Friendship is Card Games: The Prodigal Parents and The Crystal & The Mirage · 1:28pm Jan 17th, 2021
This week, we have one of those awkward one-shot comics sitting between two multi-issue storylines, made all the more awkward by a marked absence of other comics to pair it with. As such, we’re drawing from one of the shorter stories folks have volunteered for cardification as well.
The Prodigal Parents
I have to appreciate how Shire Lanka is presented as this Everfree-like realm of untamed peril and uncertain death… and Scootaloo’s parents wanted to take her with them. Granted, this is Scootaloo we’re talking about. The wildlife would probably be in more danger from her.
It’s dangerous to go alone! Take your wife.
“Wherever they travel, whatever creatures they discover, they never lose sight of what really matters: family.”
Which is why they made little to no effort to stay in touch with Scootaloo for much of her life. (Okay, to be fair, we don’t know how much contact they had. It does seem that they exchanged letters fairly regularly. But I remain unimpressed with those two as parents.)
Kind of funny how Lofty and Holiday have been in the comic before… with different designs since that issue predated “The Last Crusade.”
“Being a family of adventurers is a little different than being a family in Ponyvile.”
But only a little. Adventurers don’t usually have a bakery fifteen minutes away from the local death-forest.
So… how does water skiing work in Equestria, anyway? Motorboats are a prerequisite. We have seen one example of it in canon, but that was Discord.
Auntie Lofty’s wings in the fourth panel here… That looks incredibly painful.
I still can’t decide whether making Snap Shutter a ponified Steve Irwin is brilliant or stupid. There’s no middle ground in my mind on that one.
Ah, those creatures on the second page were bush babies. Makes sense, especially given this world’ pun-based ecology.
I do love the little family moments sprinkled throughout these early pages. It really helps flesh out the characters beyond their relationship with Scootaloo.
And here we see the larger conflict Scootaloo has with her parents. Yes, they’re adventurers. But they’re also eggheads.
So… did Mane Allgood always wear that jacket or what?
Wow. Wow. The bufogren, the maulwurf, the phoenix, the roc, those I can all understand having some issues. But what did Scootaloo do to irritate a bunch of bluebirds?
Also, way to notice your daughter having a miserable time, guys. Gold star.
See, if they had led with the cragadile wrangling, Scootaloo might have been on board. But after the day she’s had? No wonder she wants nothing to do with it.
Huh. Ponyville has a hotel? I suppose its tourism industry would’ve exploded since Namepending Castle sprouted, if not sooner.
I appreciate the three-panel montage of missed opportunities, but I feel like Sweet Apple Acres isn’t normally on the route between the train station and Scootaloo’s house.
Seeing Scootaloo’s attempt at a smile completely collapse… Oh, that’s a heartbreaker.
Hmm. Much is made of Lofty and Holiday becoming Scootaloo’s full-time guardians, but it seems that that happened during “The Last Crusade.” Which brings up the old questions about how long she was living on her own.
There’s something endearingly adorkable about Scootaloo’s parents wearing souvenir T-shirts from the conservatory.
And here we reach the crux of the issue: Scootaloo asking to have some agency in these interactions rather than her parents trampling over her desires and assuming she’s just like them. At least this time they’re willing to listen without having to get the whole town involved.
It would’ve been nice to see the other Crusaders at, well, any point in this story. I understand it’s focused on Scootaloo, but it feels especially weird when the clubhouse is all but abandoned.
Huh. It seems that water skiing works by getting pulled by something offscreen. Maybe it’s one of Spider-Man’s off-panel webslinging anchor points.
Ah, calling it out explicitly. They do exchange letters, but it really isn’t enough for either side to get the full picture. It takes some trial and error for them to find common ground, but they love each other enough that they’re all willing to make the effort.
Some good development for Scootaloo and her parents, though it is retreading some of the ground from the show, to say nothing of the still-lingering issues. That last shot with Mane flying beside her daughter underscores one particular point about Scootaloo that I reserve the right to ignore. Still, all told, this was a good fleshing-out of some late arrivals to canon.
