In Which I Suffer Through New Moon: Chapter 3 -- The End · 4:10pm Mar 7th, 2018
Really?! (looks at table of contents) …Nope. Dammit.
Anyway, during Bella’s day at school, Edward’s distant, and the rest of the Cullens and Hales who still go to school aren’t there. Naturally, this is terrible for Bella, and her job after school at a sporting goods store drags on and on and on. She thinks it’s nothing, even though your boyfriend’s family almost eating you on instinct shouldn’t be nothing.
Edward’s at her house when she gets home, watching TV with Charlie. It finally sinks in for Bella that Edward’s family might be avoiding her due to the Incident. As she thinks that the issue could be easily skirted if she became a vampire, Bella decides to take pictures of her current life so she’ll always have memories of it: her room, her bed, her house, Charlie, etc., pretty much everything in Forks. She snaps a couple of pictures that night, including one of Edward.
She takes the camera to school and gets pictures of her rarely-mentioned friends, saying they’re for a scrapbook. She has the film developed while she works, and looks at the pictures as soon as she gets home. Turns out, Edward does show up on film.
When I pulled it out, I gasped aloud. Edward looked just as beautiful as he did in real life, staring at me out of the picture with the warm eyes I’d missed for the past few days. It was almost uncanny that anyone could look so… so… beyond description. No thousand words could equal this picture.
CM + 1
Bella sticks the pictures in her scrapbook, marking them all.
After another day of Edward ignoring her, he asks if he can come over to her house after school. When they meet together, they go for a walk in the woods, and Edward reveals the truth: he and his family are leaving Forks, because if they stay any longer, they’ll begin to attract attention at how they’re not ageing. And Bella promptly declares she’ll come along. With no thought. Really:
“When you say we-” I whispered.
“I mean my family and myself.” Each word separate and distinct.
I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak.
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll come with you.”
“You can’t, Bella. Where we’re going… It’s not the right place for you.”
“Where you are is the right place for me.”
CM + 1
Edward tries to push her away, but Bella flips out:
“No! This is about my soul, isn’t it?” I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me — somehow it still sounded like a plea. “Carlisle told me about that, and I don’t care, Edward. I don’t care! You can have my soul. I don’t want it without you — it’s yours already!”
CM + 1
Then Edward deploys his secret weapon: he says he’s tired of trying to be something he’s not and doesn’t want to be with Bella. He’ll still love her, but ultimately, as long as Bella’s around, he’ll always be living a lie. Bella doesn’t take it well:
“If… that’s what you want.”
He nodded once.
My whole body went numb. I couldn’t feel anything below the neck.
CM + 1
Edward has a last request for Bella, though: that she not do anything reckless or stupid. Charlie’s still around, and Edward doesn’t want to hurt him by proxy.
“And I’ll make you a promise in return,” he said. “I promise that this will be the last time you’ll see me. I won’t come back. I won’t put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I’d never existed.”
My knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling. I could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. His voice sounded farther away.
Man, the Clinginess Meter is really taking a beating in this scene, isn’t it? CM + 1
It sinks in for Bella that none of the other Cullens will be around, either, and Edward takes advantage of her shock to whisper goodbye to her and vanish into the forest. And Bella just… follows him. Directionless.
With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest.
The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.
Love, life, meaning… over.
CM + 1
Bella keeps walking and walking and walking, making absolutely no attempt to do anything else. And it must be for hours, because the sky gets darker, even though they met immediately after school. Eventually, she trips, and she just… lies there.
What the fuck, Bella. Seriously, what the fuck. Why the fucking hell would you do something so goddamn stupid? You’re not loving him! You’re latched onto him like a lamprey! Stuff exists besides Edward! And let’s just say this kind of behavior is healthy. It’s not, you need psychiatric help stat, but let’s say it is. You’re wandering out into the forest, alone, not keeping track of where you’re going or of time. Do you really think Edward would want you to put yourself at risk like that? He just made you promise not to do anything reckless or stupid, and this is a prime example of both! This is not love. This is nowhere near love. This is not the same zip code. This is not the same country. This is not the same planet. This is not the same plane of existence. This is a seriously disturbing mental disorder and you need to be looked at.
Oh, and you think that’s bad? At one point, she hears a member of a search party calling out her name. By the time she manages to think, “hmm, maybe I should let them know I’m here”, they’ve gone. And then she realizes she must’ve fallen asleep, because she wakes up when it starts raining. And she still doesn’t get up.
Oh, geez. This… this is gonna be the “plot”, isn’t it? Edward leaves and Bella’s sad about it. Great. I hope the Clinginess Meter can take it.
Finally, Bella gets found by Sam Uley, a Quileute man. He takes her back home, where she’s questioned by a doctor and claims she just got lost in the woods. Charlie does his best to take care of her, although at one point he gets a phone call that some kids on the Quileute reservation are lighting bonfires to celebrate the departure of the Cullens. (It was just a warning, in case the fires get out of control and he needs to be quick to respond.) Supposedly, the Cullens had to leave ASAP, as Carlisle got an amazing offer to work in Los Angeles. Right before we learn this, Bella asks:
“Where did they go?” I mumbled.
He stared at me. “Didn’t Edward tell you?”
I shook my head, recoiling. The sound of his name unleashed the thing that was clawing inside of me — a pain that knocked me breathless, astonished me with its force.
CM + 1
Charlie, being a good father, asks if Edward left Bella alone in the woods. Bella says he actually left her in sight of the house, but she tried to follow him in. Charlie wants to talk about it, but Bella heads up to her room, only to find that everything Edward-related is gone: the CD he made for her, the pictures of him in her scrapbook, everything. As he’d said, “It will be as if I’d never existed.”
I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn’t lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under.
I did not resurface.
CM + 1
And then, I kid you not, there are four pages — four pages — that are blank except for the names of months at the top: October, November, December, January. Apparently, Bella’s so distraught over Edward leaving that she can’t even think for four months. Which is almost as long as she’s known him. Four whole months don’t matter simply because Edward isn’t there.
I… I don’t have anything else to say. This is too special to be put on the Clinginess Meter normally. No, in addition to adding 1 for each month, this is going to be a multiplier.
Clinginess Meter: 21 x 2
You think that ending was bad? Just you wait, folks. It gets worse. It gets worse.
Chapter 3: You'll Wish It Was the End!
*Book ends. Bella never recovers. All the sequels don't matter cause Bella decided breathing wasn't the same without Edward.
… I just thought of a hypothetical way this could be salvaged. At least at this point. This is not a story about a classical, blood-sucking vampire. It’s a story about an emotional vampire told from the point of view of the victim. The rapid and dramatic increase in clinginess is just a side effect of being fed on, and her current lethargy is the end result of being drained dry.
Edit: Like… add an epilogue or something from Ed’s POV where he’s feeling a bit guilty about permanently reducing yet another teenager to a vegetable before they ever get to really start their lives. Maybe he privately wishes she’d paid attention to his warnings, or something.
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The Cullens are changelings! It all makes sense now!
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But those only get glitter-bombed when they stop feeding on people. Or ponies. Eddy quite clearly sparkles.
I have to say the whole "pages blank except for the month" thing is actually a really effective way of showing how someone with depression can just kind of coast on autopilot for a while, not engaging with nor caring about anything that happens around them.
... Or it WOULD be, if the entire reason for her depression weren't so goddamn psycho.
Clinginess Meter ≈ Sin Counter
Reminds me of a quote I saved from "Heart of Loyalty", which would lean more towards Bella's definition of Love:
I wouldn't discount it, even if your definition might also be valid. And damn the semantic arguments.