The Great Ones -- The Hardships of Communication, or "Oh God Let Me Suck Your Dick" · 1:50am Mar 1st, 2017
Fucking shit, I’m getting feeling self-conscious now that I’m writing the blog. I feel like I gotta meet some expectations or something – which is mighty weird, let me tell you. Usually I write blogs like I break wind in a classroom: whatever happens, happens, and if people look at you weird you just do the fingergun thing and crack a joke. Fuck it, I smell anyway, so who’s gonna care.
Damn it. See? Forty words in, and I already made a fart joke. Diddly-fucking-doodah, we’re just shaking the goddamn conventions of art and literature here, aren’t we. Step away, Homer, buddy; there’s a new player in town.
Well, whatever. I guess it’s ODDLY APPROPIATE that I feel insecure about this all of a sudden. I’m like a cougar feeling shy in front of her newlywed husband, even though they’ve tried everything in bed already. They’re so used to this shit the dude only gets hard if there are live wires up his ass by this point.
I’m digressing. I guess what matters here is – let’s just be natural? Fuck it, that seems to be the best way to go. We’re not even past the intro and I’ve already made what’s probably going to be the most disgusting joke in the blog, so from here on we only go uphill.
So why do I feel insecure all of a sudden? What is this blog even about? Well, many things. Mostly, it’s about self-awareness (OH, THE FUCKING IRONY) and about the hardships of judging your own ability, both for the good and for the bad.
Fuck, that’s a vague thesis. Aight, let’s try this: THIS IS A BLOG ABOUT ME SUCKING OFF SOME PEOPLE, AND ALSO, ABOUT COMMUNICATION.
Bam. Fuckin’ easy. Should’ve started with that, really. Anyway, so how come I’m writing about this?
Well, it all starts with a conversation and a discovery that didn’t blow my mind, but sure managed to, say, give it a hell of a handjob.
I’m sure you have a list of your own.
This is a conversation I’ve had with a lot of people over the years, so I’m fairly sure – while tastes may vary, everybody recognizes that there are some authors in this website that are just better. Better than what? Better than anybody else, really. I’m talking about the big guns, the heavy-hitters. The ones who write shit that’s so good that part of you is angry while reading, ‘cause FUCK I wish I’d written this instead.
I like to call them “the Great Ones,” and chances are you’re already noting down who you would include in that list.
These people, the Great Ones, are to writing what whipped cream is to masturbation. Shama-Lama-Dingdong, baby; I measure their shit by the amount of jealousy I experience when I glance at their stuff. Everybody will have a different list of Great Ones, but I’m sure some we can agree with. You’ve got your Ghost of Heraclitus, your Chuckfinelys, your Colds in Goddamn Gardez…
So what does it take to be a Great One? I have no idea. If I knew, I’d be one of them, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation – I’d be too busy mating with everybody in my vicinity. Like, I don’t know about you guys, but if Ghost of Heraclitus randomly walked into my room and demanded I sucked him off, I’d thank him before dropping to my knees. If you get what I’m saying. [1]
[1] Hey, Ghost. So, I’m just assuming MrNumbers – or some other cunt – linked you this blog, with the only purpose of embarrassing us both.
So.
‘Sup.
Great, so we’ve established that I’m deeply intimidated (and slightly aroused) by some members of this community. I’m sure your day has been brightened by this revelation. I’m sure you’re also eagerly awaiting for the moment when I reveal that I’ve lost a wrestling match against a tumbleweed or some shit, because this is the world we’re living in and this is the life I’ve chosen.
But bear with me for a second, here.
See, I believe I’m rather self-aware, all things considered. Sure, I didn’t realize that reading the Kama Sutra out loud was a faux pass, and as a result I got kicked out of a mall? But that’s more on me being an idiot than anything. We’re talking awareness here.
What does ‘awareness’ mean, in this context? Well, that I know where my strengths and weaknesses lay. So I know that I can talk like no other, and I don’t as much hold conversations as I fucking win them, but on the other hand, I’m as threatening as a ladybug. A slightly muscled baby can fuck me up. I once got cornered in a room by a Chihuahua for around twenty minutes, and I had to beg a 90 y/o woman to save me from the horrible beast. She swatted it with the broom and I almost cried.
But yeah, see? I know the ups and lows. This also applies to writing: if you ask me what I do best, I’ll tell you that I’m good at dialogue, and character interaction. If you ask me what I do worst, I’ll point at my prose and apologize for your eyes bleeding. Sure, I appreciate the criticism when it comes to me – but most of the time, I can see my own flaws no problem.