The Crystal and the Mirage/Unbalanced Scales
There’s not much I can say about this Bugsydor duology that wouldn’t work better if you just go and read them for yourself. It’s a fascinating concept done well, though do bear in mind that the sequel involves Sparity if that isn’t to your taste.
In any case, let’s look at what we can do with these tales of unusual families:
Beloved Naturalist WW
Creature — Pony Scout
Protection from creatures (This creature can’t be blocked, dealt damage, or targeted by anything that’s a creature.)
Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you gain 1 life.
Truly blessed are those who are welcome wherever they go.
1/1
Flashbee Researcher 1WW
Creature — Pegasus Scout
Flying
When Flashbee Researcher enters the battlefield, create a 1/1 red Insect creature token with flying.
“Don’t bother them and they won’t bother you.”
2/1
Keeper of the Blade 2W
Creature — Unicorn Artificer
When Keeper of the Blade dies, you may pay X. If you do, search your library for an Equipment card with converted mana cost X or less and put that card onto the battlefield. Then shuffle your library.
“The well-armed are never alone.”
3/2
Electrum Dragon 4WW
Creature — Dragon
Flying
1R: Electrum Dragon gets +2/+0 until end of turn.
1W: Tap target creature.
1U: Exile target creature you control, then return it to the battlefield under its owner’s control.
An impossible alloy with improbable magic.
4/4
Screeching Roc 4WW
Creature — Bird
Flying
Whenever Screeching Roc attacks, you may pay XW. When you do, tap up to X target creatures defending player controls.
No part of a roc is subtle.
4/4
Seek the False Oasis U
Sorcery
Buyback 2U (You may pay an additional 2U as you cast this spell. If you do, put this card into your hand as it resolves.)
Target player reveals cards from the top of their library until they reveal a land card, then puts those cards into their graveyard.
Ideal Stallion 1U
Creature — Unicorn Illusion
When a land enters the battlefield under your control, return Ideal Stallion to its owner’s hand.
“Ask for the stallion of your dreams and you get just that.”
—Rarity, Bearer of Generosity
3/3
Lake Skier 1U
Creature — Pegasus Rogue
Lake Skier can’t be blocked as long as you control an attacking Vehicle.
Once you’ve gotten out of the way of the boat, it’s far too late to do anything about her.
2/1
Hoard Lounger 2U
Creature — Unicorn Dragon Artificer
Hoard Lounger enters the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter on it for each artifact you control.
“Every businessmare luxuriates in a healthy bank balance. I’m just more honest about it.”
0/0
Mercury, Charming Scoundrel 3U
Legendary Creature — Unicorn Rogue
When Mercury, Charming Scoundrel enters the battlefield, gain control of target nonland permanent with converted mana cost 3 or less for as long as Mercury remains on the battlefield.
“He’s an insidious old goat, and we love him for it.”
—Rarity, Bearer of Generosity
3/3
< Dragon 5UU
Mirage, Indulgent Trickster 5UU
Legendary Creature — Dragon
Flying
Spells your opponents cast that target Mirage, Indulgent Trickster cost 2 more to cast.
When Mirage enters the battlefield or at the beginning of your upkeep, you may exchange control of two target nonland permanents with different controllers.
5/5
< Rogue 3U
Canterlot Conservatory 3UU
Enchantment
Whenever a nontoken creature enters the battlefield under an opponent’s control, draw a card.
“We get the first look. It’s up to the folks here to tease out the finer details.”
—Snap Shutter, field researcher
Draconic Trickery 4U
Instant
Return target nonland permanent you own to your hand. You may put a permanent card that has a different name than that permanent from your hand onto the battlefield.
Foretell 3U (During your turn, you may pay 2 and exile this card from your hand face down. Cast it on a later turn for its foretell cost.)
Ominous Decree 2B
Sorcery
Target opponent reveals their hand and all foretold cards they own in exile. You choose a nonland card from that hand and one from those cards. That player puts the chosen cards into their graveyard.
“Hurt my brother,” Twilight swore, “and I will ruin you in return.”
