Some major editing · 8:16pm Sep 18th, 2012
Hey all. If you got a message that Night Errantry has updated, it is sadly not because of a new chapter. It has, however, received some pretty hefty editing. It is still not perfect, but I felt the changes were large enough that I needed to put them up here. I couldn't stand you guys having to suffer through its most glaring flaws anymore. Chapters 1 through 4 have changed in a lot of ways (3 most of all; it has nearly doubled in word count, if you'll notice), mostly to improve style and flow, but there are a couple significant story changes I should mention. If you don't have the time or desire to go back and read from the beginning (although I strongly recommend it, or at least strongly recommend going back over the part in Chapter 3 where Luna and Zecora arrive at the lake), I'll summarize the new stuff here.
-It was pointed out to me, and I completely agree, that Luna and Zecora's relationship grows way too fast, with almost no foundation. So I made their initial meeting a little colder, while also adding some deeper connections later on.
-Zecora rhymes while wearing her masks. This is so I'm no longer tempted to use them as a cop-out for writing her lines in meter, and because it makes a lot of sense from a story and character perspective. But that part hasn't been made explicit in a published chapter yet, so I won't say what it is.
-The confrontation with Thin Mint no longer shittily ends with Luna effortlessly defeating her, then nuking the site from orbit to solve all the problems. It is an actual struggle now, a contest of wills that results in some informative flashbacks that add some nuance to the main characters' motivations (I hope). Also, Zecora is instrumental in this victory instead of being a bystander, and her intervention is their turning point toward friendship.
-Zecora reveals her backstory with Celestia earlier, and she reveals a little more of it. Basically, Celestia let Zecora stay after she fled Timbucktu, as long as she promised to help any ponies that went into the Everfree Forest.
-This is very minor, but Beowolf's name was changed to Breca, because Beowolf was a lame name.
-[Dark] tag added, due to a little more creepiness that I think finally tipped the story over the line. But don't worry, it's not *dark* dark. The heroes still win, and their struggles are eventually worth it. Those struggles are just a little more disturbing now.
I combed Chapters 5 through 7 for any inconsistencies, but I may have missed some. If I did, let me know. Also let me know if you like the changes. I really hope they are all for the awesome.
Also, there may have been some typographical errors or cut sections in transferring the files from GoogleDocs. Let me know if you notice any of that too.