Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXXVI · 10:21pm Dec 12th, 2019
Hello, all you fine readers of horsewords! Real life’s been keeping me busy lately, what with multiple birthday parties in the same week and my parents coming to town for medical reasons (don’t worry, they’re fine), and yet somehow my productivity in writing is being rekindled. Last night I finished the first draft of my newest story. I intend to call on a few people to pre-read it, but with luck I may be able to release it next weekend.
The story was meant to be a mere 30k words. It ended up ballooning into ~47k. At first, this annoyed me; it was meant to be a quick and simple job to let me rest from Bulletproof Heart, which I would then jump back into. But now I look at this as an unexpected opportunity. It is said that the minimum length a story must be to be considered a ‘novel’ is 70k words, and I’m already ⅔ of the way there. Considering there are some scenes I left out of the story for the sake of shortening it, there’s a real possibility I could “finish” the material and publish it as original fiction.
Right now, I’m going to release on FIMFiction as originally planned. But there’s nothing to stop me from expanding upon it and releasing the larger version. I have every intention of going back to work on Bulletproof Heart, but perhaps I’ll spend a couple days a week doing this too. It can’t hurt.
In the meantime, it’s time to get to what these blogs are for. Reviews!
Stories for This Week:
There's No Place Like Home by Emperor
Littlepip Goes to the Grocery Store by initforfanfiction
Never Open the Door by FallBlau
Giving It A Shot by Flint Sparks
Oh Brother of Mine by CrackedInkWell
What Cats Know by Daedalus Aegle
That's Your Downfall by bathroomstahl
413 Mulberry Lane : A Report (With Annotations by Twilight Sparkle) by Starsong
A Window to the Past by FoughtDragon01
Daring Do: The Opera by AlexTFish
Total Word Count: 50,779
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 4
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
There's No Place Like Home
4,166 Words
By Emperor
With her wagon destroyed, Trixie decides it might be time for a break. Thus does she go to the one place where she’s always welcome: her birthplace, the tiny farm town of Whinnychester.
This is a brief look into the life and history of Trixie Lulamoon. Written before anything about her parents was established, the story takes a lot of curious liberties that go a long way towards explaining her, from her manner of speaking to her unique gift for illusions. It is a story at once both sad and touching, and maybe even a little uplifting. Unlike so many stories about Trixie, this one doesn’t depict her coming from a broken home or having been morally crushed by the events in Ponyville. There isn’t a hint of the bitterness many associate with her or an obsession with Twilight.
What there is, is a warm welcome home by family, reflections of events from her past, and the comfort of having ponies to call on when things are getting low. This is a well-rounded Trixie with a hopeful future. I thoroughly approve, and not just because of a refreshing take on the character.
If you’re curious to see a Trixie who isn’t what either the fandom or canon has made her out to be, this should do nicely. I really hope Emperor finishes the sequel someday so that I may add it to my lists.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Littlepip Goes to the Grocery Store
1,234 Words
By initforfanfiction
NOTE: For whatever reason, initforfanfiction has abandoned the site, summarily deleting their account and this story. It’s unfortunate, but it won’t stop me from reviewing a story already read.
A toaster repair pony she is not.
This silly slice-of-life is exactly what it says on the tin. Littlepip, in this version living in a perfectly normal, modern pony world, is out of rice cakes. Her whining prompts her housemates Velvet, Calamity, and Homage to press her into doing some shopping. That’s it. No, really, that’s it.
There’s really not much to this, but it works nicely for fans of Littlepip. A little (or a lot) immature and playful, it’s just her going shopping at a Wal-Mart-style Absolutely Everything. The Red Eye cameo was pretty cool, too. The catch in all of this is that if you’re not a fan of Fallout: Equestria and especially Littlepip, this will mean absolutely nothing to you.
A fun piece, but only for a very specific audience.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Never Open the Door
2,775 Words
By FallBlau
When Twilight was a filly, she saw an old, rusty door in one of the halls of Canterlot Castle. Celestia absolutely forbade her from ever opening it, and for years she complied despite a near-desperate desire to do otherwise. Now Twilight is a princess, and by sheer coincidence she finds herself in front of that door again. Surely… just a peek?
Questions abound. This is one of those horror stories where nothing really happens, it merely exudes creepiness. Which is fine; some of the best horrors I know are like that. But for some reason I can’t place my finger on, this one failed to resonate with me. At no point was I frightened or worried.
I don’t think this is any fault of the author’s. The story is decently atmospheric and the things Twilight sees are unquestionably creepy. But at no point did I feel there was any actual threat going on, and that may be what really stumped my appreciation of it. Even so, what doesn’t work for me will work wonders for others, so I encourage all of you to give it a go and judge for yourselves.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Giving It A Shot
6,428 Words
By Flint Sparks
It’s been ten years since Nightmare Moon was defeated, and the Mane Six have gone their separate ways. But now Fluttershy is back in town after a breakup with Rainbow Dash. Applejack decides to invite her for a night out, just to catch up. Of course, that’d be easier if she hadn’t been crushing on Fluttershy since the day they met.
