• Member Since 30th Nov, 2015
  • offline last seen 8 minutes ago

Rambling Writer


Our job is not to give readers what they want; our job is to show them things they never imagined. --Walt Williams

More Blog Posts157

  • 2 weeks
    New cover art for How the Tantabus Parses Sleep

    Recently, I decided to commission some new cover art for How the Tantabus Parses Sleep, and I think Harwick did an excellent job of it. I did some resizing and added some text for the actual cover, but I'd be remiss to not show the full version from

    Read More

    6 comments · 420 views
  • 3 weeks
    Urban Wilds art commission (Content warning: blood)

    A while ago, I commissioned Moonatik for some Urban Wilds art, and I think it turned out great. But fair warning: it's pretty bloody, taking place shortly after Amanita kills her two attackers, so only open this post if you're okay with that. (I checked the site's rules, and it fits in the postable "borderline" category".) Got that? Good.

    Read More

    6 comments · 247 views
  • 5 weeks
    New Hinterlands sequel

    I've been working on another sequel to Hinterlands for over a year, and it's finally ready to be published! Check out the continuing adventures of our hapless necromancer and her bounty hunter friend in the great white north:

    TDeath Valley
    Hostile lands. Frigid valleys. Backwater villages. Shadowy forests. Vicious beasts. Gloomy mines. Strange magics. And the nicest pony for miles is a necromancer. A royal investigation of tainted ley lines uncovers dark secrets in the Frozen North.
    Rambling Writer · 105k words  ·  128  1 · 617 views
    6 comments · 184 views
  • 5 weeks
    Barcast: Last Call, Last Mini-rounds, I'm on Tap

    As you may have heard, the Barcast interview group is sadly closing its doors. But before they do, they're having one last stream: a series of rapid-fire five-minute interviews this Saturday with as many people as they can manage. And guess who decided to sign up?

    Read More

    0 comments · 115 views
  • 62 weeks
    Hinterlands / Urban Wilds fanart

    Recently, Moonatik decided that Hinterlands and Urban Wilds were somehow good enough to merit fanart and drew a picture of Bitterroot and Amanita. I think it's neat!

    Read More

    8 comments · 576 views
Dec
27th
2017

In Which I Read Twilight: Chapter 4 -- Invitations · 4:42pm Dec 27th, 2017

Holy crap was this chapter uneventful.

Bella’s dream of Edward can be summed up like this: “Edward’s so frigging hot like whoa, but I can’t get to him.” (By the way, I’m not exaggerating with working that phrase into every post thus far. Nearly every mention of Edward talks about how beautiful he is.)

Several weeks pass where Bella’s the center of attention. Somehow, no one pays any attention to Edward, even though he saved her life. Let’s assume they didn’t notice the physically impossible van-stopping or the speed with which he moved. He still visibly saved her life in front of everyone. And no one pays any attention to this.

Tyler starts following her around, badgering her, trying to make amends somehow.

There’s a school dance coming up where girls ask the guys to it instead of the other way around. Nearly every one of Bella’s male friends asks her, “I was wondering if you were planning on inviting me to the dance?” Bella’s naturally annoyed, but I’m a bit puzzled as to why this isn’t a major social faux pas in the first place. To give herself an excuse, Bella schedules her book-hunting trip to Seattle for the day of the dance.

In spite of her best efforts, Bella can’t get Edward to speak to her. She notices his eyes are slowly growing darker. Eventually, however, he offers to take her to Seattle during the dance, since he’s heard her excuses. For some reason, he does this while emphasizing how she should stay away from him. You’re sending mixed messages, dude. And, no, there isn’t a reason why he starts talking to her again. He just does.

And that’s it. That’s all that happens. It’s all so incredibly inconsequential. To make matters worse, we’re told most of it, rather than being shown it and watching it happen. It’s like I’m reading a summary of a story.

When I write chapters, the question I usually ask is, “What changes between the beginning of the chapter and the end of it?” How much changes depends on where in the story we are and the kind of story it is, but something still needs to change to keep the story moving. It can be a plot development, increased knowledge of a character, the deepening of a relationship, whatever. Here, virtually nothing changes. Bella dreams of Edward? It’s never mentioned again. Bella’s the center of attention? That’s gone in a few paragraphs. Tyler’s following Bella? Only mentioned in a few throwaway lines. Spring dance coming? Bella’s not going, so it doesn’t really matter. Edward’s not talking to Bella? He is by the time the chapter’s over. Net change: Edward’s driving Bella to Seattle in a few weeks.

That’s it.

This book is slow, and it doesn’t do slow well. I’m just sitting around waiting for something to happen. Bella barely talks to her friends, we don’t see how her relationship with her dad is doing, we don’t see how her relationship with her mom is doing, we don’t know if she thinks she’s adjusted to Forks or if she still feels like an outsider, and we barely see her interact with Edward. There really isn’t a point to most of this, at least not one that I can can see.

I swear, one of these days, there’s going to be a chapter so slow-paced that I’m going to do a long-winded speech about how to do slow pacing well instead, just so I have more than three paragraphs of content.

Previous | Table of Contents | Next

Comments ( 6 )
PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Well, it makes these go by quickly, at least. :B

Why do you do this to yourself? What horrible and cruel misdeed did you commit in this life or a former one that you feel you must attone for? I don’t know what demons plague you, but this isn’t the answer, man. It doesn’t need to be this way. :fluttercry:

I feel really bad for enjoying your suffering...

You should consider putting the length of the chapter(s) at the end of these posts (page count) so we have a context of how much text is used to tell nothing new.

What changes between the beginning of the chapter and the end of it?

Huh. That is a good question. Think I'll try to apply that when I write my own stuff, so I can better avoid useless fluff.

4760500
No, not for some sin. This hero is doing this for science!

4763361
There are some boundaries that humanity was never meant to cross. Some of those include but are not limited to: time travel, genetic manipulation and reading Twilight.

Login or register to comment