Spineless Wyrm 4B
Creature — Dragon
Flying
Spineless Wyrm can’t block unless you control another Dragon.
Some dragons, no matter how mighty they become, are natural-born lackeys.
4/3
Energy Drain XB
Sorcery
Put X -1/-1 counters on target creature. You gain X life.
“So, that’s minus-one to all your rolls for each negative level…”
—Spike
Cinderbreath Phoenix 1RR
Creature — Phoenix
Flying, haste
Morbid — 1RR: Return Cinderbreath Phoenix from your graveyard to your hand. Activate this ability only if a creature died this turn.
No one said a phoenix had to rise from its own ashes.
2/2
Electric Embrace 2R
Instant
As an additional cost to cast this spell, discard a card.
Electric Embrace deals damage equal to the discarded card’s converted mana cost to target creature or planeswalker.
Draw a card.
Sparkbelch Filly 2RR
Creature — Unicorn Dragon Shaman
When Sparkbelch Filly enters the battlefield, it deals X damage divided as you choose among any number of targets, where X is your devotion to red as this ability triggers. (Each R in the mana costs of permanents you control counts toward your devotion to red.)
3/1
Curse of Nature’s Wrath 2G
Enchantment — Aura Curse
Enchant player
Creatures enchanted player controls with power 2 or less can’t block.
Scootaloo understood every part of her parents’ talents that let them commune with all of nature… and how she lacked any of them.
Shire Lanka Bushbaby 2G
Creature — Elemental Monkey
When Shire Lanka Bushbaby enters the battlefield, create a 2/1 green Elemental Monkey creature token for each land that entered the battlefield under your control this turn.
2/1
Patient Cragadile 3G
Creature — Elemental Crocodile
Patient Cragadile enters the battlefield with a defender counter on it.
When Patient Cragadile blocks, remove a defender counter from it.
Don’t try to outwait something made of stone.
5/5
Spitting Bufogren 3G
Creature — Frog
Reach, deathtouch
“Oh, that just means he’s playing. If he was really angry, he’d use his tongue.”
—Mane Allgood, aerial observer
1/4
Thoughtspark Egg 1
Artifact
2, T, Sacrifice Thoughtspark Egg: Add UR. Draw a card.
“I fear my sophistication is but a shell around pure desire.”
—Rarity, Bearer of Generosity
Crusader’s Lectern 2
Artifact
T: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to foretell a card from your hand or cast a foretold card from exile.
From here, destinies are set in motion and fates are realigned.
Fit for a Princess 1BG
Sorcery
Destroy target nonland permanent. Create a Food token. (It’s an artifact with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
An alicorn’s appetite is unpredictable at the best of times.
Pan-Species Chef 2RW
Creature — Griffin Artificer
Flying
When Pan-Species Chef enters the battlefield, create a Treasure token. (It’s an artifact with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana to your mana pool.”)
Treasures you control are Foods in addition to their other types and have “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”
3/2
What is it?
Water skiing just requires a fast enough hippogriff (either form) pulling from the front end.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: The reminder text doesn't have to mention that Beloved Naturalist can't be enchanted or equipped by anything that's a creature because the rules already say that never works. Things that might cause that interaction have their own reminder text to reinforce this.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: In a similar vein to Yugioh's Playful Possum, Mirage is so good at this that he can hide his true species even from the relevant game mechanics. Until and unless he's cast otherwise, cards that care will only see Mercury.
Inside Baseball Alert: Energy Drain is the D&D spell, with the flavor text being particularly blatant about it.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Sparkbelch Filly's "as this ability triggers" means that killing your creatures won't stop the barbecue... up to and including the filly herself, whose own mana cost also ensures at least 2 damage.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Your Treasures stop being Food once the Pan-Species Chef is no longer around to prepare them. Well, okay, that's not strictly true; if the healing ability has already been activated, killing him won't stop it. (Presumably, he's already cooked it by that point)
Yeah, but it's awesome Sparity because spoilers; you'll just have to read it.
Clearly an unbiased opinion /s
5437602
That scoot can’t fly
I think you mean the fifth panel? Or you're not counting the banner-y image?