I’m honestly not sure if this is meant to be “Incomplete” as it is labelled. The story works very well all by itself, yet could also be expanded into a series. According to the author’s note, that might even have been the plan: three chapters, each capable of standing alone. Either way, it allows this to work fine as it is.
The story shifts perspectives from Fluttershy to Pinkie Pie to Braeburn (Pinkie’s husband in this AU) to Applejack, and is largely a ‘where are they now’ showcase. Except it only really relates to Fluttershy, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie. We get some hints regarding Rainbow Dash, enough to establish what we all want to know. Rarity is mentioned but no details are given as to what she’s doing now, and Twilight is entirely unaccounted for save for a brief mention. Still, it’s a good look forward at the future waaay back before we had a clue of such things (this was written in 2014, BTW).
I am pleased with this. It’s a pleasant short story that does a decent job with its primary subject while also being an endearing AppleShy (FlutterJack?) story. That it maintains realism by not having the two mares leap to put their tongues down one another’s throats only plays more in its favor.
If you’re interested in this relatively uncommon ship and would like to see yet another conception of our favorite girls’ future, this is a good place to look.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Oh Brother of Mine
1,148 Words
By CrackedInkWell
On the road to Filliedelphia, Flim finally comes out of the closet to his brother. Now he can only wait for the damage.
The author promises a simple story in which Flim admits he’s gay to Flam, and that’s exactly what we get. No higher meaning, no special purpose, just that. I think the single most surprising thing about this story is that I’m finally at that point where I can hear the twins’ individual voices when they speak in stories. I had trouble with that for the longest time.
Anyway, this goes precisely where you expect. Flim’s gay, Flam doesn’t care, the two reaffirm their brotherly bond, then head off on their next scamsale. My only real question is this whole “Marian” business; did CrackedInkWell make that scenario up for this story, or is it something from the comics I’m simply unaware of?
Not a bad story, but nothing particularly special, either. I don’t think it was meant to be, which is fine. It suffers a bit from grammatical issues and incorrect word choice (“Now grant it”? No, author. “Now, granted”.), but is otherwise fine. Give it a read if you're hankering for some light Flim Flam Bros. bonding.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
What Cats Know
9,157 Words
By Daedalus Aegle
One day around Nightmare Night, Sweetie realizes that there is something special about cats. She doesn’t understand what, she only… knows. So she starts on a little journey of discovery, talking to those who might know and those who do know, all for the sake of learning what cats know.
Somehow, very early on I knew this would end up being related to Rarity. Sometimes what someone doesn’t say is just as important as what they do.
This was a slow, thoughtful, subtle story about a grown up Sweetie trying to solve a mystery most don’t even realize is there. Along the way she speaks to individuals of importance and, if you look at them incorrectly, not so much importance. I find it curious that the most important pony she spoke to in the whole story is, in fact, the least important from an outside perspective.
I loved this. It’s atmospheric from beginning to end, and the ending does a great job of tugging at the heartstrings. It’s also a Weird tale, one of my favorite sub-genres; you will not know as much leaving the story as you did going into it. You’re not supposed to. It’s a delightful piece, capably written and smooth in its delivery, achieving so much without seeming to be much itself.
Daedalus proves to be every bit as good at writing short stories as they are at writing the big ones. I can’t wait for the next story by this author.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Education of Clover the Clever — WHYRTY?
That's Your Downfall
1,265 Words
By bathroomstahl
In an alternate universe, Celestia and Luna confront Discord. In this world, each Element belonged to a different individual in the past, and those individuals went to create their own kingdoms. Discord’s world is of chaos and fun, but Celestia has decided it is corrupt and evil, and so must be corrected. Discord just has one question: who made her the arbiter of everything that is right and wrong?
This brief story is probably mean to be thought-provoking, and I suppose it does achieve that to some degree. It loses some of its value by being set in an AU, and more of its value by being so short and not bothering to really examine its own philosophy. Still, if you’re interested in an altered version of Equestria’s history, it’s not bad.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Under the Mistletoe — Worth It
In this decidedly Weird tale, we are introduced to a future student of Celestia who, drawn by some unknown force, enters a home in Canterlot that nopony speaks of. Celestia arrives all but immediately, taking the student away to the Forbidden Wing of the Royal Archives, and gives them the titular book.
The story is in three parts, which all mix together. The first is our young student and the effects the house has upon them as they read. The second is an investigation performed by a unicorn under Celestia’s orders into the house’s true nature. The third is a later investigation performed by Twilight and her friends. None of them arrive at any real answers, except that whatever that house is, it should be avoided at all costs.
