Friendship is Card Games: Pony Life, Season 2, Week 4 · 11:34am Jun 27th, 2021
This week, we return to the fever dream of Pony Life, which proved more pyretic than usual last week given the misadventures in time and probability space. Let’s see how delirious this assortment gets.
Magical Mare-Story Tour
I know available pun space is finite, but I feel like they should’ve retired Magical Mystery Tour from consideration when the last riff on it was Twilight earning her wings.
Also, based on the title card, looks like we’re still dealing with the horned mutants from the more Discordant dimension next door.
I see Lightning Chill is right up there with Tree Hugger in terms of characters who produce their own cannabinoids. Also, she can apparently only process food in the context of salad. (To be fair, Pinkie can be similarly narrow in her focus depending on the writer.)
Ah. They actually need to deal with the consequences of a previous episode. Good to see. I may not be the biggest far of the Wildsiders, but getting them back home shouldn’t be the kind of issue that’s dealt with behind the curtain.
I have several questions about why Twilight brought up a chronology protection conjecture. How much time travel is involved in helping these three return?
Ooh, multiversal tourism. Can’t be too mad at that idea.
“They’re used to excitement and adventure!”
I can’t help but be reminded of the episode where the Mane Six themselves lamented how they don’t seem to go out and do things anymore. If Ponyville of all places is considered sedate and mild, something’s gone wrong.
Huh. Interesting to see a map of Ponyville, especially as compared to Friendship is Magic. It’s still weird to think of the town as coastal. Seeing that Sweet Apple Acres has a peninsula to itself is downright bizarre.
Excuse me, “the Apple family apple farm.” I can only assume that FiM!Applejack filed a suit to retain exclusive rights to the name.
Hmm. A tractor. We’ve seen internal combustion engines before in Pony Life, but it still feels odd to see them so casually.
Hmm. The opal apple is a crossbreed between Golden Delicious and Topaz. Excuse me, the Opal® apple. They also don’t brown. And this deliberate crossbreed designed not to oxidize proudly touts its non-GMO status, because it doesn’t count as genetic modification if people have been doing it for thousands of years. 
Sorry, bit of a tangent. I’ll let AJ continue the tour.
Sculpture definitely seems like a better use of Red Deliciouses than, say, eating them.
And I do appreciate how Echo, the bat, is so excited about fruit.
Oh dear. Shades of “Apple Family Reunion.” Applejack’s too busy sticking to the itinerary to let fun emerge organically.
Huh. The TV studio was in Ponyville the whole time? I thought they filmed the Royal Jelly Juggernaut in Canterlot. Well, no one said there couldn’t be a studio in Ponyville as well. Still a headscratcher.
The shore of the Potion Ocean apparently counts as part of Ponyville now. I can only assume Twilight annexed it in the name of magical research, assuming she has any kind of regal authority. (Which is. admittedly a big assumption given what we’ve seen, but the idea amuses me.)
I’d ask where Lightning Chill got the surfboard, but that way surely lies madness.
So where is this strict time limit coming from, anyway? It’s not like they established any kind of deadline they have to meet. The reunion had to get everything done in one day because ponies needed to get back home. Here, they’ve directly said no one knows how to get the Wildsiders home. The only reason to force this rushed schedule is for the sake of manufactured drama.
The Sportacular Spectacular stadium? Really? 
Now we’re reaching Springfield levels of “literally everything is in this one town.”
Other dimensions do not count as Ponyville. Mount Volcanope is pushing it.
… THAT IS LITERALLY CANTERLOT.
On the other hand, this is the first sign of Luna we’ve seen in Pony Life. As Nightmare Moon, yes, but still, it’s good to see some indication that she exists. Also the first sign of any kind of reverence for Celestia, who up until now has just been a reality TV judge with a crown.
“The prize of all Ponyville.”
Again, Canterlot. And I thought equating the world with Equestria was bad.
Huh. Not the complaint I would’ve expected. It’s not that they want to take a moment to appreciate any given tourist attraction. They just want a chance to appreciate everyday life in this strange new world. I suppose that makes sense… though the Mane Six managing to completely exhaust these residents of an allegedly much more exciting worldline says a lot, doesn’t it?
… Part of me is deeply offended by this misrepresentation of tabletop RPGs. The rest laughs at the idea that any game devised in Pony Life would make sense to me. This is Calvinball with extra steps. Or just a board game that uses 2d20 for… some reason. Except when it doesn’t.
Life of Pie
So, based on that title card, I can only assume the pie achieves a deep rapport with the hungry predator.
… Wait, they have a tiger available. Why not use Lightning Chill? I suppose because her eating an animal seems about as likely as Pinkie doing so.
… Why is icing dripping from the edges of the screen?
Ah, Pinkie’s baking. Of course.
“You really put the ‘bling’ into ba-king.”
