"Lost to myself, but I'll just start again."

Last year I had this dream that I was at a state park somewhere, outside a big building, surrounded by people in costumes and con shirts. The party was inside: all my friends, all the fun. Trouble was, there was a sort of Sword Art Online thing going on. I was walking around in a game, and I was supposed to use the menus to equip things from my inventory so I could go inside. It reminded me of the time I tried to play Second Life--I just couldn't make it work.

This was not so much a symbolic dream as it was a dramatic staging of my actual interior life.

I've always been a little bit like this. The thing is, I know I'm not outside the building, not really. But I am probably sitting in a chair off to the side at Quills & Sofas, afraid I can't keep up, wishing I knew how. Worried I just don't belong. Perhaps, ironically, a lot of us are doing that together.

I've needed this community more than ever in these last few years. I won't get into all the Life Stuff here, but I fell off the planet for a while and I'm still trying to get back. I'm sorry about that. This is the hardest part, somehow.

But I'm trying. I did the things to make the endorphins. I will tell you for the sake of science that the pony-friendly playlist I threw together yesterday correlates to a kick-ass workout.

When I heard "Try Everything" from Zootopia, I thought of the young man who danced with me at the last Grand Galloping Gala. How that song played at the end of the night, and he said he was going to cry, and I told him that was okay. Yesterday I almost cried myself.

I have nothing but love for this place. I think of people here all the time and I wish I didn't spend so much time shying away. I just appreciate everyone who keeps it going. Thank you.

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[TheJediMasterEd]

Thank you for getting me into this fandom. We love you too.