Messing around with an idea · 7:57pm Aug 23rd, 2019
I'm messing around with a concept I hit once with A War of Words - The Opening of the Guard, in which Twilight Sparkle's correspondence is recorded for posterity. All of it. Including the parts she never wants to see in the light of day. I'm tentatively calling it Twilight Sparkle vs. Equestria so take a look and see if it's worth expanding as I go along.
At 4:15 P.M. on the Summer Solstice, Twilight Sparkle was happy. She had new friends, a new job of investigating the powers of friendship, a party for all of the town, and had just moved into the Golden Oak Library in Ponyville to stay.
At 4:16 P.M. she found a problem and wrote the first letter of many.
This is her story. It is also the story of many others who encountered Twilight during the short stint of years it took her to become accustomed to her new job. And then she became an Alicorn Princess, which is another story.
So sit down and prepare yourself for the letters written by an urban unicorn as she adjusts to her new life in rural Ponyville, and all of the insanity that goes with it.
— Chapter 1
Twilight Sparkle vs. Equestria
Round 1 - Fight
Dear Princess Celestia,
I can’t thank you enough for my new position here at the Ponyville Library, but there’s just one problem. Am I the new Librarian, or a Researcher At Large, or a Specialized Researcher, or even an Assistant Librarian which would not be all that bad but there doesn’t appear to be a Librarian here at the moment which has left the library in a terrible state not that I’m complaining which I’m not because this is such a great opportunity and the party is still going on! It’s such a noisy town, and this is a library after all, and nopony will listen when I ask them very politely to not spill punch on the library floor or even bring it inside because this is my library now unless of course I’m only a researcher or an assistant.
Should I have cards made? Or get my name painted on the door? I have so many questions, which will wait until tomorrow, I suppose.
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. Do you think I can send for my luggage, please? I’m not sure how well I’ll sleep without my hoofie pajamas and my embroidered blanket. If it’s not too much trouble, of course.
—
My beloved student,
Of course, I’ll send some of your things to Ponyville this evening. I’m sorry I can’t write more, but my sister and I have many things to catch up on. Feel free to write us about any friendship-related events you encounter until then.
Your teacher,
Princess Celestia
—
Dear Princess Celestia,
I’m sorry! You should have told me that you were sending one of the off-duty Royal Guard with my things, or he should have been wearing his armor. When Sergeant Swiftstrike came in through the window, I’m afraid I may have struck him with the kitchen frying pan once or twice. Three times at the absolute most. And he fell into the rosebush at the bottom of the library. And Rainbow Dash and Applejack may have jumped on him, thinking he was a burglar due to what I was shouting. I’m assured he does not have any broken bones, and the hospital says he will be clear to be released tomorrow, when he no longer sees double. Thank you for sending most of my bathroom things, even though you forgot Spike’s scale scraper and my conditioner. Rarity says I can borrow hers, even though I’m not sure how well it will control my split ends, but that’s okay too. I’ve got the blanket all spread out on my bed, and Rarity loaned us one of her extra cat beds for Spike, which he adores. Oh, and if you can send somepony to take the smell of old pony out of the room tomorrow, that would be really appreciated. The former librarian (who Pinkie Pie told me all about) must have been a hundred years old, and the whole place smells just like her. I’m sending my friends home, because otherwise I think they would stay in the library all night, particularly after the scare I had with Sergeant Swiftstrike. I mean just because I had the front door locked and barred was no reason he couldn't knock. I’m just glad my friends were outside, or it could have gotten embarrassing.
Anyway, it’s time to put Spike to bed, now. Thank you again.
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. These are my blue hoofie pajamas. I really wanted my red pair. I’m not sure if I can sleep in them, but I’ll try. Good night.
P.P.S. You didn’t answer my question about if I’m the new Librarian.
—
Dear Princess Celestia,
The library makes all kinds of creepy noises at night. Spike is afraid. Is there a quieter library around here that we could be Librarian at? If I’m going to be the new Librarian, that is.
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
—
Dear Princess Celestia,
Never mind. It was just a branch scratching at the window.
Your student
Twilight Sparkle
—
Dear Princess Celesita,
I think it was a branch. Spike says it was a branch.
Twilight
—
Dear Princess Celestia,
Thank you! Oh, thank you for raising the sun today. Last night was terrible! How can anypony sleep out here away from the city? All I could hear all night was the branches scratching and dogs barking and cats… doing whatever they were doing. I’m looking forward to this day like none other! I’ll get right to work researching friendship as soon as I’m done with breakfast!