Someone was paid to write that line.
Ah yes, a reminder that that unicorn horn is fully functional. And capable of an impressive degree of cleaning spells.
Also, Pinkie seems to think she can learn that spell. That raises a number of interesting questions.
So does her belief that pastry chef + salad tosser = brave new culinary frontier. Heck, Pinkie’s already done salad cupcakes on her own.
You know, I think this is the first time we’re seeing Sugarcube Corner’s pantry. In either series. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.
I have a number of concerns about that rare ingredient cabinet. I see fungi, bird legs, eyes… Looks like I was wrong about either of these characters eating animal parts. Also, just the radiation causes tooth decay.
I do appreciate how the hats do absolutely nothing to keep hair out of the treats.
To be fair to Lightning Chill, she doesn’t work with white crystals of any kind very often. Salt/sugar confusion can happen to the best of us.
Oof. Pinkie has definitely never had an apprentice before. Washing dishes is what they’re for.
… Shouldn’t that pot have holes in the bottom so any roots won’t rot?
And the tiger can auto-levitate, because why not.
Ah yes, recycled animation. The cure to all ills, especially budget-related ones.
Also, this really falls flat given that the disaster wasn’t actually caused by Pinkie’s go-it-alone attitude. It was just a freak accident that could’ve happened regardless of Lightning Chill’s presence. The only difference is that without the special guest character, Pinkie would’ve flooded the Corner with chocolate sauce. Probably not for the first time.
I do love recipes that spontaneously bud cake pops in the oven.
Ah, of course. The lava cake erupted as part of Harmonious karma paying back Pinkie’s trespasses. How foolish of me.
And yeah, Lightning would have worked just fine in the title card.
The Rarest of Occasions
Oh good, we’ll get some decent character development for a Wildsider who isn’t Lightning Chill. I hope.
Rarity apparently has a vlog. One that’s been going on for a hundred episodes. Unexpected, but not terribly surprising in any worldline where the Internet exists. There’s no such thing as bad publicity, especially when you can make your own.
Or it’s a livestream. Or the livestream is a special event for the hundredth episode of the web series? Hard to tell without further data.
This is why you script this kind of thing, Rarity. Or failing that, ask your sister for help with the lyrics.
I do like how engaged Gummy is in Sugarcube Corner’s daily operations, despite Pinkie’s insistence otherwise.
Note: If your tongue is growing hair, be very concerned.
Wow. That is Yakitate!! Japan levels of reacting to a baked good. Echo very nearly went to heaven. He definitely forgot he could fly.
Ah. Rare Occasions is in fact a livestreamed stage show. That seems… very ill-advised. Editing can only improve that kind of thing. Not sure how anyone can coordinate multiple camera angles in a one-mare online show.
Also, it took me far too long to realize that Pony Life!Rarity is meant to be an actress rather than a fashionista. Some of that’s on me, but this kind of major deviation need a bit more background than just “Yeah, that’s how it is. You just have to pick it up from context.” See also Twilight’s still-nebulous royal status.
“Glen Grassy, Glen Crop” sounds like a reference, but I have no idea to what.
So, wildly different worldlines (no pun intended,) but the exact same play in both. I’m sure this will go swimmingly, with absolutely no confusion.
“She’s funny as all get out.”
She made one mildly amusing goof, AJ.
Also, not to harp on this, but Sugar Snap does present an issue: Peahens don’t work that way. This raises interesting questions about gender dysphoria in a species with that degree of sexual dimorphism, but that feels like it’s giving the character designer too much credit.
Ugh, Rarity’s mouth keeps poking into her eye as she speaks, and it’s awful.
Okay, we are in fact getting some information on Sugar Snap. She’s not just a comedian, but one who had her own TV show… though riffing on Law & Order of all shows to get the title feels bizarre. At least it wasn’t Special Victims Unit.
“Anything I can drown in hot sauce” is awfully vague for a usual order.
I really hope this isn’t the second part of a trilogy where the lesson is always “Work together.”
Huh. Hadn’t noticed until now, but Carousel Boutique (Studio? Either way, it’s apparently separate from Rarity’s actual home) has alligators on the carousel portion. More evidence towards Pinkie creating this world while harnessing Discord’s magic.
Olive oil cupcake with salted peanut butter frosting… Did it have to be a cupcake? Just make muffins, said the completely unbiased source. 
“The star of Coleslaw & Order” has rather less impact when mentioned outside of its home universe.
Well, again, we got something out of this for Sugar Snap. Still, barely any there there.
Portal Combat
You were thinking it. So was I.
I’m not sure whether Dash breakdancing needs context or not.
Ah. And we actually get some. She wants to be… a dancing star? I suppose we haven’t seen any evidence of the Wonderbolts in Pony Life, but this still feels out of left field. The left field of a different stadium.