…Or so I thought.
See, there’s always a gap between the readers and the authors, when it comes to an artistic work. An author sees it as the sum of its parts – all the effort that went into it, the careful plotting, the amount of drafts they had to throw away. They also see it as a translation of the ideal work they had in mind: when you start a story, you are trying to convey the platonic picture you’re imagining, and hoping you do it justice.
But when you’re a reader? Fuck. Face value that shit. You see a story about Luna pooping, you read Luna pooping. What you see is what you get. Readers don’t have a preconceived notion of what your work should be, and they don’t appreciate the invisible parts you added. They judge by the end product, and the end product alone.
Cool? Cool. This is why Magnum Opus Dissonance happens, by the way. Writers see one thing, readers see another, and in the end everybody’s crying. Really sad. Communication’s hard, the artistic process is a bitch, be nice to each other. Neat, thesis stated.
So. Why the fuck am I telling you this. What the fuck does this have to do with the Great Ones.
Easy-peasy, bro. C’mere, look at my lips when I talk. That means you’re concentrating harder. Gaze upon my beauty, and contemplate the following:
Have you ever talked with one of the Great Ones?
Have you ever noticed how fucking humble they are?
These are people who constantly and consistently put the best stuff out there, and yet, when you go to them and earnestly say something – “Holy shit, Chuck, this story was on point. I have no idea how you pulled it off, but that sex scene in the kitchen, what with the rolling pin and shit? One of the best examples of character interaction I’ve ever read, also I’m super horrified now” – they sorta… Awkwardly smile.
And go hahah. Thanks!
Now, there are reasons for this. There are only so many ways you can react to praise – I mostly fingergun at people whenever they tell me I did something good, and that’s it. Most of the time, that doesn’t properly convey the level of gratitude, but what the hell is one supposed to do? You can’t just hug the other person and start crying. You can say thanks, and add that they made your day. And that's sorta it.
But there’s more to it. Yaddah yaddah communication, all that shit, you already know. Problem is, some people might not know this. And the message you get is different.
‘Cause if I go to Cold in Goddamn Gardez and tell him that holy shit, man, you’re really good at this, and he just smiles and continues the conversation – that’s a perfectly normal reaction. But I might get the feeling that he’s just… self-aware?
I mean. I said “yo, this is good.” Because, yo, that was good. And I know it, he knows it, your mother knows it, EVERYBODY knows it. It was THAT good. So Cold in Goddamn Gardez appreciates your praise, but it’s also sorta obvious. Thanks! Also, yeah, it was good. Moving on!
So yeah, dude’s self-aware. Of course he is, he wrote that masterpiece himself, didn’t he? Why wouldn’t he? Man might have his ups and lows, but as a whole? Saddle me up and ride me to the sunset, cowboy, baby’s got quality content.
Self-awareness. Authors are aware of their own strength. Also of their own flaws, of course. But if you’re going to comment, well. They already know it’s good, so better to give some criticism, if there’s room for any. That makes them better. That makes them stronger. Praise what needs to be praised, but they know what their strong points are. So, don’t sweat it much.
For the longest time, I believed this. Of course the Great Ones know they’re great. You can’t be that good and not notice, right? That’s just impossible.
Enter the conversation that gave my mind a handjob.
It’s easy to write it down, don’t worry. Long story short: I met Scarlet Weather the other day, and turns out she’s a fan. We start talking, she mentions that she really likes my prose, apparently I do some really good prose, and oh hey that’s nice to hear and—
Wait.
Hold the fuck up.
My prose? Did you just praise my prose?
Yeah wait no give me a second. Read back a little – I’m not good at prose. Prose is my weakest. Prose is my worst. I have an extremely bad prose, no matter how you look at it. Sure, I’ve got style, or at least a recognizable voice, but my prose is—
Good, she assures. Your prose is good. That’s why I said that.
What followed was something that’d never happened to me: there was a small argument on the subject of me having or not the ability to write well, and I was arguing against myself. Fuck me, I’m a diva. I can’t masturbate unless there’s a mirror nearby, and I was being AGGRESSIVELY self-deprecating here.
This isn’t being humble, this is being outright confused. At one point MrNumbers joined the discussion – of course he did – and he started yelling at me ‘cause apparently he also thinks that my prose is not bad.
