Horizon is an evil genius · 3:02pm Apr 18th, 2017
And not a changeling obviously. But anyways, he helped write up some incredibly funny drink names for Babscon and I felt compelled to share them with you.
Behold:
The inexperienced Poet:
As Twilight watched with undisguised curiosity, Zecora stirred some aperol into her cauldron to go along with the bourbon and club soda. "The ingredients may seem odd," she rhymed, "but it does taste fit for the mightiest god. You'll like it, Twilight. This thing I see, with my sight. It has notes of oranges, and …" She totally would have finished that line, but that's when the changelings attacked.
The LUS:
"Trust me, darling, it's better than cider," the white fashionista said, at which the orange earth pony snorted and turned away. Unbowed, the dapper unicorn continued, turning to the butter-yellow pegasus: "It's dry but refreshing, a nice floral aperitif." The timid animal-lover nodded. "Oh," she said. "I like flowers."
The Alicorn OC:
A single tear slid down Darkheart Blackknight's muscular red-and-black-striped muzzle as he contemplated the glass. Smoky, sweet and tropical — like the storm that killed his whole family, causing him to swear vengeance on the evil weather pegasus cult. But now they were threatening the whole world, and he alone could save it!
The Wall of Text: (in justified formatting)
"Well," Daring Do said as she stared into the ancient temple, which was undoubtedly full of lethal traps just like the last five temples had been, but not the one before that, which had been a nice change of pace even if it was a little odd to seek the Golden Carrot of the Fluffbunny Tribe, "the runes translate to 'Hurricane'" — she squinted again at the gleaming hieroglyphics — "and over here, above the pits of suspicious-looking liquid, I see references to fermented sugarcane as well as several native fruits, but it's written in the same color as the first word —" at which light dawned, and with a gasp she beat her wings, stirring up the liquid and sending it swirling in a vortex toward the glass on the pedestal, the extra weight depressing a hidden trigger and sending the door swinging open (cont.)->
The Changeling Ichor:
We dug into Chrysalis' deep reserves for this one — this is the bitterness that keeps them alive when the love runs out. This is a bad idea. You do not want one. We are not kidding. If your judgment is compromised enough to actually order one of these, we're cutting you off for the rest of the night so the regrets can properly linger.
I am told this was a Malort jello shot (Malort is a bitter medicinal drink. John Hodgeman has said it tastes "Like pencil shavings and sadness") Apparently it was better with lime jello than orange.
The Marey Sue:
"Oh, I don't drink alcohol," Sundown Twinkleshine said demurely, eyelashes fluttering. The hearts of Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Luna, and Big Macintosh all simultaneously fluttered as they beheld the true power of the Element of Purity. Princess Celestia cleared her throat. "After you finish your [soda / lemonade]," she said, "would you consider being my new student?"
(Apparently the Element of Courage is actually the most common seventh element)
That man has too much power. He needs to be stopped.
~Skeeter The Lurker
The Epic Crossover:
"Y'see, " Berry Punch said to Pinkie, "while you girls have been meeting all these aliens, I've been focusing in what's really important."
"Friendship?"
"Booze." Berry hefted what had to be a decanter, because buckets weren't made of glass. "I have here a mix of Klingon bloodwine, Gensokyo sake, that Ol' Janx Spirit, Lancre scumble, and of course some of Sweet Apple Acres' finest. Want a sip?"
Pinkie wrinkled her muzzle. She was half-certain that she could see the fumes wafting up fron the vessel. "I think you just mixed together a bunch of things you like without thinking about how well they'd go together."
Berry shrugged and chugged. The coma only lasted for a few hours.
Just to clarify, while the drink ingredients were a friend's idea and the names were a collective effort, the drink flavor text was all mine.
The Inexperienced Poet physically hurt to write.
As a comment bonus, here's one I did that was rejected for making our bartender twitch in pain: The First Draft.
4500711
Hmm, yes. Tell me more about your intriguing opinions, and your equally intriguing home address.
4500780
But seriously, this is even more amusing for a reason you don't even know: at least two of the drinks on that list were actually served during the convention. The Klingons in particular are staples of San Francisco regional fandom cons, to the point where they even have a Yelp page.