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. Tell Princess Luna I really appreciate her lowering the moon, although I really didn’t get much of a chance to look at the stars last night, since I was hiding under the bed trying to get ready for today.
—
Dearest Twilight,
I’m glad you’re getting settled in. Luna and I stayed up all last night, talking about all kinds of things, so we are going to be taking off this morning for a nap. Luna was overjoyed to read your letters, and we laughed over all the stories I told her from your years as my student.
I look forward to reading about your experiences with friendship in Ponyville tomorrow. I know things there are slightly different than your time in the palace as my student, but I’m certain you will be able to overcome any small problems that crop up. Perhaps Sergeant Swiftstrike can even deal with your branch-intruder later today when he returns to work.
Your teacher,
Princess Celestia
—-
Dear Princess Celestia,
You know I don’t like to complain, but I’ve been in the dining facility here for well over an hour, and I haven’t seen a waiter to take my breakfast order yet.
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
—
Dear Princess Celestia,
I’ve been in the dining area over two hours and twelve minutes without even a glimpse of the serving staff. Do you know if there’s been some sort of problem at the kitchens?
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. Please don’t tell your sister about the pudding incident.
P.S.S. Sergeant Swiftstrike visited the library and I explained the situation to him, but he was no help at all! He laughed at me!
—
Dear Princess Celestia,
It has now been three hours since I seated myself in the dining facility, and still no sign of a waitstaff or cooks! To make matters worse, there are ponies outside the library who have been knocking on the door all morning. I’ve been very polite, just like you trained me. I ask if they are part of the library staff, and when they aren’t, then I tell them I’m unavailable until after breakfast. Spike is getting a little cranky from my frequent visits to his new bed, but he’s a young and growing dragon, so I’ve been leaving him sleep. Except when I need him to send letters. Or need to check to see if there has been any incoming letters.
In any event, I hope you are having a wonderful time with your sister, while I’m here starving patiently waiting for the staff.
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. I checked, and this is the longest I’ve gone without coffee since I started as your student. It really isn’t that bad, other than the double vision and the stabbing headache, but I really wouldn’t mind a cup or twelve really soon. Like now.
I know this comment is not very creative, but it perfectly summed up what I think of your idea.
Good work!
And really, Tia, I know you're pleased to have your sister back, but the filly needs to know how to think of herself.
5110457
Dear Princess Celestia,
The Mayor of Ponyville visited the Library today with the most amazing misconception. She says the books in the library can be loaned out to the citizens of the town, without even a deposit or signing a contract or anything! Isn't that silly?
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
Interesting and this is technically what happens to the letters written by the president and others. I am sure there is some editing that happens along with official and not so official classification and redaction of some materials for various reasons including embarrassing the official
You've got to write this one, Georg! The adorkable pre-princess Twilight just trying to learn and fit in. Can't wait to see what else is on her mind!
Twilight and the antagonist public reminds me of "https://www.fimfiction.net/story/204429/twilight-verbs-article-nouns".
...
Cool idea though!
Poor Twilight. Because of lack of coffee, she hasnt realised that her staff have to be hired from the town outside the door because theres no room for them to live inside the library with her.
And without staff, she aint getting coffee.
But at least she will be able to read Catch 22.
5110481
Dear Princess Celestia,
You're not keeping these letters, are you? Because if you are, there may be a few errors I need to correct.
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
--
Dear Princess Celestia,
It's highly offensive to find that my correspondence to you, letters that I consider very personal and confidential, have been locked up in a fireproof safe in the Canterlot Archives Special Exceptional Circumstances Department, and that there is an alicorn-level security spell keeping the safe closed. I insist that these precious relics of our treasured conversations be kept in a more public area. The originals, of course. You don't have any copies, do you?
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
--
Dear Princess Celestia,
You're NOT publishing my letters, are you? The fireproof safe is empty, and I found a business card of a local publishing firm in the vicinity.
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. I didn't break into the safe. It was broken when I got there. Maybe it was a wandering dragon. And it wasn't Spike.
I was wary of the concept, but the execution won me over.
I'll just add this to my list of Georg fics I'm looking forward to.
5110483
I'm with you. The tale of what that poor kid went through has to be told.
From my understanding, the period between Twilight’s move to Ponyville and her ascension happened within one year, which just goes to show the crash course she took on the road to friendship.
5110500
Yes. Yes, please.
So very much.
This sounds fantastic. You might want to think about having some stuff written directly by Spike in there. As 5110457 pointed out, a lot of the adjustment to living without castle staff (and the work) probably landed on his shoulders, and I suspect he has some thoughts on the matter he wants to share with Celestia.
