Techie's SPICY Smokin' Toasted Self-Roasted Reviews #24: [Lab Horse]! · 4:32am Oct 28th, 2019
What dis? It's the beginning of a new era in my stories here on Fimfic!
Lab Horse is quite possibly one of the first stories that I actually did any planning for at all on Fimfiction. Though, it wasn't so much planning as throwing together ideas to pull from when I had no idea what to write. Also, leaving breadcrumbs and notes behind with every chapter to remember what happened. Full-scale legit planning wouldn't happen until Pony-Me came around.
Some background on the story: I wanted to try my hand at writing some Pony-On-Earth sorta stuff, mainly out of pure curiosity. I know I already tried it a couple times in the past with things like Equestria Forever and Of All Things, but this was the first time I was actually successful at pulling it off. I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted to write Gadget as, but I guess at some point or another the decision landed on having Gadget be a school-age filly, on account of being able to write her using a similar mindset to what I had personally back in elementary school.
Anyway, let's get into the story. As usual with the ones with many chapters, I'll be skipping around a bit.
I haven't written anything this dialogue heavy for quite a while.
Oh, you sweet, sweet summer child...
"Professor," A man spoke as he slid open the door, "we've received notice of a strange being spotted in a local neighborhood."
Professor Delmar, a middle-aged man of relatively tall stature, didn't respond. His body was draped over his desk, a cold cup of coffee sitting near the glowing monitors. On said monitors were various graphs and charts, updating every three seconds. It was monitoring their current project; the levitation of small objects using minimal force.
Speaking of which, this story also rubbed off on Pony-Me with the mentor figure being a professor of some kind, though in this case he's just kinda all over the place as far as how he's written.
The unicorn stuck its tongue out, blowing a raspberry before disappearing in a blinding flash of light.
Pone bleps
It was gone. The professor sighed, pulling his phone out. As he keyed in the password, he felt a warm breath blow down his spine. He froze at the sensation, knowing that the unicorn was likely perched on the fence post behind him. reaching down with his free hand, Delmar quickly pulled out a small taser, and stunned the unicorn.
"GOTCHA!"
ANIMAL ABUSE.
"Hey Rob," she heard coming from the front of the van, "what do you think they'll do with the unicorn?"
"Probably dissect it or something. Professor Delmar said that he saw the thing teleport with his own eyes."
Hol up
A quick run of shampoo later, and I was back to smelling like strawberries. If you ask me though, I'd have to say that I like to smell like mechanical grease and singed fur. I really don't know why though... I think it might've been from the looks of the scientists' faces after I short circuited a backup generator when I was seven.
Either way, I smell like strawberries now, so yeah. Not gonna be smelling like that anytime soon.
Why stop at strawberries when you can smell like a milkshake?
Soon, lunch came around. Though at first it drew quite a few questioning glances, I'm perfectly fine with the notion of eating meat. In fact, just today, I had a nice cheese melt with rosemary-roasted chicken. Yum.
Yum.
Being a horse, (or at least, I think I'm a horse), I paid little mind on the fact that I was casually munching on hay while everyone else either ate take out, or left. Hay tastes pretty bland, if you ask me. It's kinda like chewing a stick mixed with grass.
Don't look at me, I don't know what hay tastes like. I only guessed.
The backup tapes are gone. I can't do anything about the footage. Can't delete it, can't hide it. If someone finds out about what I've been holding back, and I'm not just talking speech, then I'm pretty much screwed.
Like as in, laying on a dissection table screwed. (The thought of that still brings me chills.)
What was with Gadget and her fear of being dissected? There was only that one time when it was ever mentioned.
Driving that golf cart in circles around the engineering department screwed. (Yep, that was fun. Until it crashed.)
Imagine that for a bit. Unicorn filly doing wheelies in some shop of some kind.
It's not just any random hospital like I thought it'd be. Instead, it's a mental hospital. I can't say whether or not it would truly count as a hospital, considering the complete lack of surgical equipment in each room. Instead, it's just a small collection of various mood-altering drugs, some comfy seats, a bed, and the occasional person randomly blabbing off.
Hol up x2
Even though this thing was the first story to be planned, I do remember specifically that only the beginning and the end were planned. Everything in between was just pulled out of nowhere. I'd have to say that some 75% or so of the entire series this thing spawned is just filler material that wouldn't've added anything of value to the story itself.
The bad news is, apparently they think I'm some sort of smurf-horse. Maybe it's my fur color? I've been hearing that my white lab-vest makes me look kinda like Smurfette, so... yeah... and on top of that I've been also called a "Big Blue Cat".
So I guess I'm now the CatSmurfetteHorseThing? I honestly don't know. Hopefully though nothing too crazy or bad will happen anytime soon. Like I said before, I've been enjoying every part of this except for the crazy children.
It's kinda crazy just to think about what these kids go through every day though. A lot of them were brought in from foster care and orphanages, so in a way, they kinda need me to be around. There's not really much here aside from teddy bears and stuff like that to help them, and just to see me walking down the hall gets them all riled up. It's exhausting, but sweet in a grabby, clingy sort of way.
Are you secretly a smurf horse?
Ah yes, the beginning of the Smurf Horse joke. Yeah, kinda realized after the fact that Gadget's character design made her look like a ponified Smurfette. I decided to throw that into the story as canon because why not?
Oh yeah, and just a few minutes ago some more kids came by and complimented me on my supposed "smurfiness".
