Chapter 3 has been rewritten! · 5:49pm Nov 1st, 2016
After writing the last chapter of Wilting Flower, I decided I wanted a break from doom and gloom and decided to try rewriting again. Chapter three really needed it, once I read back through it.
Just from reading it, I determined that early Seth was a horrible character. It seems like he was there just to talk smack about the pony world, and never took anything that seriously, except when it was time for him to throw his next tantrum. It was also boring. A back and forth between him and Zecora telling the readers what they already knew. In addition, I was surprised at the sheer amount of curse words Seth used in his narrative and his dialogue. It seemed wholly unnecessary. As my editor and friend ScootalooFTW pointed out, it seemed as though early me had no idea how to express Seth's character, so I relied upon cursing as a "crutch" of sorts. He also pointed out that it didn't make sense for Seth to accept her healing and meals so easily, when he pitches such a fit later in the story about every little thing.
Therefore, my objectives in this rewrite were:
-Streamline the story's structure and flow to make for easier reading.
-Flesh out the dialogue to make the town entry seem less rushed and less "weak"
-Adjust Seth's character to make him more in line with my original vision, as well as to make him consistent with future chapters
-Remove Seth's unnecessary cursing. He still should curse, but not nearly as much. Previously, it was like he knew no other words.
-Do a better job describing the world from the point of view of a newcomer. Previously, I discovered that had him draw from meta without even realizing it (EG, calling the wolves 'timberwolves' without ever being told what they were')
-Remove all of the unnecessary headcanons. Zecora rhyming because of poison joke? Why was that necessary? One of my goals is to insert as little of my own headcanon as possible so that reading this story doesn't require much effort from the readers in order to envision.
-Remove all of the dumb references. If I have to rely upon references to other works of fictions in order to describe something, I'm a weak writer.
Do me a huge favor and go take a look at the rewritten chapter! I'd love to hear if you think I managed to achieve my goals listed above, and if you think it's better than the original!
Much improved!
I did find the first part of this very weak before, and almost stopped reading.
Thanks for working on it.
I was surprised when I saw your story updated in my favorites so I came over here to see why. That being said its been a long time since I've read your story, happen to have the old chapter up somewhere for a good old stare and compare? All I remember is that I hated Seth for the longest but loved your story so kept going as well as his constant cursing as you pointed out.
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I have the original on my hard drive, but I can't get it to you until I'm home from work.
If you haven't been back in a while, you might be interested to know that the first three chapters have all been rewritten. If you care to, I can get all three originals to you when I'm home.
Fair warning, they're awful.
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Well dang, looks like Ill have to read it all again starting from the beginning, I just finished reading chapter 3 and it definately shows that you've gotten even more amazing at writing. Not to mention that Seth is no longer the douchebag that I hated, his reactions are more in line of something I can accept.
It was kind of jarring to read chapter 4 as it brought back my memories of ch3 before the rewrite, that being said I take it you are going to be rewiting quite a bit, time to check all your blog posts now xD
-edit For the copies of the old chapters after reading 3 then reading 4 theres no doubt the improvement, never mind on looking at the older ones. On a side note I really want to read your sequel but Im impatient so Im saving it all until its finished... or maybe untill I lose my mind and can't wait any longer.
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And with just that one comment, I feel like writing chapter 3 from the ground up, all 14k words, was worth it. I'm so tired of people writing him off as a douchebag, when that isn't all that he is. Granted, it's mostly my fault that he's been viewed that way, which is why I'm working so hard to fix it.