The Full Message

During the events of “Five Diffraction Minima”, Applejack ignored chunks of the message Phone Guy left. Here it is uninterrupted:

RIIIIIIING

RIIIIIIIING

RIII—

Uh, hello? Hello, hello! Uh, let this recording be what is probably your first actual welcome to your new job as the night watchman here at Fffffr—(static). Now, you may have heard some of the rumors about this place going around lately, but honestly, we’re the real victims, here. Unfortunately, the power company doesn’t agree. Y’see, they cut off electricity to this building from midnight until morning to keep us in check or something, but fear not, we have a set of large on-site generators that kick on when you clock in to start your shift, like you’ve just done. Of course, they don’t have an awful lot of charge, so try not to run out of power before 6 AM. Not that it would be bad, just…inconvenient is all.

As you know, your job is to keep an eye on the premises and the animatronic mascots used at this location. Okay, so I know this place may seem a bit big and scary at first, especially at night, so I went ahead and prepared for you…this MAP of the building. It’s got all the rooms labeled, and it even shows you where every security camera is and what it can see, just in case you need to properly visualize where something you see on the monitors is relative to you…y’know, for some reason. If you’re somehow familiar with the floor plans for our other locations, then take a good look here because this is not the same building.

You’re down there in the Security Office with two halls. Y’know, just in case one of them is blocked by…well, we’ll get to that later. Above that there’s the Central Hall that connects everything, then the Kitchen on the right and the Greeting Hall on the left, that’s the place with all the arcade booths to keep kids occupied while their parents argue with staff over how long ago their table should have been ready. Above the Central Hall are the Main Party Rooms. They actually used to be one big room, but management decided it would be more profitable to rent them out separately, so they put a wall down the middle, but the two halves of the stage are still connected by the Backstage area, so if something disappears from view, it may have gone through there.

Off to the side is Parts and Services, where the animatronics go to be repaired. Kids sometimes sneak in there, so the day shift would probably need that camera more than you will, but it’s good to check from time to time. Y’know, just in case. Above that is the most important room in the building to you, where the generators and ventilation system are centered. You wouldn’t like it much if either of them suddenly went out during the night. However, it’s in such a remote back corner that there’s no need to put a camera in there; if something goes in, there’s only one door back out, and nothing should be able to reach the vent openings up by the ceiling. Not that there’s much of interest to look at in there, anyway.

Now, if you look closely, you may be noticing the ghostly outline of another small room to the right of Party Room 2. That was a failed project to even things out. You see, Pirate’s Cove was in the corner of the original Party Room, but it got stuck in Party Room 1 when the new wall was added, making Room 1 the ‘deluxe suite’ with two stages and the only one anyone wanted to book. They tried sticking a new stage alcove into Room 2’s wall, but after a series of unfortunate incidents sparked an urban legend about some phantom curse and missing children, employees arrived one morning to find it boarded up and painted over again with all of their stray stuff left inside sealed away forever and a notice saying they shouldn’t have used it for casual storage in the first place. I still say it was just because reusing the original mascot suits didn’t test well with focus groups and the managers secretly liked the idea of a deluxe party room the whole time, but what do I know? Never have seen those old golden suits since, though. Very strange.

Oh, one more thing. Due to the technicians explaining something about servos locking or, I dunno, a ‘nighttime free roaming mode’, the mascots may tend to…‘wander’ a bit after hours, which has, I’ll be honest, unnerved a few past employees. So just watch and make sure they don’t accidentally stumble through the front window or something, that would be bad. For insurance reasons, of course, not…safety, or anything. But don’t worry, that’s what you have doors for, and the mascots will suddenly shut off at 6 AM wherever they happen to be. They’re entering a sort of ‘reboot cycle’ for the next day. That’s the reason for the two hallways to your office, in case an animatronic freezes while standing in one of them, you can take the other one out. Those hallways are kinda narrow, after all.

But remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children, and we need to show them a little respect, right? They’ve been singing songs to entertain kids and adults alike for decades, so they can be excused for a few minor mishaps. Admittedly, people do sort of look like animatronic endoskeletons outside of their suits, and since the mascots know that bare endoskeletons shouldn’t be out of storage, who can blame them for trying to help someone into a spare suit casing? All those wires and crossbeams sticking around in there never hurt them before, they don’t understand why they would harm someone like…a-hem, sorry, that’s not in the script. Rest assured we’re looking for ways to alleviate that, uh…very uncommon mistake of theirs.

But all that aside, you’re there to do your job, not theirs, so get to it and don’t mind me. Now just stay put, stay safe, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Good luck.