Yup. I'm gonna dye my hair later.
*Proceeds ton try dying her mane the same color as what her human form ends up actually having two sequels down the road*
Techie totally doesn't have a thing for darker hair color... right?
Also, yeah, I rode on the fact that some types of pet shampoos ended up turning people's dogs pink.
Log 4034: I don't actually know what to name this because all I really did today was get lost in the hallway after eating lunch...
Just like me during my freshman year in high school! Can't wait to repeat that in college!
Welp. I'm back in Hagen's bus again, and this time I'm heading to Delmar's new lab! Dr. Hagen told me that he wouldn't be able to help all too much with me going back to this "Equestria" place, but I'm sure that Delmar would be able to. After all, he is the kind of guy who's pretty much a master at everything.
I forgot that Hagen was a guy that existed in this story entirely.
I felt a brief chill run over me as my own eyes adjusted to the sudden flash of light wash past. In place of the teal fur and springy pinkish-blonde hair was a light tan skin, covered by a green-blue blouse.
And now things get weird! Gotta love the fact that I decided I liked writing human OCs more than pony OCs halfway through the story!
Now that I think about it, how was I able to drop the sandwich just like that? It was firmly stuck in my hooves, and no amount of shaking could release it as long as I wanted to continue holding it. And the moment I wanted to let go of it, it just... drops.
Once again, what.
Now imagine if that happened to you guys!
After talking some more, I entirely forgot about the fact that I was currently halfway through a Subway sandwich while Hagen was getting something at Walmart. What made the situation even more awkward was the fact that people could see my tablet casually floating above the table typing on itself while I chewed.
And I know for a fact that there's gonna be a youtube video or two popping up soon about the "Magical Subway Girl".
So magical
Just a little buffer chapter.
That's an interesting way to say "absurdly long filler arc".
I nervously nodded, and cast on my 'disguise'. And then I fell down the stairs. 'Cause y'know, one should never try and distort reality at the top of a flight of stairs, no matter how short the staircase is.
*Horse fall down stairs noise*
"I'm... uh..." I saw a detective movie playing on TV in the background. "I'm Secret Agent..." quickly, my eyes continued their search, but failed fantastically, leaving my brain to fill in the blanks. "Doorknob!"
Delmar winced, facepalming at my epic fail as my principal groaned with impatience.
WHERE'S SECRET AGENT DOORKNOB WHEN YOU NEED HER?
And during the time Delmar spent passed out last night, he must've dreamt of Smurf. Unfortunately.
'Cause seriously, this guy's wearing a full-blown Gargamel costume, calling me Asrael. And also, he's blabbering away about some sort of forest laboratory-whatever.
Did I mention that along with thinking of himself as Gargamel, he's got a "ruler wand" now?
'gratz. I've come full-circle with the smurf horse joke.
Urk... the brightness. What is that fiery orb of doom in the sky that burns my eyes with such fury?
Just kidding, it's the sun. Duh.
T H E S U N I S A D E A D L Y L A S E R
Who freakin' cares that I'm a pony? Sure, I might have the capability to destroy humanity as we know it by diverting missiles with my telekinesis, but does that really matter?
I say that today I'm gonna go outside, struttin' in my full pony glamor, and not give a single care of it.
Gadget ran out of f
cks to give.
Speaking of kidnapping, why don't I try to get kidnapped??? That sounds like great fun, compared to slaving away at datasheets and commanding my tiny army of labcoats!
I'ma go outside right now, and the first thing I'm gonna do is find the most rapist-looking guy in town!
What the heck, me? Are you trying to kill this story by going off the deep end?
The next two chapters are just plain old "WTF" material. 10/10 not gonna write that again. Ho-ly heck what did I have on mind during this part of the story?!
Ooh! I'll just be him!
Poof!
"Ayyyyyy" I hollered, raising my now visibly gruff arms, "Huggies!"
I began to advance towards him, watching as his eyes grew to pinpricks as he attempted to squirm his way out of the situation.
Hecccccccc
But I'm all better now!
You say that, but do you believe it?
Also, those couple chapters are the sole reason why I rebooted Lab Horse. Get rid of all the filler material, including those especially.
It was supposed to be published after my 75 follower special was released.
Heck. I was under 75 followers back then? Geez have I come a long way!
Hopefully nothing goes wrong...
Murphy's Law. 'Nuff said.
I mentally blinked as a bright, golden sun rose above the horizon, banishing the darkness to the confines of the deepest parts of my mind. The vast, sprawling infrastructure of Equestria spiderwebbed beneath me as I gently hovered above my dreamwork.
Gettin' some Worlds Reset vibes here.
B-B-B-Bonus chapter!
Yup. Failsafes are here for a reason.
I mean, I’ve heard stories of the Challenger disaster before, but surely things have improved after nearly half a century, right?
Right?
U̴̜͠s̴̗̀ĕ̸̩r̸̲̈ ̴̱̾h̶̟͘ă̶̭s̵̞̾ ̶͕͘d̷̮̓ï̷̮s̸̨͐č̶̼o̷̟̽n̸̝̎n̸̢͋ë̷͓́c̷̦̚t̶̬͘ḛ̷̏d̷͈̑.̵̱̋
CONSOLE: Dumping user data to backup database...
Guess who did a dead?
Also, yeah, the spinoff I meant to write for this chapter never came. I published it a while back if I remember correctly as part of the "scrapped stories" rotation in What If.
That's all for today! 
Go back to your own story Pony-Me