In Which I Tolerate Eclipse: Epilogue -- Choice · 11:11am Jun 19th, 2018
Surprise! Jacob’s the narrator of the epilogue. He manages to be even whinier than Bella. Way whinier. SERIOUSLY.
He and Leah are near a cliff somewhere. (No one’s jumping.) Although Jacob wants to be alone, Leah wants to talk to him, and he’s about as tactful as you can imagine:
“Jump off a cliff, Leah.” I pointed to the one at my feet.
“Really, kid.” She ignored me, throwing herself into a sprawl on the ground next to me. “You have no idea how hard this is for me.”
“For you?” It took me a minute to believe she was serious. “You have to be the most self-absorbed person alive, Leah. I’d hate to shatter the dream world you live in — the one where the sun is orbiting that place where you stand — so I won’t tell you how little I care what your problem is. Go. Away.”
Holy shit. A few paragraphs from Jacob’s perspective, and I already hate him. Leah perseveres against Jacob’s boneheaded hypocrisy and explains her situation.
“This is making me sick, Jacob. Can you imagine what this feels like to me? I don’t even like Bella Swan. And you’ve got me grieving over this leech-lover like I’m in love with her, too. Can you see where that might be a little confusing? I dreamed about kissing her last night! What the hell am I supposed to do with that?”
“Do I care?”
“I can’t stand being in your head anymore! Get over her already! She’s going to marry that thing. He’s going to try to change her into one of them! Time to move on, boy.”
Oh, look, Leah’s talking sense to Jacob the same way Charlie talks sense to Bella. If Leah weren’t just 18 or so, I’d be all Charleah OTP. Jacob tries to say Leah is also a hypocrite:
“If you’re upset about gender confusion, Leah…,” I said. Slow, emphasizing each word. “How do you think the rest of us like looking at Sam through your eyes? It’s bad enough that Emily has to deal with your fixation. She doesn’t need us guys panting after him, too.”
…but it rings really hollow, because unlike Sam, Bella had a choice. Sam was abruptly brainwashed into loving Emily. Bella could’ve chosen Jacob and simply didn’t. Plus, Leah and Sam had been friends for years and only had each other. Jacob was closely involved with Bella for a few months, maximum, and was catching her on the rebound from Edward. And even if he is completely, totally right, why is he still doing what he’s calling Leah out for doing? Celestia. What an asshole.
Leah reacts with- And another thing! If Leah’s thinking about that so often, why didn’t Edward tell Bella about that however many chapters ago when he said Leah was riling up the pack? All Edward talked about was some stupid soap-opera missing-relative shenanigans, not still chasing after Sam. I imagine that the latter would be more of an issue.
Leah reacts with a spasm of pain — not guilt, pain, like it still hurts for her to think about Sam — and leaves Jacob alone. Jacob mentions in his internal monologue that even though Sam’s going to give him hell for it, it was worth it, and he’d do it again if he had the chance. Cocksucker.
Also, you know what? Jacob’s clinginess is also going on the meter, because as he thinks about what Leah said:
It didn’t matter so much that Bella’d chosen someone else over me. That agony was nothing at all. That agony I could live with for the rest of my stupid, too long, stretched-out life.
CM + 1
Jacob whines about Bella becoming a vampire as he goes home. Once he’s done with dinner, Billy tells him that he got a wedding invitation and a note with it. The note’s from Edward, who says he wants Jacob to have the choice — Bella didn’t want to hurt Jacob by sending the invite — and promises to take care of Bella. Jacob loses it, runs out the door, and turns into a wolf, because it’s easier to deal with his emotions that way. The other wolves who are shifted at the moment telepathically plead with him to stay home, but Sam orders them to leave Jacob alone. Sam just tells Jacob to come home when he can, then turns back into a human so Jacob can have some silence. Jacob just keeps running, away from Forks, away from Bella, away from the horrific pain of losing his girlfriend.
What a self-absorbed dickhead.
Clinginess Meter: 44
Eclipse is done, and while that last chapter was horrible, I think it’s significantly less bad than New Moon (which, granted, isn’t hard, but still) and slightly less bad than Twilight. Bella’s behavior isn’t nearly as disturbing as in New Moon, there’s attempts at properly setting up a conflict, some resemblance of a plot arc, and the backstories, while often delivered badly and always underutilized, are interesting. But the love triangle plot and the Victoria plot don’t mesh together well at all, the love triangle itself is unbearable, Jacob’s an asshole, there’s lot of padding (especially towards the end), and the only reason Victoria can get as far as she can is because everyone else is stupid.
Tallying up the Clinginess Meter…
Clinginess Meter: 44
Smaller than New Moon, even before the multipliers. Still pretty clingy, but not quite so bad. So, now: what have we learned?
- Avoid love triangles like THE GODDAMN PLAGUE. I know there are probably authors who can do it well. I don’t care. From now on, I’m only having love triangles if they end in a threesome. The relationship drama just will not stop until the end of the story. Love triangles manage to bring out the worst in characters; the two lovers do whatever they can to get the loved, and the loved looks incapable for being unable to choose one or the other. It’ll be ugly.
- Don’t give ALL THE BACKSTORY if you don’t need to. Backstory is a place where authors can indulge themselves and go overboard. The story stops for a chapter so that a character can monologue about their past when only a few paragraphs actually matter. Keep some parts a secret. Maybe they can be exposited later. Maybe they’ll never see the light of day. And if your readers never see them, remember this advice: “Kill your darlings.” Backstory is at its most interesting when it’s relevant, so it’s a good idea to leave out the irrelevant bits.
- Have the villain do something personal to the protagonist if you can. The part where Bella realizes some of her stuff is missing and a vampire took it isn’t bad. It’s the moment where Victoria’s threat really hits home; otherwise, she’s just hanging out in the background, going, “Yo. Totes gonna be evil. Eventually.” Things like that, that directly affect the protagonist rather than faceless crowds, make the villain more threatening and can give the hero some motivation. It’s the moment in Star Wars where Luke finds his aunt and uncle dead. It’s the part in The Avengers where Loki forces Bruce Banner to hulk out. It’s the moment in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire where Cedric dies. It’s the part that affects the character and not just the protagonist.
Breaking Dawn is next, and then I can finally be done with this series.
Oh hey, an actual positive point to take away from this one. Nice.
Also, wouldn't every werewolf pack have some degree of sexual confusion given the hive mind? Especially if imprinting doesn't pan out well for preexisting relationships.
I would be all Belleah OTP if not for the the fact that no one but Edward and Jacob deserve to suffer her presence. :B
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It's mentioned in Breaking Dawn that Leah's the first known female werewolf (and apparently, no werewolves are gay). It somehow manages to be handled even worse than however you're imagining it right now.
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How about Lealice OTP? Alice deserves a better friend than Bella.
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I'll take it.
Your willpower to continue with this really must be commended.
Great final take away, added it to my notes for a good antagonist.