Fixing the My Little Pony Movie · 1:20am Oct 14th, 2017
...Yeah, Imma keep this spoilered. One more weekend, then we can call it fair game. <.<
Hey, how 'bout them four blog posts in a single day tho? :V
So what I'm thinkin' is, shortly after the movie starts, you have the Storm King's ship boarding the pirates' ship, with the mane six on board. And like, Grubber shows up and just blows Applejack away, just fuckin' kills her. And Rarity and Fluttershy go down, and maybe Rainbow Dash too, trying to wrestle for the controls. Spike way dies.
And then there's a big ground battle led by Twilight, against the Storm King's forces, and she crosses blades with him. He runs her through, but she's able to way disable him with her magic, and he limps off to be reformatted by a giant, planet-eating monster.
And Twilight's surrounded by her friends, lying on a table, and she just fucking dies, traumatizing hundreds of children for decades to come! Then the plucky young jerk character (aka Starlight Glimmer) can get the Matrix of Leadership (which was first passed to Pinkie; she's the series mascot, you can't kill her) and...
:V
Hah, yeah, so this isn't about me trying to fix the movie, although it is. It's about you trying to fix the movie!
Let's brainstorm! What would you fix? Who would you kill?
Hard mode rules:
- Make sure the kids will enjoy it. How do kids enjoy MLP? Fuck if I know, do I look like a kid to you?
- You can't get rid of any of the new characters. We need those celebrity cameo bucks or something! Put them to use, even Grubber!
- Make it accessible to people who haven't been dutifully following the show for seven seasons.
You don't have to rewrite the entire thing, just toss out a few ideas about a scene or character you'd improve, and how.
More Queen Novo.
QUEEN NOVO BEING SASSY AS HELL TO EVERYONE. SHE GOES TO CANTERLOT SOME HOW AND SASSES THE HELL OUT OF CELESTIA AND LUNA. EVERYONE IS SHOOKETH.
Fluttershy manages to turn Grubber to their side by showing him kindness. That way she's not just a movie accessory!
My reaction to your post?
*Remains silent*
While I could write an entire essay and/or blog post on my problems with the movie and what it could've done differently, I'd rather not look too foolish by listing off a bunch of suggestions that may or may not work. Besides, I've already irked enough people with my complaints.
You really don't want to get me started...
I'll start off with less Idiot Twilight, work my way up to Competent Alicorns, and then, after extensively writing an epic adventure to find the hippogriffs (hippogryphs?), I'd write the Storm King as less of a Discord knockoff and more of a villain has more than two brain cells.
Tempest Shadow can stay. I like her. She just needs a tweak to her background story.
Then, I'll get a shovel to fill in all the plot holes. So. Many. Plot holes.
Scrap the whole fucking thing, as well as the last few seasons, and beg/bribe/kidnap AKR and Faust to do the a new script as 'how Twi got her wings' mixed with flashbacks to the other 3 Princesses' ascensions?
Treat the seapones as known to Celestia of old, and having appealed to her for help. Play up that it is unclear if they are friends or just desperate. Let the Mane 6 shine as both exemplars of what Equestria has to offer, and their own silly selves, while keeping the whole thing at a remove from the canon setting.
For pete's sake, stop having Canterlot invaded. Equestria's sovereignty is a joke at this point. They clearly only exist because nothing else in the world wants the land.
I get iisaw to write a version of Twilight Enigma without the world engine stuff, replace the zebras with Tempest and storm king soldiers. Twilight and company air pirates steal the magic death gem from storm king and try to escape with it while being persued by Tempest. Ship crashes into the ocean and that's how they meet the seaponies. They meet clever cat Lando Calrissian in the port town and he hooks them up with the bird pirates with a working airship for the big blues brother's entire armada of airship chase scene to a swashbuckling fight between Tempest, Twilight, and the Storm King above Canterlot.
Tempest and Twilight team up, but are no match for the Storm King and he wins and is about to use the death gem to conquer the world when Princess Celestia pops up, one-shots him, then looks at Twilight with a disapproving expression like her cat just dragged in a dead mouse and dropped it on her carpet.
Equestria holds a diplomatic summit as a means of introducing its newest princess, now effectively done with her 'princess training'. Assorted diplomats and leaders from many races show up (enter cameos from Ember, maybe the breezies, the griffons, Steven Magnet, etc.). Introduce the hippogriffs here. Songbird Serenade does opening ceremony to introduce Twilight. Twilight bumbles her big greeting and nobody takes her seriously.
