I don't know what I'm doing... · 6:12am Aug 5th, 2019
I miss this place. A lot has been going on, and I have bottled up so much, I don't even know where to begin. Life has not been treating me kind of late.
This is going to be long, so if it's too long for you, the TLDR is this: I'm having a really tough time. Put my dog to sleep, lost my job, and dealing with mental health problems.
About a month ago, the day family from out of town came to visit, I had to put my dog to sleep. He had been sick for a while, and it was all I could do to ease his parting. It's not easy digging a grave for one of your best friends while you're little nieces are asking why he's asleep and when he's going to wake up.
I use to work as a substitute custodian for the local school district. I worked there for 2 years and 4 months. I really was trying hard, but never really felt like I had a direction career wise. At the beginning of the summer we moved to a different schedule, and work became a lot more difficult with deep cleaning. I tried to keep up and learn, but I got fired about three weeks ago because I couldn't. Now I'm trying to get Unemployment.
I also have major depression. It really hits home when I'm alone, and my mom has been out of town for about 3 weeks now. However, feeling like I want to curl up into a ball and just lay down on the kitchen floor isn't the only symptom of depression. Easy irritation/aka mood swings, difficulty concentrating, lack of interest or drive to do things, these are things I've been dealing with that also are symptoms of depression. I didn't realize these were until recently, and I've been dealing with them for at least 4 months. I'm finally back on medicine now, and I'm going to be meeting with psychologists and all, but there's a deeper underlining issue I've been dealing with all my life.
Some of you know this, but when I was six months old, I was in a car accident that left me with brain damage. Because I was so young, I couldn't be "diagnosed" with anything because of it, as I was so young and no one knew how it would affect me. Now that I'm 31, I'm struggling and looking for help, but it's difficult to get help for things you don't even know what you need help with. You see, I'm high functioning, but I have little glitches that make me being me difficult from time to time. And for any aid I need to be "diagnosed" with something more than Major depression.
Luckily, this Tuesday mother is going to come with me to my appointment and explain what these glitches are, and explain her observations as a mother who has raised 7 kids. 6 without brain damage and me. Hopefully this will shed some light and the doctors can help define and pinpoint the difficulties I'm dealing with and give it a name.
If it sounds like I'm obsessed with being "diagnosed" with something I'm not. I need help, and unfortunately the way that a lot of systems work is they want to know what a doctor "diagnosed" you with so they know what kind of help they can even offer.
And all this is happening while I don't have a job, and don't have the will to look for a job, and I'm all by myself...At least my mom is coming home tomorrow...
I don't know what to do, or what I'm doing, but I'm trying.
Dame thats tuff i wish i coud help. *hug*
5099810
Thanks. It's part of the reason why I've stopped writing. I want to write, but it's something I just can't do anymore...Not like I could.
5099812
If you dont belive in yourself you will Never write.
It might be good to look into a trade school some make it so you are not required to search for work while on unemployment. I know somebody who has lost his job suddenly and he’s going to school for massage now EDD will pay him while he is in school. There’s plenty of trade schools that are covered through unemployment and they give you a career path. My friend didn’t think he would like massage at first but he is really excited about it now. Some jobs you can go and start your own business after gaining experience in the trade and they pay really well you could support a family with just part time work.
5102851
I'm actually now enrolled in a program for people like me, who just need a little bit of help with stuff. I was diagnosed a few days ago with TBI (Traumatic brain injury) and some other stuff that qualifies me for it. It helps figure out what kind of work you could be successful at and helps you find a job with an employer who is aware of your needs. My orientation for it is at the end of the month.