Equestria Girls Movie Night Review · 1:49am Jun 12th, 2017
I’d like to think that when I die and go to heaven, this will be what I see as the gates open to me.
Also, 500th blog! Let’s do this!
First, Dance Magic. We open on nice continuity, the girls raising money to help Camp Everfree. Rarity says she has a great idea but doesn’t. At the mall she sees an advertisement for a music video contest with a cash prize and decides to enter. And here’s the Shadowbolts! No Indigo Zap and no reason given for her absence. Perhaps the Lightning Dust stuff scared them off from her? Pity. Sour Sweet is on her meds now, no mood swings, no backhand sarcasm, and for it no personality or humor. Sunny Flare also has no personality, but she never really had one in the first place. We also get a note that Cinch has left Crystal Prep and Cadance is the principal now.
Rarity explains her plan to the group and Twilight notes, a bit sadly, that she hasn’t heard much from the Crystal Prep girls since she transferred. I have a sneaking suspicion this is paying lip service to continuity and won’t actually mean anything. Conveniently Rarity will need to use the fundraiser money they’ve made already to buy props and costumes for the video, but the cash prize is more than they need. No precise dollar amounts are given at all here, making the dialogue seem a bit awkward when the girls directly ask how much the prize is and Rarity just assures them its plenty. Also, Sci-Twi makes calculations and runs numbers. Because you know, nerd. They do math. But she does point out the obvious - if they don’t win they’ll be wasting all their money.
They begin to film with Rarity directing. I completely sympathize with her here. In college I was the writer and director on a short film that turned out nothing like what I expected due to a multitude of factors, and it can be tough trying to bring the vision in your head to life and making your cast and crew see it as you do. I still can’t sit through the final project due to how much not-like what I expected it to be it is. Rarity goes to the mall to shop for materials to fix Rainbow’s costume when it gets damaged, and sees the Shadowbolts doing their own video. Rarity is despairing to see they stole her idea. Except... no they didn’t. Rarity’s idea as she told it to them was simply “each girl will dance in a style with a costume to match the style.” And that’s not exactly an original idea, hell it was basically the synopsis of “Friendship Through The Ages.” It’s not like the Shadowbolts spied on Rarity and are copying her ideas.
The girls come over to witness a special moment - Rarity’s first breakdown as a human. Aaaaaw, so sweet. She says she’s gonna head to Crystal Prep to rage at them and humorously notes she has no idea how to get there, so Twilight volunteers to take her. At the school they sneak around and Twilight has no idea the school has a dance studio even though she’s a former student. “I can show you where the library is, though.” Rarity seems to realize mid-confrontation with the Shadowbolts that she has no way to make them change their video, and they laugh at her misery, as by this point when they finish theirs first, it’ll seem like Rarity copied them. Ooooh, it’s Rarity Takes Manehattan: The Equestria Girls Version.
And now we have: Padding! Applejack, Rainbow, and Pinkie brainstorm various scenarios that are broken up by Rarity making the obvious point that none of their ideas actually involved dancing. We go to Rarity at an ice cream parlor having her breakdown again, om-nom-nom. Rarity then overhears the Shadowbolts talking. They’ve been using a Sapphire Shores song for their choreography and have no idea for an original song to submit their video with. They also admit they told Rarity she can’t use her idea because they want to use it, Sour Sweet is sure Rarity is creative enough to come up with something else, but they aren’t, and they don’t want to lose and be embarrassed. Turns out they promised the students they’d use the prize money to hold an upcoming dance on a yacht. Rarity approaches them and says she has an idea.
The Rainbooms (referred to as the Shadowbolts) arrive at the auditorium to find it done up as a crystal dance floor. Rarity’s idea, of course, is to do a joint video and combine their strengths. The newly christened “Crystal Rainbooms” do their video, song is okay and so is the video for it. The group wins and apparently they have enough to do both their plans. Seriously, how much damn money did they win, I’m pretty sure they’d need several thousand dollars for this stuff. Rarity also volunteers the Rainbooms to play at the dance.
