Paul's Thursday Reviews LXXXVI · 2:11am Sep 8th, 2017
Well, I almost missed this one. That would have been a big "whoops!" on my part, especially considering a visit to my flooded parents starting tomorrow would have made any near-future posts almost impossible. Dodged a bullet with that.
Alas, I need to get this one done quickly so I don't wake up a zombie for work tomorrow, so...
Reviews!
Stories for This Week:
The Big Butterfly Brouhaha by adcoon
Remembrance Day by Grand_Moff_Pony
Later Than Planned by Harmony Charmer
Nothing to Fear by Taialin
Appledashery by Just Essay
The Rogue Stallion by darkangel_31314
Total Word Count: 1,084,834
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
The Big Butterfly Brouhaha
14,839 Words
By adcoon
That was one heck of a story to go in blind to.
The strangely written story stars Flitter, who may just be the premier bug catcher in Ponyville. One day Fluttershy tells her about a big butterfly she’s never seen before, and she heads out to find it. Along the way she meets Derpy, and decides to risk asking her if she’s seen the bug. What follows is an outrageous adventure involving faeries, strange worlds that ignore all conventional physical laws, giant flying vacuums and a brand new defender of Equestria against all things giggly and grinny. And boy, is it fun.
When I first started this story, the writing style bugged me. It was repetitive, it was a little off, and I didn’t know what to make of it. Then I started to realize the whimsical, silly nature of pretty much everything happening and began to roll with it. Doing so opens your eyes in much the same way Derpy succeeds in opening Flitter’s eyes, and results in a truly entertaining and creative little romp.
There’s not much to this story, and there really doesn’t need to be. It’s 14,000 words of silly randomness that isn’t so random after all, managing to dance on the line of nonsense and seriousness in a way that is truly impressive. My hat’s off to adcoon for producing something so flawlessly entertaining while, somehow, not taking away from the rather serious problems this entire story opens up for Equestria.
I don’t really have much else to say. The story is fun, fast, and relentlessly smile-inducing. Jump on in and don’t mind the flying guitarfish.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Remembrance Day
5,723 Words
By Grand_Moff_Pony
Hey. Hey you. Wanna know a secret? It’s something you ain’t heard before. Nobody ever thought of this idea, and it’ll blow your mind. You sitting down, ready and comfy and all? Okay, here it is…
Immortality sucks.
I know, completely unexpected, right?
…
Now that I’ve got that out of my system, let us take a look at Remembrance Day. This story is set an indeterminate amount of time after the show, with Twilight a fully realized Princess of Equestria with all the responsibilities and lifestyle requirements that entails. Today she’s celebrating with the town of Ponyville her own personal holiday, Remembrance Day, in which ponies use special gems to remember the past and meet loved ones that are gone. No, they don’t bring ponies back from the dead or allow communion with the afterlife, they just take a pony’s memories and make them visible. Of course, Twilight’s reasons for coming up with this idea are entirely selfish, but the populace doesn’t need to know that, now do they?
Despite my disdain for the established trope of the story, I have to acknowledge that GMP handled it well. The story is emotional, well paced, and paints a very clear picture of Twilight’s mental state. More importantly, it reveals how unhealthy the entire practice is, at least for her.
As a side note, I like how thoroughly GMP avoided certain expectations, things anyone who is a fan of MLP would expect. I imagine everyone reading this would expect a surviving member of the Mane 6 to make an appearance or, if one assumes this entire story takes place after they are dead and gone, their relatives. No such cameos appear, even when it is shown that Twilight visited large parts of Ponyville. No Sugarcube Corner? No Carousel Boutique? The omission of the established and beloved landmarks and characters is an unexpected choice.
Although I can’t help wondering if this means Twilight isn’t keeping up with her friends’ families at all. Seems like something she’d do, unless the story is just that far removed from the show’s present that it’s impractical. I suppose the lack of information/cameos can also be considered a flaw, but that’s up to the individual reader to decide.
At any rate, the story is good enough to warrant a positive rating from me, even with the tired subject matter bogging it down. Well done, author.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Later Than Planned
3,950 Words
By Harmony Charmer
I chose this one for my RiL for two reasons: first, because I’m not sure I’ve ever read a story starring Minuette (except for Colgate’s Practice, but the less said about that the better), and second, because it features a ship I’d not yet seen. The story stars Minuette attending the reception of Cadance’s and Shining Armor’s wedding, feeling grumpy because being brainwashed by changelings does that to some ponies. Lyra and Twinkleshine, apparently less burdened by the experience, convince her to stick around for a while longer, which leads to them meeting… Octavia.