And just… This went on for several minutes.
And a couple things started to make sense.
Now, do I have a good prose? I have no idea. I think I don’t, those two assholes think I do, and honestly who cares at this point. Go read my shit and tell me, that’d be neat.
No, what started to make sense here was the modesty. The self-awareness. ‘Cause, holy shit. Do these people know they’re Great Ones?
Because I’ve talked with Ghost of Heraclitus and Chuckfinely a couple times, and they always sorta wave me away when I mention they’re Top Shit. You’re heavy-hitters, I say, and they sorta nod and go on to their business. ‘Cause I don’t give much more detail, and people rather focus on the criticism.
Holy shit. The Magnum Opus Dissonance thing, the whole gap between authors and readers? It goes both ways. An author will think highly of a work of theirs because of the creative process behind it, but they’ll also undersell other works because they can’t appreciate their quality.
Sum of its parts. Amount that effort that went into it. When you’re an author, you compare what you have with what you wanted to create, and you only notice the differences. I was absolutely fucking unaware that my prose was, apparently, one of my strong points. And I consider myself self-aware! It’s the only thing I’ve got going!
They’re not being humble, they’re being honest! They don’t think they’re Great! Or rather, they don’t fucking know it! At one point, a story by Ghost of Heraclitus is guaranteed to be amazing, so why even elaborate on it? We say it’s good, but we don’t say why. Or we say it, but they think we’re being polite.
The fucks.
The absolute fucks.
So there’s a gap, there’s a lack of communication. When you see someone creating something that far out of your league, you assume they have the same perspective as you, but they really don’t. They don’t judge their works by your standards. They get a bar, set it as low as possible, and then try to Mambo their way down.
They don’t know they’re good, and they don’t know how much their work affected you. If you tell them, they won’t know how to react? But fuck that. Just, showed those assholes with praise.
This is pretty much my message here: tell them. If you find an author that you think is good, for the love of God, tell them.
Ghost: Your stories read like the highest of literature, because your prose can’t be described with any adjective other than “delicious”. It all feels so right, so in-place, so meticulously well-thought. You do things with the English language I didn’t know were possible. You make telling stories look effortless, but reading one of your fics is like looking at an old cathedral: everything is so in sync, so perfect, that I get overwhelmed just by looking. Doing what you do, writing stuff with as much depth as yours, sounds impossible until one looks at your stuff. And your sense of humor is magnificent.
Chuck: Your characters are so goddamn complex that every single one of them could be the protagonist of its own book series. Your prose is light and punchy, you read like the best kind of pulp fiction. As far as I’m aware of, you’re the only author out there who’s managed to make me literally cry of laughter while reading you. There’s character interaction and good, punchy, interesting dialogue, and then there’s what you do.
Cold in Goddamn Gardez: Fuck me, man. Stories about ponies are stories about people, and I think you alone do enough justice to that motto for the rest of the fandom. There’s something inherently wonderful about your writing. Technically, you’re flawless, but that’s not all. Your stories have heart. Amazing characters, great dialogue, you can pull everything off – but mostly, you have heart. Everything you write feels beautiful, just by language alone. And I think that’s really it: you create beauty. I can’t think of higher praise than that.
Am I sucking cock right now? Fuck me, I’m choking on them. I’m gargling ballsacks like a champion, but god dammit, when somebody’s good at what they do they deserve to know it. And if there’s a chance – a tiny, minuscule chance – that they don’t know it, then I sure as hell I’m going to get in their faces and yell at them.
So go out there, and praise people. Give criticism, point stuff out if it doesn’t work, but also give praise. Give specific praise, give elaborate praise that explains exactly what you like and why you like it.
Because, hell. I had no idea I could write prose.
And it would kill me if any of the Great Ones felt the same.
I like to think of this as the absolute opposite of the Romance Blogs. This is me being aggressively flattering towards some people.They're so cool.
I'd been more explicit on what I'd do to Chuckfinely in the blog, but I figured Scarlet Weather would've gotten jealous. So, I restricted myself to Ghost of Heraclitus.
Cold in Goddamn Gardez I didn't mention 'cause with him I assume the whole deal would become a thing of poetic beauty, making love while angels sing, a field of stars as our blanket -- and I'm more about monkey fucking, to be honest.
I’ll fuck your monkey.
I like your prose, too. It’s always enjoyable and enhances the stories you tell. Like my penis.
You should write about my penis.
