Friendship is Card Games: The Flash Sentry Papers, Part 3 · 1:29pm Jan 10th, 2021
So. The next issue of the comic came out literally a week after the end of the Homecoming arc. At this point, I’m starting to think they’re deliberately taunting me. Why can’t IDW meet the same professional standards of regularity as many webcomics? 
But for now, we’re wrapping up the Flash Sentry Papers. Specifically the last three installments thus far, starting with Five Friendly Venoms.
Also, note that since we’re officially in preview season, I’m now considering Kaldheim mechanics fair play, regardless of the relative Viking-ness of Flash’s life.
Airdrop 1W
Sorcery
This spell has flash as long as you control a creature with flying.
Destroy target tapped creature.
High enough that they feel it, low enough that they can’t react.
Numb the Pain 1W
Instant
Target creature gains indestructible and lifelink until end of turn.
Flash’s blood had so much alcohol in it, there wasn’t any room for the venom.
Unprofessional Conduct 1W
Instant
All damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn is dealt to another target creature with the same controller instead.
Neither Flash nor Carrot Top were sure who had saved whom more often.
Abrupt Transition 3W
Instant
Exile target creature. Its controller creates a 1/1 white Human creature token.
“I screamed, of course.”
—Flash Sentry
Neutral Mediator 3W
Creature — Pegasus Advisor
Flash
Flying
When Neutral Mediator enters the battlefield, creatures can’t attack this turn.
“Why don’t we settle this like civilized beings, or at least wait until tomorrow?”
2/2
Guest Lecture 3UU
Instant
Tap target creature you don’t control. Draw cards equal to that creature’s power.
“Twilight asked for an expert on the Everfree, so I went to the best ones that would fit in the school.”
—Fluttershy, Bearer of Kindness
Half a World Away 5U
Instant
Domain — Put target creature into its owner’s library just beneath the top X cards of that library, where X is the number of basic land types among lands you control.
Flash fled as far as he could from Cutie Cue, only to find new troubles waiting for him.
Cider-Fueled Confession B
Sorcery
You gain 1 life. Target opponent reveals a number of cards from their hand equal to the amount of life you’ve gained this turn. You choose one of those cards. That player discards that card.
Berry Punch believes in strict bartender-patient confidentiality.
Repugnant Ape-Thing 2B
Creature — Human
Repugnant Ape-Thing can’t be blocked except by Humans.
Flash would’ve set back human-pony relations five years if anypony had been on Pedestria for that long.
3/1
Portent of Doom 3B
Instant
Destroy target creature
Foretell BB (During your turn, you may pay 2 and exile this card from your hand face down. Cast it on a later turn for its foretell cost.)
Flash never could tell genuine glimpses of the future from his usual paranoia.
Rattler Gang Outlaw 3B
Creature — Snake Rogue
Deathtouch
Kicker 1B (You may pay an additional 1B as you cast this spell.)
When Rattler Gang Outlaw enters the battlefield, if it was kicked, it deals 1 damage to any target.
The desert snakefolk of Ungula thrive wherever the rule of law doesn’t.
3/3
Floating Eye of Death 4B
Creature — Eye
Menace, deathtouch
Floating Eye of Death can’t block.
Anything in the eye’s path meets a horrific death. Everything else tries not to draw its notice.
4/4
Prison Break 5BB
Sorcery
Return all creature cards from your graveyard to the battlefield. They gain haste until end of turn. At the beginning of the next end step, exile all but one of those creatures.
The authorities quickly recaptured most of the escapees, just as Cutie Cue hoped they would.
Compromise of Flame 1R
Instant
Destroy target artifact. Compromise of Flame deals 2 damage to each player.
Flash’s solution to the legacy of Master Zhi could be seen as a success in the sense that it made everypony equally unhappy.
Pyretic Contrivance 2R
Instant
Improvise (Your artifacts can help cast this spell. Each artifact you tap after you're done activating mana abilities pays for 1.)
Pyretic Contrivance deals 3 damage to any target.
“Arson often makes for an effective backup plan.”
—Flash Sentry
Sand Drake 2R
Creature — Drake
Trample, haste
Sand Drake attacks each combat if able.
Sand drakes running full tilt in the desert can more than match their winged cousins for raw speed, making them ideal mounts for snakefolk bandits.