Enter Grubber, who kidnaps Twilight somehow and brings her to Tempest. Tempest reveals that Twilight is meant to be bait to lure the other princesses out of the protection of Equestria proper so the Storm King can do his thing with the Staff of Whatsitcalled.
Other princesses prepare to go after Twilight and defeat the Storm King (i.e., prepare military response). The remaining Mane 6 give chase with the help of the hippogriffs, who share with them the magic to become sea creatures so they can swim into the Storm King's waters undetected by the King's defensive fleet.
Twilight escapes on her own, end up on island run by the pirates. Business for the pirates is down because of the Storm King's fleet, so they agree to sneak her out so as to stick it to him. Knowing paths to Equestria are being guarded, they bring her to Klugetown where she can lay low. Capper is their contact.
Tempest and Grubber talk to Storm King about goals. It is revealed the princesses are now leading a fleet to save Twilight. The Storm King decides to meet them halfway while Tempest is assigned to find Twilight.
Rest of Mane 6 cross the ocean with guidance of the hippogriffs and sea serpents (maybe joined at Cranky's insistence?). Probably have to face some danger in the meantime. They end up at Klugetown, where they are reunited with Twilight via Capper and pirates. They agree to try and get back to Equestria, but Tempest shows up. Epic airship battle between pirates and Tempest's ship. Tempest wins, captures Mane 6.
Spike eludes capture. He meets with the demoralized hippogriffs and sea serpents and rallies them with the help of Capper.
Storm King faces the princesses on the open ocean. He convinces Celestia and Cadance that he has Twilight and will kill her (implied only because kid's show) if they don't cooperate. They do so and are turned to stone. When he can't produce Twilight on demand, Luna refuses to surrender herself, but is unable to defeat the Storm King on her own. She is forced to retreat, but not before losing her magic to the staff. The Equestrian fleet is defeated in the meantime (because the Royal Guard is useless).
Twilight & co. are brought to the Storm King, who takes Twilight's magic. Cue storm to end all storms and Tempest betrayal. Friends start to despair, but Twilight maintains confidence that their friends will help.
And they do. Spike shows up with Capper, hippogriffs and sea serpents. Luna comes back with griffon, changeling and dragon reinforcements (maybe add Trixie and Starlight cameos). Tempest and Grubber free the pirates, and in the ensuing chaos also free Twilight & co. – insert 'Friendship Saves the Day!' battle montage here.
Storm King gets turned to stone and drops into the ocean (maybe to return later?). Battle is won, princesses get their power back, everyone happy. Go back to Equestria, redo the diplomatic summit. Twilight gives big 'Friendship is awesome' speech. Tempest and Grubber both revealed to be in Royal Guard now. Capper gets lucrative trade deal between Equestria and Krugetown, on the condition that he uses his new role to spread friendship. Pirates will become part of the Equestrian Fleet and are now responsible for shaping up the royal navy into a proper fighting force (insert Shining Armor forced to dress like a pirate while certainly-not-aroused Cadance watches). Countess Coloratura does a song with special guest vocalist Songbird Serenade in final celebratory scene.
Apply songs liberally. Be sure to keep all combat scenes appropriately kid-friendly. Mandatory that all Mane 6 get equal voice time and things to do.
I already have a story in the works on this theme. I won't divulge any details beyond one thing: Luna grabbing Tempest in her telekinesis, driving the unicorn into a frothing rage, and using her as a weapon to take down most of the zeppelin armada.
Also, I am deeply sick of things that drain magic. Would love to have that shonen moment where some idiot tries to drain Twilight, and she just keeps pumping out more power until whatever artifact they're using detonates in their hand.
"What? HOW!?"
"Friendship -is- magic."
Boy, I already made my blog about this.
I would make sure that Applejack and Fluttershy had more things to do, as well as making the Storm King have a bigger (and better written) role. Liev Screiber did pretty good with the character, he just didn't have that many great lines.
That first Derpy scene is the key to it all. If Pinkie had stuck a party hat on Tempest straightaway, the whole conflict could have been avoided and we could have had an hour of Lezbian Hors Secxs (TM).
Also, does anyone even really care about fixing it?
It... doesn't seem to have even made a splash. Hardly any new stories inspired by it. No deluge of clopfics about Capper's barbs. No waifu-ing of Celaeno. Is this really how far we've fallen? It used to be a pony just needed to show up in the background and people would be in a frenzy of headcanon, but now...
