Friendship is Card Games and Witchcraft: Horse Women · 11:41am Jun 13th, 2021
This week, it’s a two-part look at a noble but ultimately failed attempt to rid a world of a truly terrible Twilight. Let’s see how she ruins another universe.
Interesting touch with the VHS opening. Keep distributing the links.
I don’t know what I like more in the logo, the pentagram or that poor, poor dachshund pony.
… Huh. i didn’t mention this in FiCG: Equestria Girls, but it’s kind of messed up that you need to cross the tracks to get from the train station to the Crystal Empire, or vice versa. And that’s putting aside how there’s only ever one set of tracks along all of Equestria’s rail network. I’m going to hope this is just conservation of detail, but in this setting in particular… 
Oh wow, the GeneralZoi-made OC sticks out like a sore thumb. Especially since it seems to be twice the height of the other ponies on the platform. And there’s something ironic about a nude pony having a cutie mark for blue jeans.
“And that’s when I told them, ‘I never apologize.’”
Nicely setting the tone for this Twilight.
Ah, that’s how they’re dealing with this being set in the Empire. Twilight just ordered that the buildings of Ponyville be remade into geometric shapes. And to prioritize a Pizza Hut over the new hospital. Again, establishing characters early is important, and when Twilight is determined to be the only fleshed-out character on the show…
Ah, so the wings are a new development. I thought Twilight might have just grafted on Cadence’s, though that wouldn’t line up with the skeleton.
Oh dear, Rarity’s noticed the seams of their nonsensical reality. And Twilight’s singing a song from one of her toys.
Oof. Crystallization does no favors for one’s trumpet skills.
Ah yes, Candice, Cadence’s convenient twin sister nopony mentioned. The Biff the Understudy of Friendship is Witchcraft.
Also, Twilight is apparently so lost in her own reality that she doesn’t notice Celestia not-so-subtly getting rid of her.
“Now I think it’s time for your nap. The grown-ups have important things to discuss.”
This is barely changed from the source material.
Ah. The crystal guards here are presented as ghosts eternally bound to Twilight’s service. Horrifying, but in keeping with the white-black representation I’ve made for this Twilight.
“Now that I have everything that I could ever want, how do I know if I’m happy?”
She truly is a sad, hollow shell of a person. The problem is she’s a shell with world-shaking power and the mentality of a child. And now she’s facing that worst question any victorious villain can: You’ve won. Now what?
You’d think Spike would be used to Twilight snoring by now. Maybe the wings are putting odd pressure on her lungs.
.. Huh. This came out about three weeks before “Twilight’s Kingdom.” Can’t recall if we had rumors of Tirek at that point, but I don’t believe that that’s the case. Makes the centaur reference both eerily prescient and very well timed.
The delivery on that “You’ve got to be kidding me” is absolutely phenomenal. Celestia is so done with Twilight. And Twilight is so disconnected from reality that it’s almost sad. (Then you remember the assorted atrocities she’s committed.)
Given how this is the last animated FiW content I have to work with, the portal definitely did threaten their very reality.
Luna’s reflection is still very awkward.
I wonder if I sound like Luna when I start discussing probability space and paracosmic analogues. the alfalfa mainframe is especially intriguing.
“You can’t just invite yourself on adventures!”
I mean, that’s kind of what they do.
Again, the line about vague and contrived bad things happening if more than one pony passes through the mirror is barely changed from the original script. (And I do wish we’d gotten to see analogues actually interact with one another and not just see each other in a crowd or stare dumfounded.)
Oh, Spike. I’d say his Stockholm Syndrome would be tragic, but given how dragons are treated in this Equestria, he basically is nothing without her.
And they use the exact same voice actor as Francis for Flash.
The agonizingly slow recovery is either horrible or incredible, and I can’t decide which.
“I can’t wait to disappoint my parents.”
Pretty sure you’ve knocked that one out of the park, Twi.
It’s an old but fair criticism of Equestria Girls: Why force the high fantasy world of technicolor horses to compete with Monster High? I’m mostly in it for the multiversal shenanigans it allows, and I can’t deny that the first movie was very paint-by-numbers up until the climax (where it switched to a different set of numbers. 
)
Lovely touch with the diegetic musical number seen from without.
Part 2: Mare-is Bueller’s Neigh Off
Unexpected cut to the Canterlot statue garden. And a cage full of OCs. I guess the one at the train station escaped.
Ah. Cheerilee’s still trying to get back at her possibly robotic ex-husband. And get with Discord. Poor mare… though good plan with the ice cream flavors. The only faster way to spark dissent is to ask what people want on a pizza.
Assuming this Sunset is still Equestrian, this works to a hilarious degree. “Look! I’m wearing leather! I have flayed cow skin on my arms! Doesn’t that horrify you and make me interesting?”
Also, Sunset painted a target on herself by declaring her self the most important girl in school. Now Twilight has something new to aspire towards. By which I mean “take for herself.”
Oh. Right. I forgot that the orange girl is also Twilight Sparkle in this.
