open letter to FIMfiction

I may  be back and I may just be writing this for mostly fot fun now but regardless I feel like I need to air a bit of a grievance with this site and many user’s hyper-obsession with perfection  (not naming names but you know who you are becas you are obviously pointing out all the mistakes in this as I speek) when it comes to writing fanfiction. So here is my semi satirical guide of everything a beginning author needs in a step by step list

Step 1: re-read your story at least 5 times because even if you think your story is exactly how you want it to be, is perfect to your sensibilities, and believe that others of your mindset might also enjoy it. Trust me, it is far from perfect and you will get harsh unhelpful criticism and mass numbers of downvotes for posting your story at this point

Step 2: find at least 5 editors to help edit your story, you need such redundancy because at least half these editors will get car troubles a quarter of the way through regardless of story length and will be unable to support themselves. Apparently Finding an editor that regularly maintains their car is almost as rare as finding a 4 leaf clover while getting struck by lightning as a shark bites off your leg because he’s after your winning lottery ticket. So if you find one latch onto them as much as you can, marry them on the spot if you have to. So long as they never leave you, you will be all good as far as FIMfiction is concerned. If all else fails I hope you have money to get your editing done professionally 

Step 3: find 10 proofreaders. Redundancy needed because at least %90 of them will get car troubles halfway though regardless of story length, refer to step 2

Step 4: buy a goat, if goats are unavailable 2 chickens should suffice

Step 5: ritually slaughter your goat (or 2 chickens) as an offering to the FIMfiction gods before you submit your story

Step 6: still get mass numbers of downvotes and unconstructive/harsh criticism because your story is still not good enough and your editor missed that one misspelled word 10 paragraphs in (not that anyone is actually going to tell you this) and also because you're not horse-famous enough to be forgiven for small mistakes. also, your goat was not pure breed enough and they don’t like chicken so you didn't appease the FIMfiction gods either. Maybe try 2 goats next time, or maybe disable comments and ratings and do whatever the fuck you want, or quit writing all-together while the community wonders why they never get anything as good as Fallout Equestria or Clocktower Society anymore

step  7: consider that this is just a parody inflated into ridiculous proportions to make a point. I don’t at all consider that it is really that hard to get noticed but to a starting writer, this could really feel much like it is actually the case and can often discourage many writers before they even really get started writing anything good. I know there are many people out there that only want to help out but there seem to be twice as many perfectionists that do little more than discourage starting writers while offering the bare minimum of helpful advice “I would get an editor” or “you need a proofreader”. I really wish there was a perfect solution, all I can think of is maybe be a little less perfectionism and a little more understanding when commenting on a story form a beginning writer

Sidenote: to any and all editors/proofreaders LEARN TO MAINTAIN YOUR DAMN CARS or better yet get a bike or find a job within walking distance. Your livelihood is more important than this community and editing amature works. Or if you really have more of a passion for editing/proofreading offer fair prices to do so. Like the Joker said “if your good at something never do it for free” not that I would follow the advice of psychopaths but like they say a broken clock is right twice a day