One must wonder why Celestia hasn’t destroyed it.
On must wonder if she even can.
The story is decidedly creepy, but isn’t necessarily a horror. Although some frightening elements are definitely present, it feels more ‘mystery’ than ‘horror’. It certainly leaves behind a lot of questions, which for me is a great thing. The “Needs to Know” crowd will likely be put off by this though. It is ultimately a story that requires a bit of patience to get through, as it doesn’t jump into its element immediately.
I enjoyed it, a lot, but I am biased towards stories of this kind. I’d recommend it for those seeking dark, creepy stories without the need for things like jumpscares and blood.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
A Window to the Past
5,213 Words
By FoughtDragon01
One perfectly normal night, Luna’s nightly meditating is interrupted when her dear sister comes by to visit. Turns out that Celestia has a painting from back before Luna’s exile, when they were fillies, and wants to share it.
This is a story about joys and torments of the past and how a single artifact can bring it all roaring back. It’s also a curious look at the differences between Celestia and Luna. While Luna gazes upon an image of her youth and thinks of little but the good things, Celestia gazes upon it and can feel only guilt. This difference, never outright pointed out but clear, is the best part about the story.
I can easily call this the best I’ve read by this author so far. It’s an emotional short filled with subtle meanings and implications for both sisters. At times amusing, but mostly introspective, it’s a story any fan of the royal sisters will thoroughly appreciate.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
"Ultimate Power is Finally... Mine?" — Pretty Good
Things Best Left Unknown — Worth It
Daring Do: The Opera
10,016 Words
By AlexTFish
Requested by Shrink Laureate
That pun was awesome. I have no words.
When Autumn Blaze decides to put on an opera based on the adventures of Daring Do, she finds one place more than willing to accommodate her: Ponyville! Diamond Tiara was somewhat interested in performing, but didn’t think it a big deal… until a famous Bridleway actress auditions for the lead role. Suddenly the perks of getting into the opera are too good to ignore. Now if only the theater, reopened for the first time in a decade just for this show, wasn’t inhabited by an “Opera Spirit” determined to ruin the performance.
Honestly, when Shrink Laureate requested this one I wasn’t enthusiastic. Quite the opposite, in fact. The whole premise struck me as silly but wasn’t listed as a comedy, which meant the author had to really know what they were doing, and since AlexTFish is unknown to me (and, by their follower count, the majority of FIMFiction), I had my doubts.
How wrong I was. Take cues from The Phantom of the Opera, mix in a reformed Diamond Tiara meeting what may be a proper role model, solid characterization all around, and a twist ending and you’ve got something that deserves more attention. It was fun seeing Autumn Blaze take on a responsible role (I should note this is the first time I’ve read a story featuring her). I enjoyed seeing Diamond Tiara in her reformed state yet still being thoroughly recognizable (although I wonder where the heck Silver Spoon is). The major villain of the story is both wholly expected and a complete surprise at the same time.
There’s really only one problem in all of this. The ending of the story depends upon Diamond Tiara’s relationship with one of the characters, i.e. the previously mentioned potential role model. While I don’t find any fault in their final conversation per se, it loses some of its believability because this relationship doesn’t seem to exist. To really make the ending believable and at its strongest, AlexTFish should have made that relationship a core element of the story. Make it personal, give Diamond Tiara bigger stakes in this story aside from the obvious. Had the author done that, this would have been just about perfect.
Overall, an impressive and unexpected showing. The story moves a little slow at first and rushes through its ending, but I get that AlexTFish was on a time limit, and maybe a word limit too, so I can be forgiving. I greatly enjoyed how this potentially goofy premise got turned into something serious and strong. You can expect me to read more of this author in time. Meanwhile, you should read this; it’s woefully underviewed.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Stories for Next Week:
Mortality by TwistedCupcake
The Most Beautiful Song by OnionPie
Filial by Dafaddah
Home by RBDash47
Starlight Glimmer: New Queen of The Changelings by Dr Atlas
Lament of a Spoon by Zytharros
This is a Clopfic by Tumbleweed
The Hypocrisy Of Tolerance by Estee
The Third Wheel by GaPJaxie
Twelve Years a Cat by UV Unicorn Laser
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Looking forward to this. You've been teasing original fiction work for some time, and I've been waiting to see what becomes of it!
😁
Nice to see AlexTFish getting a good review here! I've read all his stories except the one you have, and my reactions have been pretty consistently positive. Hope to see more of him here!
Yes, there is a comic arc involving Flim, Flam, and a mare named Marian.
I haven't read much by AlexTFish, but he made a good showing in Super Trampoline's feghoot contest, and I enjoyed his entries from it.