Yeah, this Twilight probably wouldn’t see the need for subtlety. Or hiding her nature as a magical alicorn.
When the fruit salad whispers to you, be concerned. Of course, if you’re so nutty that the fruit salad whispers to you, you probably won’t think that’s unusual.
The drama kids are apparently part of the teaching staff in this CHS, which would actually do a lot to bulk out the faculty.
“The Homestucks.”
Oof. That didn’t exactly age well. Hopefully no one on this world thought to apply the hemospectrum to skin color.
The joke about contagious diseases for which there are vaccines didn’t age well either…
I’m not sure what I like more about the random guy walking into the portal and basically taking over Twilight’s life: The isekai elements, the fact that it’s one of the better Displaced stories, the fact that Twilight’s friends are probably dumb enough to not notice her new voice… or the fact that this dude just walked facefirst into a statue without a care in the world.
“Keep in mind everything we say in here will be played over the intercom.”
Well. That’s not concerning.
Yeah, we see very little of the curriculum at Canterlot High, and most of that is in shorts. It makes sense; the focus is usually on the urban fantasy elements, not the actual high school stuff. But it is a bit ridiculous at times.
Impressive time on the Becoming Princess Celestia Any% speedrun.
Sometimes “To be continued…” is the most painful phrase one can see. This is sadly all she wrote. Or at least all she animated. There is more FiW content to work with, but… Well, we’ll get to that when we get to it. Despite the opening blurb, I like to think this is how the series ended. There’s something comforting in leaving this timeline as is, with Twilight struggling for meaningless recognition in another universe against her local self while someone else hopefully lives her life better than she ever would.
For now, let’s see what I can make of what I have to work with:
Alfalfa Mainframe 2W
Artifact
Whenever a land enters the battlefield, if it’s a Plains or its controller controls more lands than you, put a seed counter on Alfalfa Mainframe.
T, Remove a seed counter from Alfalfa Mainframe: Two or more target players each draw a card.
Centaur Ambassador 3W
Creature — Centaur Advisor
Vigilance
Whenever Centaur Ambassador deals combat damage to a player, you and that player each draw a card.
“Chancellor Tirek is eager to offer his assistance in these trying times.”
3/4
Busy Work U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature doesn’t untap during its controller’s untap step and has “At the beginning of your upkeep, scry 1.”
In trying to keep Twilight from making things worse at home, Celestia unleashed her upon the Multiverse.
Scholar of Skaia 2U
Creature — Human Wizard
When Scholar of Skaia enters the battlefield, scry 2.
Undying (When this creature dies, if it had no +1/+1 counters on it, return it to the battlefield under its owner’s control with a +1/+1 counter on it.)
The dreaming clouds guide the wise.
1/3
Disgraced Exile 3UU
Creature — Human Noble Rogue
Whenever Disgraced Exile enters the battlefield or a player planeswalks to a plane, gain control of up to one target artifact for as long as you control Disgraced Exile.
Desperate to return home, she takes anything that might get her there.
3/3
Fantasy Herd 4U
Creature — Pony Illusion
Fantasy Herd’s power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards in your hand.
When Fantasy Herd enters the battlefield, draw a card. If it escaped, draw three cards instead.
Escape — 6UU, Exile five other cards from your graveyard. (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its escape cost.)
*/*
Harvest Whispers 1B
Sorcery
Create a Food token. You draw X cards and lose X life, where X is the number of Foods you control. (A Food token is an artifact with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
“If the fruit starts talking, don’t listen.”
—Apple family wisdom
Remorseless Slayer 2BB
Creature — Assassin Noble
Alicorn (This card is also a Pony Pegasus Unicorn.)
Flying
When Remorseless Slayer enters the battlefield, destroy target non-Pony, non-Pegasus, non-Unicorn creature.
“Royalty doesn’t apologize.”
2/1
Leatherclad Cambion 4BB
Creature — Human Demon Warlock
Menace
Spellcraft — Whenever you cast or copy an instant or sorcery spell, each player sacrifices a creature.
No one wants to mess with the big fiend on campus.
6/5
Headbanger 2R
Creature — Human Berserker
Provoke (Whenever this creature attacks, you may have target creature defending player controls untap and block it if able.)
At end of combat on your turn, if defending player controls a creature that was dealt damage by Headbanger this turn, put a +1/+1 counter on Headbanger.
2/3
Suffocating Crowd 2R
Instant
Suffocating Crowd deals X damage to target creature or planeswalker, where X is the number of creatures and planeswalkers on the battlefield.
It was a living nightmare for Twilight: So many people, none of them paying attention to her.
Flailing Performer 4R
Creature — Human Band
Finale — Whenever you sacrifice a Song, Flailing Performer fights up to one target creature you don’t control.
She dances like no one’s watching. Everyone else tries to make sure of that.
4/3
Spacerift Trap 5RR
Instant — Trap
If an opponent planeswalked this turn, you may pay 3R rather than pay this spell’s mana cost.