And yeah.
----
Sparity isn't to my taste, but these cards are intriguing.
Really wondering about Sparkbelch Filly... Did they have a kid, and that's her? Interesting if so, but still, not my jam.
Which unfortunately means they're running with the inferior show designs from on out now.
Hmmm.....This whole thing makes me wonder if her inability to fly is related to her parents doing everything by remote control.
I'm pleased with how my indirect contribution to this post turned out. Especially the presence of dragon unicorns, and Uncle Merc's card being one of the new dual-faced ones (with his being very much a blue dragon). Thanks, FoME!
Also, I spy a stowaway from another dragon-based fic of mine...
5437641
No, they don't have a kid. Not yet, anyway.
I believe that the filly in question would be Sweetie Belle, since she did get the lion's share of the lightning.
Whatever was powering the floats at the Summer Harvest Parade, I suppose. Or... Scootaloo is able to tow two ponies her own size using only her wingpower, so maybe there's just a pegasus or two in the boat.
Guardianship is one thing, but it's quite another for Holiday and Lofty to call themselves Scootaloo's parents. Granted, they make better parents than Snap Shutter and Mane Allgood, but the latter two are still around. Sometimes. Rarely.
I know the plot required Shutter and Allgood to be gone for the evening (afternoon? The sun's still up) so Scootaloo could talk to her aunts, but is the house so small that Shutter and Allgood had to stay at a hotel? Even if there wasn't a spare bed, those two spend long stretches of time in the untamed wilderness. They're used to sleeping in much worse conditions.
The ice cream shop is open during breakfast hours?
I agree that the story is largely a retread of "The Last Crusade" -- all it really does is show us that everybody's happy with the status quo. Mane Allgood and Snap Shutter still aren't good parents ("I'm awfully proud of our girl... Think we should tell her?" Yes! That's the kind of thing you say to your child!), but at least Scootaloo knows her biological parents love her. And Lofty and Holiday will do a good job of raising her.
5437641
Sparkbelch Filly refers to Sweetie Belle
5437678
5437862
Okay, now I'm intrigued enough to read! :
5437678
I know I already mentioned this, but it bears repeating: searching for a dragon won't find Mirage, because his magical disguise is just that good.
5437862
I was waffling on this because I wasn't sure, but with several independent sources reaching the same conclusion I'm forced to issue a:
Protection From Editors Alert: Sparkbelch Filly should be a Unicorn, because "Pony" in the context of FiCG has been used exclusively for earth ponies (and some other races that are even less applicable; Breezies are Pony Faeries and changelings are Pony Insects, off the top of my head)
5437602
As others noted, I'm not the biggest fan of Scootaloo never being able to fly.
5437610
I do appreciate the mental image of Silverstream giddily racing through the lake during these heartfelt family moments, but I would've liked to have seen it on the page.
5437612
Regarding Energy Drain, when the inspiring line was Spike swearing to give Captain Wuzz "so many negative levels," I felt some degree of acknowledgement was due.
As for Sparkbelch Filly not being a Unicorn, I have no idea how that happened, but I corrected it shortly after you pointed it out. Thanks for the catch.
5437641
I suppose I meant the fourth and fifth panels. The greater extension in the earlier one made it stand out to me.
5437660
You're going to have to elaborate on that one. I'm not seeing how you came to that conclusion.
5437678
Glad you like the designs! I'm especially happy with Grandpa Merc. I have no idea what the Forgotten Realms set will do with blue dragons—I have assume they'll do a cycle of the things, even if white dragons are anything but—but this seems like a good way to demonstrate "lawful shenanigans."
As for the Spineless Wyrm, all I need is an excuse.
5438698
Wouldn't someone have to help teach her to fly?
Wow, Thoughtspark Egg is a callback to an impressively old cycle! I guess they have a little notoriety due to the "Eggs" decks still being named after them, even if they don't run them having mainly moved to things like Chromatic Star. Is this the first such Egg you've made? I want to know what the other three nouns in the name cycle will be now