"What Cats Know" was a strange bird for me. I did enjoy reading it, and the atmosphere was well done, but I felt like it was missing a small thing or two to really cement its meaning. As is common enough, many authors have a story that's supposed to be something the character has written but contains things that don't really jive with that supposed format. We've all seen stories that are supposed to be letters but are full of quoted dialogue, for instance. Nothing that overt goes on in this story, but there were still a few things that felt incompatible with the format, and dialogue did end up being one. By halfway through the story, there ends up being quite a bit of it. I guess I didn't ever get the sense of whether this was something she wrote for herself or published so that others could read it. If the latter, it's more reasonable for her to use dialogue. The fact that there's a "by Sweetie Belle" at the top seems to back that up. But then I don't get her purpose. She asks no fewer than three characters what this secret about cats is, and while Discord is the only one I'm reasonably sure would actually know, the rest might, too. Yet they seem reluctant to tell her or confirm her suspicions. Isn't she then going against their wishes by publishing this? Isn't she afraid she might be doing some harm? And if it's worth it for her to write this for others to see, it's odd that she doesn't have a message in mind and never ties the encounter with Rarity into the theme. Then calling it a "tail" is a cutesy thing that undercuts the overall tone.
On the whole, whether I take this as something she wrote for personal use or public consumption, there are elements that work against both possibilities. That bugged me, but I love atmosphere above nearly everything else, and this story succeeded greatly in that regard.
I've read none of these, but I see a good few that I would enjoy.
I wanna know why that one guy didn't just DFE, but actually deleted his account. c.c Like, there's just no record he ever existed! The heck? How long ago did you have that story on your list to be read?
AlexTFish is a fun bloke in person as well (we UK ponyfic people do occasionally get to meet!) so that one's going on the list. From next week's list, I think Home is wonderful and I remember -- albeit vaguely -- finding Lament of a Spoon quite interesting too.
5168366
That makes two of us. I don't know if it's a mental block or what, but every time I get going on an original fiction project something puts a stop to it. Maybe this will be the one that finally gets me over the hump.
5168382
Given my new method of reading more material from authors, it may be a long while.
5168386
I never got any of those issues, or if I did they were so minor to me I didn't recall them while writing the review.
I know I don't respond too often to your comments, and when I do never in significant detail. But I'm always glad to see them, because they serve to remind me how everyone views things differently. Truly, it's not possible to please everyone.
5168414
Pretty sure the story was in my RiL for at least a year, possibly two. I didn't actually read and review it until... two months ago? Something like that. Which means the author fled the site entirely in October or November. Who knows why?
5168671
Ah, but that's the joy of Weird tales: they aren't meant to be cracked, only theorized upon.
Good, as long as I get some more of that setting, I'm a happy camper
Wow. Thank you all for the very kind words! I am indeed relatively new to ponyfic, and I'm not exactly prolific either so there's not much point following me really
But the community here is wonderful and people seem to like what I write, so I'm planning to keep doing more of it.
You're right that the premise to Daring Do: the Opera was pretty silly, but that's what the Bingo Contest lends itself to. (I'm currently trying to wrangle a remotely coherent plot out of my prompts for the contest's second run.) Your criticism of the climactic conversation is entirely fair and would be a very good plan if I were to go back and give the fic a serious editing/rewrite. As is including Silver Spoon, probably.
Hey, thank you for the review. I appreciate it. It's a little funny how that one of my stories seems to always get reviewed instead of most of my other stories, but I assume that's since it has a large sequel story (and I do plan on completing it. ~7000 words on my current chapter, with 3 more chapters left after that), so it gets noticed more. I'm glad you like how much my Trixie deviates from the standard fanon headcanon. That's why I liked her as a character, since she had absolutely nothing for a concrete backstory for the longest time, so she could be anywhere, and be anything you wanted her to. I still probably would've even written this story today, since I don't like letting new canon constrain my story ideas, either.
I'm mildly surprised that you didn't even hint at the little twist. Though I'm glad you didn't, either, since I absolutely prefer people to go in blind to that and see how much of it they realise and when.
5170368
If the "little twist" is what I think it is.... then, to be honest, I thought it was the low point of the story. You state outright that it can't happen, but then it happens? I'm not fond of these sorts of backtracks. The story was just fine – doing great, really – and then we get this unnecessary, supposedly impossible thing to happen and it feels like it's only there as a gimme to the readers so they're more likely to click that upvote button. Even if that wasn't your intention, it's definitively cliché.
I didn't mention it because the story is good. Very good. It's only a tiny piece of the overarching story, and I didn't want that one bad mark to prevent potential readers from giving it a go if I harped on it.
Hey, this is a hell of a late comment, but I appreciate the review on my story! I loved some of your work when I was more active on this website. I used to always read your reviews as I found them insightful and interesting. I would try to give one fic mentioned a try most of the time--though knowing myself that probably didn't happen nearly as often as I would have liked it to.
Hopefully I can try to get something new on here just so I'm able to see how my writing has changed in these past few years. Thank you again for the review!