Turnabout Storm Parts 42-43 Revamped · 3:15pm Aug 1st, 2018
Part 42 - Fluttershy: Lost and Found, you may recall, was the second bonus chapter I wrote, detailing Twilight's efforts to find Fluttershy after she was told off by Rainbow and left the courthouse crying. It was originally suggested by TheGoldCrow as a possible bonus topic, and Raven asked me to include the OCs of herself and her friends (including me) in it as a gift to them. This chapter was the result.
If I'm being honest, it's not my favorite, simply because I ended up having to shoehorn OCs and scenes into the story in ways I wouldn't have ordinarily tried. But as it was a gift and a promise to Raven, the OCs still have to appear, including my own. At the time I wrote the chapter, I was coming off major surgery to advance my jaw to fix my severe sleep apnea and was in the state the chapter showed--weak with my jaw wired shut and unable to eat anything that didn't come out of a blender. As it's now five years later (and my apnea is about 80% fixed), I've toned that part of it down.
All that said, one scene has been completely struck at the behest of one of my prereaders because it a) did absolutely nothing to advance the story or even the chapter, and b) it showed a gratuitously overpowered Twilight at a point she's nowhere near full power anyway. In short, the scene where she saved a construction crew from collapsing scaffolding has been removed. The OC involved, Shadow Hooves, was instead made the construction pony that comes into Sugar Cube Corner and asks for a large catering order later. That way, he's at least part of why Pinkie's not present at the trial later; she needs to help the Cakes fill his order so that they'll make enough money to finish their new nursery.
Other complaints about the chapter include the Cupcakes reference, fourth wall breaks, and use of Pinkie Space. The Cupcakes reference and fourth wall breaks have been struck as well (I'm removing all of Pinkie's fourth wall breaks as I go), but the Pinkie Space remains simply because I like her that way and really do like the way Pinkie interacted with Twilight, Fluttershy and company. To be perfectly honest, I think I nailed Pinkie with this chapter, and that's not easy to do given she's a character that's really hard to work with at times.
Reading this now, certain OCs themselves deserve some explanation, not the least of which is the first--'pegacorn' florist Drifting Rose. I worked out a backstory for her with my prereaders and she'll appear in a future sequel. Sergeant Major Delta and Night Storm likewise will as well, since as elite soldiers they're easy enough for me to work with. I have Night Storm as a descendant of founding Wonderbolts member Swift Strike and Delta traces his lineage to the great Sergeant Major Windshear, both of Firefly fame.
So, in sum, the chapter has been cleaned up and most concerns addressed, with the promise to explore certain of these characters in more depth later.
Part 43 - Unlocking a Sealed Heart Contains one of my favorite additions in the whole story: the ending exchange between Gilda and Rainbow as two former friends finally go at it hammer and tongs over their treatment of each other. I've changed very little there because I think it's one of my powerful scenes in the entire expanded story, and both prereaders and commenters agree. It's worth noting it wasn't my addition; it came from the TheGoldCrow. He made two major contributions to this story, and this was the first.
I did make some changes earlier on, however, expanding Phoenix's interrogation of Gilda yet again and adding a new graphic. I also may come back at some point and redo the crime scene photos if I'm feeling particularly ambitious in the future. Snippet of the updated chapter follows:
—————— WITNESS TESTIMONY ——————
— He was a pegasus. You got a problem with that? —“I dropped my bag while chasing after Dash. The bag was more important, so I searched for it for about five or ten minutes or so… I forget. The point is, I couldn’t find it, so I gave up. Since I had nothing to deliver anymore, I flew back the way I came from and observed the clearing again. I saw that pegasus lying there, dead under the cloud, and… well, that’s how I knew he was a pegasus, a-and that’s how I knew he was hit by the lightning!”
When she finished, The Judge stroked his beard thoughtfully. “If this is true… it clears up all the inconsistencies in her previous statements…” he noted.
“Yeah… the reason I didn’t say any of this from the start is because I couldn’t tell anyone I lost the package,” Gilda further explained. “It’d cost me my job and ruin the trade negotiations along with the Griffon Express’s image.”
“It did anyway…” Phoenix heard a female voice—Lenora’s?—mutter in a disgusted tone above him. A disgust the human lawyer now shared, for a very different reason.
No, Gilda… you lied from the start because you want to frame Rainbow Dash! Phoenix was only too certain. But how do I prove it…?
“Phoenix!” a familiar and slightly breathless voice said from beside him. Startled, he turned to see Twilight at his side, standing in the co-counsel position, chest heaving and panting like she’d been recently galloping.
“Oh! You’re back, Twilight… did you find Fluttershy?” he wanted to know, relieved at her return and delighted at her timing. Just in time to witness my turnabout!
Her ears and tail slumped at his question, purple eyes going downcast. “No… I couldn’t find her anywhere…” she admitted, praying Pinkie Pie would succeed where she had failed.
His heart went out to her at that. “Don’t worry. We’ll look for her together after the trial’s over, okay?” he promised, putting a reassuring hand on her withers, sparing his own moment of concern Fluttershy.
Twilight managed a weak but grateful smile. “How are you holding up, anyway?” she wanted to know, slowly catching her breath.
He broke out into a broad grin. “Not too shabby! Especially when I have witnesses like this one!” the human lawyer said with a nod towards Gilda. “She’s been lying through her teeth! Or beak, I should say…”
“Huh?” Twilight asked, turning her head in the direction of the witness stand where she beheld an impatient and sullen-looking Gilda.
As Phoenix watched, Twilight’s eyes widened and she reared up in shock, almost recoiling from the female griffon’s presence. In truth, Twilight was shocked, not just for recognizing Gilda…
But for seeing the veritable wall of red psyche-locks and thick tangle of chains that surrounded her.
As I've said before, Photoshop is a wonderful thing. In any event, I'm very happy with how these Gilda chapters have been turning out in their revamped form. You're invited to read all updated chapters and as always, thanks go to my prereading crew of AJ_Aficionado, Silentwoodfire, and Denim_Blue. The latter has been reading through the novelization for the first time as I do these chapter updates, and his running commentary on the google docs has been a joy to read. Have to say, he roasted my OC quite nicely when he encountered him in part 42... 