It’s a curious story, to say the least. It’s not about two ponies meeting one another and flying into a raging passion an instant later (thank goodness). Ultimately, the whole thing feels like the setup for a one night stand – not something I envision Octavia initiating, but headcanons will be headcanons. Maybe it isn’t a one night stand; maybe these two will stick together through thick and thin for the rest of their lives. No way to know, because Harmony Charmer left this one very open-ended. Make of that what you will.
Then there’s the quirky bit of only Octavia getting the details. We learn a lot about how she supposedly went from rags to riches, and absolutely nothing about where Minuette comes from. It’s curiously lopsided, and I wonder what the intention was of the author in this regard. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, but it does leave me miffed.
All in all, this is a quiet and uneventful story that might interest fans of either character, but probably won’t go beyond that. It does make for a slightly different interpretation of Octavia than I am used to, and I consider that a good thing. But as far as being an engaging story? Eh, it doesn’t really have much to offer in that regard.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Nothing to Fear
6,050 Words
By Taialin
Recommended by Steel Resolve
Y’know, when someone puts “A Nightmare Night Story” on their story description, I expect certain things. Specifically, I expect the author to be trying to scare me. So I was rather disappointed when I went into this and found just another story, like any other. I’m tempted to call false advertising, but… well, the end scene does take place on Nightmare Night, and there's no horror tag, so I guess it’s not a gimmick.
Anyway, Nothing to Fear takes place some time after Season 4 and stars Fluttershy, who has joined the Ponytones as a full member. With Nightmare Night approaching, the Ponytones have agreed to a special performance just prior to Luna’s visit, and it’s going to be Fluttershy’s biggest ‘face the crowd’ challenge yet. But then Rarity offers the tiniest hint of criticism amidst all her praise… and suddenly Fluttershy wonders if she deserves to be in the Ponytones at all.
I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I feel that Fluttershy has grown well beyond being affected by such silly, nonsensical things as this. On the other, picking out the exact point in the series where she went from ‘Old Fluttershy’ to ‘Current Fluttershy’ isn’t easy. Perhaps it can’t be narrowed down to a specific point. With this in mind, the idea isn’t so unbelievable after all; this kind of insecure behavior is perfectly in line with Fluttershy’s old problems and, with the nebulous timing of this story, I suppose she could still be facing stuff like that even after Tirek’s defeat.
Getting past my own flawed expectations and headcanon, what we have here is a solid episode-like story. Short, sweet and to the point, it demonstrates a challenge Fluttershy could have faced at any time in the series and, perhaps, did when we weren’t looking. It comes with imagery to match Fluttershy’s silly mood (the storm outside her cottage as she panics) and a life lesson that I would be happy to have today’s children learn. Indeed, in today’s hand-holding climate I think it would have been the single best lesson we could offer to our children.
Now don’t go thinking that when I say ‘silly’ I mean the story itself is silly. I only mean that I find Fluttershy’s overall behavior, as serious as it is, quite silly. That’s a personal thing. In fact, the very thing that I find silly about all this is what makes the sad tag fit perfectly; any character with this much trouble accepting criticism is a sad individual, indeed. But again, Fluttershy is the perfect character to address those issues.
Not a bad story by any stretch of the imagination, and a great ‘could be an episode’ tale. With strong writing and a solid life lesson, I think it deserves a little more attention than it has.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Appledashery
1,038,413 Words
By Just Essay
Requested by DeathFox4
Rainbow Dash is a self-destructive loser who will never get anything she wants, not because she can’t but because she refuses, and so wallows in her own misery, piss and self-loathing forever.
That’s it. I’ve just explained exactly what the <1,000,000 words of this story are all about. You don’t need to read a single word of it, because that is it. That. Is. It.
When DeathFox4 requested this while I was in the middle of reading Project Horizons, I assumed it was revenge for thoroughly disapproving of his prior requests, he likes to see suffering in others, or a little bit of both. But I took it as a challenge; if I could get through both major FO:E stories and Background Pony, I could beat this for sure. And I did. And… I guess I’ve got Rainbow’s tendency for self-flagellation because, Luna on a bike, I somehow want more.
Appledashery might lead you to believe that this story is a romance about Rainbow Dash figuring out a way to confess to Applejack, leading to all sorts of tender snugglies and d’awwws. Heck, in the first 100,000 words, you might even think that’s where it’s going. Then the next 100,000 words roll by. And the next. And the next… and the next… and the next… and for fuck’s sake, just pony up already you stupid loser of a bird horse! It all turns into one massive, disappointing, trollish lie, because no matter how hard Rainbow fights, no matter how many pains she endures, she will permit herself no snuggles ever.
