Critique Review: Apple's Together · 9:33pm Apr 6th, 2016
No matter what comes we will face the weather. We’re apples to the core.
I love that song.
Hello, everypony. I am the Critique.
This is something I threatened someone with doing a few months ago … and finally got around to actually doing it. Things just came up, and then we had Nightmare Month and Hearth’s Warming, Mykanuary, and all this other stuff that’s come up. Plus, I’m a procrastinator.
So, yeah, I’ve been a little behind on requests lately. So, let’s try to play catch up, shall we? Let’s review Apple’s Together by Thespia Rose
The sun rose in the farmland of Sweet Apple Acres.
The sun shined brightly over Ponyville. As it does daily, so… Not as impressive as you might think.
As usual, Applejack woke up bright and early, to make breakfast for the entire Apple family.
Little did she know that when the story said the entire Apple family. It meant, the ENTIRE Apple family.
… I wonder if Pinkie Pie could help me with some cupcakes?
Apple Bloom arrives downstairs, but is a bit somber from her usual cheery self. Applejack asks what’s wrong.
"Apple Bloom, what's the matter?" Apple Bloom, lifted her head, to look straight at her big sister who's green eyes were full of concern.
That’s what I said. Why do you people keep copying me?!
Apple Bloom explains that she had a nightmare about Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, surprise surprise, making fun of her. Oh, say it ain’t so!
Apple Bloom then explains that, in the dream, Applejack would abandon her because she’s useless to her family. Well, she hasn’t done anything right for the past 4 seasons, so I’d believe it. … Remember what I said about procrastinating stuff earlier?
Applejack, shocked by the whole thing, knew exactly what to say.
So do I, coincidentally enough.
I would never abandon you, Apple Bloom. You’re my most favorite pony.
Even if I got a manticore-slaying cutie mark?
Don’t you ever say that again!
Bam, story over!
But no, the story decides to drag this out a little bit with a backstory of when Apple Bloom was born. Here we go.
"You see it all started right after I got my cutie mark after I knew that my true destiny was being at my own home in Ponyville.
I really wondered what it would be like to raise a baby brother or sister.
Funny how Applejack was thinking about raising a brother or sister, when her mother wasn’t even pregnant yet.
Mama and Daddy came home one day and told me that I was gonna become a big sister.
So, where did I come from?
Um… Abu Dhabi?
I fucking knew it!
So, Apple Bloom is quickly born and then we segway into the ‘We’re going to die on this ski trip, so here’s some stuff to remember us by’. I’m not even fucking kidding.
A few months went by, Mama and Daddy told me and Big Mac that they would be going away for a while and that they would be back in a few weeks. Daddy gave Big Mac his collar and Mama gave me her hat and she also gave you a pink ribbon and tied it on your mane.
Seriously, they might as well tie themselves up with bacon and get locked in a room with hungry murderers.
After they left I was crying. Soon the weeks turned into months, and somepony came to our house, and said that Mama and Daddy are lost deep in the Everfree Forest but they were never found.
Ah, so we’re taking the 4kids censored approach to storytelling. “They’re not dead. They’re just lost in the shadow realm.”
Seriously, if you’re going to kill Applejack’s parents, fucking go through with it! Imagine if Lion King did this!
Simba: Don’t worry! My dad’s not dead, he’s just in the shadow realm.
Nala: But your dad was crushed by a wildebeest stampede, we saw his skull crushed and everything!
Simba: Nah, he’s just in the shadow realm and I’ll free him when I beat Scar.
Nala: Why was I in love with you again?
So, after Applejack’s parents die, Applejack makes a promise to always protect and care for Apple Bloom.
I thought about you. You were crying and I said, 'Don't worry Apple Bloom, I'll be here for you no matter what. I promise.' And as you know an Apple like me never breaks a promise."
Apple Bloom was crying tears of joy and she said "I love you so much Applejack and now that I know how special I am to you. I'll always make sure to remember everything you've done for me."
And it only took our parent’s dying for us to realize that. Also, great job on reminding Apple Bloom that she’s parentless and her mother and father died before she even got to know them. No wonder you are worst pony.
Yeah… you wouldn’t hit me with that thing… Would you?
No. Of course I wouldn’t.
… You’re an awful liar…
And then, … Of fucking christ… I can’t believe this shit… Just read it…
And this time she had really proved that no matter what happens she would always be there to be strong for the both of them and the entire Apple Family. She had never did once let Apple Bloom down. But little did Apple Bloom know that her parents would always think of her because years later they did come back. Apple Bloom, Applejack, and Granny Smith and Big Macintosh had the real reunion that they always wanted.
Apple Cider and Apple Spice explained of how they survived in the deepest darkest part of the forest for so many years until they had finally decided to come back home. But Applejack will always watch out for her little sister just like she promised. Apple Bloom feeling very confident remembered that she did a good job of rebuilding the Cutie Mark Crusaders clubhouse and wondered if she can rebuild or build other things.
Yep… Applejack’s parents are alive! And they’ve been living in the Everfree Forest ever since they mysteriously disappeared.
Look...I’m not against bringing Applejack’s parents back or having them alive. I’m really not, but… It’s got to make some goddamn sense, story! Are you telling me that Applejack’s parents, lived in the Everfree Forest the entire time and didn’t bother to send their family a letter? A note saying that they are okay and that they shouldn’t worry?! I don’t know! Fucking something!
Apple Cider: This is the best vacation ever.
Apple Spice: Honey, shouldn’t we send a letter to our children incase they think we’re sent to the shadow realm or something?
Apple Cider: … Nah, I’m sure this won’t scar them or anything.
