I feel it's pointless · 4:25am Jul 18th, 2018
I'm having one of those moments where everything seems pointless. It's both hard and easy to explain. You see, I know life is "not all about you." and "there's someone else worse of or having a worse day." and all that. I try and do my part to help out and be generous and kind to others. Work hard at my job and follow the rules.
But, it seems that I keep getting caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, coming home to a mess and expected to help clean it up, because that's just what I do. I might not have a job soon, and my car just popped a tire today, so I have to take it in tomorrow and get a new set of tires because they're all going bald. It seems like I'm the bad guy when I lose my cool because there's so much stuff going on. It makes me want to just scream, and possibly throw something, preferably a rock, into a lake, where it won't hurt anything.
I'm just so...Yeah. So right now, all my efforts feel pointless...but all I can do it try...and keep trying. Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.
Two things:
1) This is called depression. If you haven't dealt with it before, let me dispel a common myth: you can't just talk your way into feeling better. No matter how much you may know/believe/understand that your feelings are not justified by the situation, you will still feel them. What you can do is learn to cope.
2) I know the previous because I deal with the exact same issues. It comes and goes (mostly goes, thankfully). I find the best way for me to deal with it is to remind myself of why I'm putting up with what is setting me off and what I hope to accomplish in the long run. Have a goal and at least a basic outline of how to achieve it. For example, when money was tight and it honestly felt like I was just running and running and going nowhere for months on end I could step back and show myself, "Just keep going, it'll get better when X happens. It's a ways off, but getting closer." The frustration didn't go away but if I didn't have those goals to focus on, I would probably have just given up and set myself back by months or even years.
Just my two bits. In no shrink, just a schmuck who's dealt with similar.
4903021
Thanks for your advice. I know I have major depression, was diagnosed with it, and currently taking medication for it. I was having an exceptionally bad day yesterday. Got a verbal warning from my crew lead over doing the right thing, in the wrong place, (it's complicated), then my car got a flat on my way home, and instead of spending my afternoon and evening doing something fun and enjoyable at home, I was dragged along by my sister to some thrift stores and hobby lobby in the next city. I mean, it was all bad, if I'm being honest, but I just wanted to stay home and rest up.
Today's been a lot better, and tomorrow is looking promising. Just take it one day at a time.