That’s not to say there are only low points. If Rainbow excels at anything, it’s winning, and she wins a lot. From one adventure to another, be it against massive buffalo-devouring basilisks, gun-toting Manehattan mafia goons, entire castles filled with vicious dragons, or even a literal journey through death’s door, Rainbow always wins. Just never in the one way that matters, and that one way almost always fails because she knowingly sabotages herself every frigging time. As the end of this story starts rolling around, I grew less enthused about Rainbow’s victories and more and more frustrated by her stubborn refusal to give herself what she deserves.
And when the story is over… the story isn’t over. That’s right, you’ve just read through over a million words just to find out that this is only part one, and part two isn’t even 100,000 words in. And God help me, knowing that it’s not going to reward me for the effort, knowing that I’ll just be tearing my hair out at Rainbow’s nonstop stupidity, I actually want to keep reading. WHY?
...because despite all the pain, this is a pretty solid story. Even though Rainbow never gets what she should have gotten by the 100,000 word mark, there is a constant sense of growth for the petite blue pegasus. And the more Rainbow develops and fights and struggles with herself, the more I find myself rooting for her, even when she finally hits the one wall she can’t bash through or fly over. It’s one of those rare things where the pain is the beauty.
I know a lot of people can’t understand that, and I won’t blame them for turning away. But for those of you willing to take the beatings and reach for the goal, this might be worth something to you. This is a story that strings you along, always suggesting that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. And maybe there is. Maybe, when Just Essay finally writes the 10,000,000th word of this epic ball of misery and longing, Rainbow will get her bed of freckles to lie in. Strangely, I actually believe that, despite everything this story has done to suggest otherwise.
There it is. There’s the beauty. No matter how bad things get, Just Essay somehow manages to keep you thinking that there is hope. Much like cake, that hope might be a lie. If so, then this author may be the biggest asshole in the fandom – but I don’t think so. Call me a fool, but something tells me this long, twisted path is going somewhere, and it’s entirely possible that somewhere is a bright and beautiful place. It’ll be made all the more bright and beautiful for the journey.
Of course, there’s more pain here than just Rainbow’s stupidity. You’ll also have to navigate a fairly regular stream of typos. I’m pretty sure Just Essay is slapping down words with zero editing or proofing before publication. Worse is the continuous flow of horrible onomatopoeia. Seriously, half the ‘words’ used to describe sound effects in this story make no sense whatsoever, such that I was left scratching my head trying to figure out what Just Essay was trying to describe. Seriously, the author does this constantly and consistently terribly.
So, be ready to tolerate Rainbow in a nonstop state of emotional agony coupled with some questionable noises and zero attention given to proofing. If you can manage all that, then you might just… well, ‘enjoy’ is too strong a word for this. Perhaps appreciate is the better word. It’s a good read on the whole for those with the thick skin, bravery, and endurance necessary to see this through.
But if you’re one of those happy story crusaders? Turn around now. For once, I won’t even hold it against you. It takes a special person to put up with this shit (not to boast).
I’m watching part two. May Celestia have mercy on my soul.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
The Rogue Stallion
15,887 Words
By darkangel_31314
Sequel to The Broken Mare
The Broken Mare had an amateurish delivery, but otherwise wasn’t all that bad. In light of this, I decided to keep reading this series to see if maybe the author would improve as more stories came to be. So did darkangel_31314 get better? Well… maybe?
In the last story, Twilight got pregnant after being kidnapped and brainwashed by the Nightmare, who hoped to be reborn in the resultant foal. Now healed and a new mother, Twilight is living at Sweet Apple Acres and trying to piece her life back together. But there was one question that never got answered: who is the father, and where has he been all this time?
Turns out the answer was ‘imprisoned on the moon.’ He just escaped, but unfortunately decked Princess Luna to do it (he thought she might be a severely depowered Nightmare). He’s gone to find Twilight and his foal, and nopony knows if he’s still under the Nightmare’s control. Yeah… things get dicey.
Like the prior story, the delivery is a bit shoddy but the overall plot is decent. I think the single most notable improvement is that things don’t feel anywhere near as rushed as they did in the last story. They still are rushed, but since the story’s scope is so much narrower it’s not as troublesome. Hence the ‘maybe’ bit: from what I’m seeing, I can’t tell if the improvement is from the author learning to slow down a little or just a different story scope. A few moments leave me in doubt – the arrival of Zecora was particularly cringeworthy.
Other old problems also remain steadfast and frustrating. LUS continues to run rampant, the writing is littered with typos and grammatical errors, and some of the characters’ decisions are iffy at best. Much of the story felt like a needless runaround where the solutions are obvious to anyone reading the story but not to the characters. I can understand Janus’s behavior for most of the story, up until we get to, say, the campfire scene. But Twilight? Not so much.
Luna being pissed, though? Yeah, can’t blame her. It’s not every day a pathetic unicorn sucker punches an alicorn.