Even 4chan isn't having its usual deluge of dirty fanart. Sigh. Barely a week on and it's like the movie didn't even exist.
the movie should start with pegasi scrambling to take of and intercept the the incoming airships after some early Waring systems detects massive enemy incoming because when 1/3 of you population HAS WINGS YOU WOULD THINK THEY HAVE SOME KIND OF AIR FORCE!!!!! followed by messengers flying back to let the leaders of there nation know that THERE CAPITOL CITY IS UNDER ATTACK!! because you know that's what any nation with an air force would do followed by the all the civilians getting to shelter while the ROYAL BUCKING GUARD! takes up defensive positions after that I don't care what happens
I’ll do what I can.
- Remove the entire idea of the Friendship Festival. The celebration is to celebrate the renovations to Canterlot Castle, now hosting a throne room for both sisters (seriously it bugged me they never addressed the throne room’s design change). Twilight mentions almost everyone in Equestria has gathered for it.
- Grubber is less jokey and more competent, carrying out orders for Tempest and directing the guards.
- Instead of Skyping the Storm King, he arrives in his airship to take over Canterlot. Forget empowering the MacGuffin Staff, the Storm King just HAS this staff and it can already control the weather, but he wants to give it alicorn magic to gain control over the sun and moon. Shining Armor is here as a hostage and interrogated but says nothing. The Storm King offers to let him stay flesh if he orders the citizens of Canterlot to go to work for him on a “little project” he has in mind, and Shining does so.
- At Klugetown (which now has a town sign to name the damn place) there’s a couple scenes to show this land is under the Storm King’s control, everyone has sold their soul to the company store, either you work for the Storm King or you don’t work and you don’t eat.
- Capper successfully hands the Mane Six over to his crime boss, and he apologizes to them but explains that he’s gotta eat, he’s had too many schemes go south and gotten too much food on credit. The boss intends to put the six to work as labourors for the Storm King, using the unicorn magic for... something. However, the boss reveals he’s made contact with Tempest and agreed to hand the ponies over. Capper is horrified and protests the whole reason they’re outlaws is because they don’t want to serve the Storm King, but the boss tells him times are changing. Capper frees the six and they go on the run to an airship.
- On the airship you keep the song sequence and that, but delay Tempest catching up to the boat after the Sonic Rainboom. Twilight asks Capper about the Storm King, allowing for backstory. Capper explains they don’t know where he came from, but when he can control the weather, you don’t resist someone like that. He rules most of the lands south of Equestria now. Twilight also asks about the hippogriffs, and Capper says they were a race of great fighters, the only ones that could fight the Storm King since they could fly, but they were all destroyed by him. At least, that’s what he heard, no one has seen them since the initial conquest.
- Tempest arrives and captures the ship, Mane Six escape, ship blows up like in the movie.
- At the Seapony City, Novo confirms Capper’s story. The Storm King conquered their lands and the hippogriffs used the MacGuffin orb to transform themselves into seaponies, a condition of their survival that they would use it to turn into forms that couldn’t fight him anymore. Twilight wants to use the orb to turn them back and maybe turn others into hippogriffs so they could fight back, but Novo refuses. Song happens but no orb theft, the group decides to sleep on it and talk to Novo tomorrow.
- That night the six discuss their situation and the others agree that if Novo won’t listen to reason, they can stay and live as seaponies. The five accept their fate but not Twilight. They go to sleep but Twilight goes to steal the orb. Skystar finds her and admits she’s tried to convince her mother to fight with them, but she’s unmoved. She retrieves the orb and gives it to Twilight. Twilight considers going back to get the others, but resolves to do this alone and let them stay here happily; she asks Skystar to look after them for her.
- Back on the surface Twilight uses the orb to turn back into an alicorn but is captured by Tempest. Tempest recognizes the orb and takes it as a trophy. Twilight is taken back to Canterlot.
- The Mane Six discover what Twilight has done and want to go help, but as they surface they’re trapped as seaponies. Capper and the pirates arrive with the criminals of Klugetown, and they build a makeshift airship from the ruins of the hippogriff city, including a giant water take to transport the Mane Six and Skystar.
- At Canterlot Twilight is wheeled through the city, the citizens seeing her and despairing as she struggles to even make eye contact. At the castle the Storm King performs his ritual and fully empowers his staff. As payment agreed on, he restores Tempest’s horn and names her Princess of Equestria, to rule over Canterlot while he goes on to continue his conquests for the world. The Storm King unveils what he had the ponies build for him - a massive new airship with a magical cannon on the bow. And seeing as Twilight brought the orb to him, he’ll use that to power it.
