Reviewing "The Clever One" by Winston · 6:42pm Mar 12th, 2021
The Clever One
By Winston.
Summery: Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it. Glim-glam's smart, though. She's got this....Right?
Note: this story was apart of a contest on writeoff.com and I am certain it has been reviewed there way better than I will do here. The contest was for short stories and they should have been about 900 to 1200 words long. For more details visit the link in the stories description.
Thoughts: Now since it is a short story, we shouldn't be expecting a lot of context to how everything is being set. But rather take the tale the way it is. I find the story interesting, I believe for the contest the writers were given prompts, though that should not take away from the execution. However there are these time skips in the fic that I am not a big fan of but I still liked it and smiled at some parts. 9/10
Story: The story is about Starlight/Twilight (apparently the protagonist was changed for fimfiction) finding a genie lamp and a genie inside. And through out some big brain moves she manages to have unlimited wishes. GREAT!
The time skips however, I personally don't like them, I wished it was more of a one take and maybe a slight jump towards the end. Since right now something big probably went wrong in the end and I don't get what or how it occurred. (having a time jump if fine if the part you are jumping doesn't have much value, though the jumps that occurs here steals some valuable events from the reader.)
The fic has rather moments that are interesting and funny (like the part where they wish for an undo button that undoes their most recent wish! which ironically, was the undo button.) than a big message behind it, though it's tagged comedy! Not drama. 9/10
Writing/Grammar: It was solid and really didn't have any issues, the narrator sounded fine tuned with the description (Except when it comes to poof) and the dialogues were handled just right. 10/10
characterization: Swapping out Twilight for Starlight was a right decision as the dialogue sound more like her than Twilight. Except this one line.
I’m already sunk. Double-or-nothing is a terrible, desperate bet to have to make, but here I am. So yes.
I just don't see Starlight saying THAT! I would have had it like: “I'm already sunk, wishing out seems dumb but It's the only option I can think of. So yes.”
Serhoofina (the genie) is portrayed as a more subtle genie that have seen many people and granted many wishes. They feel wise and perhaps having a desire for trolling. They don't admit it though! (A nice change from the genie I a used to!)
The exchange of dialogue is natural and feels believable between the two characters, however there really isn't a bond to be developed which Is fine for this fic because It doesn't need it. 10/10
Overall: 38/40
How would I improve this?
To be honest it's fine the way it is, maybe I would have made it a one take story than having time jumps. Though if the word count limit was about 2000, It would have been an absolutely perfect short comedy!
