Depression · 12:31am Apr 29th, 2018
When I was about 16 I was dragged in to the counselor's office at my high school. I was not contemplating suicide. I was planning it. I was working to push away every person who knew me. I was going to empty the medicine cabinet, expecting to OD on a cocktail of who knows what. A friend, to this day I don't know who, though I have my suspicions, put in word with the counselor and I got called in. My mother was called in as well. She broke down, I just sat there, emotionless, basically already dead inside.
I was put into therapy. It wasn't my choice. It was my choice, though, to accept the help. I could have faked it. I could have simply refused to talk. I didn't. I hated how much I hurt, how much simply existing hurt me, and there was someone offering me help. I don't know how much they actually cared, but it didn't matter. I felt cared for. I felt loved and appreciated. That was what I needed after feeling alone for so long.
I've been in and out of therapy for the last 8 years. College was rough, but I made it through. Life has been shit lately, and I've gone pretty low. But I've gotten help, and I needed it.
Asking for help doesn't make you weak. It doesn't make you any less than you already are. It makes you human. No one is strong enough to face that kind of pain on their own, whether it's depression, OCD, or anything else. Mental pain and suffering, despite what so many sources try to tell us, is just as valid as physical pain. Don't be afraid to ask for help. I guarantee there are those willing to help. There will always be those willing to help. The world will be all the lesser without you in it. There will always be those who are hurt by your absence. You are loved and cared for, even if it doesn't seem like it.
If you don't know where to turn, here are some resources.
Go here
Or here
to find a therapist near you.
If you need help immediately, call 9-1-1. They will make sure you are helped. We don't do enough as a society to help those who need it most, I know. But that doesn't mean there is no help to be found. Please, not for me but for those who care about you, ask for help. Accept help when it is offered. We all need help at some point.
As a survivor of several suicide attempts... Thank you for writing this. I hope it helps get through to people who are in that dark place, and gives them the courage and strength to reach out for help.