- The group does their infiltration of the city and frees the captive ponies, and the citizens fight off the guards but are routed once Grubber reorganizes them. With the Storm King and Tempest retreating to their airship, Shining frees Twilight and the two follow. Twilight makes it to the orb and uses its powers, creating a wave of magic that turns the ponies of Canterlot into hippogriffs, including the Mane Six - Spike turns into a winged dragon. Tempest takes the orb from Twilight and does the same, becoming a horned hippogriff. She petrifies Shining Armor and engages Twilight in an aerial magical duel while the Storm King lifts off his airship and installs the orb into the cannon.
- The transformed ponies send the guards retreating to the airships, but they get destroyed before they can take off much. The Storm King turns his airship around to bring the magical cannon to bear on Canterlot and fires magical orbs on the city. Twilight defeats Tempest but spares her life. The two lay on top of Canterlot castle and Tempest watches the Storm King destroy the city, the ponies fleeing as the city crumbles. Twilight asks Tempest if this is what she wanted her to see, and magically binds her before flying off. Tempest is left to watch Canterlot be destroyed, conflicted.
- The Mane Six regroup and question how they can stop the airship, Twilight tells them about the orb and they agree to infiltrate the ship and rescue it. The five of them distract the Storm King while Twilight and Spike fight through the ship and find the orb. Twilight takes it back as the Storm King prepares to fire the cannon on Rainbow Dash; we can have a humorous moment here where he’s confused as it doesn’t fire. The Six celebrate their victory but it’s shortlived - the Storm King mocks he never intended to use the orb to power the cannon in the first place, it just made a convenient backup. He goes down to the cannon’s controls and inserts his staff as a power source. The cannon now shoots bolts of lightning. The Storm King growls that if he can’t occupy Canterlot, he’ll destroy it. Meanwhile Tempest breaks free of her bonds and flies up.
- The six try to infiltrate the ship again but are repelled by strong winds from the cannon’s weather powers. Tempest arrives and she and Twilight combine their powers to get inside. The two battle the Storm King and he injures Tempest, and snarls that their agreement is done - he uses lightning to shatter her horn again. As the Storm King declares his intent to destroy every city in Equestria, and every citizen in them, Tempest tackles him and tells Twilight to flee. Twilight refuses, so Tempest bucks her into the cannon. She removes the staff and fires the cannon, sending Twilight out of the ship. As the Storm King mocks that Tempest can’t use his staff without magic, Tempest puts the stump of her horn to the gem. Outside, the Mane Six watch as the Storm King’s airship is destroyed in a massive magical explosion.
- Twilight uses the powers of the orb to turn the princesses and Shining Armor back to normal and everyone else back to their normal forms. With the castle destroyed Rainbow quips that they can’t exactly celebrate the castle’s reconstruction now. Shining replies that he knows first-hoof how industrial the citizens can be when they put their minds to it. The ponies rebuild the castle, Twilight wonders if either Tempest or the Storm King could have survived the explosion. Skystar takes the orb back to her mother while the pirates and Capper go home to spread word of the Storm King’s defeat with the captive Grubber as witness. Musical concert, group hug, roll credits.
4697262
Wimp. >:B
4697277
4697494
Obviously no one has put any time into considering how they would rewrite the movie and therefore a blog post encouraging them to do so is necessary.
4697439
Given all the leaks, there was plenty of porn leading up to the release. For me, this movie's made a bigger splash than the last EQG, which is surprising, considering I gave that a fairly positive review. (Which was also surprising, to me, when I went back and reread it. c.c)
4697560
*shrugs* Yours isn't the first to pose the question, it's just the one I chose to answer. At this point it's been a week since I saw the movie and have digested my feelings on it, so I figured "why not?"
I made up all of that on the spot. It was a fun 20-minute distraction.
4697564
That's pretty excellent for on the spot. :D
Me, I haven't gotten much past "Grubber is the Storm King's son, which is why he gets to be on the flagship despite being completely incompetent, and part of Tempest's redemption comes from the fact that he really latches onto her, cares about and is loyal to her". :B
4697566
Glad you liked it, although I forgot the 'Grubber sings about why he's Tempest's best friend' after Storm King betrays her (he does kinda indicate this early in the movie with his comment about wanting to help her with her horn, and she must like him somewhat since she didn't flay him for letting Twilight get away) and Luna finally getting her own throne at the end as reward for
being Best Ponehaving a superior reaction to the Storm King's demands.I like Grubber in general, but I do kinda wish we'd seen what happened to him in the end and why he seems to like Tempest as more than just a commanding officer. If the credit scenes were meant to be indicative of such things, I guess he just stuck with her? I do like your interpretation, though, and it would almost meld with my version of things excepting that I had him kidnap Twilight to make him appear competent when actually given an important task.
