked into the bottom part of the ring, falling backwards several feet and hitting the ground. With a sudden intense flash of fear, she flipped herself onto her feet and began flapping her wings, levitating off the ground. Maybe that didn’t count as a failure, she thought. I can still fly. There was a distraction on the field. She spun around to the judges.
Three hooves, pointed down.
Wow, these judges need to chill! I mean, who the fuck would penalize young ponies who are just getting their hooves wet by trying something new and doing their best?! Berating them for every little mistake they make, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant!
Sir, I just got a message from somepony. Apparently, you are black.
Well, fuck them! They’re black!
After the trio fail, they meet up with cliche villain henchmen that tell them they are going on a trip.
“Ain’t dat just a cryin’ shame, it is. What’s it to us? All da better she don’t come flying back to us no more.”
“Hey. Boss. We got some ‘dem worthless peguses,” the first one called to an even bigger pony on the other side of the carriage. “I suppose it’s get ‘ta work time is it?”
Orion and Scootaloo try to explain that Aurora’s wing is broken and that they need to get her medical attention.
“We may have failed our damned test but that doesn’t mean we’re not worth keeping alive!” Scootaloo shouted in a flash of rage. She was determined to hold on to as much dignity as she could.
“Alright, alright, sheesh. Hey, Patches. Doctor her up before we head out. I don’t want any blood on dem seats, I just washed dat thing. You otha’ two. In the cart.”
I have to ask, why the hell did they bother patching her up if they know what’s going to happen to her? Unless they don’t know, but that’s not made clear.
Anyway, they get into the carriage after Aurora’s wing is tended to. During their trip, Aurora suggests that Equestria wouldn’t likely hold it against them, since Fluttershy isn’t dead yet.
“Hey, if where we’re taken is where Zecora’s from, than there’s got to be a way to get back. It’s not as if we’re banned from Equestria. Flutteryshy, an old friend of mine, she’s a Pegasus who lives in Ponyville. She never passed flight school, she never took her test. They’ve never come and taken her away.”
Yeah, why the hell is that exactly? If the Pegasi are so proud of their upbringing that they literally murder any child who fails their extremely strict as fuck flight test, why the hell is Fluttershy still alive? Isn’t she kind of an embarrassment to Pegasi everywhere? I know the argument is that she was raised in Ponyville and that she hardly lived in Cloudsdale, buuuut, Fluttershy is not an Earth Pony. She is not a unicorn. She is a Pegasi. She might have been raised in Ponyville, but she is a Pegasi. And based on this story’s own mythology, why is Fluttershy, arguably the worst flyer in all of Equestria allowed to live, while other fliers, who are already much stronger than her, are butchered?
Are they afraid that kidnapping her in the night would cause some kind of investigation? I don’t know why the hell it would do that, since we find out later that Celestia herself is behind the project. She has control of the military and likely the local police force. If Fluttershy disappeared, it’s likely Celestia would cover it up or force her to take the flight exam, whether she worked in Cloudsdale or not.
Or did Fluttershy just stare at them and they went away?
“You goddamn worthless ponies can hardly call yourself ‘Pegasus’,” Boss spoke from the door. He was swaying ever so slightly as the carriage was lifted and moved to an unknown location. “Useless failures is what you are. No pony comes back from exile. Regardless of reason. Can’t even pass your goddamn test, you three make me sick.”
Even more evidence that Fluttershy should be sleeping with the fishes… Just saying…
It turns out that ‘Boss’ and I’m guess Mugsy over there, don’t actually take them to the place they are destined to. They have a midway drop off point and the thugs have no idea where they go after that.
They arrive at the Rainbow Factory in Cloudsdale, where, of course, no one even suspected that the carriage they saw leave with the failures, could possibly come back. It’s not even a different carriage. It’s the same god-damn one!
You mean this has been going on for one thousand years and nopony notice the carriage come back with the fillies they are supposed to be banishing?