4/1
Rockfall Trap 2RR
Instant — Trap
If an artifact creature is attacking, you may pay R rather than pay this spell’s mana cost.
Destroy up to two target artifacts.
Anything with a will of its own sees it coming. The Friendship Express did not.
Carrot Top, Mad Summoner 3RR
Legendary Creature — Human Wizard
When Carrot Top enters the battlefield or at the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of each opponent’s library. Put each creature card exiled this way onto the battlefield under your control with a page counter on it.
When Carrot Top leaves the battlefield, exile each creature with a page counter on it at the beginning of the next end step.
2/2
Quarterback Sneak 2G
Sorcery
Choose target creature you control. Each other creature you control must be blocked this turn if able.
Flash did what he did best: Run for his life.
Saloon Pianist 3G
Creature — Pony Band
Finale — Whenever you sacrifice a Song, you may have target creature you control fight target creature you don’t control.
Everypony in Appleoosa knows that if the music’s stopped, somepony’s come in looking for trouble.
2/4
Glacier Troll 3GG
Snow Creature — Troll
If a nonsnow source would deal damage to Glacier Troll, put that many -1/-1 counters on Glacier Troll instead.
SS: Target spell or permanent becomes snow until end of turn. (S can be paid with one mana from a snow source.)
8/8
Tendril Terror 5G
Creature — Plant
Reach
Great mounds of vegetation can sometimes grow tired of sedentary existence, shambling forth to gather their own nutrients.
4/6
The Everfree Tarrasque 8GG
Legendary Creature — Elder Beast
Hexproof, vigilance, trample, reach
When The Everfree Tarrasque dies or is put into exile from the battlefield, you may put it into its owner’s library third from the top.
Every plane contains the seed of its own destruction.
9/9
Heavy Chandelier 1
Artifact
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a plot counter on Heavy Chandelier
3, T, Sacrifice Heavy Chandelier: It deals X damage divided as you choose among any number of target creatures and/or planeswalkers, where X is the number of plot counters on it.
”An accident waiting to happen, mark my words.”
—Flash Sentry
Appleoosa Pie 2
Artifact
4, T, Sacrifice Appleoosa Pie: It deals 4 damage to any target.
“Then gatherest thou the cast iron and pressure caps and dynamite-clay, and fashionest them together into a single mass, and hurlest thou yon mass at that which displeases Me.”
—Armaments 7:9-11
The Manual of 36 Hooves 3
Legendary Artifact
Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.
2: Creatures you control gain your choice of hexproof, trample, or deathtouch until end of turn. Activate this ability only if you cast a noncreature spell this turn.
Abomination Almanac 4
Artifact
4, T: Each player draws a card, then may put a creature card from their hand onto the battlefield.
Everything you wanted to know about unspeakable horrors, but were afraid to ask.
Orange Sky, the Devoted RWU
Legendary Creature — Pegasus Monk
Flying
Prowess (Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, this creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)
Boast — R(wu): Put a prowess counter on Orange Sky. (Activate this ability only if this creature attacked this turn and only once each turn. Each instance of prowess triggers separately.)
2/2
Silken Lotus, Market Warrior 1WB
Legendary Creature — Unicorn Rogue
As Silken Lotus enters the battlefield, choose a color.
Whenever a player casts a spell of the chosen color, you gain 1 life. If that player isn’t you, they lose 1 life.
“Master Zhi’s techniques are even more useful in the boardroom than the battlefield.”
2/3
Cutie Cue, Vicious Hoof 2BR
Legendary Creature — Pony Warrior
First strike, deathtouch
Pay 2 life: Cutie Cue loses your choice of first strike or deathtouch until end of turn. Any player may activate this ability.
Pay 2 life: Cutie Cue gains your choice of first strike or deathtouch until end of turn.
3/3
Offensive Lineman 2RW
Creature — Human Warrior
Defender
Whenever Offensive Lineman blocks, it deals 1 damage to each attacking creature.
“Aptly named brutes. You’re sure they’re not ogres?”
—Flash Sentry
4/4
Boss Hiss, Quick Draw 3BRG
Legendary Creature — Snake Rogue
First strike, deathtouch
Whenever Boss Hiss attacks, create a 1/1 black Snake creature token with deathtouch that’s tapped and attacking.
His sidewinder has fangs in you before you even see him move.