4697560
What do you mean?
There were some problems with the movie. 1) No Royal Guard. 2) The Princesses were useless. 3) The stakes were too high.
To fix this would be simple. Celestia knows that the Cat Kingdom was looted by the Storm King, and is now heading their way. To prevent this she and Luna leads the Royal Guard to Manehattan, or something, to prepare for his arrival.
The Storm King knows this, and uses his staff to conjure a storm around the city, trapping them inside. (Celestia and Luna are already proven to be garbage at fighting storms.) The Storm King knows that the storm isn't powerful enough to keep them in there long enough for him to pillage the country, so he sends Tempest to capture Twilight Sparkle. Whose magic could keep it going.
Twilight is in Canterlot to help keep the people's spirit up during this time of crisis, which is a good explanation as to why the town is undefended. When she flees Canterlot she receives a vision from Luna, telling her to go see the Hippogriffs, and the movie continues on as normal from there.
Storm King in the comics never wanted to enslave or rule the world, he's just a pirate who needs plunder to keep his men happy. And enjoys pushing everyone down a peg or two.
I already:
Did a blog post on this very question, but I'll repeat my points here because there's only three of them and they would've been easy fixes requiring just a few more lines of dialogue here and there.
1) Use the word "hippocamp": I mean, they've got hippogriffs who've transformed themselves into sea creatures, and there's the prefectly lovely Greco-Roman word for sea creature just sitting there! I'll admit, this is a small point, but it irritates me unreasonably, so I lead off my list with it.
2) Make the Pearl of the Hippogriffs even more of a maguffin. Now mind you, I love how they use the Pearl now--Our Heroines set off on this massive quest to get it, fail that quest in spectacular fashion, then manage to save Equestria anyway without it. That's how you handle a maguffin! But I would've liked it if the Pearl was the Storm King's goal throughout the whole movie.
Queen Novo has a line saying that she transformed her entire species and took them below the sea in order to protect the Pearl from the Storm King. So let's make it that the only reason he's come to Equestria is because Tempest has promised to get him the power of the sun and moon to control the tides and get the Pearl if he'll restore her horn. The Storm King doesn't care about Equestria at all: it's Tempest who sells out her own people in order to get her horn fixed.
3) Have the Storm King specifically tell Tempest that the damage to her horn can't be fixed after she gives him the staff and that he's been leading her on the whole time. Reiterate the point at the end by having Twilight apologize to Tempest that none of the princesses know of a way to fix it.
I enjoyed the movie, but those three things would've made me enjoy it more.
Mike
4697576
That you guys didn't need my stupid joke as a prompt to come up with a bunch of cool ideas.
4697648
Ah okay
4697470
It's funny how the s5 finale grimdark au sequence had an equestrian airforce in it.
I should probably go watch the movie. Too bad the only places showing it around here are the posh theaters that want $11 for a mid afternoon showing. Sounds like I'm not missing too much though. Not that I read anyone's blog except yours, PP.
4697275
I'm on it!
It would have been nice if the Storm King (seriously, what a retarded name) wasn't a two-bit discount knockoff Tirek (who was a terrible character to begin with). SK was about as one-dimensional as it gets, and a tragic waste of Liev Schreiber's talents.
At least Tempest got a backstory of sorts, which was actually pretty badass if you expand it with your imagination. But there's simply no excuse for the SK. And why the hell did Equestrian leadership just allow this problem to become so widespread? It's already established that the alicorns have a very powerful type of magic. Enough so that the SK was amazed by it. And Celestia is not unaware of what goes on beyond Equestria's borders. But as soon as our heroes leave their homeland, they are plunged into this dystopian world where the SK has apparently seized control over many other races. You know, there's times to let other nations do their thing, and there's times when you just gotta apply the power of the sun...
If "Weird Al" was available, the film should've had one of his songs, "Dare to be Stupid", in the soundtrack. While the Mane 6 fight the Storm King and Tempest, Cheese convinces the citizens to fight against the Storm King's mooks and keep them busy while this song plays in the background.
5331202
I had to go back and read the blog to figure out why the heck someone would suggest this. XD Well done!