Lizardman Reviews #2: Goodfic Hunting

Today's RNG Picks: 3, 5, 7

Questions & K.K.! by Azure129

FEATURED!

"June, honey, be a dear--reschedule Luna and K.K. That's what I call Princess Celestia--what a hoot!"

K.K....K.K...K.K...

Ever since hearing this little tidbit from Spike, Princess Celestia has been wondering just why in the world Discord would call her K.K.? She could understand a pun about the sun or an insult using her actual name or even a mocking version of her royal title, but K.K.? What does the nickname mean?

Finally, Celestia decides to just ask Discord. Discord, however, realizing how curious she is, offers to tell her only in exchange for a little favor. After strong negotiations, Celestia agrees to his terms and finally founds out what K.K. means...and the answer makes her realize many things about her relationship with the chaos master and the magic of friendship.

Before reading: I don't know why, but in spite of that first word (I shall suffer in your good name, RainbowBob!), this story actually has me hopeful. Maybe it's just my overactive imagination, but this whole setup is sounding like the precursor for a reveal akin to the ending of Xenoblade. Probably just my overactive imagination. Most likely, in fact. Such a fimfic is too awesome to be real. Regardless, I shall give this story an unbiased review.

While reading: Bad signs right out of the gate. Incorrect dialogue tags. Poor sentence structure. Apparently Celestia likes to expound exposition out loud to herself. I never knew.

Discord shows up, doing his Discord-y thing. At the very least, everyone is in character, and I haven't completely lost interest yet. So that's good. Although, it sure is taking the story a long time to cut to the chase. Character interaction is okay and all, but said interaction is only good if it's either to A. Advance the story. or B. The fic is a character showcase without much of an emphasis on story. The latter appears to be what the fic's going for, but the writing isn't substantial enough to where the character interaction actually lets me know in depth what their state of mind is. Therefore, it just comes across as padding, which is bad.

Finally, we get to the point. Discord and Celestia barter for a bit until they finally reach an agreement: Celestia has to be an evil sorceress in Ogres & Oubliettes in exchange for her curiosity being satiated. If it's a parody of the Wicked Witch of the West, then I demand a whole side story about that! jk But seriously, that needs to happen. Somebody make that happen.

The quality of writing has been pretty consistent so far. There's a number of mistakes that could've been fixed with a good editing pass, but it's readable, and it's clear this author has potential, so I'll be lenient on the mechanics of the story. Still though, editors. They're your friend.

So we finally get to learn what K.K. means and... well, it makes sense, if a bit underwhelming since the fic's description made it sound like the single greatest revelation Celestia would ever have. I won't spoil it for you, but I could definitely see it being canon it's so faithful to the tone of the show.

We get a heart-to-heart between Celly and Dissy before it becomes a chaos fueled playdate between two quasi-godly entities. It's as adorable as it sounds.

Also, Luna shares the same bad habit of expounding exposition. Must run in the family.

After reading: It's meh. If I was giving out letter grades, this one would get a solid C. There's good stuff here, but it's slightly offset by talking head syndrome and pretty beige prose. Still, though, give it a read if you're in the mood for some Dislestic fluff and have about ten minutes of time to kill.

Beer and a Knife Fight 2: Celestia Discovers Iced Tea by PresentPerfect

Now that Twilight is in complete and utter love with Princess Celestia, there's nothing better to do than bring her new marefriend to Ponyville to show off to all her friends. There's no way this can go horribly wrong!

Before reading: Wacky description, Random tag, sequel to PP's psychotic split personality's magnum opus?

While reading: Celestia and Twilight go around visiting all of Twi's friends (and Spike). Stuff happens. Tears are shed. Happy lovers abound. The works.

Seriously, though, the entire fic's style of humor can be summed up with one excerpt:

Celestia reared back, her mane taking on a sun-orange hue. The temperature in the room spiked. When Celestia spoke, it was with the voice of the True Goddess of the Sun, and it kind of turned Twilight on. No, scratch that, it definitely turned Twilight on.

Story gets sidestepped here for wacky character shenanigans, but the Random tag should make it clear you won't be getting the next Harmony Theory here. Personally, I only ever laugh at jokes without a hint of mean-spiritedness to them, so I can honestly say this fic succeeds as a comedy in my eyes.

Celestia freaks out after being served cold tea by Applejack. She burns Applejack's crops in response. Twilight gets drunk and engages in her favorite pastime with Celestia: knife fighting.

The Equestrian Civil War is soon to come, apparently.

After reading:

Mature fics from this point forward!

My Love for Yours by The Abyss

After another failed relationship, Cloudchaser wants nothing more than to kick back and spend some time with her sister. As soon as she flops down on their couch, her sister meekly asks her if she would like to practice having sex with her. Naturally, Cloudchaser is a little surprised by this, but after Flitter explains that it's to help them feel more confident in bed with their future lovers, she feels like it'd be the right thing to do. Little does she know that the special somepony she's been looking for has been right in front of her the whole time.

Before reading: Uuuuuuugh.

Contains: Deep-throating a double dildo, Scissoring with a double dildo, Incest, Panties, and Squirting.

Well, at least no foalcon.

While reading: One thing I'll praise The Abyss for is being able to write a clopfic with good pacing. Definitely thankful for this fact, as it means I'll at least be able to keep my attention on the story. Not that I'll be getting any enjoyment out of it.

We start off with Cloudchaser coming back home from work. She and Flitter immediately begin talking about their dating lives, or, in Flitter's case, lack of one. I feel your pain.

Flitter suggests they practice having sex on each other. Were you expecting anything less subtle? if you were, than shame on you. There's some back and forth and gift giving. Preparations for sex don't need to take this many words, seriously. Finally they get their lesbo incest on. Triggers commence.

And they become an item by the end of it. Because Fimfiction.

After reading: If you're into clopfics, at the very least I can promise you is that you'll get a fic that's a cut above the rest in regards to buildup, even if I personally would've rather it just cut to the sex so I could get through with it a lot quicker. I'm not a fan, in case you couldn't tell.

And that's it for this round of Lizardman Reviews. Tune in next week: same lizard profile, same lizard blog!