Paul's Thursday Reviews LXV · 1:25am Feb 24th, 2017
So! Yesterday I published No Heroes: Life of Pie. It's my first newly published story since Pressure waaaay back in March of '16 (I'm not counting What Lies in a Moment because of its collaborative nature). It feels good to finally add to my story list again, and hopefully the next one won't take almost a year to get out.
I don't think that'll be too big of a problem. While I have published very little in the last few months, since January I've been writing up a minor storm. 1,000 words one day, 2,000 words another, 4,500 on a Saturday or Sunday. Were I down to a mere three stories like I used to be, I'd probably have posted seven or eight chapters of material by now. The other problem I face is that I'm trying out new methods, mostly involving finishing stories before publication, which makes it seem like things are taking longer than they are. But despite how everything may look, I am definitely back in the writing mood, and I can't describe how happy that makes me.
I expect Derp to be the next story that comes out, but No Heroes, The Silence and Order of Shadows are all likely to get updated before then. Perhaps more than once, considering I've yet to even look for editors for it. Fortunately, I already have someone in mind... *rubs hands with a sinister chuckle*
Aaaaaanyway, reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Halloween Special: Dreaming by Konseiga
Babel by Cold in Gardez
Ambergris by Pascoite
Daring Do(esn't Need a Special Somepony) by Fahrenheit
You Too Will Deteriorate by cleverpun
Total Word Count: 37,138
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 0
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Halloween Special: Dreaming
3,002 Words
By Konseiga
By now I think it’s safe to say that I know what I like in horrors. I’m always eager to try new ones in hopes of finding that next great experience – even if they usually end up disappointing. So when I was set to choose another Konseiga story for my RiL and saw this, I had to take a peek.
Unfortunately, things go wrong almost right out the gate. The first mistake Konseiga makes is trying to frighten Princess Luna – Mistress of Dreams, Nightmare Warrior, She Who Slays the Demons of the Night – with a dream. You read that right, the entire premise of this story is that somehow Luna is incapable not only of defending her own dreams, but also of even being aware that she’s in one.
And just like that, all the potential for fear has left this story. Even if we didn’t have Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep?, I think most people would find this idea preposterous. Throw in some cookie cutter imagery, a touch of Frightening Ideas 101, and one of those annoyingly pointless open endings that pollute so many horror stories out there, and you’ve got a recipe for yawns. We also need to add some general ignorance to Best Pony, who somehow doesn’t know that thestrals are real despite them being part of her Royal Guard and driving her chariot and, oh, yknow, that whole 'Princess of the Night' thing.
I don’t blame anyone for wanting to try and branch out or just write something spooky now and then. If anything, I strongly encourage it. But this feels less like Steven King’s 1408 and more like R.L. Stein’s Goosebumps. Sorry, Konseiga; Forever Faithful was vastly better. It might work for a younger, less experienced crowd, but for those of us really looking to lose sleep?
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Babel
1,919 Words
By Cold in Gardez
Recommended by horizon
Ah, I recall this one, and for two reasons. The first is that it won the October 2015 “Illusion of Choice” Writeoff contest (and you don’t win one of those easily), which I happened to be a participant in. The second reason? I wasn’t half as enamored by it as everyone else in the contest seemed to be at the time. That’s not to say I thought it bad – not at all – it just didn’t seem like that big a deal.
The premise of the story is simple: as a big joke, Discord casts a spell such that every single pony in Equestria speaks their own unique language unlike anything said by anyone else… then disappeared. The story centers around the typical day of Carrot Cake as he interacts with his family and customers, demonstrating to the reader how individuals have been adapting to the near-complete loss of oral communication.
It’s certainly an interesting piece. I’m still trying to figure out if CoG named the story after the idea of ‘babbling nonsense’ or more definitively around the legend of the Tower of Babel, although the complete lack of societal and structural collapse seems to suggest the former. It makes for an interesting argument regarding the importance of words and knowing just what to say when. It could also be suggested that the story represents the capacity for people to overcome anything thrown at them, since it’s quite clear that life is continuing largely as normal in Equestria, just with some tweaks.