I've told you your prose is good too y'know. Glad to see you listen to me.
Also, since i'm the one who linked ghost, does that mean I'm a cunt with a cunt?
Also also, why are you calling me a cunt when I'm the one who introduced you two?
This is so ironic i can't tell if you're joking.
4439923
Jealous or excited? ^^
This libido of mine is burning bright.
Ahem, more to the point, you write prose with so much care and detail that I want to make love to your words. And you can transition between different authorial voices. Do you know how rare a talent that is?
I'd throw it out there that the fastest way to find out how much the Greats undervalue themselves is to pre-read for them.
My response to 30% of editing notes is to cry.
From King Of Beggars:
You really are put out by this revelation; this blog is filled with sooooooo many extraneous thoughts.
Oh, you know. The usual. The usual. I'm working on this thorny sparse point cloud segmentation problem using conditional random fields. Preparing classes for this semester. Reading about someone fantasizing about blowing me.
Just your average Wednesday, really.
I would like to, just for the record, state that this is a unlikely contingency. Very unlikely. I am much more likely to rush into your room and ask, desperately, for a hamster.
"HAMSTER! You! Aragon! We need a hamster, now! No time to explain! THE FATE OF THE GALAXY HANGS IN THE BALANCE!"
And, honestly, if I rush into anyone's room randomly the most likely outcome is
"—and so I thought that if we just introduce a symmetry term as a constraint on... Spain? Why am I in Spain?"
Well. Gosh. Thank you.
I'm not just humble. Chuck and Cold are, presumably, humble. They have such vast arrays of good qualities that I'm sure humbleness is one of them. But I honestly don't think I write well. Ferret and Numbers can totally confirm this. I'm not deflecting compliments because I'm well brought up, I deflect compliments because every time someone tells me they can so much as tolerate something I have written I experience cognitive dissonance on a scale that baffles modern psychology.
You chose this? I always assumed there was some kind of inescapable cosmic destiny thing going on.
When I met cig, I was in the midst of my anaemia thing and not able to really think, but even so, I remember how humble he seemed. It was kind of annoying, you know? In a sort of "stop that and be my proud writing hero!" kind of way.
4439998
Aragon. Aragon, she's making the eyes. Just stay still and you might not die of a cuteness-induced heart attack.
4440318
Do we need to do a musical number, with dancers and a backing chorus? I am not usually very vocal with praise, mostly because there are only so many ways to say "it is good", and trying to analyze why is something I am terrible at. Conveniently, there is a built-in system for expressing that opinion by clicking a little button, so that's what I usually do. But in this instance I am moved to try.
Your stories are wonderful. They are funny, they are witty, the characters are full of, well, character (did I mention I'm bad at this?) and life, and every last word is a delight to read. This is not a compliment, which you might feel the need to awkwardly accept or deflect. I am simply stating, for the record, the undeniable truth. Because I feel very strongly that there is nothing quite so important as getting the facts straight.
Gravity is a force between two objects proportional to their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them; the speed of light in a vacuum is the same in every reference frame; GhostOfHeraclitus is a good writer. These are the pillars upon which the world is built.
4440421
Nah. If Ghost's ability was complex physics, he'd actually be able to observe it and appreciate it.
4440421
I'm all for the musical number. I can be a tree in the background.
4440318
Really?
Shall we start a distributed series of blog posts to show you that you are indeed a great writer?
Now that I think about it, it could be a good idea. Just so you and the others who deserve it get a dose of realism.
Well that was a fun read
The way you speak of Great Ones is like they are Elder Gods compared to puny mortals. Their existence is on a level us mortals can not comprehend but in return they are so far above us that we are an anomaly to them in return. So we must pray to the Elder Gods, I mean post comments.
Ok sooo from my humble and short experience on this site you kinda are Great One to me. Sure you may not be literary genius on the same level as some writers on this site alone but you write a type of stories that are interesting to me. I like your sense of humor, fast pace and most importantly characters and how they interact with each other and the world.
Regarding your prose, it is not bad and in fact can be very good but your stories are driven by character dialogs or narration, basically replacing prose with a dialog with yourself as the speaker and readers as listeners (wait does this count as prose?). It is easy to simply miss the prose or consider it weakest link compared to stuff you are great at. Also I am sure some readers when reading most of stories on this site out of habit skim prose. It isn't case of bad and good but merely that you do certain things way better and that some parts don't hold same value to different people. Can't really think of any big con that you have that could refer to most of your stories so I'll skip that part this time. That's just my opinion about you I guess.