Anyway, Scootaloo and the others notice where they are and are confused about why they are suddenly back in Cloudsdale. A pony arrives to greet them. A pony named Dr. Atmosphere. Dr. Atmosphere takes them through the tour of the facility, mainly the upper floor.
Dr. Atmosphere takes them into a small room and explains how useless they are and how they only have one purpose now, thanks to the proposed plan of 1000 years ago.
And this is where the writing is a bit different here. It’s not bad, but it’s something I want to point out that is a little distracting. See, in the story it writes itself like a novel, much like this.
By keeping the dialogue and narration tight like this and keeping it more like you’d see in an actual book.
The enter and tab combo.
This has been the case… Up to this point. Now, it writes with a space between each paragraph, much like I’ve always done with my reviews and with my writing in general.
I believe that the tab/enter combo is more right than how I do it, though personally I’m fine with either as long as it is easy to read and is understandable. Call this unimportant, but it’s a little distracting to go from one style to another. Again, others might not care and I might be the only one who says anything about it.
Anyway, Dr. Atmosphere locks them in with the other failures until they are ready for them to begin their job. Scootaloo and the others take a look around and find that the facility is heavily fortified so they can’t escape.
Eventually, one of the guards sends for them and takes them to a place where they can begin their work. Which is revealed that they are going to help them make rainbows.
“I thought so,” he chuckled. “It is just such an honor, you know, it leaves every pony entrusted with the task speechless too! Now, do we have any volunteers?”
The ability to have any amount of Skittles I want! Where do I sign up?!
One of the students claims that it’s torture and that Celestia and Luna would never allow this. When suddenly, Rainbow Dash appears, much to Scootaloo’s horror. Rainbow Dash explains how after Nightmare Moon’s defeat 1000 years ago, Celestia was tasked with the responsibility of the sun, moon and sky. Specifically, Rainbows.
Celestia gave the task of creating rainbows to the pegasi and they eventually discovered that a power lay within everypony to create rainbows. However, only certain beings had the power to create them with their very essence and it was the only way to satisfy the conditions that they managed to research.
They decided to carve up ponies and use them to create rainbows.
So, let me lay this on you. Celestia wanted them to murder ponies of all shapes, sizes and colors… So the sky could look pretty… There are no words…
And this revelation really sends Rainbow Dash into psychotic Skeletor villain status as she laughs like a maniac…
“It had to be live ponies! Only in ponies, where magic and Spectra ran freely together!” Rainbow Dash threw her head back and laughed maniacally. “Only then could the Spectra be separated! And it was such a beautiful idea, such a wonderfully horrible idea. It worked so well; we could create exponentially more rainbows, of better quality with real Spectra. And it finally gave us a way to prevent Cloudsdale from being tainted by all those horrible pegasus which couldn’t fly! Ahahahah!”
Um, quick note here, your best friend happens to be the worst flyer in Equestria, giving pegasi a bad name. … No, I am not going to let this go! I don’t care if she’s in Cloudsdale or not!
Scootaloo, rightfully pissed off that her hero is actually a monster, screams at Rainbow Dash for being the way she was. Rainbow Dash then suddenly has a more sympathetic side to her (bipolar much, Dashy) and explains how sorry she is that Scootaloo failed her test.
She explains how the factory had approached her after the Sonic Rainboom incident, and they had hoped to use that to create more rainbows without the use of lives. Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash couldn’t help them, but wasn’t allowed to leave after knowing the secret. So, instead, Rainbow decided to help them butcher innocent lives to save her own ass. And she’s the popular one!
This is why I prefer Rarity. She’d never go on a murdering spree.
So, what is the Secret Life of Rarity?
Shut the fuck up!
After Rainbow Dash remembers she’s evil, she decides to ruin Scootaloo by killing off Orion. And then the story turns into Saw II: The Last One Got Popular by Doing This, So Here We Go. And just like that story, it’s not enough to just grind them into rainbows, they have to first break their ribcages. Because BLOOD AND GUTS ARE EXTREME!