So yes, I will acknowledge that the story is interesting and thought provoking. In fact, I’d highly recommend it. I think the only thing that gets to me at the moment is that it’s a minific from a Writeoff; these typically lead to ideas and concepts belonging in a much bigger plan that we will almost certainly never see. But that’s the ambitious side of me talking; for what it had to be, this story hit all the right notes.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
I don’t read many stories about the Dazzlings. Part of it is that they never really interested me all that much, but the other reason is that I never expect anything worthwhile. When I do pick a story about them to read, I’m usually fairly picky about it. Having Pascoite request that I read this one caught me by surprise, and I wasn’t certain what to expect.
Ambergris is told from the perspective of Adagio Dazzle, who has abandoned her fellow sirens due to a fear that she can only lead them to failure. With her life falling apart, she resorts to one last desperate move: she begs Sunset to to meet with her. This is the story of how, with patience and persistence, Adagio gradually learns to pick herself up and put her life back together with the help of a former enemy.
Redemption stories are a dime a dozen, but every now and then one comes along that is leagues ahead of the competition. There’s no great battle of good vs. evil, no foes to vanquish. There’s only Adagio struggling with her inner turmoil. But even in that regard, this story doesn’t work as one would expect, because Adagio is not treated like a normal girl. She has quirks, needs and opinions that differentiate her and require a special touch to help her heal. All the expected routes are avoided, and the approach works to great effect.
By the time the story ends, it’s hard not to feel proud. Not just for Adagio and her lengthy efforts to be a new person, but for Sunset who has gone from the broken to the healer. The story is uplifting, endearing and thoughtful, and I came away with nothing but pleasure. I’d like to pick out something to complain about, just to show a balance between positive and the negative, but honestly? I’ve got nothing. Maybe if I were to re-read it later I’d be more critical, but right now I’m just… happy.
That’s all I get from this story. Happy. I don’t mean in a clinical, “this was well written” sense, although it certainly is that. I mean in that emotional, bring-a-smile-to-your-face sort of way.
Good enough for me.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These yet?
Daring Do(esn't Need a Special Somepony)
9,335 Words
By Fahrenheit
I think Rainbow Dash can describe this story best:
Every year for Hearts and Hooves Day, a special treat is made for one week only and sold exclusively at a certain candy store in Cloudsdale: Rainbow Truffles. They are, as Daring Do claims, the single most important part of her year. She might never have (or want!) a special somepony, but those truffles get her through life.
One year, Daring encounters another mare who wants those truffles just as badly. What starts off as a confrontation and rivalry soon turns into a shared quest to find the foolish stallion who dares come between an adventurer, a Wonderbolt, and a box of rainbow truffles.
And dang if they don’t look awesome together.
This was nothing like I expected and everything I didn’t know I wanted. Told from the perspective of Daring Do, it is filled with all sorts of wit and entertaining Freudian slips. The action is over-the-top ridiculous, made all the more fun when you realize these two are going through all this just for a few pieces of candy. The way Daring and Fleetfoot react to one another while fervently denying it at every opportunity is the icing on the cake, and the cherry on top is the little tidbits of background information that keeps both characters interesting beyond just a shared desire for truffles and determinedly ignored hormones.
Honestly? There are dozens of things and individual moments I could point out involving how great this story is. And I can’t think of anything to note that is actually bad. Not a damn thing.
Read this. It’s amusing, fun, fast, vivid, witty and beyond good.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
You Too Will Deteriorate
9,840 Words
By cleverpun
Sequel to Inexcusable
The third – and presumably last – of cleverpun’s Conquer series of stories didn’t go quite like I expected. I figured the story would be about Celestia’s gradually growing hatred for Nightmare-Moon-turned-Luna sending her down a path of madness. Instead, Equestria is visited by a second Celestia. A Celestia who once lost her heart – figuratively and literally – and now wants something to be done about it.