This short is fine. It’s funny at places, has good depth and development for the Shadowbolts, and ends on a good note. The major problem with the short is that this isn’t Rarity’s story, she contributes nothing to the plotline other than her breakdowns. This would be a much stronger story if, duh, Twilight was the focus, it was her idea for the music video, her ideas the Shadowbolts stole, her that brings the groups together. Also, the Shadowbolts are kinda lame, Sour Sweet has no mood swings and Sugarcoat doesn’t talk fast, and Indigo Zap is completely gone. I described them as such to a friend with the moniker of “Diet Shadowbolts.”
Next, Movie Magic!
WANT!
The girls are visiting the set of a Daring Do movie as the director, Canter Zoom, is an alumni of Camp Everfree and invited them for saving the camp. He heads off to handle a problem in wardrobe and the group splits up, Twi and Rainbow deciding to geek out over props designed by A K Yearling herself while Fluttershy and Rarity go to visit the lead actress, Sunset and Applejack tour the sets, and Spike and Pinkie grab a snack. Chestnut Magnifico, the actress playing Daring Do, is a total diva. Sunset and Applejack tour the jungle set and find a candy wrapper Sunset pockets to throw out later. I’M SURE THIS VERY SUBTLE AND IRRELEVANT DETAIL WILL IN NO WAY CONNECT TO THE STORY EVER AGAIN. I AM WRITING IT IN ALL CAPS TO CALL ATTENTION TO THE FACT THIS IS COMPLETELY UNIMPORTANT.
Rainbow and Twilight meet Juniper Montage, niece to the director. She mentions she’s worked as assistant to a lot of his movies shot here and knows the place like the back of her hand. She tried to convince him to cast her as Daring Do but he didn’t go for it, and she offers to show the two a secret set, producing a set of keys to the place. I AM SURE THIS INFORMATION IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO IMPLY THAT JUNIPER IS SOMEHOW USING HER KNOWLEDGE OF THE STUDIO AND POSSESSION OF KEYS TO THE SETS IN A NEFARIOUS MANNER. And a pointless scene where Spike and Pinkie ate all the foreign candy bars meant for Chestnut Magnifico.
They resume shooting when the set falls apart and Rainbow and Juniper run in to tell the director the relics are missing. I question how they can do this when one of the relics they viewed earlier was used in the earlier shoot of this scene; if they were stolen wouldn’t they have noticed when they went to get the relics for the scene? The group brings up the obvious idea of just making new props, but the director gives a lame excuse they were personally approved by AKY and she’d have to approve the new ones too. I don’t know much about moving making, but I know enough that you always have more than one set of props, precisely because this could happen, they could break or get lost or get stolen. But he does give a little aside that Yearling is apparently very hard to track down. Chestnut’s contract is almost up, and with the set destruction and prop theft, the movie may have to shut down production. He heads off to another problem and Twilight sums up the obvious again - someone is sabotaging the movie.
The group suspects Chestnut due to how she seems to want out of the movie, and Sunset brings up the candy bar wrapper she found on the volcano set that is the same brand Chestnut ordered. They immediately decide she must be behind it. Applejack gives an extremely obvious joke set-up for a figure in a black cloak to walk by in the background. I should mention at this point they’re outside in the daylight, and the figure is wearing a black cloak. They run off and Rainbow uses her magic amulet (yeah, remember those are a thing now) to super-speed up and chase the figure, but fails to catch them somehow. Rainbow gives a very awkward bit that super speed only helps so much when the figure she’s chasing seems to know the layout of the place well.
A stage hand comes around and in a flash the group is dressed as the Power Ponies with Sunset as the Mane-iac. For some reason they’re called the Power Ponies even though they’re human. The director immediately notes they aren’t the actors and the guy amusing notes he’s fired, which the director echoes. Cue the figure and another montage chase scene with no super speed for some reason. Also, the cast looks okay with their outfits... until they move, and you realize how ridiculously long and thin their legs are with these uniforms to highlight their body types. I mean their torsos are as long as their thighs alone and about as big around too. And why is Filli-Second, the fast runner, in heels? And why even have this diversion? Did the writers just want to put the cast in a bunch of skintight leotards? I don’t mind the effort but give them bodies that aren’t hideously deformed then.