After watching Orion brutally murdered, Scootaloo passes out. She wakes up sometime later, with Aurora standing over her. Aurora comes up with a plan (just like all self-inserts do) and the two manage to knock down the guard that comes for them. The two lead the other ‘failures’ to try to escape the facility and try to get help.
However, they are confronted by Rainbow Dash, who… goes on a murder spree like she’s fucking Carnage.
Yeah, I’m just going to roll with it.
Decades of working for the Rainbow Factory had fractured her. She was the only one allowed out in public, and keeping the horrible secret with her since childhood had only lead to psychological problems that no amount of therapy could cure.
Yeah, I don’t buy this bullshit. The story admitted that nopony was allowed outside of the facility for a reason. Because it was clear that they became mentally scared. Something inside their psyche had destroyed them.
Yes, the story says that Scootaloo was her last link to her sanity, but what about when Rainbow Dash didn’t know Scootaloo? Was she locked in a room during that time and was only released when the Elements of Harmony dictated it? If so, how did she get the job of weather control at Ponyville? How did she know Gilda the Griffin before meeting them?
And again, nopony noticed that she was a tad coocoo for Coco-Puffs during her appearances in public. You’d think seeing a rainbow would have triggered her psyche problems or seeing how weak a flier Fluttershy is!
Anyway, Aurora, being hurt, decides to buy Scootaloo some time to escape. Aurora slows down Rainbow Dash by attacking her, but Rainbow Dash tears off her wing and throws her into the machine.
All this death is making me hungry. Computer, cupcakes please.
Scootaloo tries to escape the facility, but is quickly caught by Rainbow Dash and is hurled into the machine, delivering the final betrayal of Scootaloo, fans of Rainbow Dash, and every reader of this story.
This story is… not very good.
I’ll say this much for it at least, it is miles better than Cupcakes was.
Now, there are things I liked about this story. I felt that the atmosphere, if you’ll pardon the pun, was actually fairly well done in the first half of the story. It isn’t really clear about what fate awaits the three and the uncertainty scares them as much as it does the audience. Creating a sort of uncomfortableness. Which I did like.
There were some decent character moments from Scootaloo, Aurora and Orion in the first half before they arrive at the factory.
In fact, when they arrive at the factory is where the fic kind of falls apart for me. With me noticing more plot holes and less tense situations. And that’s mostly due to the incredibly rushed pacing of the second half.
The test was actually well done and we get some nice moments of characters and tension in those scenes. The only thing I felt was unnecessary about the first half was the intro before the story begins. I felt that we didn’t really need it and it could have been filled in when the characters actually arrive at the factory.
With the second half, however, there is a huge pacing problem. Especially in the ending escape scene. I wish more time had been dedicated to the betrayal of Rainbow Dash and the slew of emotions that she went to. Instead, it’s kind of touched up on and not really built on and given any kind of payoff.
And then the character of Rainbow Dash is beyond bland. At first, it seems like she might be sort of sympathetic, but then she just turns into crazy villain 125. And I don’t like that. I like my villains to have depth. Doing the job they know is wrong, but they have a job to do and they make the best of it. Rainbow Dash constantly having to juggle between her loyalty to Equestria and her heart that knows what’s right after befriending Fluttershy.
Causing conflict with the very Element of Harmony she is supposed to represent.
Fuck, the Mentally Advanced Series did the story of Rainbow Factory better than this story and it’s supposed to be a spoof.
The story does have gore, but after the story builds its atmosphere for a while, it kind of earns it. It’s not as hardcore as Cupcakes, but even if it was, it still would have felt earned, because it created a genuinely creepy mood without resorting to throwing everypony's intestines at my face.
And while it is a good atmosphere, it’s like fuel. It’s only good if there is a good car to drive and people to drive it. The plot and characters respectively.