4/3
Gargantulon, Terapede 4BRG
Legendary Creature — Insect Mutant
Trample
Wither (This deals damage to creatures in the form of -1/-1 counters.)
If one or more -1/-1 counters would be put on Gargantulon, put that many +1/+1 counters on it instead.
At the beginning of your upkeep, Gargantulon deals 1 damage to each creature.
6/6
Villa of the Art
Land
When Villa of the Art enters the battlefield, you gain 1 life.
T: Add C.
1, T: Add U, R, or W.
A forge where minds and bodies are tempered to perfection.
I'm not sure I'm a fan of there being multiple "sets" of Elements of Harmony.
A mystery for the ages.
Aight, flavor texts that win the "Voice finds these especially amusing" award go to:
Guest Lecture, Cider-Fueled Confession, Quarterback Sneak, Abomination Almanac, Compromise of Flame
Gargantulon sounds pretty horrifying. Rules question: is the intent of his upkeep effect that he deals 1 damage to himself too? Because if he does, that means you've got to get rid of him fast.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Rattler Gang Outlaw's deathtouch and Gargantulon's wither apply to noncombat damage too, most notably their triggered abilities. I'm less worried about the latter giving himself a permanent +1/+1 at the start of your turn than 5433241 is because a) 6/6 trample is already enough to earn kill priority and b) that's an entire turn cycle for everyone else to do it in.
Maro Get Your Gun Alert: Orange Sky's reminder text is probably correct about how multiple instances of prowess work, but black border has carefully avoided the granting of prowess so that it doesn't come up. I didn't bold this one because I find the design space interesting too, but it's definitely something they've been more careful about than you have.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Offensive Lineman deals damage to everything that attacked that combat, not just the thing it personally blocked. What's more, it deals damage before combat proper, so Boss Hiss' token is going to die before it can do anything other than turn out to be a ninja in disguise... and enough linemen will take out the boss himself before his first strike and deathtouch combination can preempt the normal combat damage step (which it will do; block him with only two linemen and he'll kill both before they can retaliate).
GARGANTULON IS A FRIEND TO ALL CHILDREN!
Ahem.
Thanks for putting these together!
Rattler Gang Outlaw is a cool design. Also, a Tarrasque?
Because these blogs are also a place where commentary about the source material can be added by those of us unfamiliar with Magic: The Gathering, I'll add my opinion of The Flash Sentry Papers. Oh, I'll tell you what I think about those stories...
I enjoy them! I find it impossible to reconcile their Flash Sentry and Carrot Top with the characters who appeared onscreen during the cartoon, but as original characters (and they've been given enough independent three-dimensionality that, in my mind, they're able to "exist" outside of the canon characters), they're a lot of fun to watch go on adventures.
I hope Flash appreciates the ways his relationship with Carrot has been good for him. And I'm not just referring to the fact that he hasn't been killed.
5433282
Worse yet, a Tarrasque with reach.
For the first line of this one, couldn't you just say that creatures you control have Prowess? I figure it would stack just like exalted does on creatures that already have it. (Also, my Adeliz deck needs this card.)
And it seems you already use stacking Prowess on Orange Sky. (Clever design with the Prowess counters, by the way.)
5433239
Debatable, but crystal structures are regular by definition...
5433260
I will note that things like Cavalry Master, Sublime Archangel, and so forth do set a precedent for multiple instances of stackable keywords.
5433279
Thank you for providing great works for me to riff off of! Especially that Gargantulon reference in Absinthe Makes the Heart Go Yonder.
5433282
A tarrasque. Sadly, we never see it "on camera," but it certainly shows up in the aforementioned Absinthe Makes the Heart Go Yonder. As 5433513 noted, I based this one on the Pathfinder 1E tarrasque, which has anti-air capabilities.
5433456
The nice thing about background ponies is that there's not much to them to contradict these interpretations. But even without reconciliation, they are indeed enjoyable characters and stories.
5433939
Same principle as Soulblade Djinn; it's a lot easier to keep track of one trigger going on the stack rather than one per creature.
5435137
Flanking and exalted are usually only triggering once per turn, while prowess is designed to be spammed. At least, that's the line I can see; MaRo might say something different.
5435137
Good point. It's also a lot easier to multiply with things like Strionic Resonator.
5435137
An AA Tarrasque! What a notion! Makes it much harder to deal with, that's for sure.