So my new headcanon is that Berry visited Babscon and did exactly what you describe.
4500827
It's the only logical conclusion.
4500811
Ferret is right, you are a mad genius.
I offer one of my own:
The Shipping Goggles
"Oh, I mustn't drink, Rarity," said Fluttershy, shying away from the proffered glass, "it'll all go to my head."
"Nonsense, dear," said Rarity with a well timed and expertly executed[1] eyelash flutter, "it's just some fruit, and some flowers and just a touch of sweet wine. Why, it's really medicinal. It'll do you good, darling."
"Well...," said Fluttershy a note of uncertainty creeping into her voice, "if it's just flowers and a bit of wine, it can't really hurt, right?"
Rarity merely watched her sip the drink with a predatory smile. Phase 1 of Operation Fluttermac was going brilliantly.
[1] That's a 9.3, 9.5, and... oooh a 9.9 from the Bulgarian judge there.
Serve in a burgundy wine glass:
1 jigger (50cl) crème de casis
1 jigger (50cl) rosolio (rose petal liqueur)
topped up with Prosecco spumante
Tastes like a bracing, refreshing fruit-and-flowers soft drink, delivers about as much alcohol as a double shot of overproof vodka.
4500885 Are you sure you're not secretly Horizon?
4500894
Please my darling dear, as you well know...
...I am not a changeling.
Man, Horizon, why you gotta be awesome?
Ahem.
You don't know Rarity Chick. But she found this and showed it to me.
She wins. Forever.
whiskeymuse.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/macaron-cocktail-732x1024.jpg?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss
The Lavender Macaron Champagne Cocktail:
1 oz Toasted Almond Canadian Club Small Batch Classic 12* (or cognac)
1/2 oz Sons of Vancouver Amaretto
1/8 oz Violet Syrup
1/2 oz Egg White
3 oz Champagne
1 puff Lavender Cotton Candy**
INSTRUCTIONS
Place cotton candy into coupe glass. Fill a cocktail shaker with infused rye, amaretto, violet syrup and egg whites. If you have a Hawthorn strainer coil or protein shake shaker ball, add into cocktail shaker as this will help to aerate the egg whites and make them frothy. Shake mixture for 30 seconds. Add ice and shake for another 15 seconds to chill. Strain into coupe glass over cotton candy. Top with champagne and garnish with your favourite macaron!
ADDITIONAL NOTES
*Lightly toast 1 cup of almonds and place in a small mason jar. Fill with rye or cognac and seal. Shake daily and leave for 48-96 hours.
**Don’t have cotton candy? No problem, just substitute it for a sugar cube or ounce of simple syrup. If this is the case, muddle the sugar and bitters with a dash of water in the old fashioned glass until dissolved. Then add ice and strain mixture in.
If we’re being literal, I’m pretty sure the most common seventh element is surprise.
Mind you, I’m not done counting yet.
4500811 I could see why. I am still sad I never saw anyone try Ichor since I was bouncing around so much Friday night.
4500827
4500883
Well, you know what they say about ordering Revenge, horizon...
4501676
I thought it was nitrogen.
4501723
Work in progress:
(‘surprise’, 123),
(‘love’, 64),
(‘courage/bravery’, 48),
(‘chaos’, 30),
(‘hope’, 27),
(‘forgiveness’, 21),
(‘deception/lies/deceit’, 19),
(‘trust’, 16),
(‘honor/nobility’, 16)…
Anonymous regret
You looked down at the transparent glass sporting a question mark symbol. The liquid content was a mystery and probably chosen at random, but its color always ended up green. The taste you feel would be revolting nine times out of ten and be strongly alcoholic. The bartender always acted as a jerk when serving it.
The Inkpot
It's actually not an inkpot, it's a bottle of red wine with a label that Spike peeled off to keep Twilight from worrying about the details. The pair of glasses, a loyalty reward that Davenport had insisted she had more than earned, have a feather quill etched around their bases. Twilight knows that the pun isn't as funny as she thinks it is, but she's already poured both glasses.
(red wine blend, buy one get one, complementary napkins for inevitable note taking.)