They run onto the set of Pinkie’s favorite movie, “Stormy with a Side of Pudding,” cute. Apparently the set uses real pudding. Um, nothey don’t, it would spoil. And why is there a set like this for a movie already out for a long time? I’d accept it if they said they were filming a sequel, but they don’t. The mystery figure sneaks up on them and incapacitates the group with a brilliant ploy - A NET! NOOOOOOOOOO! With the group helpless save Rainbow, who conveniently walked a few steps away beforehand, the figure runs and NOW Rainbow super speeds to chase them. The figure runs into a prop room and locks Rainbow in. Security took their phones when they came to the set so she has to scream for help.
The group is out of the net and note that Rainbow wearing her geode is odd. Why would you not wear the magical necklaces that give you superpowers, why would you ever not wear those? Sunset then points out with hers she could easily find the culprit but she doesn’t have it, DURR! Via the pudding Rainbow stepped in they track her down and free her. Well, that was a suspenseful subplot full of twists and turns. It lasted just over a minute. The group heads back to the crew and tell the director they found one of the missing costumes they mentioned earlier in the closet, and want to look around for clues. Juniper in her black cloak runs to retrieve the relics, in the process letting her hood fall down, and she’s caught. Twilight gives us the Scooby Doo summation of how and why Juniper did it - of course, she wanted the production to fall behind so Chestnut left production and she could take over as Daring Do. And Chestnut eats all the candy bars on her. Whatever. Juniper is fired, Chestnut gets out of another movie she hated so she can stay on this one, and the group gets to cameo in the Daring Do movie.
This short sucked. And the major problem is that the culprit is obvious before the crisis even occurs. Juniper gets exactly one scene before the relic theft happens and half of her lines in it are obvious set-up clues to who the thief is, like her having the keys and knowing the lot well and wanting to be in the movie. And she’s so lame, she wants to be the star actress but her uncle claims she has no acting experience, which she admits to. In what universe did she think that getting Chestnut to leave would let her take over, they’d cast someone else or shelf the project so as not to lose what they had already filmed. It would be so easy to let her be the group’s tour guide, she could show them around to establish her knowledge of the locale and her access to it. She could talk to the group about how she’s a struggling actress whose uncle gives her bit parts in movies but she can’t get anything better. It would make her far more interesting. Not much less obvious, though, since there are only three named characters in this short, and of course it isn’t the director or Chesnut, she’s too obvious.
I already mentioned the out-of-nowhere Power Ponies stuff, but again, it’s out of nowhere and is pointless, it just gives us the cast wearing the costumes for no reason. We get two chase scenes to pad the short along with numerous smaller scenes. Also, an easier way to write the group being on the set of the movie? The music video contest from the first short also included a chance to tour the set as a prize. Just sayin’.
And now, Mirror Magic, which I already reviewed. My criticisms for it all stand, English VAs don’t do much to change things.
So, yeah, as a whole, these specials are meh. There’s good ideas bouncing around but they weren’t fully developed, especially Juniper Montage, who is just a spoiled arrogant brat and a terrible villain. Also, it’s pretty obvious these specials are a first effort at an EqG series. They’re not only the exact length of a standard pony ep, 20 minutes or so, but Sunset explicitly says she feels the group got the geodes and associated powers for a reason, and worries what’s in store for them next. That plus the ending of Legends of Everfree and the magic mirror here heavily imply that there are more adventures in store. These three shorts could be made into one continuous narrative with only a couple of changes to things, so I’d say the shorts is more an experiment in telling stories in the runtime of a normal episode rather than a movie.
As I’ve always said, the potential is there. These specials didn’t work out, but it was due to lack of realization, not ideas or creativity. So hopefully we see a fifth movie or a spin-off show sometime soon.
All I can think of is what is Sunset Shimmer doing in that gif, it looks like she's doing those weird hula dance moves everyone makes fun of the Enchantress from Suicide Squad does.