I’m with Twilight. You’d think Rainbow Dash would at least try a move that has her name in it.
Now, interdimensional portals on the other hand, those can apparently open up without any context at all.
I know it’s not the first time they’ve made the reference, but Dash running like Sonic the Hedgehog just feels wrong. Not least because of the bipedalism.
“Those of us from the Wild Side will be trapped here forever!”
Citation needed. Seriously, jamming plot-relevant information into the characters’ mouths that they have no way of knowing is some of the clumsiest possible exposition.
Hammering a screw into a circuit board. It’s like they’re trying to anger anyone vaguely familiar with engineering.
On the other hand, nice touch with the Doppler shift on Dash’s voice. Space itself is getting pulled away from the listener.
Twilight, if we don’t have time for a first attempt, we don’t have time for you to say we don’t have time.
“It’s looking like the portal will be closed forever.”
Seriously, does Echo have a history of portal research? How can you tell this just by looking at the rift?
Yeah, girls, this is a nice thought, but Rainbow Dash is still actively running for her life. Now is not the time to tell Twilight to take a moment to relax.
I mean… Twilight blaming herself for Dash’s predicament does feel very in character, but it still feels absurd from the outside looking in. She wasn’t responsible for the random hole in spacetime.
Also, thinking about it, I’m surprised the Wildsiders haven’t already jumped through the portal, given how this is apparently the last hurrah for the connection between these worlds. Yes, Echo is keeping Dash at a stable point in the gravity well, but I feel like there are other options there beyond “wait for Twilight to fix it.” Kind of ironic when manufactured drama comes about because most of the cast aren’t making any efforts.
… Oh. Thanks, Applejack, now I just look silly.
Huh. I haven’t spaghettification like this since Pinkie, Elmyra, & the Brain. (Yes, that was unfortunately a thing.)
Also, now I have to wonder if there was time dilation factor at work, though Dash being able to carry on a conversation suggests otherwise.
Save the day now, apologize later, Twilight.
And then Twilight created a stable gateway between two universes. That feels familiar.
… but how does Pinkie access her broom closet now?
Interesting stuff, but I feel like they’ve forgotten the whole “eldritch entity spawning havoc-sowing magical artifacts” thing. Did that just resolve itself offscreen, or are we just devoting more time to the new faces for recognition in the toy aisle? (Not that I’m seeing any evidence of their presence in plastic…)
In any case, let’s see what I can do with this. Bear in mind that there is a mechanical spoiler for the upcoming D&D crossover set.
Magic Eraser 2W
Creature — Pony Spellshaper
W, T, Discard a card: Exile target enchantment.
The Wild Side has been scrubbed clean of belief in anything that might spoil Discord’s fun.
2/1
Sweet Angel 2W
Creature — Angel
Flying, lifelink
Exalted (Whenever a creature you control attacks alone, it gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)
Pinkie’s chocolate sigils worked out better than anyone expected.
1/2
Divine Flavor 2WW
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
When Divine Flavor enters the battlefield, create a Food token. (It’s an artifact with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
Whenever you gain life, put that many +1/+1 counters on enchanted creature.
Whirlwind Tour U
Instant
Replicate U (When you cast this spell, copy it for each time you paid its replicate cost.)
Draw a card, then discard a card, then put a card from your graveyard on the bottom of your library.
Mad Scribblings 2U
Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, surveil 1. Then each opponent mills X cards, where X is the number of card types among cards in your graveyard. (To surveil 1, look at the top card of your library. You may put it into your graveyard.)
The real problem comes when everyone can see the writing on the wall.
Maritiger 2U
Creature — Cat Fish
Mutate 3U (If you cast this spell for its mutate cost, put it over or under target non-Human creature you own. They mutate into the creature on top plus all abilities from under it.)
Islandwalk (This creature can’t be blocked as long as defending player controls an Island.)
Whenever this creature mutates, target land becomes an Island until end of turn.
3/2
From the Top 5UU
Instant
As long as it isn’t your turn, this spell costs 4 less to cast.
The player whose turn it is takes an extra turn after this one. End the turn. (Exile all spells and abilities from the stack, including this card. The player whose turn it is discards down to their maximum hand size. Damage wears off, and "this turn" and "until end of turn" effects end.)
Chocolate Jet 1B
Sorcery
Lifelink
Chocolate Jet deals 3 damage to target opponent.
Overload—2B, Sacrifice a Food. (You may cast this spell for its overload cost. If you do, chance its text by replacing all instances of “target” with “each.”)
Unhealthy Glow 1B
Enchantment
Whenever you gain life, put a -1/-1 counter on up to one target creature.
Sickly sweet is still sickly.
Roll for Initiative R
Sorcery
Venture into the dungeon. (Enter the first room or advance to the next room.)
Creatures you control gain haste until end of turn.