Spacerift Trap deals 5 damage to each creature, player, and planeswalker.
“That first step’s a doozy.”
Spark Dissent XR
Sorcery
Spark Dissent deals 1 damage to each of up to X target creatures. Goad those creatures. (Until your next turn, those creatures attack each combat if able and attack a player other than you if able.)
Potent Mutation 1G
Enchantment
If one or more counters would be put on a creature you control and none of them are -1/-1 counters, those counters plus a +1/+1 counter are put on it instead.
“I should sprout limbs more often.”
—Princess Twilight Sparkle
Gangling Aberration 2G
Creature — Pony Horror
Trample
Escape — 4GG, Exile four other cards from your graveyard.
Gangling Aberration escapes with two +1/+1 counters on it.
Forever striding between life and death.
3/2
Cry for Attention 4G
Sorcery
Target creature you control gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each creature target opponent controls. Those creatures block that creature this turn if able.
The bigger the crowd, the louder Twilight gets.
Crystal Architecture 1
Artifact — Fortification
Fortified land is an artifact in addition to its other types.
Whenever fortified land is tapped for mana, its controller adds an additional C.
Fortify 2 (2: Attach to target land you control. Fortify only as a sorcery.)
Leather Jacket 2
Artifact — Equipment
Whenever a creature dies, put a +1/+1 counter on equipped creature. If equipped creature dealt damage to the creature that died this turn, put two +1/+1 counters on it instead.
Equip 1
Display Case 3
Artifact Creature — Wall
Defender
Noncreature artifacts you control have hexproof.
The only mark Twilight left on the human world was a set of fingerprints.
0/4
“Pony Princess Good” RW
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a verse counter on “Pony Princess Good”.
Sacrifice “Pony Princess Good” and another permanent: Create X 1/1 white Human creature tokens, where X is the number of verse counters on “Pony Princess Good”. Those tokens get +1/+1 and gain haste until end of turn.
Servant of the Unready 1WB
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying
Afterlife 1 (When this creature dies, create a 1/1 white and black Spirit creature token with flying.)
In life and death, their souls are bound to their princess.
2/2
Geminize 1(ub)(ub)
Instant
When target creature dies this turn, create a token that’s a copy of it.
Many unfortunate adventuring parties use convenient twins to replenish their ranks.
Archetype of Adolescence 2GW
Enchantment Creature — Human
If a creature or enchantment entering the battlefield causes a triggered ability of a permanent you control to trigger, that ability triggers an additional time.
Creatures and enchantments entering the battlefield don’t cause abilities your opponents control to trigger.
3/3
Undemanding Campus
Land
Undemanding Campus enters the battlefield tapped.
T: Add R or G.
4, T: Scry 1.
Before college, many students on Mundus make do with underfunded and indifferently run schools.
Canterlot High
Plane — Mundus
When you planeswalk to Canterlot High or at the beginning of your upkeep, create a 1/1 white Human creature token.
Whenever you roll chaos, put a +1/+1 counter on each Human you control.
Labyrinth of Screams
Plane — Ungrotha
Whenever a creature attacks or blocks, its controller mills a card.
Whenever you roll chaos, creatures you control get +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the number of card types among cards in your graveyard.
So many little details I'd forgotten about this. It was nice remembering them.
Trivia on the second episode, and also the reason why it was published after the true finale despite being finished and shown at cons before: It was originally meant to feature a reprise of Princess of the Night. But because that song is cursed (Sherclop never managed to make an extended version for it either) that never happened and it just delayed the release.
I really look forward to seeing you tackle episode 10 (what's there of it on Sherclop's channel, the fan animation is at best reserved for watching only after having seen that). I don't want to give anything away, but I think you might be surprised by what happens in it and how Sharclop tackled its nature.
Inside Baseball Alert: Yes, Homestuck kills off its characters to bring them back stronger. Or for no good reason at all, but that's not relevant to Scholar of Skaia.
Inside Baseball Alert: Ah, the Archetypes. As you might expect from what I'm telling you is a cycle of enchantment creatures, they originated in Theros and gave your creatures a keyword while going out of their way to ensure your opponents' lack it. The blue one was probably the nastiest about it given how flying inherently works, but the black one was deathtouch and any mass granting of that warrants a second look for the trample interaction (which, like banding, is deliberately avoided due to being both slightly confusing and overpowered when played correctly).
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Further explanation of the trample/deathtouch thing: trample says that any damage in excess of lethal goes to face (it's normally wasted; you need fifteen squirrels to kill Emrakul but only one per turn to stall it out). Deathtouch, as its name implies, says that any damage is lethal. Suffice to say that they synergize.
This line has haunted me for years. :twilight_sweating:
Ah, the madness continues. Or, regrettably, doesn't.
RIP, FiW.
Ah, I see you are a man of culture as well.
Headbanger's text currently has
I'm pretty sure the bolded word should be "player."
Is Ungrotha the ponified version of Ulgrotha?