And then, what? They just, randomly, decide to come home with no explanation of what they were doing or where they have been! Seriously, that is all we fucking get of why they weren’t around! Just…
I’m so happy you both are alive! Where have you been?! What happened?
Apple Cider: Oh, we just decided that raising three children was too hard.
Uh… what now?
Apple Spice: Oh, yeah. Dirty diapers? Watching Apple Bloom take her first steps? Watching you get married to a young stallion? Who needs it? Am I right?
But… what about the mental scars I got from never knowing my parents?
Apple Spice: Eh, I’m sure you’ll get over it.
Apple Bloom, get my baseball bat.
So, yeah… From all that, I think you can get where I stand about this story.
This story is just bleh… It’s uneventful and honestly… too kid-friendly, preschool, happy ending bullshit for me. I don’t mind happy endings, but when they are this sappy, I really have to wonder who the intended audience was.
The story doesn’t challenge or treat the readers like adults, but more like young, young children who need everything to be coddled for them and need to be protected from anything and everything.
So, if you’re age 1 to… I don’t know … 1 and two seconds, you might enjoy this fic. But for the rest of us, it’s trying to be cute, but doesn’t have the guts it need to be a little painful first.
Imagine if in Land Before Time, Little Foot’s mom had just magically come back. That would have destroyed all the joy from the characters making it to the Great Valley and being reunited with their family.
It would have made their struggle to get there less impactful and would have taken away from such an interesting story. This story has no bite to it and is just trying to be cute because.
Short one this week, but next week, we’ll have a long story to trudge through with a Celestia piece and how she became an Empress.
*gasps* oh, wait...that is what I had originally called a missing piece of pie, carry on.
There is no way you can mess this up...and I just jynxed myself
Heheh
hahahaha...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAv
Newsrepoter: Random house burning happened today.
Me: Wow, i hope someone catches that guy. I'm glad I usually work out my insantiy by laughing like a madman.
So...the LBT sequels?
It is fairly catchy.
The plants were singing and the birds and sun was almost down from the top of the sky.
Must be one of those days...
Couldn't have told it any better myself... of course, showing would have been nice as well.
Not to mention that Big Mac's, y'know, older than her?
Oh god why did I think of Pattycakes?
Oh, so my package did arrive then? Fantastic.
They got on a plane headed to Albuquerque... Unfortunately, three of their engines burned out, they went into a tailspin, crashed into a mountain, and EVERYONE DIED!!!... Except for Weird Al.
At least when I get rid of a character, I try to give them a decent sendoff.
Yeah, this fic is kind of like sugar. And not good sugar: the processed factory dust that rots your teeth and doesn't even taste like anything. It just... I don't know, it doesn't have a lot of payoff.
Your next review, though, has my full attention:
On one hand, I know what the fic is. On the other, "Trudge" does not exactly point to an enjoyable experience. On the other other hand, it's Critique; he's been known for pessimism. I expect you to be completely honest, lay in to the parts you don't like, and compliment the parts you do. Hope you at least had fun with it, and I shall see what awaits next Wednesday.
I like most of the songs on the show. Mostly This Day.
OK, so when ever have I ever really been all that picky?
I am sure she could, and possibly add a special apple family ingredient to the mix!
Thankfully the show has moved on past this. Hopefully some of the newer stories will reflect this. I am sure some already have.
Granted she has messed up in the past. What she did to Cheerily and big mack was a big one. And what she did when she tried to force herself to get a cutie mark via potion magic, was a big one as well. But she has proven herself at times. I mean give her a break she is just a kid.
I could pull few examples out, but I will stick to this one. The time she helped Zecora out. She stood up for her and defended her as being good to the others. She became good friends with Zecora after that. That one just one of many good deeds she has done, and about one of her first big ones.
What can I say? I happen to like Apple Bloom.
Well, Applejack is very family oriented, so I don't see her feeling to good about Apple Bloom having nightmares about abandonment issues with her big sis.
The episode Somepony to Watch Over Me, I think shows Applejack's devotion to her sister, even if it turned out to be a little too much devotion to start with.
It worked for Dragon Ball Z, sort of. None ever really died in that show, despite how bloody and violent that show was.
So many shows and cartoons, even the adult ones, seem to make use of that realm. It is also a good place to spawn evil things from.
It is used a little more than the Everfree itself for such.
Now this is something I can agree with.
As with the near end of season five, Applejack told Apple Bloom that their parents would be proud of her, after she got her cutie mark.
It has been assumed (and you know what I think of assumptions.) that their parents has died, but never actually said on the show. Though that moment as well as a few others suggest that they had died.
A story of them returning might not be bad, but with some explanation behind them being gone would be nice.
I am not so sure it would. For one, Little Foot and the grand parents would have been glad to know she still lived. And The struggles of the youngsters would still have been seen as a challenge they faced together just the same.
For the most part, seeing her live just would not have made sense. As about as much sense as Mufasa showing up alive at the end of Lion King. Or Bambi's mother showing up at the end of that story. It just would not happen.
Though I see your point. It makes for too much fluff in a story like this, to have such happen without good reason, and everybody just being happy about it.
Oh, Speaking of Bambi. I did read the original story. Not the one by Disney. It is a dark story, and one hardly for little kids. Much like Water Ship Down.
3852626
Now you are talking about one of Rainbow Dash's nightmares.
Something I am still learning on how to do well.
Thank you. Now I have an image in my head of Weird Al looking down at all the dead bodies while singing Eat It!
I tried that in my own way. It didn't go over so well.
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You too!
You know, at work one day I saw smoke from a fire. Didn't know what it was that is burning. But I just started dancing wile singing the song Burning Down The House.
Later I found that is just what happened, a house burnt down. Man, did I feel like a big jerk after.
NO! Don't even mention those.
They are an insult to the first movie.