Lizardman Reviews #8: Brought to you by the World's Most Fabulous Museum Display · 11:14pm Oct 13th, 2016
Today's RNG Picks: 3, 4, 6
Luna discovers a lone member of the Royal Night Guard stationed beneath her private balcony. As a question becomes a conversation, as an evening becomes a week, and as an annoyance becomes a friendship, an unfortunate truth looms large in her mind: nothing is ever as it seems, neither in dreams nor reality.
Before reading: So, at the very least, this certainly looks like a goodfic, if not one that particularly excites me. I have nothing against stories like these, or Luna, just that this fic's coming off as fairly standard 'character x and y meet, they get to know each other, they learn something about the nature of life or something, the end'. It's been done many times before, is what I'm saying. Still, I'm positive I'll enjoy reading it.
While reading: One thing I'm noticing right away is this story's pacing is a little... unrefined I think is the best way to put it. It all reads perfectly sound, but something about the presentation and the way the words come together isn't really pulling me into the narrative. I've seen this kind of thing from several other fimfic writers, sometimes even myself, and it's really just an inherent part of fanfiction. People tend to put a lot more effort and passion into things if they're looking to get something officially published. Not a slight against the author of this fic, of course; I'm just as guilty, like I said.
This wouldn't really be an issue if the story had more interesting subject matter. All it really is is Luna and Rain Shadow having a series of conversations each time, talking about stuff pertaining to each others' existence but it never really amounting to anything. Each chapter is essentially one long passage of the characters talking without much actually happening. I mean, there is a twist at the end of it all, but it kinda gets buried under the mountains of dialogue. That said, the twist is clever and sweet, and I won't spoil it for you.
After reading: This fic is like the literary equivalent of reading support conversations in Fire Emblem; it gives you insight into the characters, but they don't really form much of a concrete narrative. It's totally worth reading if you like sweet character moments, or Luna, or both put together, because this fic certainly delivers both in spades. On a grading scale, I'd probably peg it somewhere between 7.0 and 7.5, essentially a hard C. While it's dialogue heavy, it's all very interesting and keeps you engaged, even if you might be slightly annoyed by the lack of action and introspection. All the same, I recommend it.
Being Honest With Yourself by Tinybit92
Sunset Shimmer has an interesting encounter with this world's version of a horse when she goes to help Applejack on the farm. This leads into a conversation that gets a bit more introspective than Sunset was probably hoping for when she came over that day. Sometimes you just need to hear the right advice from a friend though, and Applejack is plenty happy to oblige.
Before reading: Oh, thank Palutena this isn't another Sunset x Horse clopfic. Like, seriously, how fucked up can this site possibly get? Even the smuttiest of hentai sites blush at Fimfic's perverted fetishistic tastes.
The fic itself looks good enough. More character-focused stuff, which is cool. The author says that it can be read as a standalone story despite being a sequel, and I'm inclined to take her at her word on that. Not sure how enjoyable I'll actually find the story itself, but I can't imagine it'll be worse than if it were Mature rated.
While reading: So the fic does a great job of getting straight to the point as outlined in the description. The writing is smooth (a few grammar mistakes here and there, but nothing too major), engaging, and the characters are IC. It's hella funny too, as you would expect a scenario of Sunset interacting with a normal Earth horse would be. I'm just glad this author is able to keep the inevitable 'riding' jokes to a minimum.
Much like the last fic, this one replaces action with dialogue. In contrast though, this one devotes more words to getting into the characters' mind, which is key to good development. Again, very little is actually happening, as character-driven fics can tend to be, but for what the story sets out to be, it's doing a good job of it. Sad for this blog, however, as there's only so much I can say about a fic which mainly consists of Sunset trimming a horse's hooves while talking with Applejack, so I'll end this section right here.
After reading: It's a good read, for sure. I haven't read a whole lot of EG fics centering around Sunset's thoughts towards regular Earth horses, but I'm certainly glad I got to read this one instead of the aforementioned Sunset x Horse clop. If you're looking for that kind of story, and one that's actually good, I certainly recommend this one. If you're looking for a story that's a little more event-driven, then you're definitely not gonna care for this. If you're looking for Sunset x horse clop, then don't bother following my account, because that's the last thing you'll ever see me write.
Mature fics from this point onward!
Herding Instincts by Sparky Brony
Citrus Blush is just another pony. Living and working in Canterlot, volunteering at the hospital. One day, her life changes forever. A creature she's never heard of before is brought in. Upon regaining consciousness, he says he's a human, named Timothy. And she finds that she likes him.
Before reading: I'll be honest; I have no faith that this story is going to be good, assuming the story is as bare bones and bland as the description. Of course, one shouldn't judge a book by its cover, or a fic by its description. But 'faith' and 'judgement' are two different things, so let's dive right on in to see if my faith was misplaced or not.
While reading: Already I'm seeing some bad signs, first and foremost being the GIGANTIC walls of text. Authorperson, remember to space out information to give the reader some time to process information more steadily. Cause as it is, the pacing's fucked to high hell. Another problem is that there's formatting issues, particularly in regards to the character's thoughts.
He pushes the door closed and stops for a moment to put his head against it. The Princess’ words ringing in his ears, I’m so sorry Timothy. But my ponies tend to be very insular. We deal with the other species on this world, but we tend to spend most time with each other. I don’t know what would happen if you leave the castle without an escort, and your safety is of prime importance here.
The quote needs to be clearly distinguished from the character's actions.
And then we have standard punctuation misuse.
He rests his elbows on the parapet and looks down, ponies walk around.Every color of the rainbow, with those odd markings on their flanks. Cutie Marks.
This needs to be its own sentence.
Anyway, we find Displaced Human #549 ruminating over his current problem of being stuck in Equestria. Bland, unoriginal, and generally the fic's not doing enough for me to care. If you're gonna be unoriginal, at least be good.
But to this fic's credit, I am believing the friendship between Citrus and Timothy. Even though the writing could use some more meat, it still manages to convey a very sweet, very genuine bond between our two protagonists. Enough that I'm willing to continue reading, in stark contrast to the beginning text wall, which I skimmed over.
Next scene sees Luna walking in on Citrus and Timothy sleeping with each other. Not the sexual kind yet, I assume. Hard to tell with how little connective tissue this portion of the fic has. There's some back and forth between Timothy and Luna about the typical stuff you'd see in these stories: missing family, why he's in Equestria, the fact that humans don't have magic the works. Citrus promises to protect him from harm if he should be allowed outside of the castle. And there's finally some mention of herds. Yippee...
More stuff happens. Too bored to bother reading. Skipped to the end; they kiss. Don't care what's gonna happen in following chapters.
After reading: I honestly can't recommend this to anyone. Even those looking for smut aren't going to get any of that in this first chapter. Really, this first chapter is teen at best. People who're looking for good character development or event-driven narratives aren't going to get a whole lotta that here. People who're looking for a good HiE, I honestly can't say it'll satisfy that crowd either. But it got into the Featured Box somehow, so clearly there's an audience for it. Whether you're part of that audience, I guess you'll have to figure out for yourself.
That wraps up another round of Lizardman Reviews. Unfortunately, this is detracting from my time writing my upcoming horror fic. keep an eye out for that when it comes out on Halloween, and also keep an eye out for more Lizardman Reviews. Ciao!