Overall, a below average fic that doesn’t live up to my expectations. And if you like these fics, fine. Just know that it’s not my thing. Maybe you see something in them that I don’t or maybe you just like torture porn, either way, if you enjoy it, who am I to tell you not to.
Anyway, that’s it for my second year of doing this. I hope you all enjoyed this. I hope you all continue to stay with me for another year and have a good day.
Also, for those of you looking forward to a review next week, I’ll be out of town and won’t have access to my laptop and reviewing abilities. So, no review next week. But after that, we’ll be back on schedule.
Whoa.... that one image one of Carnage's first kills.... the SECOND ONE to be seen to be exact.
Don't do it Critique! You have so much to live for!
... Well, maybe not, but still!
I think it's a mixture of both, mixed a bit with Old Shame; Sprinkles apparently only wrote the fic on a dare, and he came to dislike how everyone know him as "that guy who wrote Cupcakes"
Quote's busted
And in the original, neither were very sympathetic.
... Critique, are you trying to tell us something?
That becomes kind of funny when you add Yakety Sax or carnival music.
Either that or a spaceship from Krypton... wait, wrong fic.
Calling it; Rainbow is Downfall!Hitler
HERESY!!!
And... wow. You actually made it through. Congratulations, and have fun wherever you're travelling.
Can't wait to see what you have in store for us on... the 6th, I believe.
Congrats on 2 years, mate!
Great review as always. But my God, was I hoping to never have to read through these two fuckers after I reviewed them. JUST STAY DEAD, FIC!
So that was the infamous cupcakes I heard about. All I got from it was I should watch the Saw movies. The first one at least, before the series decided to throw away plot in exchange for gore.
Congrats by the way and thanks for the two years of entertainment. Hears hopping for two more.
Two of my most favorite grimdark stories.
Mostly due to how torturous they both are.
Speaking of torturous, Cupcakes makes me think of the song Mr Torture by Helloween.
I have listened to that song way too much.
Something tells me that this review isn't going to go well for these two stories though.
That is, seeing what they are.
Whatever, on with the review.
I would not say it was was a brilliant characters study, or it was perfect in this representation.
But I would consider, given the circumstances of the events, and the feel of the situation Rainbow Dash had to endure, I would say it seemed genuinely frightening of an event for one to go through, if one did actually had to go through something like that.
Funny you should say that. I do remember a short gore story dealing with a paperclip.
A writer written a story where a killer tortured his victim with a paperclip.
A reviewer called the story crap, and was lacking in imagination, by the writer desperately grasping at straws trying to come up with something new. And paperclips is just not scary.
The writer found the reviewer and had him tied up with duck tape. The writer hovered over the critic and said, "So paperclips aren't scary to you? Lets see just how scary a paperclip can be," he stated as he opened one up.
He then proceeded to jab the the critic in the eye with the paperclip. After the critic got out of the hospital, and sporting an eye patch, he revoked his own review of the story.
I have always liked that gory short, from the fist time I saw it.
Oh' hell no. I would not miss this. Besides I have already seen at least one story more disturbing then either of these two put together. Parts of that story is almost enough to make me cry.
Almost.
I have yet to see that, and I have wanted to.
This isn't the fist time one story seems like another. Even if they are not related. In this case, I imagine it could be a ripoff from that one.
I think you got it. Pinkie is not thinking this through. She has basically lost her mind.
I got a guy at work who down right hates me. Though next to none at work likes him either.
The reason he hate me so is, he is a walking, talking contradiction, and I point out his contradictions to him almost all the time.
This is one guy who has lost his mind, and hardly ever sticks with anything he says.
I was going somewhere with this.
Oh' yes. I am just saying I have seen first hand a person who does not talk as if he really knows what is going on. It is scary to think he works in such a place as I do. Even more scary that he runs equipment.
This is one reason I would hardy say this story is perfect. Then again, what story is.