Two groups cross paths, and fate hinges on who reacts first.
Prismatic Cyclone 3R
Sorcery
Converge — Prismatic Cyclone deals X damage to each creature and planeswalker, where X is the number of colors of mana spent to cast this spell.
For Rainbow Dash, subtlety means leaving some buildings intact.
Overspice 3RR
Sorcery
Destroy all artifacts. Add R for each artifact destroyed this way and R for each artifact players have sacrificed this turn.
“When in doubt, add more hot sauce.”
—Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacar, The Underworld Cookbook
Applesemblage 1G
Artifact Creature — Food Plant
T: Add G.
2, T, Sacrifice Applesemblage: You gain 3 life.
“The best art is the kind you can eat when you’re tired of it.”
—Applejack, Bearer of Honesty
0/2
Factory Gator 2G
Creature — Crocodile
1G: The next time one or more tokens would be created under your control this turn, twice that many of those tokens are created instead. Activate only once each turn.
Nopony’s sure if it’s a mascot or employee of the month.
3/3
Icon of the Diarchy 4
Artifact
As Icon of the Diarchy enters the battlefield, choose two colors.
Each creature you control gets +1/+1 for each of the chosen colors it is.
Even the most ridiculous worldline retains reverence for the princesses.
Spaghettify XCC
Sorcery
All creatures get +X/-X until end of turn.
Singularities don’t discriminate.
Prototype Failure WB
Instant
Destroy target nonland permanent that entered the battlefield this turn.
“We’ll iron that out in beta.”
—Twilight Sparkle, Bearer of Magic
Inexorable Pull UB
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature has “At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice this creature unless you tap an untapped creature you control. That creature doesn’t untap during your untap step for as long as Inexorable Pull is on the battlefield.”
Buffershell Crab 2UB
Creature — Crab
Ward—2, Pay 2 life. (Whenever this creature becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter it unless that player pays 2 and 2 life.)
Literally swimming in magic makes anything resistant to more of it.
2/4
Method Actress 2UR
Creature — Unicorn Bird Shaman
Flying
Whenever Method Actress attacks, you may have it become a copy of target creature defending player controls until end of turn, except it has flying.
Emulation is the most dramatic form of flattery.
2/2
Radiant Beauty 2GW
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
All creatures able to block enchanted creature do so.
Enchanted creature has absorb 1. (If a source would deal damage to it, prevent 1 of that damage.)
Look, but don’t touch.
Special Guest Appearance 3UR
Instant
Put target commander card from the command zone onto the battlefield under your control. It gains haste until end of turn. Return it to its owner’s hand at the beginning of the next end step.
Foreign District
Land
T: Add C.
1: Foreign District becomes a copy of target nonlegendary land until end of turn.
Ponyville is a collage of many different cultures, some of which weren’t there last week.
Opal Orchard
Land
T: Add C.
T: Add one mana of any color an artifact you control could produce.
A few tips from Pinkie led to the Apples’ most unique crop.
It is - "Glengarry Glen Ross" - a play and 1992 movie. And that's all I know about it, and had to Google that to be sure I had the name right.
Inside Baseball Alert: The spell Magic Eraser shapes is, naturally, Erase (Yes The Urza's Legacy One).
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Yes, surveiling something into the graveyard with Mad Scribblings will put it there in time to be counted for X. Mind you, that just goes to show why mill is a bad ability to begin with that it's something you'd benefit from doing to yourself.
Inside Baseball Alert: The Underworld Cookbook was mostly about the preparation of sapient beings and written while its author was desperately trying to keep demons from eating her. So yeah, ol' Asmo was one hell of a cook.
I've been wondering, do you have any place where links to the various Friendship is Card Games blogs can be found? It just gets a little inconvenient to manually search for older ones once you get much past a couple pages in.
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(reads episode transcript)
By "David Mane-et." Sigh. Which would have been more insulting to the audience's intelligence: simply using the human name "David" or using the least-possible-effort horse pun "Hayvid"?
And then the scene they perform has something to do with a diner and a line about hot sauce, neither of which appear to be in Glengarry Glen Ross? Why? They couldn't even go for the obvious reference with something like "Always be cultivating"?
5542179
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/406600/gathered-friendship-the-ficg-index
Found in FoME's profile page, right above the comments. Unfortunately it doesn't show up if you're using the mobile view.
5542670
Much obliged!
Fun card designs! A solid bunch with many very cool cards. I like the flavour/mechanic choice of Spaghettify; I'd definitely play Prototype Failure in several of my WB decks; but the card here I most wish were printed is From The Top. It's not just an amusing reversal of the cost reduction on Discontinuity, it's also a really interesting take on Disallow. The opponent gets to draw an extra card and untap their mana, but you get to shut off any number of spells or abilities, even a whole storm stack.