Also this blow job is free but next one I am expecting payment. I don't run a charity here.
Oh and thanks for all those author recommendations.
I love how your tags have literally nothing whatsoever to do with the content of the post.
I'm not much for giving compliments, but I will say you're probably the best writer of comedic sociopathy I've yet read.
i'm ginna suck your dick when your not looking
im hiding under your law books and when you read them im gonna jump out grab your dick and make you cum all over the spanish legal system
Huh. Seems like most of the Greats don't even really know they are the Greats. I think going and giving specific praise to the people you consider to be on the top of the totem pole is a pretty good idea then, so that the people who you think are awesome can realize how awesome they are. With that said...
At the very top of my list of "best authors on this site" is probably all iterations of Short Skirts and Explosions, because damn can that lemur write literally anything well. Right next to him though? It's this guy who can write comedy stories so hilarious that I have physically had issues breathing while reading and have often had to take a few breaks so I don't crunch my body in half with my imploding sides. It's this guy who has a wonderful sense of the absurd, and can consistently balance on the knife's edge of the completely insane without going too far. It's this guy who can write characters that are technically out-of-character while still feeling enjoyable and believable because he knows exactly how to make a world feel just crazy enough for the story to work. It's this guy whose stories I could just read back to back for hours and never get bored. If somebody asked me what my favorite comedy story was, I would just point to this guy's userpage wildly with both hands and yell "EVERY COMEDY THIS MAN WRITES." It's this guy who can also write beautiful serious stories, who makes all the characters he writes feel real somehow, who can weave emotion of basically any kind into his work without it feeling forced, and who puts out stories so consistently good that I always smile when I see a new story from him before I even read it because I know no matter what it is, it's gonna be good. It's this guy who's just so entertaining that even his blogs are better than over half of the stories on this site. His username is Aragon, and he's one of the most enjoyable authors on FiMfic.
Also he lost a fight with a lamppost once.
I would also like to add that Aragon is a Great. There. I said it. Aragon is one of those writers I look at and think "I wish I was that good".
4441098
I second this motion.
I mean, i haven't read all your stories (I'm cutting down on my fiction intake due to a decided lack of hours in the day. Seriously, who decided 24 were enough?)
But if they are of roughly similar quality, I think you qualify.
Psychology, innit?
It's Dunning-Kreuger vs Impostor, or something sciency sounding like that. You're either selectively insecure or an idiot - sometimes even a bit of both - but only one of them leads to growing as an artist or cultivating any form of skill. If you didn't have that nagging feeling in the pit of your everything that you suck, you wouldn't have much of a drive to improve, would you? If they said "Yeah, I'm fucking great" and meant it in response to praise, they probably wouldn't have gotten to the point of being praised at all.
I'd postulate that anyone can be a 'Great' as long as they don't fall off the damn well trodden path of humbleness and keep on creating. Some people are merely greater than others.
Oh, and your and MrNumbers' work is the only thing that can make me gigglesnort, an emotion that I do not regularly experience outside of reading about cartoon horses, and I am truly grateful for that.
I actually repeated the Litany Against Fear while getting my molars drilled a few weeks ago. Not aloud, that would be silly and might scare somebody, or even worse, get that tiny little 640,000RPM drill solidly wedged in the side of your cheek. Those things aren't to be messed with.
GhostOfHeraclitus always thinks he's a terrible writer, and publishes stories as chapters in "Obiter Dicta" instead of as stories because he's afraid of seeing how little respect they'll get on their own. Though I think deep down he knows he's Great, because he would be disappointed if he posted a story and it wasn't featured.
Well. Except me.
I wish my comedy was as funny and engaging as your blog posts (and the one story I read).
4440318
Only reason I don't have you listed as one of my greats, is because you don't POST enough! (And all the posts you did make were Obiter Dicta updates,)
Basically? I kinda thought you were dead...Other then you, the big greats that I read now are Estee and MythrilMoth. Alex Warlon and Kris Overstreet are also biggies, butt I mainly go for smaller works, so I'm not up to date with Alex, and Kris I wasn't aware of how much. (I know both from other places, really nice peeps)
I understand that you're Spanish, but you're too good at writing English for you to have seriously gotten that wrong. It should not be "This is people" it should be "these are people." "This is" applies to singular, but you're talking about a plural collective.