As for embalming, and tanning of hides. She does work at a bakery. They would have salt. Some have liquor perhaps, depending on the type of goods they sell. And they live there, they may have a small personal supply of liquor.
Both salt and liquor could be used for some crude embalming. Still, there would be a smell that would be hard to hide. I mean, a mix of salt and liquor would have a strong smell, that I am sure ponies could smell well.
Aside from the smell, I doubt that Pinkie could have kept this up for long with out the Cakes finding out. They would have to go down, some time, to get things they need. The story did not think of that, I am sure.
That little innocent bunny? Why you picking on him? He hasn't done anything cruel before.
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I take it back. Angel is one mean little bunny at times. But still not that cruel!
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OK, so maybe he is. We just don't know the little guy.
Nice.
I though so.
As for me liking it, I think I have stated before, something about simple things amuse simple minds.
Or I am about as easy as a two-dollar whore. Take your pick.
I ask this of humanity in general.
I saw a movie where it started showing real clips of a person skinning a dog alive. Not killing it first, then skinning it. Just skinning it alive. Then showed the dog still alive, without it's skin on with others that had the same done to them.
This is humanity for you, and why I call the word "humane" to be an oxymoron. We are usually more thoughtlessly cruel to one another, than kind. I see it all the time in person. It's like we can't be kind to save our own lives, if it was necessary for our survival.
I also found "Microsoft Works" is listed as an oxymoron as well.
That is what I would like to know. I thought Rainbow Factory was much better than Cupcakes. You could even say, by comparison, this one actually has a story. It's doesn't just cut to the gore.
Still, I have always thought the story is as far fetched as Cupcakes. Next to no believability for me in it. The most I liked about it is how sad it was at the end. That, and how disturbing it was near the end.
But none of this story holds me as being real. Then again, neither dose the cartoon.
I am sure it was meant to be known, but hell if I know.
And run by oompa loompas. Beware. For children tend to get mangled in their making of tasty treats.
Oh' wait. That is a different story.
No wonder Fluttershy has so many personal problems.
And she was one of the lucky ones to get away.
Curses!
I am just waiting for the 3D CGI movie to come out. I gather it is supposed to come out in 2017. Not sure. And is I guess to be made with Universal Pictures. It has got to be Better than EQG. But we can't hope for it to be as good as Zootopia. Well, one could hope.
That is another thing I would like to know. Fluttershy got away, as I said before. So, yes, why?
Hmmm. Could be.
I remember a joke. Chuck Norris does not pay taxes. When the tax collectors come to his door, he just stares at them till they go away.
Yes, I have had a problem with this explanation. I just don't see the importance. Not the killing of their young for rainbows of all things.
But that is not what I liked about this story, it is one of the things I didn't like about it.
Then you have not seen the video, Rarity's New Patterns.
I don't recommend it though. I thought the whole thing was poorly done. Story, and video.
Nor do I. Granted, Rainbow Dash has shown at times, to be disturbed, a little like Fluttershy. Though I only remember one extreme of this. The time she was freaking out over possibly loosing to Rarity in the flight contest. Even so, she still got her cool back enough to not only fly, but save the day at the end.
Hardly one with such mental scaring as this story says she must have. I don't see it. Not on the show, anyway.
Captain Hook the Biker Gorilla. OK, I am a fan.
Yes, that would be part of it for me. But hardly all. But about my only reason I liked Cupcakes. Let's face it, there was little else to that story but gore.
I liked this one because of the emotions that followed Scootaloo. Not so much for the odd Monster Rainbow Dash tuned into, or the other odd plot holes in it.
For me, this story was about Scootaloo, and what she went through. And for that, I liked this, as sad to me as this story is.
Now, maybe I don't remember the ending well, but I thought it ended with Scootaloo saying to Dash, "You have such beautiful eyes" Or something like that. I don't remember her actually being tossed into the machine at the very end. I could be wrong.
I will be waiting for the next review.