5110490
I always figured this is what was happening with the friendship journal before the publishing episode.
5110539 Dear Princess Celestia,
I figured out how to turn on the stove. It was easier than I thought.
How do you turn it off? I'm afraid the flames might attract attention.
Spike
--
Dear Princess Celestia,
Never mind. By the way, Rainbow Dash says hello.
How do you get smoke stains out of oak?
Spike
I have to ask. Is this like the Noodle Incident in Calvin and Hobbes?
Poor Twilight. She better be careful about what she
rightswrightswrites. I suspect I'd suffer a lot of secondhand embarrassment if you publish this story and I read it.I don’t understand. You have an idea. It is obviously a good idea worthy of exploring, and will make many people happy. There is no question of this, it is plain to see. And yet you ask “Is this worth exploring?”, as though it weren’t plain to see. This mystified me.
The real question is “Can I justify letting all my other incomplete stories face even longer update times in order to produce this concept?”
And since I am not reading any of your big stories right now, the answer is absolutely, without qualification, YES, provided that you produce nothing else but this story until it is completed rather than start making an entirely different and unrelated idea and let that do to this what it will inevitably do to all the others. Which I imagine is going to happen anyway, but we can all dream.
Ok publish this, now.
5110584 See, that's the kicker. A story like this *continues* as time goes on. I'd take forever and a day to hammer out a chapter per episode, or a chapter per framed arc, and I probably wouldn't want to go that way anyway, because I'd miss brilliant ideas that just come wandering out of the blue and hit me. So this will come out in dribs and drabs, and each drib slows down the (checks) six or so I've got in the hopper. (Beyond the Farthest Star, The Real Diary of Clover the Clever and the Incompetent Boob She Works For, Farmer Bruener, Celestia Gets Nailed, Twinkle Twinkle, latest arc for Letters From a Little Princess Monster, The Last Nightguard)
Eh, concept may not be my cup of tea, but it's funny enough for a short story or minor series, sure!
One thing to keep in mind, though, is that Twilight, especially in Season 1, rarely wrote her own letters. She'd dictate them to Spike. That might add an extra dimension to things.
I am an instant fan of this idea.
I also agree that releasing this in dribs would be the way to go. They could be tasty little snacks that we get to nibble on while we wait for your big stories to publish and/or update.
The question of "what is Twilight" needs to be continually asked and never answered.
5110690 I'll do you one better. Why is Twilight?
(Loved that movie)
5110604 Mostly, that's a literary tool used by the cartoon writers. That's why Spike exists. Without him, Twilight talks to herself, and that can get awkward.
5110691
Damnit. Why do you have to give me ideas.
Do it !
Very fun idea - I'd certainly be interested in seeing more of it. Admittedly, it'd be very easy to accidentally make Twilight come across as somewhat unlikable, but given your track record, I'm positive you'll be able to balance things well.
The only thing I might suggest adding are occasional notes and annotations by those cataloguing and recording the letters explaining the importance and deep meaning behind these inconsequential missives; all of them so awed by the fact that they were written by Twilight and Celestia that they either see meaning where none exists or simply didn't bother reading them.
On the other hand, that might interfere with the... let's call it a narrative, but it might be a fun addition.
5110512
That's a common mistake, but no. Things like seasonal episodes suggest that the first three seasons take place over roughly three years, not one.
The whole idea is a brainbug, born of a misunderstanding of what Princess Celestia says in Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Go for it.
At least Twilight can be sure with Spike mail express Celestia is the one getting her letters. Without that it would probably end up in a mail room or with secretary before being passed onto the Princess
This is pretty funny stuff, I must admit. If it's part of your Tutor-verse, then I can only imagine the letters she'd eventually send about "this annoying green pest who came to town."
5111447 Yeah, I'd probably stay away from the Tutorverse, though. Even though it's tempting.
Please expand this into a full story.
5118889
Dear Princess Celestia,
I kissed a mare today.
Wait, let me go back. Pinkie Pie came by the library at noon to invite me to lunch, and she was carrying a cup of coffee. I naturally thought it was for me, and I may have drank it a little fast. Does it count as a kiss if the pony is doing CPR and trying to get the coffee cup unstuck from my throat?
Your student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. Don't tell my parents.
P.P.S. Or Shining Armor.
P.P.P.S. Or anypony, really.
You had me at that very first letter. I'm pretty sure at this point that you just like to embarass/poke fun at Twilight in as many different ways as possible, and if that is indeed the case, I approve of this wholeheartedly. If that's not the case, I still approve of it.