Dave's Amazing Adventures in the World of Fantasy · 9:30pm May 12th, 2016
Quick update:
I have 2 stories being pre-read at the moment, so expect an update and something new within the month.
That being said, I guess some of my readers have already figured it out from the way I write and act but I really like RPGs. I have a nautic ton of books in my room and a whole hard drive full of PDFs of stuff that's out of print. And I am the one guy who actually pays for them on DriveThruRPG. Yeah, I am kinda twisted that way.
Anyways, as I was pondering the heat death of the universe and how much I look forward to it being stopped by Magical Girls, I figured: "Hey, I had so many awesome moments in RPGs and I really want to keep them alive but I will forget them in time. And how do you keep memories alive? You share them. So here are some of my favourite RPG moments. Please feel free to share your favourite RPG moments in the comments. Let's all come together and share some fun memories.
(And please keep it to stories and moments. Not dice rolls. Everyone had good or bad rolls. Let's hear stories)
"Golarion's Weirdest"
Set up:
4 player party, I played a Tiefling Swashbuckler who was basically a travelling toymaker who hid his demonic features behind the masks he would also sell. We also had a dwarven alchemist who threw bombs, a human sorcerer and a human gunslinger who had a tamed wolf.
Here are some of our tales:
After some heroics in a very well protected city, our group decided to split up and rendezvous in a tavern a few miles away. Since I had terrible luck, I was the only one who didn't run into our guard contact and had to flee the place all by myself. So, my character uses several buildings to climb the walls and as I hide behind a chimney, just a few meters away from the ramparts, I tell the GM this:
"Ok, I prepare my hook and rope, fasten all my belongings and make sure nothing falls off or makes any noise. Then, I start cranking up my jack-in-the-box" (I had a lot of points in *disable device* and *craft toys* so I was allowed to make complex toys like that).
After the DM shakes his head, my character makes the break and I manage to sneak across the ramparts without being seen. BUT they hear me.
So I begin to rappel off the walls, guards approaching and the DM rolls his dice.
As the guards approach the place where my rope is hooked, the jack goes off, the guards turn around and my character manages to finish his descent before they see the rope. While I escaped, the Jack was captured and probably interrogated. We were never found, so I guess he held his tongue. If I painted one on him.
(To clear it up: The DM rolled my *Craft Toys* against a 20 to see if the Jack went off when I wanted and gave me a one in three chance to distract the guards. Lesson: Don't just craft weapons! Craft fun stuff. It might save your life)
"Married Without Children"
The same group later went into metal-trading (don't ask why) and as we left a dense forest area where we would later deliver the metal to, we were attacked by a bunch of harpies. It was six of them and four of us and we killed 3 and sent the last few off with a warning not to screw with us anymore. (We sooooo scary!)
So, we return with a whole lot of iron (several wagons with leased oxen and the like). As we approach the forest through the plains, we see several harpies. And they fly away. WOW, aren't we scary!?!?
Later, one of us notices that there is something up in the nearby mountains. Some sort of cloud rising. No... clouds are less... Oh, its some sort of swarm. *Insert Superman joke here*
So, yeah, we basically decide that we cannot run fast enough and that we had issues with 6 of them and now we were literally about to pull a Leonides and fight in the shade. So we exchange final insults and decide to see what happens with weapons sheated. Finally, 8 harpies with heavy magical weaponry and obviously professional training land surrounding the matriarch, who is big, scary and wears a stolen dress. She smiles at us and says the following:
"Hello, gentlemen, would you like to marry some of my daughters?"
After we put up our jaws from the floor, she explains: We 4 beat 6 of the current generation, therefore one of us is like 1,5 harpies. If we make babies, they will be stronger than the current generation, so we count as an investment and are probably tax deductible.
My character instantly agrees (crap like this is WHY I play RPGs. Screw dungeons, I want awkward, weird, harpyXtiefling marriage!).
The others now begin to BS their way out of it. The dwarf instantly begins a tirade about his powers being not his own, the importance of tradition, how secret it is and so on. I can't do him justice, sorry, but it was literally 4 minutes of him talking before the queen interjected and asks: "So, even if you had kids, you couldn't give them your strength?" Dwarf says "Yes" and we expect the wrath of the heavens.
The queen responds: "That is disappointing, but it does force me to withdraw my offer. I am so sorry to hear that."
Our gunslinger raises his hand: "So... we can just say no?"
Queen: "Of course! I am not a savage! I would never force my daughters into a marriage against the will of the father! My kind may hunt, rape and devour the weak, but I care about my girls!"
The other party members decided to decline the offer but I got a harpy wife! YAY!
Next quest: Getting married! (my character was a bit religious and he wanted to get to know his wife before consummating the relationship, so we hat to find a temple. Or rather: A temple that would marry a tiefling and a harpy).
As we were continuing, the harpy gave my character a very clear message: "I am a modified Pathfinder-Harpy, man, I may not have hands and am more civilized than what the Monster Manual says but we were married to make some babies! I know "Captivating Song" and what we are going to do is not considered an attack, so forget your saving throw. You have 2 weeks to get us hitched your way!"
We managed to find a very drunk priest and a temple (the priest took my character aside and gave him the "Really? You sure?"-speech) and our wizard did dancing lights together with some fireworks from our alchemist to celebrate and we were very happy!
"Screwing the Setting"
Still same party and at a later date. We had just found a magical blowpipe that gave +2 fire damage to projectiles. Our gunslinger was completely in love with the thing and instantly wanted to make a barrel out of the thing. Now here is a bit of info: Golarion is a pre-gun setting. The few firearms that exist are hand-made prototypes, considered a stupid gadget since magic is more potent and reliable than gunpowder.
So, he begins to play around with the thing but whenever he tries to "load" it, the gunpowder instantly fizzles out since everything you drop through the blowpipe instantly burns. And because all he knows are smoothbore muzzle-loaders like his little flintlock. So one night, we sit together and wonder how to help him.
And suddenly our DM stands up and begins cursing loudly. "I am such an idiot! I should have never given that damned thing to you!"
We look at him wondering.
"You are a gunsmith, a toymaker with a knack for mechanics, a wizard who knows exactly how the spell works and an alchemist to calculate the details about the gunpowder! You idiots are about to invent the first breech-loader on that planet! That thing could change the whole continent in a decade!"
And we just grin. It still took months of in-game work to get the plans, make a prototype and finally have a pistol that would actually work as intended. And we had to get special ore, steal and trick our way through several encounters to get parts and finally work really hard to get the thing done. And it wasn't even that good a weapon. But you know what? Screw Excalibur and whatever random magical crap we could find. That was OUR weapon and we worked for it.
Sadly the group disbanded before we could sell the plans and change the face of the continent. But it was a lot of fun
That last story is why I regret opening my mouth about a fifth of the time I DM. I usually give the players either their best or worst ideas, depending on one's perspective.
3940605 I'd like to hear some examples.
3940745
It's been a while since my last session but they usually roll with pretty much any joking suggestion I make, like the time one guy started digging his way into the old wizard's basement because I noted that the treasure could be anywhere. (And, of course, he was right. Though since the treasure was a rather bratty young copper dragon who the wizard had adopted, it wasn't as bad as it could have been.)