Huh, I Think I Might Be A Reforming Villain.

I have been kind of nostalgic lately. My life is going moderately well, I have a job I like, I have been making better life choices and I haven't done anything too stupid in the last month or so. So, as usual, I started thinking about some of the past situations I've been involved in and one thing crossed my mind. I was a horrible individual. Not evil, more amorally mischievous and more than a little manipulative.

Exhibit A is from back when me and a group of 'friends' would get involved in prank wars. These would invariably escalate rather quickly. This particular incident was when I and others retaliated against another of our little group for stuff he had hit us with. I was the one that came up with the idea and did most if not all of the prep work. The other 4 were completely in the dark, only knowing what I wanted them to know.

First, I convinced the other 4 to declare a truce until our vengeance on, lets call him Mickey, was complete.

Second was to concoct a mixture, price was about 20$ at a discount pharmacy, that could be slipped into his drink and knock Mickey out with minimal chance of harm.

Third I secured one of the other 4's house as a place for us to hang out and drink. I wanted this house because it had central air, the importance of this would be made clear shortly.

Fourth, I then implemented my plan. After giving Mickey his mickey, The five of us Duct Taped him into the bathroom tub. I then shooed the rest of them out of the room as I filled the tub with warm water. Sprinkling in a mixture of Lime Jello, Baking Soda, and other ingredients to fortify it. I then had my merry band of idiots reduce the temperature of the house to low temperatures. This was to allow the Jello to set. After allowing them all back in, I declared that since I had to go to work in the morning, I actually did, I needed them to observe Mickey and make sure of both his safety and that the Jello mixture set up. I then told them that the mixture was not Water soluble, I lied it was, and that the only thing that could break it down safely was vinegar. You see they had forgotten one thing. They had all gotten me, but I had yet to get any of them. They really should not have trusted me. I then left.

What evidently happened in my absence is that those four got the idea to fill some very nice, high pressure Super Soakers full of Vinegar, then when Mickey awoke dowse him. The resulting chemical reaction made all five of them stink of vinegar for weeks afterwards. I nearly wet myself when the told me why they all smelled of cat pee.

Exhibit B is from another one of those Prank wars. This act led to all of us sitting down and signing the prank war equivalent of a combination of the Magna Carta and The Geneva Conventions.

I was meeting a female co-conspirator in secret to discuss retribution against another of our little group, let's call him "Marcus." After what happened she never talked to me again.

Somehow Marcus had gotten wind of our little meet and somehow staged pigeons to be released on an automated timer. He then made sure that just prior they ingested concentrated Bicarbonate of Soda and released them over our heads. A couple of minutes later her and I were showered with Pigeon parts. This made me very unhappy. I decided that the kid gloves were coming off. I channeled the great Bugs Bunny as I declared to the world, "Of Course, You Know, This Means WAR."

So I made sure to observe his habits in painstaking detail. I did this for two months. After doing so, I obtained Claymore Mine Housings. These were just the housings, and blasting caps or explosives were long since gone from them. I packed them full of paintballs. These paintballs were filled with my personal mixture of stink juice.

Here I am going to take a break and explain what was so special about my personal mixture. If any of you out there remember the movie Labyrinth you will understand when I say that the only reason my mixture was not straight from the Bog Of Eternal Stench was because I could not find a way to make it safely self-propagate within living cells. It did make veteran soldiers cry like bitches, at least when they could stop vomiting from the smell anyways. Clothing and materials of all sorts though? Burn them, you will never get the smell out. Even skin and hair exposed would keep the stink for a while. At least a month if not a month and a half. It helped to shave your hair after exposure.

So yeah, I loaded my weapons of awfulness up, then implanted them the previous night around the front steps of his house. These steps were six feet high and framed by Cast Iron Fencing. I concealed them at the bottom, on the sides, and at the top. Finally I rigged them all to several Infrared Laser Trip wires, placed a concealed camera, and left to rest for work the next day.

What I saw when I retrieved the footage was absolutely priceless. You see when I had observed him over those two months I had calculated were on those steps he would be at any given moment. I had it down to the second decimal point. However I had neglected to factor in the crazy, jealous, controlling girlfriend he had acquired during those two months. His exit out the door was delayed by her nagging him about spending to much time with his family and not enough with her. (His Mother had been very sick, it was something the crazy twat was well aware of.) It was delay just enough for him to be directly center of the kill zone, but gave just enough time for him to throw himself over the railing. He broke his left kneecap and sprained his right ankle. His soon to be ex-girlfriend was dead center of the kill zone as all of the Claymores went off. She was covered in the most foul smelling liquid my demented mind could conjure.

He thanked me for driving the bitch away, said the injuries were a small price to pay. His family agreed.

I also Update The Book Of Lore. The Second chapter is finally out. As Always Mine Friends:

ALL HAIL THE HOUSE OF REN!!!!!