The author also made a few pointless stylistic decisions. For example, when we first meet Janus, we spend half the scene with him referring to Twilight as ‘the Mare’. And this might have been okay… if it hadn’t been revealed halfway through said scene that he knew Twilight’s name all along. So what is darkangel_31314 trying to accomplish here? Anyone reading this story is bound to have read the prior one (they’d better; this one makes no sense without it), so everyone knows who ‘the Mare’ is from the beginning. Keeping Twilight’s name out for so long does nothing for the story at all.
And this goes double for Janus himself. For almost the entire story, we never know his name. This is nonsense; half this story is told from his perspective, and he knows his name, so why act like it’s some sort of secret? It’s not like he’s some canon character whose name will shock the readers. He’s an OC. Revealing his name ⅘ of the way in doesn’t shock or enlighten or even interest anyone.
Which leads to my last complaint: who is Janus? We’ve got a name and an origin. We know he’s a good soldier. Beyond that? Nothing. What are his interests, hobbies, opinions, quirks and weaknesses? Seriously, the guy might as well be a marionette. Somehow, we’re supposed to believe that he loves Twilight. Don’t know why beyond that they were imprisoned together for a year. Is that love or is it just two ponies clinging to one another in a desperate time? I’m supposed to believe that Twilight loves him despite not remembering anything about him, and now they’re getting married?
I see a lot of problems in their future.
In the end, my advice from the prior story remains: slow down, stop reminding us that Twilight is a purple unicorn every other paragraph, and check to make sure your gimmicks actually have a purpose. Last but not least, stop and give us time to meet and learn about your characters, rather just just saying ‘here’s a character, watch him do things.’ Once again, the story isn’t bad, it just needs polishing in the delivery method.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXXXII
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXXXIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXXXIV
New Groups, The Barcast, and Hurricanes (Oh, and Reviews)
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXXXV
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXXXVII
Paul's, uh, Friday Reviews?
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXXXVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXXXIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews XC
Fun fact: Just Essay, Imploding Colon, and shortskirtsandexplosions are actually all the same guy. He is probably the single most prolific author in the entire fandom, having written nearly eight million words worth of fics in total.
AppleDashery is actually good?
Oh lordy. D:
Well, I guess I'll just have to add it to the list...
On the other hand, that Butterfly fic is something I've seen recommended before but haven't yet gotten around to reading. I definitely need to bump it up another level.
I read The Broken Mare and The Rogue Stallion a few years back. I really enjoyed them, although they definitely needed to be longer. This is one of those series that could've worked as a character study, or something along those lines.
Big Butterfly Brouhaha is still one of my absolute favorite fics on this site. :D
Thanks for the review, Paul! I'm glad you liked the story overall. :)
4661648
I'd heard that SS&E had a lot of FIMFiction names, and I guess I can buy that there's some guy living on welfare that spends every waking moment not focused on unemployment forms on writing horse words (I don't know how he'd get to eight million outside that scenario). What I don't understand is why he'd have so many identities. What possible purpose could that serve?
4661650
Good provided you've got an extreme tolerance for watching a beloved character go through countless story arcs that all lead to the same failure of an end result despite huge successes within the arcs themselves. Or seeing said beloved character grow while also being continuously burned by her own self-destructive tendencies. Or dealing with frequent typos and bad onomatopoeia (seriously, my review doesn't do that bit justice, the sound effects in this story defy mortal tolerances). Or if you're actually capable of reading through over 1,000,000 words with the full awareness that the story continues in a second one that is incomplete and probably still hasn't given the protagonist what she so obviously needs.
4661652
I'm not sure about 'character study', but I suppose it could have been reworked that way with some effort. The writer has to actually give the characters character first. Baby steps.
4661664
Glad we are in agreement. It's the kind of story everyone wishes they could pull off, but very few do.
4661868
4661664
You and me both, bruh
Theory: By the end of Appledashery, Rainbow Dash will literally be a god-alicorn who still shoots herself in the foot over asking Applejack out.
4663634
With her own horn, no less.
Hope you parents are doing alright!
4663958
Oh, yes, they're fine. They aren't so much 'flooded' as they are 'living on an island,' and by the time I got there even that was no longer accurate anymore.
4664035
Good, good. Does that mean their house didn't sustain too much damage?
4664214
Their house wasn't flooded, so no.
If you want a more streamlined experience than Appledashery, perhaps consider Haberdashery?
- MLP: FiM
- Romance
- Adventure
- Random
Rainbow Dash really wants to buy a hat from Applejack, but for some asinine reason she plans on taking 2000 chapters to do so. Man, who would write such drivel? Who would bother parodying it? Super Trampoline, apparently.(please don't actually review this; it's incomplete and thoroughly dumb.
4808415
You've got 125 stories for me to go through, which put the odds against it, but the fastest way to get someone to do something is always to tell them not to do it...