Present Perfect vs. Story of the Blanks · 8:38pm Jan 3rd, 2021
Well, I hadn't planned on starting the new year by solo reviewing Aoshi Stark's novelization of Story of the Blanks, but here we are!
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In case the name has fallen out of common parlance in the last few years, the original Story of the Blanks was a simple RPGMaker pony horror game, which you can actually still play, assuming your browser supports Flash past 2020. <.< I replayed it in the last days of 2020, while listening to the audiobook, so I'd have it fresh in mind. It's pretty simple, with not a lot of gameplay, and relying mostly on jumpscares for its horror, but it gives us this idea of a forgotten town in the Everfree Forest where nopony living there has a cutie mark, even though they're all grown. A quick rundown:
You play as Apple Bloom, accompanying Twilight to visit Zecora, when you're waylaid by trees fallen over the path. While Twilight clears them, you venture deeper into the forest, lured by a mysterious grey pony. You find Sunny Town and can talk to its inhabitants, some of whom don't seem quite right. You do a little fetch quest to get one pony away from the door of his house, which contains a box-pushing puzzle, a crank, and a pony named Mitta who's sobbing her eyes out in the corner while muttering about things not being fair and happening again and again. Take the crank to a well next to a lone house north of town, and you'll find its key. Inside the house is nothing but a fire… and a terrible discovery. Then you have to run back out of the town and through the forest back the way you came while dodging glowing red pony skeletons, many of whom are the townsponies you spoke with previously.
Like I said, there's not much to it, but it was original for its time, and back then we didn't have a lot of MLP games anyway. Aoshi Stark's fanfic, then, is a novelization of said game, and from the comments, I suspect it was done completely independently thereof, with a goal to deepening the game's story and unlocking some of its mysteries. What it does well is take the framework laid out by the game and expand on it in a big way. What it does poorly is decide to stick so closely to the game's framework that it lifts entire segments of dialogue wholesale. :/ And of that, at least, I do not approve.
So we get, for instance, the word-for-word conversation between Apple Bloom and Twilight that takes place at the start of the game. The reading expanded on this a bit, but still, a portion of the story's dialogue is essentially plagiarized. As for the rest of the writing, it's got a lot of the problems you'd expect from something written during the early show: introducing characters we already know, LUS, telling, and some minor formatting choices that ultimately add nothing to the piece. Also, "Achoaguh caugh augh!" as a line of dialogue. c.c Just for example.
But it does do a nearly equal amount of things right. Where the game railroads you through an ever-darkening series of forest setpieces to build tension, and the reading uses top-tier vocal talent and audio editing, all the story has is words. And when it's trying to build creepy atmosphere, it succeeds. This is the only story Aoshi Stark ever published on Fimfic (why does that name seem familiar?), and looking at his DA profile, was actually the last one he ever wrote for the fandom, with only two coming before it. But whatever those other stories were, he at least knew enough to write some decent horror descriptions.
Building on the game's storyline is also done well. Granted, it comes in the form of Apple Bloom just experiencing helpfully expository flashbacks, but they're almost all at least triggered by something obvious. They end up turning this into the tale of a town so consumed by fear of Cutie Pox that they don't accept regular cutie marks. (Admittedly, it doesn't explain how a town with lots of grown ponies had never even heard of cutie marks, let alone had any manifest outside the Pox, but then neither does the game.) Alongside this is the story of Ruby — the pony who lures Apple Bloom to the town — and Mitta — the pony from the box puzzle — and the tragedy that befalls them in particular. It means Apple Bloom is just sort of an observer to the town's story, but that's sort of what she is in the game, too. Also, it leads to a surprisingly emotional finish!
That said, it does still have at least a few gamey elements. Like how Apple Bloom walks into town and talks to a string of ponies in about the order you meet them in the game, they introduce themselves almost immediately and only have a few things to say, something which Mitta actually points out. Or the fact that she does do the fetch quest for the two pony lovers. (At least the crank and the box maze are absent.)
Not to mention, zombie ponies are not exactly the scariest thing in the world — they look a little more demonic in the game, if you ask me — though the falling action does at least do a good job of keeping the tension high. (It's pretty easy to walk out of the forest in the game, even if it does have what they call appearance of danger.)
Ultimately, what sinks the story is writing flaws coupled with sticking so closely to the game, it lifts from it. As I said before, I don't think this was 'official' in any way, and that guides my final score.
2/5
If you like horror, the reading of the story is easily the best version.
Yes, this is a repost. Yes, I deleted the previous version. No, I don't want to talk about it.
I notice the part I mentioned is gone.
I actually added quite a bit of text to the audio version, as the story was ... well, rather riddled with plot holes in its current form.
I vaguely remember playing the game, many moons ago. As you said, it was mostly impressive for its time. It spawned/inspired a number of things, but none of the ones I've read were particularly good.
Unfortunate that this matches that pattern.
5428090
Yeah, that kind of... surprised, possibly upset me. c.c; I had to go reread the story myself just to make sure I wasn't reviewing your reading accidentally.
(Which, if you saw the previous version of this review, I did, and I kind of beat myself up over it afterward.)
Your additions were all quite good! :D (Except Zecora's dialogue...) Hence my judgment at the end.
Lol, we work with what we have.
Wow, that's a blast from the past!