This one is, at least to me, the best in the series. At times emotional, at times contemplative, it maintained a continuously interesting direction of the story as each of the princesses in turn try to learn more about this mysterious and ominous Celestia. I particularly enjoyed Cadance’s piece; it’s always nice to see her treated with some respect by an author rather than treated as useless and unimportant. In a big way, Cadance’s moment in this story might have been one of the most important.
The story grants a much better sense of finality than either of its predecessors did. At the same time, it leaves open a lot of potential interpretation; I could easily see some sort of epic tale about an Equestrian rebirth. Talk about worldbuilding opportunities!
There are a couple caveats. In terms of the writing, the only thing that struck me as bad was that cleverpun seemed to avoid pronouns in all the wrong places. It gets rather annoying when one sees a dozen instances of ‘Celestia, Celestia, Twilight, Celestia, Luna, Cadenza’ and so on in two or three paragraphs.
The other catch is that the background of this story is fairly convoluted; anyone who hasn’t read the first two stories is bound to be lost. That should be at least marginally expected, however. Besides, with how short the three stories are when combined, it really isn’t much of an issue.
So yes, I enjoyed this one. And, despite my overall disappointment in the second story, I think I can say I enjoyed the series as a whole. Not bad, cleverpun.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
Paul's Thursday Reviews LVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews LVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews LVIII
Paul's Fashionably Late Reviews
Paul's Thursday Reviews LIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews LX
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXI
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXII
aul's thursday Reviews LXIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXIV
Want me to review your story? Send me a request! Check my profile page for rules.
Yeah, a few people including Pascoite clued me into Ambergris because they thought I’d like it.
Now, it’s come to my attention that I don’t particularly appreciate that kind of fare, but it’s hard to not notice the dedication and craftsmanship that went into the story and it deserves recognition on that front alone.
The problem with pronouns in FiM is that a large portion of the cast all use the same pronoun. When constructing sentences, I will intentionally use a proper noun over a pronoun if it makes the sentence less likely to be misunderstood.
This is even more problematic in You Too Will Deteriorate. Not only are most of the characters princesses, but two of them have the same name. I suppose one could argue that the story's perspective shifts and one character having a stutter made the use of more pronouns justifiable (particularly the way Celestia's perspective uses "it"), since it is often clear whom is speaking without dialogue tags. Regardless, I'd rather readers understand the sentence on the first reading, even if it makes the sentence a bit more boring or repetitive.
One can see an example of pronoun over-use in chapter 5. Right at the beginning, the narrative uses "she" to refer to two different characters, and it switches abruptly without warning. This makes the entire paragraph harder to follow, without much real benefit.
Despite this mini-rant, thanks for the review
. You weren't the only one who picked out Cadance as a highlight of the story. She's a not a character I have any strong attachment to (and like you said, most of the fandom doesn't seem to put much effort into portraying her). I ended up enjoying her part more than I thought I would, though.
Now, here's a question; do you think the trilogy would have been better or worse as a single story?
Definitely agreed on those two WHYRTY's. :)
I kept remembering to thank you for the review when I was nowhere near a computer. So... thanks for the review. I'm glad you liked it. I actually gave you a choice of 3 stories to review by request, and you picked this one, saying it was something you hadn't read much of before. It scared me to write this, as I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it justice, but it's turned out to be one of my top 2 or 3 favorites of my own stories.
4434611
I dunno, I think some of those occasions could have worked with pronouns. I acknowledge the problem of having multiple characters of the same gender in one scene, but that's a burden writers have been dealing with for centuries; I can't help but think solutions are available.
I'm not quite sure what you mean by the 'single/several' story question. If you mean 'make it one big story, but divide it into three parts within said story,' then I can certainly see that. But I don't know if there would be any serious advantage to doing that over keeping them separate, excepting that keeping them separate can function as a way to garner more more attention due to more front page time.
4437319
You're welcome! Yeah, since I don't read about the Dazzlings much, they would draw me in. It was certainly a good read, so I'm glad I chose it.
Yah, you're right, You Too Will Deteriorate was the best of that series :)